Echoes of Us

Chapter 17

CHAPTER

SEVENTEEN

BEFORE

N othing happened that night after we talked. Noah stayed close, as he always did when he slept. I went out for a run, and when I returned, he was in the kitchen. The smell of freshly brewed coffee mingled with the morning light streaming through the windows. As I walked to the shower, I expected him to be sad or angry, showing some sign that he was going through something. But everything seemed calm.

Under the spray of water, I heard the door open. Turning towards the sound, I didn’t hear anything else. I resumed my shower, until his hands found my hips, startling me. “Shit, you scared me.”

Noah wrapped himself around me. His arms tightened around my waist and his lips grazed my back. “Sorry,” he murmured.

I tried to turn to look at him, but he held me firmly, so I stopped. One of his arms let go of my waist, reaching down and grabbing me.

“Oh,” I breathed.

He huffed a quiet sound against my back, his lips still sliding over my skin, leaving a hot trail. “I kept picturing how good you’d look in here.”

I closed my eyes, gasping as his hand started moving up and down over me.

“I wasn’t wrong, but you feel much better,” he continued, and his warm tongue lapped at my skin. He stepped closer. He was hard against me.

I tried to turn around again, but he held on to me. “Let me, Noah.”

He sighed, reluctantly letting go. I turned and reached for the sides of his face, pulling him up towards my lips. Kissing him while the water fell on us felt amazing. The soft, warm touch of his tongue teasing its way past my lips felt so good. I moved back, looking down at his face. He opened his eyes, focusing them on me. They were red again. Alarm shot through me, and he tried to free his face. I wanted to ask him what was wrong, to help him through whatever was happening in his head, and then I remembered. He had asked for this, so he came looking for me.

“I love you.” I watched his face soften before I pressed my lips back on his.

Noah grabbed my neck and pushed close to me. I wrapped my arms around his waist, feeling the strong, steady beat of his heart against mine. I let him lead the kiss, not aiming to slow him down, already resigning myself to missing my first class. He kissed me hungrily, like he was scared I would leave, and I tried to reassure him, running my hands over his back and holding onto him tightly.

“Let me take you to bed,” I said against his lips.

I turned off the shower and handed him a towel. He strode towards the bed and sat down, the towel loose on his hips. He looked up at me apprehensively, almost as if he was waiting for me to question him. I reached for his bedside drawer, got the lube out, and let it fall on the bed without a word. He half-smiled, grabbing my hand and making me move over him as he crawled back on the bed. I reached for his towel, tugging it open and resting my weight between his legs. I ran my hand over his leg, pressing it closer to me while kissing down his neck.

Noah reached for my hair as always and arched to my touch, his body responding eagerly. “Atty,” he breathed.

I moved to look down at his face. His eyes always drew me in. I knew I couldn’t say no to him, especially now that he needed me to feel better. I kissed him again. And again. And again.

I missed all my classes that day, and we barely left the bed.

When we got to the clubhouse, Noah was tucked close to me, his thumb in my pocket and my arm over his shoulders. I saw Ezra’s weary look and Colin shaking his head. I didn’t care. If this was what he needed now, I would make sure he had it. I would make him feel safe as long as he wanted.

Thursday after practice, we walked home hand in hand. As soon as we stepped in, Noah was on me, his need for affection immediate. I wasn’t the least bit surprised. I was getting used to his constant need for touch. It almost felt wrong being around people and not having him like this. He had been getting better, or at least he was back to his usual self—smiling, laughing, and talking. The only noticeable difference was that he didn’t move away from me. He had even come to a couple of my classes, sitting beside me while holding my hand under the table.

During practice, Noah would gravitate towards me whenever there was a lull. He tucked himself under my arm or wrapped his arms around my waist from behind. At first, I was self-conscious about it, but as the week progressed, I got used to it. I began extending my hand before he moved towards me. Today, I stood waiting for him and turned when I didn’t feel him reaching for me. Colin had held him back, and I saw them talking away from the rest. Colin had his back to me, but I could see Noah’s face. He was serious, nodding occasionally but not saying much. Noah ended the conversation with a shrug and made his way over to me. I looked at Colin again and saw his frowning face. He glanced at me and then away.

“What was that about?”

“Opinions.” He didn’t elaborate.

