Erik (Knights Wrath MC #5)

CHAPTER SEVEN

Do you know you peel the label off of every beer you have at the bar, but at home, you never do. What the fuck is the difference?

~Text from Erik to Grant

Grant

I think I need to be declared a saint or something. It’s been nearly five fucking months since Erik admitted he was gay and regretted ending things between us. Five months of knowing he wants my touch as much as I want to touch him. Five months of his getting his shit in line to have her served with papers. He had stomach issues for a while again, and I made him go back to the doctor. The doctor ran a bunch of tests and didn’t find anything. I’ve started to wonder if Celeste could be behind it. She’s really the devil in disguise. She’s also a nurse and knows things. I haven’t brought up my suspicions to Erik ‘cause I’m worried that would push him to stay. How could it do that, you ask? I don’t fucking know, but then again, I don’t know how he’s managed to stay and not stray for decades, even though she’s made his life miserable. After all these years, some things about that man are still a mystery to me.

He is having her served the day after tomorrow when she gets back to town from her “conference.” I looked up what she said she was going to, and there ain’t anything like that going on this week. Seems she’s been lying to Erik about a lot of shit. There are very few women on this planet that I’ve ever had the desire to do bodily harm to, but she’s at the top of the list.

Especially if I ever find out she did do something to him to cause the stomach issues he’s having. Luckily, after tomorrow, he’s not gonna be living in the same house as her, so if she is causing his issues, they should clear up pretty damn fast. That’s a woman who has a one-way ticket to a life with Hel once she finally kicks the bucket. Do I sound bitter? ‘Cause I’ll admit that shit. I would hate her less if she didn’t spout pure hatred whenever she spoke to Erik. How he hasn’t killed her in all these years proves he’s a better man than me.

Erik had planned to serve her a couple of months ago but ended up in bed for almost two weeks right at that time and was in no shape to pack up everything and move. This time, if he’s not feeling well, it’s still fucking happening. He told both Leif and Jeremiah. They’re both ecstatic and helping him pack up this afternoon. I was going to help, but I think the three of them need to do it together.

I’ve got Saxon and Samson coming over to help me clear out the spare room so Erik can put all his boxes and stuff in there till he can unpack them. He doesn’t know it yet, but if I have anything to do with things, he won’t be leaving and finding a place of his own. This can be his home for good. We’ve waited long enough to explore being together, and I know separation isn’t what we need. Fuck, I’m a goner, and we haven’t even kissed in decades.

This weekend we’ve got Asher and Logan’s wedding, so we need to get this shit taken care of. I get why he wants to move when the Celestercist isn’t home. She would spend the whole time yelling or bitching about everything. She hasn’t been happy about anything in so long, I couldn’t even recognize her smile if I saw it in person.

Enough about the woman who will soon be out of his life. I’ve got dressers in the guest room cleared out, and I might have cleared out a couple of drawers in my room, too. I know, I know, I can’t rush that part, but I can still prepare in hopes it will happen sooner rather than later. I still say my patience has been out of this world. I can’t guarantee that I’m going to be able to sustain that with him under my roof. I’m only human, after all, and he’s all kinds of sexy.

I’m clearing out the last drawer when I hear the front door open.

“Dad! We’re here!” I’m still surprised Saxon did so well in the military ‘cause being quiet ain’t ever been a strong suit of his. I walk down the hallway and see Samson sitting down in a chair in the living room. I can hear my fridge being opened. “Beer after work, Son. Get your ass in the living room.” Sax huffs and comes into the living room as I told him to. Samson is already glaring at Saxon or, in general, I haven’t decided yet. He looks over to me. “So what do you need help with? Kinsley hasn’t been home, so I know it can’t be that she replaced more of your furniture.”

I shake my head. “Nah, I don’t think there’s more she could do anyway. I need to get everything out of the spare room. Some of it can go to the garage or up in the attic.”

Samson tilts his head like he’s trying to dissect what I just said. “You know we’ll help ya, but why does it gotta be done today? Some of that shit has been in there since we moved out.”

He stands up, and I answer him. “‘Cause tomorrow, Erik’s moving in. He needs that room for the stuff he’s bringing. You know that the guest room won’t fit much. I know he said he’s not taking much with him, but I know he’s gonna have some boxes to bring. Leif and Jeremiah are helping him pack up everything tonight.” I look up, and both of them look shocked. They could definitely catch flies right now.

Samson finds his voice first. “He’s actually going through with it?”

Saxon adds in, “He divorcing the terrorist?”

I start walking back to the room, and I hear them both following me. “Yeah. He’s having her served by the end of the week. He wants to be moved out before she comes back from the conference she’s at. Less having to deal with her anger and rage toward him ‘cause everyone knows she’s gonna be livid when she gets those papers.” Inside the room I did try to organize a side of boxes to go to the attic and the opposite side for boxes to go in the garage.

Sax speaks up again. “I don’t get it. She’s never been happy being married to him, so why the fuck would she be pissed he’s divorcing her?” We each grab a box and head to the garage.

“She may not be happily married, but she’s come to enjoy the lifestyle she lives and the nice things she can buy. With him divorcing her, that will change. She’s never worked full-time and has tastes that are gonna be beyond her budget. He’s letting her have the house but requesting that he not have to pay alimony since she’s getting the house free and clear.”

One of them whistles from behind me, and Samson sets down a box and looks over at me. “No wonder he wants to move out before she sees the papers. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near her when she finds out that shit. Glad you’re letting him move in till he finds a place. Probably has to figure shit out till everything gets finalized.”

Oh, my oblivious boys. Sometimes I wonder how they miss things that seem so obvious to me.

