CHAPTER FIVE
You know your right eye twitches when Saxon says something dumb, and your left eye does it when Samson is super grumpy. Kinsley gets the vein in your forehead going when she makes you worry. It’s probably good for your health that they haven’t done all three at the same time.
~Text from Erik to Grant
Erik
It’s been a week since both my boys dropped bombs on me. They swear they hadn’t talked to each other about it, but I have my doubts. When we were fishing, Leif brought up the same topic as Jeremiah had at dinner, though he was a little more blunt in his delivery, as is his way.
We were sitting at our favorite spot on the river. Both had our lines in the water and Archie, my almost ten-year-old golden retriever, was off in the trees nearby, trying to find who knows what.
“I broke up with Dina.” I look over at Leif, who’s frowning. “I’m sorry to hear that, Son. You seemed to really like her.”
He shakes his head before I can continue. “Nah, she became someone else when we moved up to Seattle. I dunno how to describe it. She started expecting the best of everything. She wanted those fancy, expensive-as-shit clothes, purses, and jewelry. She wanted me to get in good with my bosses, not so I would do well, but so I would get invited to events where she’d get to dress all fancy and rub elbows with the rich. I don’t care about that stuff. It all started to remind me of shit Mom says or thinks is important.” I start to defend Celeste, but before I can get more than a single word out, Leif puts his hand up to stop me. “Dad. I have some vague memories of when I was little and you and Mom getting along. Beyond that, I’ve rarely seen Mom happy about anything. She’s unhappy with her work, with us, and she looks at you almost with hatred. I’ve watched over the years as you took her insults and bitching so you could be in our lives every day. I don’t know what happened between you two, and honestly, I don’t need to know. The thing I do know is you have always told us that finding our joy—in your work, at home, with family—is what matters most, but you haven’t had that for yourself.”
I couldn’t help but speak up. “I love our family, I enjoy my work, and you and your brother have given me more joy and happiness than I could’ve imagined.” He leans back in his chair and doesn’t say anything for a few moments. I can tell he’s trying to figure out what he wants to say.
“I’m thinking of moving back to town and prospecting. I know Mom flipped her shit and made your life worse when Jeremiah decided to prospect, so I can’t imagine what she’ll do this time. I know I said years ago that I would never prospect, but I’ve had some years to grow up and realize that I wasn’t chasing my dream but what Mom wanted for me. I don’t care one fucking ounce about status or expensive shit. I want to work doing something I enjoy and make a living from, be surrounded by people I consider my family and best friends, and maybe find someone to spend my life with who will love all of me, including the club. I guess what I’m trying to say is I get why you stayed when we were younger, but now… Now, I would love nothing more than to see you happy. I mean, really happy, Dad. Whether that’s living alone with Archie in a place where you actually want to come home, casually dating people like Grant seems to like to do, or finding someone to love you, all of you. It’s time for you to find your happiness.” He let things drop, as he always has after he’s said his piece on something, but they both have had me thinking things over all week long.
I know they have easily accepted Ry being gay and with someone, and I know things are different in the world than they were all those years ago, but can I really move on and leave? Would my boys be okay when things inevitably come out about what Celeste saw all those years ago? I know they aren’t homophobic or anything, but it’s a whole different thing to find out their dad is…well, fuck, let’s put a name to it, finally. I’m gay. Not bi, not gay for one person. I’m fully and admittedly gay. A middle-aged gay man who’s only ever had a blow job and kissed one man in my life before. Yeah, that puts a cherry on a sad statement, don’t it?
I’ve been searching for divorce lawyers and doing some math. What can I say? It’s the accountant in me. I think I need to get out of my head and maybe talk to the one person I can. It’s times like this that I really do miss Mitch. He’d give it to me straight but was always there to listen. I know he hated me staying with Celeste and was not a fan of hers from the start. Romona wasn’t either. Shit, maybe I should talk to her too.