As a result, he was in a difficult mood, and when we got home, he was on me in an instant. I didn’t push him back. I let him drag me to the couch and climb over me.

“Aren’t you tired of me?” he asked, his voice a soft murmur.

I smiled, shaking my head. “I could never get tired of you.”

“I don’t think I could ever tire of you either, Atty. You know I’ve liked you since the day we met? That had never happened to me before,” he confessed.

“Seriously?”

“When Colin introduced us, I was so attracted to you. I’ve never been this into a guy.”

“But you’ve been with guys. Isn’t it like fifty-fifty for you?”

“Not really. It’s more like ten-ninety. It’s not the rule; it’s the exception.”

“Really?”

He hummed agreeably. “You’re the first boyfriend I’ve had.”

“But you’ve had sex with guys before. ”

“Yeah, I have, but I wasn’t serious about them. It was more of a physical curiosity,” Noah said, smiling.

I stared at him, trying to work up the courage to ask him about it, and saw his smile widen even more.

“Come on, ask me,” he prompted, lightly jumping on my lap and pulling on my shirt collar.

I hated how well he could read me at times like this.

“You’ve bottomed before? You’re into that?” I felt embarrassed as the words left my mouth.

“Yeah, I have. I’m into it.” Noah leaned down to kiss the side of my lips. “I’m really into it with you,” he whispered in my ear.

A shiver ran down to my groin. “But you don’t want to? I mean, if you’re mostly straight…”

Noah was more than a little bemused by that assumption. “I’m not straight, Atty. I think that’s pretty fucking clear.”

“You know what I mean,” I grumbled.

He laughed again. “I know what you mean.” He licked his lips. “Are you asking me if I’d like to fuck you? Because the answer is a resounding yes. I just really want you to do it too. I’d prefer it.”

I hated and loved how crass he was with things like these. Hearing him talk like that did weird things to my head.

“Why?”

“I’ve told you—you look like you were made for it. I love your strength, especially because you’re careful when you want to be. I think that combo makes me so sure I want it.”

I shifted my weight, and he moved closer to my lap. His eyes darted downwards and back to my face, his smile stretching into a grin.

“And judging by this—” he eased his weight down on my erection to get his point across, “—so do you,” he finished, tilting his head attractively.

I flattened my lips together, embarrassed. “Fuck off,” I said .

He let out a soft snort of amusement. “Don’t be like that. I love how much you want me. It drives me crazy when you don’t hold back,” Noah whispered against my cheek. “I’ve never wanted someone like I want you. I didn’t think it could ever be this intense. You don’t know how grateful I am that you like how I look so much.”

“It’s not just how you look.”

“I know that, Atty, but you’re still a sucker for my smile.” His lips curved into that familiar grin, and he kissed my cheek. He wasn’t wrong about that.

I ran my hands down his back, feeling the warmth of his skin under my fingertips. I guided his hips closer to mine, our bodies aligning seamlessly.

“Let’s go to your bed,” I suggested, my voice barely a whisper against his ear.

“You don’t want to fool around on the couch?” he asked playfully.

“I don’t want to fool around.”

He stopped moving. Noah’s eyes met mine, searching for confirmation, his lips slightly parted as he processed my words. “Are you…?” He ran his tongue over his lips. “Does that mean what I think it means?” he asked, hopefully.

I nodded.

He pushed off my lap, got up, and offered me his hand. I took it, and he led me to the room, his smile growing uncertain, as if he couldn’t believe this was real.

Noah climbed onto the bed, kicked off his shoes, and led me over him. He kissed me slowly as I reached for his waist, slipping my hands under his shirt. I wanted him so much. Noah knew exactly how to drive me crazy. He rubbed his leg slowly over mine, then held me firmly, pressing his hips up. He was hard too. His hands found my waist, pulling my shirt off. I moved to give him room, and he leaned forward, reaching for my jeans. He didn’t stop kissing me as he pushed them down, along with my boxers, giving me a firm grab before lying back on the bed. I finished kicking them off and started undressing him too.

When I was done, I rested my weight on him, feeling his hot skin against mine and kissing his collarbone. Noah reached for his bedside table. I heard him fumbling and looked up. He placed the lube on the bed and a condom. The implication made my nerves kick in. He pressed his lips together, clearly holding back.

“What?”

“I got the magnum.” He burst into laughter when I rolled my eyes.

