CHAPTER FOUR
Never take criticism from someone you wouldn’t go to for advice. Think on that one, mister.
~Text from Grant to Erik.
Just a couple of years ago
Grant
I swear, the older I get, the less I want to be bothered with the whole dating thing. The last person I dated tried to get me to be a Daddy Dom, and that ain’t me. Not to judge anyone’s kinks or preferences, but I can’t be what I’m not. He was a bit fun and a decent lay, but I knew from the start it wouldn’t last. Hell, he was a couple of years younger than Samson and Saxon. I think I just saw him longer just to bug them. Sometimes giving your grown kids the ick is just good fucking fun.
Oh, hush. I made it through their teenage years without killing either one of them and that deserved a fucking medal, so let me have the little things in life. I decided today that I was going to take all the dating apps off my phone, at least for a while. I don’t want the drama, and I seem to be attracting that and only that. No thanks.
I’m going over to Jackson and Wyatt’s place for dinner tonight because Anna insists I need to come over so she can feed me. Woman swears I haven’t been cooking for me and my kids for years. Granted, when it’s just me, I don’t fuss with anything fancy ‘cause I just can’t be bothered.
My phone dings with an incoming text. My little girl always puts a smile on my face.
Kinsley: Hey, old man. Just checking in with you, making sure you’re doing okay?
Me: Less of the old, please. I’m doing just fine. How are you doing? How’s school going, my little genius?
Kinsley: I’m good and school is good. Glad the semester is almost over. Been thinking about spending the summer in Toketee. What do you think? Is my room still open for me?
Me: You know your room will always be there for you. You aren’t going to take summer classes this time? Not that I don’t want you here, but you had said you planned to take classes every summer.
Kinsley: I’m gonna just take one class online, and I can be anywhere for that. I think I need a break from school—just a summer. I went straight from high school to college, and I want to enjoy the summer. I want to spend time with you, Tweedledee and Tweedledum.
Me: Lil’ Sis, you know this will always be your home. Your brothers would love to have you here for a summer. Maybe you can keep them out of trouble, or at least from killing each other.
Kinsley: LMAO! You act like I’m a miracle worker or something. I’ll let you know what day I’m planning on heading back. I think I’m gonna pick up Hanna on the way, so I gotta talk to her, too.
Me: Sounds good. Be safe and love you.
Kinsley: Love you too, Dad.
I may not have done a lot right in this life, but raising my kids will always be the right and most important thing I did. I may give Samson and Saxon shit, but I couldn’t be prouder of who they are as men. I know they each have a good heart and understand that family — whatever that looks like, blood or not—is the meaning of life. I know they would do anything for their sister and any of their club brothers, too. Now if they could manage not to put their foot in their mouth for more than a few hours at a time, that would be a fucking miracle.
I look at the time and see I’ve got an hour before I need to be at dinner. Just enough time for a nice ride. It’s nice out and time for some wind therapy.
Erik
I shut down my computer for the day and take off my glasses to rub away the headache I’ve got brewing. It’s not work, but my home life that’s giving me the headache. It’s only been two months since Jeremiah moved out and into the clubhouse, leaving Celeste and me alone. It’s been a fucking nightmare. We made it through all the years with the boys growing up, and that was a struggle. Now, she blames me for Jeremiah deciding to prospect for the club. She hates the fact that he’s doing something to follow in my footsteps at all. She gave up long ago on pretending she liked the club and everyone in it. She actively hates the club. She hates just about anything that has to do with me. We quit pretending to sleep together by the time the boys were preteens. It’s now like nothing in this world makes her happy.
For the second time in our marriage, she threw a piece of firewood at me when she found out that Jeremiah was going to prospect. She brought up everything from all those years ago. She swore I must have done something to turn the boys against her. She doesn’t get that the boys are both fucking adults and that we taught them to think for themselves. Well, at least I did. Celeste tried to get them concerned about status and money, but since they spent most of their time around me, Linnea, and the club, that didn’t stick. Both are good men and making their way in this world. I think Leif moved up to Seattle to get away from the tension that’s always in the house. This weekend we don’t have church or anything going on, so I’m supposed to be home, but fuck if I’m not going to duck out and go fishing or something. I know I chose this life, and I’d do it again to see my boys as good men. That makes everything worth it to me, even dealing with her every night when I get home.
My phone buzzes with an incoming text, but I know it can’t be from her ‘cause it ain’t the same ringtone. Hers is that eighties song “Somebody’s Watching Me” by Rockwell. I’d have it play the theme for the Wicked Witch from Wizard of Oz, but I don’t want it to go off in front of the boys with that.
Leif: I was thinking of coming home this weekend. You up for going fishing tomorrow? I need some river time.
Me: You read my mind. You driving down tonight?
Leif: Yeah, but I told Jer I would stay at the clubhouse with him tonight. He needs help beating Saxon and Samson at pool. Apparently, Sax’s trash talk needs to be taken down a peg or two. I wasn’t gonna tell Mom I’m in town. I just can’t deal with her right now.
Me: You know what I’m gonna say about you avoiding your mom, but you’re a grown man, and your relationship with your mother is yours to handle. I’ll be at the clubhouse at o’dark thirty in the morning with coffee and breakfast sandwiches.