I head home from work, wanting to change and maybe take my bike for a ride. I pull into the driveway and park. I grab my jacket and laptop bag and get out of the truck.
“Hey, neighbor!” I look over and see Gretchen, our neighbor, raking leaves in her front yard.
“Hey, Gretch. How ya doin’?”
She stands up from bending over the pile of leaves. “I’d be a lot better if that evil woman you're married to had an ounce of humanity in her.”
Shit. “What did Celeste do this time?” The way Gretchen glares at me, I know I won’t like what she says next.
“ That woman. She let Archie outside probably ten minutes after you left this morning. She never let him back in. You know it rained all morning, and it’s not exactly warm outside. He was crying and so pathetic sounding, so I marched myself down the side yard and through your backyard gate. Archie knows me, so he came to me willingly. I got him inside, dried off, and warmed up. Gave him some leftover baked potato and he’s napping in front of the wood stove as we speak.”
The level of rage inside of me is unexplainable. “You mind Archie hanging out with you for another thirty minutes or so?” Gretchen waves me on, letting me know Archie’s fine with her as long as I need. I don’t know what Celeste is trying to pull, but this shit ends now. I stomp up to the front door and open it, not wasting any time. “Celeste! Where you at? Celeste!”
I walk through the living room, listening for sounds, and hear her in the kitchen. I walk through the dining room, a place we’ve rarely ever eaten in, but she insisted we had to have it in the house. Walking into the kitchen, I see her sitting at the kitchen table, looking at a magazine with a half-filled glass of wine sitting in front of her. She doesn’t even look up from her magazine.
“What are you yelling for? Dinner is in the slow cooker.” She actually cooked?
“I’m yelling ‘cause I just found out you left Archie outside in the wind and the rain this morning and didn’t let him back in the house at all! How often do you do that shit? He doesn’t need to be left fucking outside like that. I know he doesn’t bug you. Hell, he spends most of his days asleep on his doggie bed.” I can tell by her sigh that she’s rolling her eyes at me.
“He’s a dog and has all that long dog hair. He’s fine outside. I was busy cleaning the floors today.”
I can’t help what comes out of my mouth next. “You cleaned? Or do you mean Trina came and cleaned, and you sat right there the whole time? Let me guess, she put dinner in the crock pot too.”
Celeste finally turns her head toward me and sneers. “Of course, I have to supervise her cleaning. If I didn’t, she would do a half-assed job of it. She was scrubbing the kitchen floor today, so I put the dog outside.” For fuck’s sake. “He doesn’t come in here, so that’s bullshit, just like saying Trina does a half-assed job. She keeps this house fucking spotless.”
She shrugs her shoulders at me and goes back to her fucking magazine, indicating she’s not gonna talk about this anymore. I need to get out of this house. She knows fucking better than to mess with Archie. He’s been one of the few bright things in the house for me these last few years. He's been my constant companion since the boys moved out.
I go up to my room and change into jeans and a flannel. I grab the truck keys ‘cause I’m getting out of here for a bit, but you better fucking believe I’m taking my boy with me. I head downstairs and toward the back door to grab his leash and my hat.
“Where the hell are you going?”
I answer without looking back, “I’m going to get Archie and go for a drive. I’ll be back later.” I wasn’t going to wait for her to have a problem with it ‘cause I knew she would. I just wasn’t in the mood.
Time to get my boy and go for a drive. I think someone might need some french fries after his day. The bigger question is, what the fuck do I need?
Grant
I just ordered pizza for dinner. I know, I know, I should be eating healthier, and overall I do, but fuck, it’s Friday night with no church, and I don’t have the urge to head to the clubhouse tonight. Just pizza, beer, and a game on television. Sounds like the perfect night to me.