“You’re an idiot, Noah.”

“I’m kidding. Come back here.”

He captured my lips. He deepened the kiss, keeping his pace slow, causing me to lose myself in him and forget my nerves. Doing this was easy with him. It felt like my body had a mind of its own. After this week, I knew what to do to him. I had memorized where he liked to be touched and kissed. I knew the sensitive spot on his neck and how hard he wanted my hands to press into his skin.

I reached for the lube, and we went through the familiar motions of getting him ready. He insisted I not suck him off while I did it, so I just kissed his neck and chest as I worked my fingers into him. I lost myself in that, too. I loved how he pushed down on my hand and let out soft moans, each one growing louder.

“Atty,” he moaned.

I groaned against his skin. I loved how he said my name. “Is that okay?” I asked, running my tongue over his skin.

“Come up here,” he said, his voice breathy and urgent.

“I can’t reach,” I told him, my lips brushing against his collarbone.

“I know, come up here,” he repeated, arching as I pulled my fingers from him.

I kissed him, and he panted into my mouth .

“Atty, I’m ready. Are you?”

I breathed against his lips. Was I? I wanted Noah so much, but a part of me still hesitated. I knew this would happen; I knew it would be him. I wanted it to be him, but something held me back.

“Atty?” He nudged my jaw to call my attention. He swallowed thickly. “We don’t have to if you’re not sure,” he whispered. “I want you to be sure.” The want was written all over his face despite his words. This was Noah. I loved him.

“I’m ready too.”

He licked his lips. He pushed me back, and I kneeled on the bed. Noah reached for the condom, the sound of it ripping open making my heart lurch. Our eyes lingered on one another as he came forward, sliding it over me. I breathed out as he lay back again, pulling me over him.

“You have to guide yourself, okay? Go slow.”

I watched as his legs fell open beside me, and reached for the lube again, slathering it over myself before moving closer to him. I looked down between us, and Noah raised his legs a little higher, granting me a better view. Swallowing hard, I pressed the head against him, pausing to feel the resistance.

“Go slow,” he repeated, his voice a gentle reminder.

As I applied a bit more pressure, my hips moved towards him. I glanced up at his face, noticing how his eyes were shut tight.

“Noah,” I called softly.

He opened his eyes, locking onto mine.

“Can you look at me?” I needed his focus.

His eyes filled with trust and something deeper, more primal. As I pressed further, his body yielded slightly, the tight ring of muscle giving way. The sensation was intense, almost overwhelming. His shoulders tensed, and he made a noise that sounded more like discomfort than pleasure. I pulled back, feeling him relax again .

“It’s going to be a little hard, but I can take it. I’ll get used to it,” he reassured me.

I adjusted my weight and pressed in again.

He made the same noise but nodded encouragement. “Keep going,” he urged.

Slowly, I sank deeper, closing my eyes to the pressure surrounding me. He was so tight, almost impossibly so. I had barely gotten an inch in, and the thought of getting into him seemed daunting.

“Shit,” I breathed out shakily, trying to steady myself.

“Slow,” Noah reminded me once more.

As I continued pressing in, he let his legs fall more, lifting his hips to allow me to slide a bit deeper. We both groaned.

“I feel like I’m hurting you,” I said, my voice muffled against the crook of his neck.

“You’re not. I can take it. Keep going,” Noah insisted.

I moved my knees upward, pressing further. Noah hissed, and I stopped again.

“Noah…”

“I’m just not used to you. I swear it’s going to get better. Just keep going.” His words tumbled over each other in his eagerness.

“I’m barely in.”

“I know. Just get past the halfway point, and it’ll get easier,” he promised.

I huffed, making Noah let out a shaky laugh.

“I swear, Atty.”

I pressed a little deeper.

“Keep going, keep going, don’t stop. Go slow, but don’t stop,” he instructed, and I did just that.

His hand moved between us, stroking himself slowly. He was so hot, clenching and unclenching around me. The deeper I got, the better it felt. I breathed heavily over his skin, trying to focus on not hurting him while resisting the urge to give in to the overwhelming sensation of thrusting into him .

Reaching the halfway point, Noah’s chest heaved against me. I kissed his neck slowly, trying to distract him. He turned his face away, giving me more room. I pressed a little more, and he groaned again. This time, it didn’t sound like pleasure. I moved to look at him. Noah’s teeth were clenched, and his eyes were tightly closed.

