Edge of Desire

Chapter 21

Avery

It didn’t surprise me to see him sitting there, but I squealed and ran around to give him a hug. We both laughed and then he pushed me away, gently, and said, “I’ll be honest, Ava. I’ve seen you looking better.”

After blowing out my breath, I said, “What? You mean you don’t like the shade of purple I’m wearing under my eyes these days?”

Right then, one of the waitresses, Felicia, bopped over and said, “Well, hey, Avery. Who’s this?”

Rolling my eyes at Justin, I said, “This is my brother Justin. Justin, meet Felicia.”

Before I could get another word out, Felicia wedged her way between us and practically rubbed herself against my poor brother. “Well, hello there, Justin. Where has Avery been hiding you?”

I grabbed her arm, yanked her back to my side, and announced in a loud voice, “Avery’s been hiding Justin in Seattle with his wife, Caroline. If anyone else wants to know, Justin is off-limits.”

Felicia immediately stuck out her big silicone-injected lips and said, “What a pity. We could’ve had such fun.”

“In your dreams, Felicia.”

“Avery, you’re no fun.”

“Maybe not. But my sister-in-law is my best friend and the love of Justin’s life. Not to mention she’s gorgeous. So, get back to work and take some drink orders already.”

“Damn, you need to get laid, girl,” Felicia huffed.

“That’s the damn truth,” I said under my breath.

I turned to Justin who’d been watching this whole exchange with undisguised amusement. “Boy, you really are protective, aren’t you? I liked that little extra touch about the best-friend thing. That was nice.”

“Well, I have to be protective of you, especially when it comes to that silicone-inflated thing. Did you see the lips on her? She looks like she got her mouth stuck on a commercial-grade vacuum cleaner. Dyson could use her for an advertisement. What’s up with these women and their lips these days? I don’t get it at all.”

“I’m with you on that. I guess they think it’s attractive or something.”

“Well, it looks ridiculous. Can’t they look in the mirror and see?”

Justin shook his head at me and laughed. “What time do you get off work?”

Glancing at my watch, I was surprised to see it was five o’clock. “An hour ago!” I laughed.“I was filling in for someone and I guess I lost track of time.”

“Do you want to go to dinner tonight?”

“Yeah! Do you want to see my super-sized studio apartment?”

“Sure!”

“I’d invite you to stay with me, but you’d have to sleep on a blow-up mattress.”

“Ava, I’m long past my blow-up days. I’m staying at The Chalet at Vail.”

“That’s right around the corner from here and from my super-sized studio apartment. Let me check out of here and we can go.”

It was so great to see Justin. I didn’t realize how much I had missed him until he and I started chatting. We stopped by my place so I could change. He loved it, or at least that’s what he said. It was hard not to love my studio though. It was decorated really cute, courtesy of yours truly, and was in the best location.

When I was ready, we headed over to Rosemary’s, one of the hottest places to eat. Justin had made reservations in hopes I could join him. After we were seated, the questions began rolling in.

“He came to Seattle.”

I simply nodded. There wasn’t anything to say, and I was afraid that if I did, that devastatingly brutal pain would surface and take over my life again. I inhaled deeply, pushing those thoughts aside. My hands were folded on the table in front of me and I stared at them, wondering how the bones of my fingers weren’t popping through my skin. Surely my skin must be extremely tough. Maybe my skin could teach my heart a thing or two.

Justin’s voice came to me again, softly, yet persistent. “You’re going to have to talk about it sometime, Ava. It won’t vanish into thin air. Trust me. I know.”

My lips were pulled so tightly between my teeth, I was sure they would be bruised come morning. My throat convulsed as I tried to swallow. After three tries, I succeeded.

“It’s, ah ... well, it’s not the easiest thing for me to talk about.”

“I understand.”

“I’m not sure you do.” My leg and foot began bouncing up and down and my hand went to my throat to ease my breathing, which had suddenly become quite difficult. The tears I had done an admirable job of holding back, blurred my vision as they overflowed my meager lids. Truth be told, I would’ve needed a gallon bucket to hold the mess of liquid I was trying to force back. “I, um, it may be best not to talk about this here. It’s quite humiliating, you see.”

Justin reached out and took my hand in his. I wished to God he hadn’t done that. For some reason, the slightest gestures of kindness set me off toward an avalanche of emotional overload. I bolted. Staying in that booth, with all those happy faces around, just wasn’t going to work. As I dashed for the restroom, I didn’t see the waiter with the huge tray in his arms. As luck would have it, I crashed right into him and we both ended up on the floor, covered in all sorts of sauces and bits of delicacies. He immediately wanted to know if I was all right and I, on the other hand, instantly broke out in sobs. Waiters streamed in from all corners, surrounding us, cleaning up the debacle I had created. Someone assisted me to my feet and escorted me to the ladies’ room where I was handed towels and wipes to clean myself off.

