CHAPTER SIX
I always know when you’re deep in thought ‘cause you chew on your lower lip. I’m surprised you haven’t drawn blood.
~Text from Grant to Erik
Erik
This is the first day in weeks that I feel somewhat human, and my stomach isn’t revolting. It’s like I started to think about moving out, and my stomach decided that was not a good idea. Well, fuck my stomach. At this point, with some of the shit I’ve discovered Celeste has been up to, I don’t think anything would keep me here much longer. I met with a lawyer last week and got some advice. I’m gonna see if I can talk to Max later today before church to see if he thinks what my divorce attorney is suggesting is a good idea. I don’t want a long, drawn-out fight. I just want to be done with everything.
Jeremiah came and got Archie a few minutes ago ‘cause he and a couple of guys were going to go fishing. Archie loves going to the river. I don’t want to sit around the house, and I need to know if Grant really meant his offer. I want to go into this whole process without making any assumptions. I’ve taken this long to make this happen, so I want it to go as smoothly as possible. I know, I know, I’m stupid to think anything dealing with Celeste is going to be easy, but I can at least hope, right? Let me live in my little bubble for the morning, would ya?
Grant
It’s been a few months since I bought the new couch. Since Kinsley discovered I bought a new couch, she’s decided this summer she’s going to redecorate the whole house. She was not impressed with my couch selection. In fact, I think her words were, “That couch is for comfort for you and your brothers, not for entertaining potential partners.” I tried to remind her I wasn’t really looking for someone, but she insisted I needed to remain open and that “You never know what can happen.” My girl is nothing if not strong-willed and opinionated.
Luckily, she ran out of time and had to go back to school before she could try and redo my wardrobe. I love my daughter to the end of the earth, but she ain’t getting rid of my flannels. I don't care how much she argues with me. Some things just aren’t meant to be changed.
She did get me to start going through some things in the house and get rid of shit I really didn’t need to be holding on to. She got me to put some of the mementos for her and her brothers in boxes and up in the attic. That’s when I found the boxes I had forgotten about. We’d put them up there when my sister Gretta passed. Thinking Shane might like to see what is in these, especially if there’s baby stuff, I text him, knowing he’s gotta be awake. They had some serious excitement last night, finding two people who turned out to be Kierstie’s biological half-sisters.
Me: I know you’re doin’ breakfast this mornin’ with the new family, and we’ve got church tonight, but on your way home after breakfast, can ya come over? I found some of your mom’s stuff we packed away in the attic from before you went to boot camp. I think some of your baby stuff is in there and your woman would probably love that.
Shane: Shit, yeah. She’ll love that. Expect tears if there is that stuff. They seem to flow all the time in the last few days.
Me: Just wait. You’ve got more emotional waves to ride there. You better buckle up, this being your first rodeo, and who you picked as your wife. LOL.
I might have added a few of those GIF things that Kinsley always sends me. He sends me a few emojis back, flipping me the bird. He’s a good kid. Shit, he’s married and expecting his first child, so I guess he ain’t really a kid anymore.
I know I have time for some coffee and breakfast before they come over, so I get the coffee maker going and pull eggs and some veggies out of the fridge. I hear someone pulling up in the driveway, and I see Erik getting out of his truck. I call out for him to come in through the back door, and I grab a second mug out of the cabinet ‘cause I know he’s gonna want a cup or three. I’m pouring coffee as I hear him come inside. I look up, and the fucker looks better with age. I don’t think it’s right that a man can only become better looking with graying hair and a few lines around his eyes. Only two men I know who have done that are Sam Elliott and the man currently leaning against the counter across from me. I take a sip of coffee deliciousness before I ask the question on the tip of my tongue. “What brings you by so early this Saturday morning?”
He tilts his head like he’s studying me before he answers my question. “Were you serious about having a bed I can crash in till I find a place?” That question wasn’t even in the top twenty I thought he’d ask. “Of course. You know you’re always welcome here. You‘re really going to go through with the divorce? I was thinking you might have changed your mind since it’s been a few months since we talked about it.”
He grabs the vegetables I took out and pulls out a cutting board. Guess he’s helping with breakfast. “Yeah, I am. I took some time to think about things. Found out some shit about Celeste and things she’s done, which solidified my decision, but then I got this stomach bug I couldn’t kick. This is only like the third day where I haven’t had issues.” I look at him again and see he looks like he’s lost some weight. Before I can ask, he looks over at me. “Yeah, I even went to the fucking doctor ‘cause this shit has been going on so long.” My eyes must have bugged out at that admission. It’s well known that both he and Linnea will do just about anything to not have to go to a doctor. I think their mom’s folk remedies and hesitancy toward doctors were embedded in them stronger than almost anything else she taught them.
I put a pan on for him to toss the cut veggies in and start cracking eggs into a bowl. “What did the doctor say?”