“Noah.”

He shook his head, utterly tense.

“Noah,” I repeated.

He breathed shakily through his nose.

“Please look at me,” I urged.

He opened his eyes. “Keep?—”

“I’m not going to stop, but look at me. You need to relax. You’re too tense. You’re not letting me in.”

He closed his eyes and took a couple of deep breaths, fighting against his body to relax. Finally, I felt him give in, letting me slide deeper.

“That’s it,” I purred, closing my eyes. I kissed his jaw, moving towards his lips, and he kissed me back slowly. “We’ll just give it a minute here.”

I let go of myself and reached for him, gently pushing his hand away to stroke him. He tried to relax on the bed.

The angle was making it more challenging. I grabbed a pillow. “Push your hips up a bit,” I instructed.

He complied, letting me push it under him, lifting his hips. Grabbing the lube again, I applied it to myself and worked the rest on him, stroking quickly. He sighed and relaxed around me.

“That’s better,” he said.

I smiled. “Can you keep doing this for me?” I asked against his cheek.

He grabbed himself again. I reached for the back of his knees and pushed his legs upward, lifting his hips in the process and sinking into him easily. I moaned, feeling him clenching around me perfectly .

“That’s better.”

I pressed my lips to his, and he kissed me back, focusing better this time. I moved my hips back and pushed in again, eliciting a soft sound from his lips. “Is that okay?”

He opened his eyes. “Get all the way in.” Determination laced his tone.

I hesitated, but he nodded, encouraging me. Noah pushed his hips up, drawing me deeper into him. I couldn’t hold back a moan.

“Does that feel good?”

I rested my forehead against his. I assented, moving my hips slowly, savoring the feeling of him enveloping me.

“Now, Atty,” he urged.

I moved my knees closer to him and pushed in as Noah breathed out, feeling myself sink into him almost to the hilt. I clung to his legs, my breathing heavy and uneven as I tried to let him adjust to me.

“Give me a minute.”

“Are you okay?” I kissed his cheek.

“I’m okay.”

I sighed in relief.

“In a minute,” he added, “I want you to pull out, okay? I’m going to get on top of you.”

My eyebrows shot up. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” He ran his tongue over his lip and leaned up to kiss me. “This was the hard part. I’m okay, I promise,” he assured me.

We stayed like that, kissing slowly until he pushed back on my shoulders. I pulled out, and we both groaned at the loss of contact. I moved to his side, resting my back against the pillows, and Noah climbed on top of me, straddling my hips. He didn’t sit, just knelt over me, looking down. He looked amazing—messy hair, flushed face, lips glistening.

“Ready?”

I couldn’t take my eyes off him .

“Keep your hands on my hips,” he instructed.

I placed them there, my fingers tracing the lines of his skin. He smiled, reached back, and grabbed me, holding me steady as he began to lower himself onto me. He didn’t stop. I closed my eyes, feeling myself sinking into him perfectly until he sat over my hips.

“Fuck,” I let out, the word escaping in a breathy exhale.

Noah’s hands pressed on my chest, holding his weight. I opened my eyes to find him looking at me, chest heaving, his tongue darting out to wet his lips.

“I know what you’re doing.” He rocked his hips slowly, creating a tantalizing friction.

I tightened my grip on him, feeling the heat and tension building between us.

“You’re holding back,” he accused gently, lifting his hips. I tried to follow them with mine.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

He sank back down, making me close my eyes involuntarily. “I know you don’t, and I’m fine. But this is your first time, Atty, and I want it to be really good for you.” He rocked himself again, setting a slow pace. “So, stop thinking so much about me and enjoy this. Let yourself enjoy it.”

My eyelids fluttered closed again as he moved over me. He felt so fucking good.

He grabbed my hands, moving them down his back. “Do you feel that?”

I could feel myself, our bodies moving together. I groaned loudly.

“That’s you fucking me right now, and I want you to feel that.”

“But you?—”

“I’ll get used to you, and you can take care of me all the other times we get to do this,” he promised quickly. His hands were on my chest, pressing down hard. He bit his lip and smiled at me in the most enticing way possible. “But this time, I want you to lose yourself and enjoy me. Fuck me however you want to,” he whispered.

