Erik (Knights Wrath MC #5)

CHAPTER TWO

Five-ish years later

Erik

I watch as the boat gets ready to dock. Spending the last five years fishing on what was my father's old boat has taught me two things. The first is I am most definitely not a fisherman. The second, running away doesn’t change my feelings.

Grant got out of prison a couple of months ago. He wasn’t lying when he said he wasn’t going to wait around. He’s dated more than his share of women and men. Linnea told me on our last phone call that he was out and moving in with his current girlfriend. I was hoping that he was between relationships because, damn it, he was right. I can’t deny what I feel for him. I want him as much today as I did the day I spewed all that shit at him. I was scared and was hurting from losing Mamma. I know she would’ve been fine with whoever I chose to love. Father, well, his opinion would not have fucking mattered.

I get off the boat with my bags and see Mitch standing at the dock by his truck. He greets me with a nod and a grin. “You back on land for a visit, or you back for good this time?”

As soon as I reach him, I drop my bag and give him a one-armed hug. “Fuck that. I’m back for good. I may not know much, but I do know I am not a fucking fisherman. That’s not the career I want, and if I never see a crab pot again, it will be too soon.” Mitch gives me one of his classic bear hugs. “Good deal. Missed you, brother. Know all the brothers have. We’ve got a couple of prospects who seem to be good guys, too. Let’s get you over to the clubhouse. I know everyone is excited to see you.”

If only that were true. The one person I want to see the most has definitely kept me at arm's length since that day. Oh, we’re friends and get along, but it’s not the same. I know, I know. It’s all my doing, and I need to accept the consequences of my actions. You don’t need to remind me. I won’t jeopardize any relationship he’s got going on, but if he breaks things off with this newest chick, you better believe I’m gonna get my head outta my ass and say something. Probably.

You ever feel like any time you actually make a move about something in your life, it’s always the wrong one? That’s me. I mean, there’s not just everything with Grant, but work, selling the house, all of it. I don’t own anything anymore, and I have to see if Jonah’s willing to give me my job back since I know I don’t belong fishing. The question is more, where do I actually belong? This is the kind of shit that runs through my head all the time. I feel like the last right decision I made was to decide I absolutely did not belong up the mountain with Joseph and his people. That’s about the only thing I’ve gotten right in years.

Mitch shoves my shoulder before he starts the truck. “You gonna be stuck in your head, or you gonna actually be social now that you’re back?” He starts heading toward the clubhouse.

“I am social. I just ain’t been back long enough to be able to spend time with you jackasses.” Mitch gives me a look and then a shit-eating grin. “Sure, if that’s what you wanna tell yourself. You and I both know that’s a load of fucking bullshit. But I’ll let it slide for now ‘cause I got an ulterior motive.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake. “What are you talkin’ about?” He grins again. “Well, I was talkin’ with Jonah, and he agrees. We need to get you laid and maybe help ya find a gal of your own.”

I can’t help but roll my eyes. “So my brother-in-law, who’s been head over heels for my sister for years, and my best friend, who’s engaged to one of the few amazing girls in the whole state, are going to set me up with someone? Both of you didn’t go looking for your women. They fell into your world. Even Jackson and Wyatt had Anna fall into their circle. I’ve been out on the water for years. Ain’t like mermaids are climbing onto the ship or anything. I haven’t been avoiding women, just ain’t been around none.”

Mitch turns onto the main road and continues driving, but I can see the look on his fucking face.

“You and I both know it ain’t been just you out fishin’ that’s the reason you ain’t got someone. I haven’t pushed for you to tell me, and I ain’t gonna, but I know something happened right around the time your parents died that had you running. Running from whoever made you feel something. They made you feel something so much that you’ve been running for more than five years, and we’ve barely seen you in that time. If you don’t want to tell me, fine, but, brother, it’s time to at least be fucking honest with yourself. All the guys miss you, and we all feel like you’re not really living. We want to see you happy in whatever you decide, but we can all tell you ain’t. I know neither of us are big talkers, and that’s worked for us since we met when we were twelve fucking years old, but not now. Talk to me. Tell me even one fucking thing that’s going through that mind of yours that’s closed up as tight as Fort fucking Knox.”

I can’t help but slouch in the seat and rub my hand over my face. I know he’s right. I know when I shut Grant down, I shut everyone out. I didn’t mean to, but it definitely happened. So, I spill out the first thing that comes to mind. “Think Jonah will hire me back at the shop?”

Mitch must not have expected that ‘cause he pulls over onto the shoulder and puts the truck in park. He leans back and looks over at me. “Serious? You gonna stick around?”

I nod and answer him, “Yeah. I don’t have shit figured out in my brain, but I do know I missed you guys and my sister. I also know whatever it is I’m looking for ain’t out there on the water. I want to get a job here if he can’t hire me back. I want to get a place of my own, maybe even a dog. I don’t got a lotta answers, brother, but the one thing I have figured out is I’m not going to find them out there. I missed you a lot, and I think sticking around is the thing to do. I don’t need a woman right away, but I do want to get a place I can call my own. I haven’t spent shit in the last few years, so I can probably even buy something outright.” I stop talking for a second and look back over at Mitch. He’s got a half-surprised, half-grin thing going on. “What?”

He shoves my arm again and turns to put the truck into drive again. “Honestly, those are more words I’ve heard from you than in the last few years combined. Good to see you coming back to yourself a little bit. I missed you. Glad you’re back in time to be my best man. Romona tried to talk me into having her brother as my best man. He’s an alright guy, but he’s not the right man.”