He tosses the peppers and onions into the pan. “That it must be a virus ‘cause he didn’t find anything in his tests. He said if it comes back and lasts for longer than a few days, I need to go back, and he’ll run some more tests. Basically with everything he saw, he said "I look healthy.” We finish up making breakfast and sit down at the breakfast table. I have to ask because he mentioned it. “You said you found out some things about Celeste? What’s going on?”
He takes a bite of breakfast and sighs. I’m beginning to think that Ry got his sighing from him. “I don’t have proof, but I think she’s stepped out on me a few times over the years. Honestly, that bothers me less than the amount of fucking money she’s been spending or hiding away in an account I don’t know about. Last year, she bought some sapphire earrings. Turns out they were like five grand from some special shop or some shit. She just bought the matching fucking ring for another nine grand. I know we’re doing fine, but that’s fucking ridiculous. And it’s not like she contributes to the house or anything. She spent the household money on that. I’m the only one who has contributed to that since the boys were little.” He huffs and takes a bite.
“Why the hell hasn’t she helped with that? I know she still works some.” Okay, so much for not being nosy. He looks slightly uncomfortable, and I hate feeling like I did that. “You don’t have to tell me. It—”
He holds up his hand to stop me. “No, I need to get this shit out. It’s kinda all related, and I haven’t spoken to anyone about it in…well, fuck. I’ve never told anyone about it.” He leans his elbows on the table and rubs his hands on his face. He sighs(sighed) once more before speaking.
Erik
I know I need to tell someone and it sure as shit ain’t going to be my kids or sister. I know he’s not going to judge me. It’s just all this shit has been buried for so long. I look him in the eye and can see he’s waiting for me to continue. “It’s gonna be best if you let me get it all out before you ask any questions.” He nods and takes a sip of his coffee as he leans back in his chair.
Fuck me, why is this so hard? Maybe because I’m about to say out loud what I’ve buried deep inside for decades. I know some of this shit is gonna come out once I give Celeste the divorce papers. Shit. Man up, Erik . Time to actually do something and not just let shit happen to me . Great, now I’m yelling at myself. Alright, alright. Enough is enough, even for me.
“She hasn’t contributed financially since she went back to work after Jeremiah was born. Whatever she makes from work, she spends on whatever she wants, though it’s never been anything for me or the boys when they were younger. I paid for all of that. The only thing she’s paid for by herself is her fucking car. That Audi shit she just had to have. I don’t have solid proof that she’s stepped out on me, but I got the impression last time I went into the doctor’s office where she works that she’s been a little too familiar with one of the doctors there. Same with the fucking car salesman who sold her that overpriced car. Honestly, I couldn’t care less about who she sleeps with. We haven’t shared a bed, let alone a bedroom, since the boys were barely teenagers. Hell...” I pause to take a sip of coffee to collect my nerves and have the balls to continue. “We haven’t been intimate since she was pregnant with Jeremiah. Fuck, I think the last time we kissed was when he was born, maybe a few months after that.” I dare to look across the table, and I think Grant’s jaw might just be on the table. I think I stunned him into silence. Keep going. You need to get it all out . I know I need to listen to myself but fuck, this part is hard.
“You see, a couple of months before Jeremiah was born…well, see, I was questioning some things about myself, and she walked in at a very inopportune moment.”
Grant’s looking at me strangely and speaks up. “You’re speaking in riddles. Just get it out. You know I ain’t gonna judge you.”
I nod.
“Okay, well, I was questioning who I was attracted to. Was I attracted to women, men, or both? Was I straight but had been into you? Was I bi, or was I even gay and just straight for Celeste? Was I just denying who I really was? I had all this shit swirling around in my head, and I didn’t know anyone I could talk to about it.” He’s about to say something, so I hold up my hand. “You and I had just gotten to a place where we could hang out and be friends, and that was so important to me. I wasn’t willing to mess with that. Plus, you were dealing with being pretty much a single dad at that point.”
I go to take a sip of coffee only to realize my cup is empty. “Anyway, back to what I was saying. I didn’t have someone to talk this shit out with, and I had only ever been with Celeste, and what you and I had done. That was pretty much it other than kissing a couple girls in high school. So I did the only thing I thought I could do as a married man back then, since the internet and shit wasn’t what it is now. I bought a copy of Playboy and a gay magazine. I kept them in my desk drawer in my office at home for weeks before I worked up the nerve to look at them. The night I finally did, I got my answer and I might have gotten hard. Fuck…I took care of my situation, and she walked in right after I had finished. She saw the magazine and immediately decided that we, as a happily married couple, were through. She said we’d stay married and outwardly appear happy, but me touching her was done, and I was going to keep us living the lifestyle we had. If I wanted to be an active parent to Leif and, at that point, our unborn child, I was going to do it without complaint. She said some other shit, but that was basically it.”
I needed more coffee before I said the words I’ve never in all my years admitted out loud. I get up and pour myself more, taking the last of the pot. I take a long sip, turn around, and lean against the counter. “I realized two things that night. The first was that I would do whatever it took to be in my kids' lives, even if it meant staying married to a woman who hated me. Second, that I was gay. Not bi, but completely one hundred percent gay.”