His words went straight to my core. I bent my knees, moving my hands to his thighs, finding leverage, and thrust upward. He closed his eyes.

“Like that,” he moaned as I did it again.

He felt too fucking good. I couldn’t control how much I wanted to move into him or the force I used. He started to match my thrusts, rocking his hips down as I pushed up, and it felt amazing. He moaned again, and reached for himself, starting to stroke in time with our movement.

I was mesmerized by the sight—Noah riding me, eyes closed, a smile and moan on his lips as he worked his hand over his cock. The image alone was enough to bring me close to finishing. The way his hips undulated, and his back arched, showing he couldn’t take how good it felt. Nothing could feel better than being inside Noah, watching him move like this. He was still so tight around me and so fucking hot, pumping his body over me over and over again.

“Noah.” My toes curled, the pleasure building low in my stomach.

“You can come whenever you want.” He broke off in another moan.

I kept pulling his hips down, thrusting up into him, feeling my pace picking up. Noah was panting, closing his eyes, and moaning. He fell forward, pressing a hand on the bed beside me. His chain felt cold against my chest as he bounced.

“Is this good for you?” I asked.

He let out a breathless laugh. “What do you think?”

“Please, I just need to hear it.”

Our eyes collided, sending a jolt through me. “Yes, Atty, this feels really good.”

I pushed up a little harder. “Doesn’t hurt?” I managed to ask .

“No, you’re fucking me just right.” That same side smile appeared, his tongue peeking out.

I let go of his legs and moved my hand over him.

“I told you?—”

“Making you feel good makes me feel really good. I just want you to come. I want you to come over me like this,” I said.

He smiled. He braced his other hand by my head, using the leverage to press his hips harder down on me. I arched my back to the feeling.

“Fuck, please just tell me you’re close.” The pleasure escalated through me.

“Are you close?”

I nodded briskly. He sped up his hips, and I cursed again. It was so hard to focus on moving my hand over him.

“Noah,” I moaned loudly, unable to hold back. “Fuck.”

The pleasure tipped over. I let go of him and held onto his hips, my fingers digging into his skin, keeping him close as I came hard, lifting my back from the bed. Noah reached for the back of my neck and held me close. He undulated his hips again, not moving away, letting me ride the rest of my orgasm with his movement. I groaned and breathed out. I panted, trying to slow down my breathing. I dropped back onto the bed and watched the self-satisfied smile on his lips before he leaned down to kiss me. That had been fucking mind-blowing.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“Don’t apologize. Watching you come like that is amazing.”

“But you—” I started again, and he stopped me with a kiss on my lips.

“I told you to stop thinking about me,” he murmured, his lips brushing against mine before he kissed me again.

When he tried to move away, I urged him back by his chain, deepening the kiss, savoring the taste of him. He smiled against my mouth before pulling back. Noah lifted his hips from me, and we both hissed as I slipped out of him. He moved to the bed beside me, and I quickly discarded the condom. Rolling back towards him, I kissed his neck, feeling the coolness of his sweat against my lips.

“You can take a minute.”

I moved down his body, taking him in my mouth and sucking him hard. He gasped and then moaned.

“Fuck, it’s like your mouth was made for that.” His fingers tangled in my hair as he moaned again.

I reached between his legs, pushing two fingers inside him quickly, curving them upwards to find that sweet spot.

“Holy shit,” he exclaimed, his body tensing before melting into the sensation.

A couple of minutes later, he finished in my mouth again, and I swallowed around him. I kissed him up towards his lips, and he kissed me hungrily, his hands roaming over my chest, caressing my skin. My fingers tangled with his chain before moving towards his ribs. He broke the kiss, sighed, and rested his head on the pillows.

“Are you okay?” I leaned on my elbow. His eyes looked greener against his flushed face.

He stroked my cheek gently with his knuckles. “I’m better than okay,” he said with a smile. “Was your first time all you hoped it would be?” I made a face at him, and he chuckled. “I’m not teasing you. I really want to know,” he added earnestly.

“It was amazing, Noah. You’re amazing. I’m sorry if I hurt you,” I told him.

“You didn’t. This time next week, I’ll be taking your cock like a fucking pro.”

He laughed as I moved back on the bed, hiding my face in my hand. How he could say those things with a straight face was beyond me.