I can’t help but chuckle. “He doesn’t know the story behind why you’ve refused to drink chocolate milk since the eighth grade.” Watching Mitch shudder at the thought only makes me laugh even harder.

“Listen, fucker. You swore you’d never talk about that. We did a blood oath.”

I try to stop laughing. “I know. I never told anyone, but that doesn’t mean I can’t give you shit about it.”

Mitch grumbles something about me being a fucker. “Let’s just get to the clubhouse. Everyone’s waiting to see you.”

Everyone but the one I want to be waiting for me.

Grant

Mitch went to pick up Erik. Linnea decided to do a big dinner to welcome him home. Something she said makes me think that he’s not going back out again. It’ll be good to have him back. I’ve missed our friendship. I know he got scared and ran, but fuck if I did anything to stop him. Instead, what did I do? Fuck everything I could—woman or man. I was drinking myself something fierce, like Mom, and throwing in some cocaine on top of it. Thanks to a bar fight and my bringing my knife into play, I got to spend a few months in lockup. I won’t be going back there or doing that shit again. I honestly considered ending things with Monica before she told me she was late. One week and a doctor’s appointment later, and she’s moving in with me. We’re expecting a baby in about six months.

Am I in love with her? I don’t think so. Am I beyond excited to be a dad and to be having a baby? Hell yeah. I think I could grow to love Monica. I mean, she’s not a bad person or anything. We’re just very different people. She is taking a bit to adjust to the news of the baby.

Gretta asked if I was going to propose to Monica. I told her no. Just ‘cause we are having a baby doesn’t mean we need to get married. Maybe it’s because I don’t think I’m completely in love with her, or maybe it’s because part of me wishes for something I can’t have. Either way, it doesn’t feel like the right move. We are going to be parents and be together. If it feels right down the road, I can ask her. That’s something I ain’t going to rush.

We just got to the clubhouse, and Monica went over and is helping Linnea, Anna, and Gretta with the food. Sis has been hanging around more lately, but I think that has more to do with the house being quieter since Dad passed, and Mom is almost always drunk or passed out. I asked her if she wanted to move into my new place with Monica and me, but she said no and that she was figuring out plans for herself.

A couple of months after everything went down between me and Erik, Jonah asked what happened. I made some lame ass excuse about an argument. He didn’t push, but I think he knows it was something more than just a misunderstanding. As much as I still wish he could accept us, at the heart of shit right now, I miss our friendship. I think I’ve reached the point that I want that back more than anything. Our talking about everything and nothing around the fire in the summer. Being able to go fishing at the river and not have to say anything but have a great time.

I know Mitch misses him, too. They were always close and if I were a betting man, he partially blames me for Erik taking off these last few years. I know he’s excited to have him back in time for his wedding. Ramble on some more in your head, Grant, that’s not normal at all .

Getting out of my head, I hear a commotion outside the clubhouse door. I look over just as the door opens, and Mitch and Erik walk in. I stand up to greet them, along with Wyatt, Jackson, and Jonah.

Linnea runs past us and barrels into her brother. “You’re home!” She hugs and squeezes him. When she lets him go, she bops him upside his head. He immediately glares at her and rubs his head. “Hey!”

She points her finger at him and shakes it while talking to him. “That’s for going away so long and barely coming home ever. Tell me you’re back for good.”

Erik pulls her in for another hug. He looks over and makes eye contact with me. I’ve forgotten how his blueish-gray eyes can make everything else in the world fade away.

“Yeah, Sis. I’m back for good.” He then whispers something to her, and she squeezes him once more and lets him go. He only breaks eye contact with me when he’s hauled into a bear hug by Jonah, who’s tall enough to block out the sun. He makes Erik, at just under six feet, look small. Watching him get greeted by everyone, I get up and walk over, waiting my turn to welcome him back. Jackson is the last to hug him and give him a hard time about something ‘cause fuck if I was paying attention. No, my attention was on noticing how much Erik filled out in the last two years since I saw him in person. He’s still a couple inches shorter than me and has more of a swimmer’s build than bulk, but he’s definitely added more muscles to his frame. He’s your fucking friend, and that’s it. Fuck. I’m living with Monica and about to be a dad, and yet part of me is screaming that my person is standing in front of me.

Jackson moves back, and I give Erik a chin lift in greeting. He gives me a half-grin that has that damn dimple on his cheek coming out to taunt me. He surprises me by engulfing me in a hug. “Missed you, asshole.”

I can’t help but laugh at his greeting. Patting him on the back, I release him to really look him in the eye. “Missed you too, asshole. Heard you were finally gonna stay on land this time.”

He nods. “Yeah, I am. Think you get into too much trouble when I don’t.” Fucker. “Fuck you, asshole. I’m on the straight and narrow road these days. Got a job and all that.” I feel an arm come around my waist. In a millisecond, Erik’s eyes widen in surprise. “This is Monica. Monica, this son of a bitch is a brother who we’ve all missed too much, Erik.” He nods his head in greeting but only gives her a small smile. “I hear congratulations are in order.” He glances between the two of us, and I watch as he locks his emotions and feelings back up in the vault.

Monica, who doesn’t know him and doesn’t see the change, smiles at him and thanks him. “Yeah, it came as a surprise, but I think this guy is going to be a great dad.”

Erik gives her a bigger smile and winks at her. “Darlin’, I don’t know much in this world, but on that I think you’re completely right.” He gets distracted by Linnea calling his name. I don’t know why, but his saying that means more to me than just about anything else anyone has ever said. To know he believes in me, even if…well, it still means something. I guess I’ll file the rest in my mind under what might have been .