I take another sip and will myself to look over at Grant. I can tell he’s trying to take in everything I just dropped on him. Even without him saying anything, I feel like a weight has come off of my shoulders just a little bit. Like at least one person on this planet knows, and even that seems like a victory in itself. He looks at me.
“First off, I haven’t had anything nice to say about Celeste in years, and now…well, fuck her ‘cause that shit ain’t nothing but blackmail. I’m really fucking glad you’re going to go through with the divorce. You need to be free of her. I know things were a little different back then, and I know you were in your head about a lot of shit. But it’s like you’ve been serving a sentence because she knew you’d do anything for your boys, including denying a big part of who you are.” He sets his mug down and gets up, walking toward me. He stops and turns, facing me, looking me straight in the eyes. Grant whispers his question.
“Do you ever regret stopping things with us?”
My truth comes out without thought. “With every inch of my being.” He doesn’t change his determined expression, but I hear his quick intake of breath and his nostrils flare. He reaches up with his hand and grabs my neck. Just before he starts to speak, there’s a knock at the door and it opens.
“Hey, Grant! We’re here. Where you at?” Shane’s voice bellows through the house. Grant keeps his hand on my neck, and I can feel his other hand grab my waist as if to make sure I don’t take off. He yells back to Shane, “ In the kitchen! The boxes are in the living room. I’ll be right there!”
He squeezes my neck slightly, getting my full attention again, not to mention making other parts stir that haven’t in far too long. “You file for divorce, move out, and if you want to really try with us, you tell me. I won’t tarnish what could be between us by starting before you move out and have filed. We’ve waited all these years. I think we can wait that long, though, to be honest with you, it’s killing me not to kiss you right now. But I’ve got to go deal with those two in my living room, and you go get to what you need to get done to make shit happen. Even if you change your mind and don’t want to try between us, you’ve always got a bed here. It’s just up to you if it’s mine or the guest bed.” He lets my neck go, squeezes my hip, and we part. I head to the back door to make my exit. I think a drive is in order ‘cause, holy shit…I mean, he still wants me! I…I never thought he’d still be interested in something after all this time. I guess it’s time to go talk to Max. I need to end this farce of a marriage once and for all.
**********
As soon as I stop and park at Sooner or Later to grab a coffee, ‘cause this day is going to definitely need more, I text Max.
Me: Hey, you got a free hour for your uncle today?
He responds almost instantly.
Max: What’s going on?
Me: Got some legal stuff I was hoping to discuss with you. Need to make sure I’m on the right track.
Max: Well, shit. As long as it’s not heavy lifting, I got time. I was just heading to the office to catch up on a few things. Why don’t you swing by in like fifteen?
Me: Will do. I’ll bring you coffee from Sooner or Later.
Max: You are definitely my favorite uncle.
Me: LOL See you soon.
About twenty minutes later, I’m walking up to his office door when his assistant opens the door. Before I can say anything, she huffs off, completely ignoring me and mumbling about stupid men. I walk into the office and see Max picking up papers off the floor.
“Everything okay? I just saw your assistant walking off in a huff. In fact, I’m pretty sure she didn’t notice I was there.” He grabs the last of the papers off the floor and sets them on the desk. He shakes his head. “Apparently, she was thinking the job description was for a lawyer’s girlfriend or future wife and not an actual fucking assistant. I didn’t tell her to come in today. She heard me talking to Ry on the phone yesterday when I told him I had to catch up for a couple of hours today.” He takes the coffee from me and takes a sip with his other hand on his hip. “Guess I’m in the market for a new assistant now.” He turns toward his office. “Let me just forget about that since it’s fucking Saturday. Come on in the office and grab a seat.”
I take a seat on the other side of his desk. I take a sip of my coffee as if it gives me the strength to admit to Max what I am about to do. “So I met with a divorce lawyer the other day, and I’m planning on filing for divorce here pretty quickly from Celeste.” His eyes widen in surprise.
“That’s pretty fucking big news there, Uncle. I’m not a divorce lawyer, but what do you need from me?”
Before I start, I ask the question I need answered first. I need to find a way to tell Linnea and others in my own time. “I know you aren’t technically my lawyer, but…”
He interrupts me and gives me a look that he must have learned from Linnea—the one she gives me when she thinks I’m being ridiculous. “Attorney-client privilege covers this, but even if it didn’t, I won’t share anything you don’t want me to. I’m not one of the family gossips, you know that.”
I nod in acknowledgment. I proceed to go over everything the lawyer said and then tell him about my concerns. I know she’s going to fight it and how dirty I think she might try to be. He gives me some suggestions to bring up to my lawyer and things I might want to get in place before I have her served. Time to protect myself and the things I’ve set up for my boys. I have no issues giving up the house to her and some money, but she ain’t getting every cent, and I know she’ll try to.
After a couple of hours, we wrap things up, and I head out. We’ve got church tonight. Tomorrow, I’ll start putting things into motion. Time to be an active participant in my own fucking life.