“Jesus, Noah. ”

“I love you, Atty.” He kissed my cheek.

I turned to look at him lying on his side. “I love you too,” I told him.

His smile grew.

“Was it what you hoped for?” I asked tentatively.

“Better.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. It was difficult on account of your monster cock.” Noah snickered as I rolled my eyes. “All kidding aside, yeah, Atty, it was really good. I wouldn’t just put on a show for you. It was hard at first, but I think you’re potentially going to be the best lay of my life if that first time was anything to go by.”

I smiled back at him, turning on my side and grabbing his waist, pulling him closer and running my hands over his smooth skin. “I’m not getting you anything for your birthday. I hope you know that.”

He cracked up. I grinned and kissed his neck, pulling him closer. Noah kept laughing, and so did I, feeling my heart complete with him.

I loved him so much.

When I got home from training the next day, I found Noah and Holly sprawled on the couch, surrounded by a chaotic sea of shopping bags.

“Hey,” I called, drawing their attention.

Noah’s eyes lit up as he jumped up, closing the distance between us to plant a kiss on my lips. “You’re back,” he said happily, pulling me over to the couch and pushing me down to sit. “We went shopping,” he announced, gesturing grandly at the mess of bags.

“I can see that. Hi, Holly.” I turned towards her .

She smiled back at me. “Hi, Att. I did try to stop him, just so you know.”

“She didn’t. She encouraged it,” Noah interjected. He started rummaging through the bags, pulling things out. “Okay, I want to preface this by telling you I love the way you look and wouldn’t change a damn thing, including the way you dress.” He started walking towards me.

Oh no . “What did you do?” I glanced at Holly, who shrugged with a smile.

“I like the way you dress. It’s like a super macho athletic stud look, and I’m a sucker for it, but,” he said, making me laugh, “we went shopping for something to wear tonight. I haven’t gotten clothes in ages, and I saw a couple of things I think you would look very hot in.” He held up the clothes bunched in his hand.

“It’s your birthday tomorrow. You’re not supposed to get me anything,” I protested as he sat down beside me.

“I know, but I couldn’t resist. Plus, it’s sort of a gift for me if you think about it, because I’m the one looking at you,” he said with a smile and a wink.

I eyed the clothes warily.

“Atty, I wouldn’t get you something you wouldn’t wear. It’s all blacks and dark blues. There’s nothing flashy in here,” he assured me.

“Fine, show me,” I relented.

He smiled, crouching excitedly on the couch. He searched through the pile and held out a blue button-down with a smile.

“It’s not so bad.”

“Come on, try them on for me.”

“Are you serious?”

He nodded and stared with wide eyes, grinning. “As a heart attack.” He threw the shirt at me.

“Well, on that note, I’ll skip the fashion show and start getting ready for tonight. See both of you later,” Holly said, pushing up from the couch.

“That’s five hours from now.”

“I know, I’m tight on time. Plus, I don’t want to witness the consequences of the fashion show,” Holly said and laughed when Noah threw an item of clothing her way. “Bye, boys. Don’t get too caught up in all the sex.” She grabbed a couple of bags, blowing a kiss in our direction and walking away.

I gaped at Noah.

“She’s my best friend. Of course, I told her we had sex,” he said bluntly.

Holly snickered before the elevator doors closed.

“Noah,” I chided.

“I didn’t tell her it was your first time, only ours . She honestly thought it had happened a long time ago. It’s not a big deal,” Noah said quickly.

I guess that did make it a little better.

“So are you going to try them on?” He wagged his eyebrows at me and bit down on his lip.

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” I muttered, pushing up from the couch.

“Aw, that’s the first time you’ve ever said something like that to me.”

I gave him a look and he snorted in response. I walked towards the bedroom.

“Where are you going?”

“To change,” I replied, holding up the shirt.

“Change here. Holly’s gone, and I want to see the show.” He leaned back on the couch and licked his lips.

I sighed and started pulling off my shirt.

“Wait, wait, wait.”

I stopped.

He grabbed his phone, and music started playing around us. He smiled as I raised my eyebrow. “Go on.” He threw his arms over the back of the couch.