Words of apology kept gushing out of my mouth, but the person helping me eyed me like I was nuts. Only I knew the truth. She thought I was upset about the food that was dripping off me. Justin was called to the restroom and the restaurant packaged up some food for us to carry home. We left and went back to my lovely studio, so I could cry my eyes out in the privacy of my own home.

“I didn’t know things were this bad, Ava. I’m sorry you’re going through this.” He tried to console me, but my shuddering cries of anguish only seemed to get worse. His arms wound around me, rocking me back and forth, and I gratefully accepted them.

After what seemed like forever, I asked him, “How long did it take for you to get past this awful part? Every time I feel like I’m turning the corner, I find myself in another one of these situations where I can’t seem to stop bawling my eyes out.”

“Forever. Time wasn’t my friend at all. Running helped. So did the music. When I ran, I turned the volume up as loud as I could stand it to drown out the sound of her voice.”

“Did you sleep?”

“Barely.”

“Nighttime’s the worst for me. I feel him next to me. His warmth. I can smell him and want to touch him. I don’t think I’ve slept more than a couple of hours since it happened. I accidentally took one of his shirts when I left and sleep with the damn thing every night. I’m that freaking pathetic, Justin.”

Justin gave me a crooked smile. “I know what you mean. I was the same way. I didn’t sleep a full night until she came back to me.”

I rubbed my chest, trying to ease that persistent ache. Justin handed me a box of tissues. “Thanks.” I blew my nose for the umpteenth time.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Why don’t you talk to him?”

My head jerked toward him. That he could even ask me such a preposterous question had me floored. My mouth hung open and I stared at him.

“I know you think I’m nuts, but, Ava, I had to live almost two fucking years like this. Are you willing to do that? It doesn’t go away. If you love him like I think you do, I can tell you, two years from now, you’re still gonna feel like shit. And if you could see him, he feels every bit as shitty as you. You’re two people who desperately need to talk, and the ball is in your court. He fucked up. I’m not minimizing what he did at all, in any way, shape, or form. But I know Preston. I know him well. He’s not a bad guy. He’d take a bullet for you on a good day. You say you accept him for everything he is, which means all his imperfections. He’s flawed, Ava. He tried to tell you that. All I’m suggesting is talk to him.”

“I don’t think I can ever trust him not to lie like that again. Justin, he destroyed my life. My job. Everything.”

“Seriously? You sound like Mom now. Let’s analyze this. He gave you something you never had. Love. That’s worth a lot more than a damn job. Your life, in your own words, was fucked up before you even met him. That’s why you changed jobs and moved away from Charleston. You can’t put that on him. You’re brilliant, Ava. You can get any damn job you want anywhere you want. You’ve got a fucking MBA from Harvard for Christ’s sake with a résumé a mile long. Hell, you graduated first in your class with a four point oh. And what are you doing now? You’re tending bar. You can’t blame that on him either.”

“Yes, I can. I’m not emotionally ready to tackle a new career right now.”

“Fine, I’ll give you a pass on that one. But seriously, it’s not like you need the money. You have more money than you’ll ever spend in a lifetime. Listen, when Terri died, I wanted to die too. The only thing that kept me going was I knew she would’ve wanted me to go on. You have a second chance. At the time, I didn’t know I had one with Caroline. Ava, take it and call him. Even if it doesn’t work out, at least you’ll know. You must have doubts in your mind. You know in your heart he’s a good guy, right?”

I nodded. I ran through all the things that had happened between us and I couldn’t find fault with any of them except for that one monster of a lie. But it was so huge, I didn’t know if I could ever get past it, and I explained that to Justin.

“Then if you can’t, at least you’ll know. And so will he.”

“I’m not ready yet. I need more time. I’m afraid if I call him right now, I’ll cave, and I need to be strong when I talk to him.”

Justin nodded. “I get that. So, what are your plans, then?”

I gave him a half grin. “What do you think?”

“You staying for the whole season?”

“You got it. I figured it would be my big chance to get away and do this. I’m also ...” I squinted my eyes at him before I continued, “I’m thinking about starting a business here.”

“Oh yeah? What kind?”

“That’s the million-dollar question. It would have to be finance related, obviously. I don’t want a brick-and-mortar business. I’m in the early stages of thinking about some possibilities. Maybe consulting. The Vail resorts are so huge, who knows? Maybe I can come up with something involving them. They’ve been snagging up properties and other ski resorts left and right. We’ll see.”

My brother smiled. “I can see you out here permanently. But you’re gonna have to buy a bigger place.”

“Smartass. I rented this just for the season. I figured it would give me time to look and see where I’d want to plant myself. I don’t want to live in the village. It’s too crowded. I want something away from all the people.”

“Yeah, I don’t blame you. You can valet your ski equipment, so you don’t need to live right here.” Then he elbowed me in the side. “So, you wanna hit the slopes tomorrow?”