Leif: I know, I know. I’ll tell ya why when I see you. Get yourself a beer or something on your way home. Love ya.
Me: I’ll bring my ears. Love ya, too. Drive Safe.
I grab my keys, get up, and head out of the office. I could’ve stopped working completely a few years ago with the savings I’ve accrued, but honestly, I like the work, and it gets me out of the house. I don’t work full time other than during tax season, so I can occasionally help out at the shop or do some projects with Wyatt and Jackson.
I head out of the building and see none other than Jeremiah leaning against my truck in the parking lot. “What are you doin’ loitering around here, Son?” He stands up and looks at me. I swear he has the same head tilt as Linnea does when she’s studying me.
“I was thinking it would be nice to grab a burger with my old man. What do ya say? I know damn sure Mom ain’t got nothing cooking at home.” He’s not wrong.
I nod. “I think we can do that. You talkin’ Millie’s or Lefty’s?”
He walks over to his bike, which is on the other side of my truck. “Let’s go to Lefty’s so we can have a beer and get some of his onion rings with the good fry sauce.” Him and that damn fry sauce. I swear, when he was five, we couldn’t get him to eat anything without it. I might have gone to Lefty himself and begged for him to sell me a gallon of it. Solid dude had kids and got my situation. He traded me a six-pack of beer for a gallon whenever I needed it. I swear that it made those couple of years survivable. “Yep, let’s go.”
We get to Lefty’s and find a table right away, which is almost a miracle for a Friday evening. Locals know this is the place if you want a good burger and sides. Millie’s is the place to go for a home-cooked dinner, but for burgers, even Millie goes to Lefty’s. You can smell the grill going before you even see his neon sign. That sign has been up for as long as I can remember, but it still makes me chuckle every time. Lefty’s. The one time it would be wrong to turn right.
The waitress comes up and takes our drink order. We both know what we want, being creatures of habit, and we order. The waitress brings our beers right away. As soon as she leaves, I can tell Jeremiah has something on his mind. I lean back in the booth. “Son, you look like you got something you want to talk about or spill. What’s goin’ on?”
I watch him take a sip of beer, knowing he always has to take a moment to figure out his words when he’s got something on his mind. “I don’t quite rightly know how to say this, so I’m just gonna say it.” I take a sip and set my beer in front of me, waiting for Jeremiah to continue. “I’ve never said anything ‘cause I didn’t want to rock the boat and ‘cause I was still living at home and didn’t want Mom to hear and kick me out…but…I know she hasn’t made you happy in years, Dad. Hell, I know Leif talks about remembering a few times, but honestly, I can’t remember a time when you two were happy, let alone in love. I guess what I mean is, why don’t you end things and get a divorce? I know she doesn’t make you happy, and well, at this point, I don’t know anything that would make her happy.”
Well, shit. “Son, my relationship with your mom is…complicated. Things aren’t always black and white. I’ve always wanted you to have both parents and—” Jeremiah holds his hand up, interrupting me.
“Dad. Leif and I are grown. We know we’d have you and Mom even if you’re divorced. Honestly, I would love to see you happy. I know being married to Mom is not where your happiness is. We tolerate Mom just to be able to see and spend time with you. You’re the one who raised us the most. You were the one who went to all the practices and games. You were the one who went on our field trips and helped at school and all. Mom would come when she knew it would look bad if she didn’t. You came to everything even though you worked full-time. Mom was part-time at best, and she rarely seemed interested. I feel like she spent so much time just being angry at everything.”
Well, shit. I thought I had done the right thing this whole time. “Son…I did what I thought was right. I wanted you and your brother to have the best childhood I could give you. I—”
Jeremiah interrupts my word diarrhea. “You did. Leif and I have great memories as kids, and we’re lucky to have you as our dad. You’re someone we both look up to and respect. We know we can always come to you, and you’re always going to be there. It’s because of all of that and who you are that I want to see you have a chance to be happy. I know you often dread going home. I know you have to be tired of it all. I know Archie gives you some, but you should have more happiness in your life than just a ten-year-old golden retriever. I don’t expect you to have answers or a response or shit like that. I just…I guess I just wanted you to know that I see things, and I think you deserve more than the life at home you’re living.” He’s so much like me in that when he’s done talking about a subject, it’s closed, and there will be no reopening it anytime soon. “Now, enough of the heavy shit. What favor did Ma call in that she had me go to the store to get the shit to make you that disgusting Lutefisk?”
I can’t help but laugh at his change of subject and the face he makes when he mentions the deliciousness that is Lutefisk. This is my boy. Serious topics can only last for brief moments as he doesn’t like to dwell on them. “I agreed to help her with her garden for a couple of days next week. I’m going with her to the plant store and gonna be her grunt.”
He chuckles at me and surprises me again with what he says next. “Well, if you need help, I’m sure Pres can spare me for a bit to help Ma. I know Pa usually helps her, but lifting and bending may aggravate his hip.”
That right there tells me I did something right. “I’ll definitely take you up on that offer, Son.” Our waitress brings us our food and we both quit talking to eat. These burgers are always amazing.