Noah had been in an exceptionally good mood since last night. His laughter and smiles came more frequently than I had ever seen before. We ordered takeout and watched a horror movie, which he found hilarious rather than frightening. He devoured most of the food and cuddled next to me, but not with the anxious energy he’d had all week. He seemed genuinely relaxed. This morning, he danced around the kitchen while making breakfast, sneaking into the shower with me just to be close. He let me leave for class and even called before training to let me know he wasn’t going. It felt like we were in a normal, healthy relationship.

After making me try on a bunch of shirts, Noah asked if he could help with the difficult task of taking my clothes off. We ended up making out on the couch and eventually moved to his bed for sex. Though Noah was still sore from yesterday, things went smoothly, and I was able to make him come before I did. We showered together for the second time and got ready to leave for the club. Noah made me wear a short-sleeved black button-down, while he looked like a dream in black dress trousers and a colorful button-down. It hung loosely over him, open halfway down his chest, showing just the right amount of skin and his gold chain. I was tempted to ask him if we could go back to his room, and his knowing smile told me he was aware of how much I liked his outfit.

Before we left, he jumped onto the kitchen counter and held me close, kissing the side of my face.

“I need to ask you something.” He searched my eyes and fiddled with the buttons of my shirt, his tongue peeking out from the side of his lips. He was nervous.

“What is it?”

He glanced down at my shirt and then back up at me, taking a deep breath. “Holly and I picked up something else for tonight. ”

“What?” I asked when he didn’t explain.

He bit the side of his thumb before reaching into his pocket, pulling out a small bag, and looking up at me.

My heart dropped. I honestly thought he was getting better this time. “Noah…” I started, shaking my head.

“It’s not coke. It’s Molly. Do you know what that is?”

I shook my head.

“It’s like ecstasy, but better, cleaner. It’s not addictive, and you don’t snort it. Holly wanted to get it for the party. We used to do it all the time. I won’t do it if you don’t want me to, but I thought we could do it together,” he said, ending with a shrug.

My eyebrows knitted together. “You want me to do it?”

He shrugged again before nodding. He put the bag on the counter and placed my face in his hands. “It’s like a happy drug. It makes you really euphoric, and when you’re with someone you trust, it’s really good. It only makes everything feel better. You don’t have to take much—I won’t either—just a little, to have fun with each other.”

“We already have fun with each other,” I pointed out.

“We do. I’m not saying we don’t. Doing Molly is like drinking at a party. It just makes everything more fun,” Noah said.

I frowned again.

“Okay, that’s a crappy example for you. Let me think.” He lowered his hands to my shoulders.

“Noah—” I started.

“Oh, I know. It’s like the difference between a practice game and a tournament. It’s fun. You’re still playing, but the tournaments make everything more exciting and brighter,” Noah explained.

“You’re supposed to be giving these things up,” I reminded him.

“It’s not the same thing, Atty,” he insisted.

“It’s still drugs, Noah, little baggie drugs. ”

He sighed. “I know why you’re worried, but I swear it’s not the same thing. This is not a we’ll-do-this-every-time-we-go-out drug. It’s a try-once drug.” He grabbed the bag and placed it in my palm. “You can keep it and hand it to Holly once we see her if you don’t want to try it. I won’t do it without you. I promise.” He closed my hand and pushed it towards me.

“Why do you want to do this?”

“Because I love you, Atty, and I’m happy with you, and it’s my birthday. Holly thought it would be fun, and I’d love to try it with you, but it’s okay if you don’t want to.” He seemed honest.

“And you won’t get mad if I don’t?”

“No. Please don’t be mad at me for asking.”

I put the bag in my pocket and placed my hands on his legs. “I’m not mad. It scares me, Noah. I don’t want you to keep struggling with this,” I told him honestly.

“It’s not the same. Come on, let’s just forget about it, go out, and have fun.” He jumped off the counter and dashed to the exit.

I followed him, thinking about it during the cab ride there. I didn’t know about these things. I had no idea if he was telling me the truth or not. I couldn’t ask Colin or Ezra because they would have my head for even considering this, and I couldn’t ask Holly for obvious reasons.

I looked down at my phone and scrolled through the chats. I stopped at Chase’s name. I glanced at Noah. He was looking down at his phone too. I thought about it and bit my lip.

Me

he y

I placed my phone face down on my lap, feeling it vibrate moments later. I glanced at the screen.

Chase Morgan

I’ve been waiting for this day my whole life

you’re actually texting me?

do you miss me, my King?