“Think you can take me on?” I asked in a teasing voice. There weren’t too many things I could dust Justin on, but I could outski him with my eyes closed any day of the week.

“Hell no, I can’t take you on. Are you crazy? I don’t want to kill myself. I just want to do some blue runs with you,” he laughed.

“Well, you’re in luck because we’ve gotten some great snow these past weeks. It’s been snowing every day, so almost ninety percent of the mountain is open. The back bowls are even open.”

“Hmm, are you trying to maim me? Not sure about the back of the mountain, but the front is just fine with me.” He smiled.

“What time do you want to head out?”

“When the lifts open.”

Justin stayed for four days. We had a great time cruising the groomed slopes. He never loved skiing like I did but could manage fine on the intermediate runs. When he left, I was surprised at how much I missed him. I’d asked about what happened after Preston and I made our escape. Justin explained how he and Caroline had stayed in their safe apartment for a couple of weeks, but the felons were caught, and everything had returned to normal. They had constant protection, but neither of them minded, so all was good on the Seattle front.

The drive to the airport had been a bit quiet. He made me promise to call Preston. I did, but I also told him it wouldn’t be for a while. I made Justin promise he wouldn’t tell Preston anything we’d discussed. I knew he’d pull Caroline into the loop since I’m sure they shared everything, so I asked him to beg her not to say anything to Preston. When we pulled into the airport and Justin got out, I ran around the car and hugged him fiercely.

“Thank you for coming. It really meant a lot to me.”

“I had to see you. I knew how you were feeling, and Caroline was worried about you too.”

“Tell her to come and visit me. I would love to have her out for a few days, if she could stand me.” I grinned, lopsidedly.

We hugged again and then I said, “I love you, Justin.”

“I love you too, Ava. Don’t wait too long. There’s no sense in extending your misery.” Then he kissed my cheek and strolled into the terminal.

The drive back to my studio was depressing, as I thought how much it meant to have my brother visit. It was a good thing I had to work that night or else I would’ve been in a sad mood for the rest of the day.

Since I had a few hours before it was time to show up at work, I checked my email, and much to my glee, there was a message from Melissa. She informed me that she was planning to visit. She’d never been snow skiing and had always wanted to give it a go, so she wanted to know what dates would work the best. We settled on the week before Christmas since lift tickets would be cheaper and the crowds would be minimal. If she didn’t come then, she should wait until after the New Year.

About two hours later, I received her reply that she had booked her flight and would be visiting then.

Oh my gosh! I would have to hook her up with an excellent ski instructor. I didn’t want her to come all the way out here and not have a great time on the slopes. I’d start asking around tonight for some names. I’d be sure to get a male instructor because for some reason, the idea of Melissa with a female made me break out in fits of giggles.

Melissa was due to arrive the next day and it had been three months to the day since I’d left Preston. Justin had been right. Time didn’t heal a thing. I felt exactly the same as I did the day I left. Maybe I didn’t explode into tears as often, but my heart was still wrapped in barbed wire, and the anguish was just as excruciating. Even at night I felt his warm body and smelled his luscious scent. And, God help me, I still wrapped myself in his damn shirt, refusing to throw it away or even wash it for that matter. But the worst part was when I imagined his hands, lips, and tongue all over me and him slowly sliding into me, driving me to ecstasy. I imagined his taste on my tongue, and I’d awaken with tears on my cheeks, desperate for him to be by my side, telling me he loved me. It was the worst kind of pain I could possibly think of.

I was glad Melissa would be here to take my mind, at least temporarily, off Preston. Nothing else seemed to work. The guys that came into Tres Chicas would flirt with me, but I didn’t want to have anything to do with them. They were more of an annoyance than anything. I wish I could flirt back. Maybe meeting someone would get him out of my mind. But the truth always nailed me. There wasn’t anyone on this earth that would make me forget Preston.

A few times, my boss mentioned how being more open to the customers would jack up my tips, but I didn’t care. Derrick even suggested I try flirting.

Not wanting to blow this gig I had going, I made a valiant effort to pay closer attention to my customers and make sure they were happy. Flirting had never been my forte, so I tried my best to do what I thought was the closest thing to it. Girls like Felicia always seemed to know what to do. Not me. I fumbled along, miserable in my own skin, and acted like a dork.

We were fairly busy all night, and the bar seats were always filled. I’d confided in Derrick about my lack of flirting ability, and he just laughed, saying I was a natural. Easy for him to say when he wasn’t the one trying to flirt. Though we were slammed, all night I had a weird sensation that someone was checking me out. The hairs on my neck stood up, but every time I surveyed the room to see who it might me, I was staring at a sea of blank faces. By the end of the night, I was worn out, and as I walked home, I hoped my exhaustion would bring at least a few hours of sleep. Knowing Melissa, she would want to party when she arrived.