I grab a cold bottle of beer from the fridge and head toward the living room. Just as I reach for the remote and am about to sit down, there’s a knock on the door. Who the fuck could that be? The boys and Kinsley don’t knock and I’m not expecting anyone else. If it’s a fucking salesman, the only one who’s welcome here is a girl selling Girl Scout cookies. Those things are like crack. Why else would we all willingly spend five-plus dollars a box on them every year and buy enough to freeze some? You can’t tell me you don’t do that, too. Reminds me. I think I still have some in the freezer.
Back to whoever the fuck is at my door. I look through the window and open the door.
“What’s up, brother?” Erik’s standing on my porch with his hands on his hips and a look on his face which is part anger and frustration.
He lets out a sigh. “You busy, or do you have time to talk?”
I feel a bump to my knees and look and see Archie looking up at me, waiting for his pets. “I’m not busy. Just ordered pizza and was about to have a beer and watch the game. Come on in.” He walks inside, goes straight to the kitchen, opens the fridge, grabs a beer, opens it, and takes a drink before he says anything. Knowing him as well as I do, he’s getting his words together, so I go into the living room and take a seat. Archie comes up and sits next to me, so of course, I give him the head scratches he loves. Erik comes in, sits on the couch, and lets out another sigh like he’s got the world on his shoulders.
I must give him a look that he sees out of the corner of his eye.
“Celeste left Archie in the backyard this morning in the cold and the rain for hours. Neighbor felt bad and came over and got him, brought him inside her house, warmed him up, and spoiled him till I came home. She didn’t even try to pretend she forgot or anything.”
I don’t say anything ‘cause what the fuck can I say to that? He knows how we all feel about Celeste and how shitty she’s been to him all these years, but he’s still stayed. He sets the beer down and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees and rubbing his face with his hands. This can’t all be because of Archie. I mean, I know he loves him something fierce, and he’s been his shadow for years now, but this reaction screams there’s more to it. Fuck if I can help but say something.
“This seems like more than just today.” He nods before I can say anything more. It’s always been a tightrope when it comes to dealing with him and his marriage to Celeste.
“I’m thinking about leaving her and filing for divorce.” You could have knocked me over with a feather. Holy shit. I don’t even know what to say to that. Luckily, he continues talking. “Jeremiah came and talked to me about it last Friday, and Leif came into town last weekend and talked to me about it on Saturday. He was more straight to the point, but they both want me to divorce their mom. Seems as much as I tried to hide our problems, they’ve seen them. What’s more is that neither of them seems to be eager to have active relationships with their mom. I know she’s going to put up a fight, but I’m seriously thinking about it. Shit ain’t ever gonna get better.”
Words come out before I can stop them, making me realize that maybe Saxon gets it from me. “It’s been fucking decades since she was anything but horrible to you, Erik. She’s not nice to anyone in your family, and her expectations of your boys are ridiculous. You’ve raised your boys into good men. I honestly think they’re right. You deserve to be able to go home to a place you enjoy being. Can you honestly say your home is that for you now? Just so you know, if you need a place to stay for a bit or anything, you’ve always got a bed here.”
The doorbell rings again, though this time it’s the pizza. I know I said some shit I probably shouldn’t have, but every word was the truth. I take the pizza from the delivery driver, get paper plates and another beer for each of us from the kitchen, and head back to the living room. I set the pizza down on the coffee table, and before I can say anything, there's a sound like wood breaking. Erik sinks down into the couch. It looks like the couch swallowed him. He busts out laughing, and I can’t help but join him. I hold out a hand to help him up from the couch that tried to eat him. He looks at me with that sexy-as-sin smile he rarely brings out these days.
“Seems like I’m not the only one who needs to let go of something from the past. You’ve had this couch for forever. I think you need to pry open that wallet and get a new one.”
I hand him a beer and nod. “Yeah, maybe it’s time I get one with a recliner and all. Jonah swears by his.”
Erik gives me another rare grin. “Well, it ain’t like you’re gettin’ any younger, old man.”
Fucker is eight months younger than me… eight . “Grab your fucking pizza. The game is about to start.”