I scowled down at my phone. This was my own fault.

Me

can’t you just say hey back like a normal person?

Chase Morgan

I don’t know, King

can you joke with me like a normal person?

Why had I done this to myself?

Me

are you busy?

Chase Morgan

is this a booty call?

aren’t you in LA?

Me

Chase I need to ask you something

I need you to be serious for a second

can you do that?

Chase Morgan

sure man

what’s up?

“You can let us out on the next block,” Noah told the driver, pulling out his wallet. He glanced at me and smiled just as my phone vibrated again.

Chase Morgan

don’t leave me hanging after asking me to be serious

you know it doesn’t come naturally to me.

“Right here is fine,” Noah said as the car stopped. He handed the driver the fare and opened the door.

I stepped out after him.

Me

have you ever done molly?

I sent the message and watched Noah.

“This way,” he said, holding my hand and guiding me towards a crowd.

My phone vibrated again. Chase was calling. I looked at Noah, then back at my phone.

“Hey, I have to take this. Can you give me a minute?” I told him.

“Yeah, Holly’s right there. Come over when you’re done,” he said, leaning up to kiss my cheek before walking away.

I answered the phone.

“You can’t send me a text like that and expect me to keep my cool. King, are you serious right now? Molly?” Chase’s voice boomed.

“I’m serious. Chase, you can’t tell anybody about this. Please promise you won’t tell anyone,” I pleaded.

“I won’t tell,” he assured me.

“Thanks. So have you?” I asked, glancing back at Noah. He was talking to a couple of his friends, smiling.

“Yeah, I have. Are you thinking about doing it?”

“Noah wants to.”

“Oh my god, I’m so jealous right now. I would give anything to see you on Molly.”

“I still haven’t agreed to anything,” I replied.

“So why ask me?”

“Because I don’t know about these things,” I admitted.

“Why don’t you ask Ezra? I’m sure he’s done it before.”

“Ezra doesn’t like Noah.”

“Yeah, I noticed that. Well, it’s like this, King,” he said, sounding smug. “It’s super fun. Make sure you’re getting it from a reliable dealer, not someone selling you bath salts, and go slow. Don’t take too much.”

“Do you have more than just ‘super fun’?”

“Are you taking a pill?”

“No, it’s like a powder, crystal-y thing.”

“That’s better. Take a little, okay? Dip your pinky in and make sure it’s just the tip. See how that feels, and you can take more if you want, like another day. Has Noah done it before?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s good. Stay close to him and let him walk you through it. It’s not super long, like a four-hour thing, maybe less. It’ll take a while to kick in. When it does, you’ll feel tingly, amazing, cold, and your heart will start racing. If that freaks you out, get up and dance. That helps. Drink a lot of water and get some gum if you can,” he said.

I tried to process all the advice he gave. “Are you joking right now?”

He laughed. “It sounds like it, but I’m dead serious. It’s fun, Att. It’s not scary. If you’re doing it with Noah, you’ll be super happy with him. You probably won’t be able to keep your hands off each other. You’ll have great sex, a great talk, and fall asleep at nine tomorrow. You’ll wake up a little banged up, but nothing serious.”

That didn’t sound so bad. “And it’s not, like, addictive?”

“No, you won’t get hooked on it. Don’t worry about that.”

“Atty!” Noah called.

I turned towards him. He waved me over, and I held my hand up.

“I have to go,” I told Chase.

“Okay, King, have a good ride. And please, I’m begging you right now, let someone get a video of you and send it to me or call me. Yes, no, do that. Please call me,” he said, laughing.

I ignored his request. “Bye, Chase. Thanks again, and don’t tell anybody.”

“Bye, King. Have fun.”

I hung up the phone. I took a deep breath and made my way to Noah. He reached for my hand, and the guy at the door placed a bright-colored strip around my wrist. He moved out of the way to let us through.

“Just like that?” I asked, confused .

Noah smiled. “Just like that.” He kissed me before pulling me inside.

Noah pushed the door open, and the loud music thumped in my chest. He threaded his fingers through mine and led me through the crowd. He turned to me, smiling, and I felt my heart in my throat. I was actually considering this. Everything Chase had said sounded terrific, especially because I could experience it with Noah.

I couldn’t imagine loving anyone more than Noah, and if this made it even more intense, maybe it was worth a try.