We get the stuff moved to the garage and are finishing up the last couple of boxes for the attic when Saxon speaks up. “Was Erik so in love with Celeste that he didn’t see who she really was when they got married?”

I climb back down the steps from the attic. “I don’t know, to be honest. I don’t think he was head over heels in love with her, but he probably loved her at least.”

Samson speaks up, but what he says has me doing a double take ‘cause it is something I would’ve bet good money on that Saxon would’ve asked. “What the fuck is the difference?”

I must have an odd look on my face ‘cause Saxon says he’ll grab us all a beer and mumbles something about Samson breaking my brain. We sit in the living room, and Saxon walks in a minute later and passes out the beers.

I have to take a sip before answering him. “Was that a real question, Son?” He nods. “I mean, I know there are different kinds of love, like loving siblings or family which are definitely different, but when it comes to a romantic kind of love, is there that much difference between being in love and just loving someone?”

“Yeah, there’s a difference, Son. I know I may not be the best relationship expert, but let me see if I can explain it. Hell, let’s take the soon-to-be-married couple, for example. You’ve known Asher your whole life. Has he ever been serious about anyone before in his life?” Both shake their heads. Saxon answers me. “No, in fact, he always said he was gonna stay single his whole life.”

I kick my feet up on the ottoman in front of the chair. “You saw him when Logan was shot. He looked like his world was on that gurney when they wheeled Logan back into surgery. You watched him sitting there, praying for him to make it. You saw him not care who was around and cry like a baby when the surgeon came out and said he was alright. That right there is in love . When you can’t imagine your life without them in it, and even when they drive you crazy, you still want them in your bed at night.” Samson seems to be honestly listening. Makes me wonder if I didn’t talk enough about love and relationships with them growing up. “So, like the way Pa looks at Ma sometimes. Like she hung the moon even if she just brought him a cup of coffee.”

I nod. “Son, if you look, you’re surrounded by people who are most absolutely in love with their person. Besides who we’ve talked about, just look around you. Your cousin Shane is head over heels for Kierstie. Jon, Rory, and Juan are all completely in love with Jane. Hell, even Mick is gone for Mads. He’s just gotta step up and make shit happen.”

Samson surprises me with his next question. “I know it didn’t work out, but were you in love with Monica? Have you ever been in love?”

To this day, he refuses to call her mom. I wish I could heal that part of him, but sometimes things are beyond us, no matter how much we wish they weren’t. “Did I love your mom? Yeah, I think I did, but was I ever in love with her? No. However, a part of me will always love her ‘cause she brought me you two. We weren’t super serious when she found out she was pregnant. We tried to be happy together, but we’re very different people.”

Saxon, sounding like his brother, chimes in. “Yeah, you care about people besides yourself, and she has only ever cared about herself.” I start to speak up, but he keeps going. “Dad, you don’t need to defend her. There are only two things she ever did right. The first was having us, and the second, leaving us for you to raise. That’s it. We haven’t heard a peep from her in over ten years. Hell, I doubt she even knows I was in the Army.” Samson interrupts what we both know could be a tirade if Saxon gets going. “What about other than her? Do you think you’ve ever been in love?” Time for some honesty, though I won’t be telling them everything just yet. “Yeah, I have. I can tell you that sometimes part of being in love is just wishing happiness for that person, even if they don’t end up with you. You want them to have their dreams come true, and if you’re able to be around to see it, sometimes that has to be enough. Being in love means that person is always on your mind, and they own a part that no one else can ever have.”

Feeling like I’ve given them enough to think about and knowing both of them need time to work out their thoughts, I stand up. “Let’s go to Lefty’s. I want a burger. Whatcha say? I’ll buy as a thank you for helping me.” I know they’re both gonna hop on that invitation. They may drive me crazy, but stupid they ain’t.

Erik

Looking around the room that has been mine for more than twenty years, I feel nothing but relief. Relief that I’m not going to have to hide out anymore. Relief that I finally got the nerve and followed through with filing for divorce. I know I stayed for my boys, but realistically, I could have done this at least five or six years ago, but was too stuck to do anything.

There are only a half dozen or so boxes left, as well as the bed and headboard. I thought about leaving it, but Jonah reminded me I was giving her the fucking house. I can take the stuff in the room. He’s here supervising and has even taken a couple of loads to the truck.

I hear steps behind me, but I don’t turn around.

“You doin’ okay with all of this?” Grant asks just above a whisper from behind me.

I turn around and look at him, seeing concern in his eyes. “Yeah, I am. I was just questioning why I hadn’t done this a few years ago. I’m definitely okay with all this. I’m ready to move on and be happy for once.”

He starts to say something, but Jeremiah comes through the door. “You have enough space for Leif and me to add a couple of boxes of our stuff? We don’t trust that Mom won’t toss everything when she finds out, and we both want to hold on to a few things we haven’t taken yet.” Jonah’s right behind him.

“Son, if he doesn’t have room, we do. Take whatever you two want and we’ll find someplace for them.”

Grant nods. “I’m sure there’s room in the spare room for some more boxes. Your dad ain’t bringing much.”

Leif pops his head in the room. “I still think you should try and take more. You’re giving Mom too much.”

I shake my head. “No, I got what matters most, and you two. That’s everything I need.” Having had enough of the emotions swirling in my mind, I just want to get this done. “Let’s finish this shit up. We get everything out and unloaded, and I’ll order pizza for everyone.” Time to say goodbye to this house.

*********

I’m a chicken shit. I know you’d agree. I’ve been living at Grant’s for almost a week now and have slept in the guest room the whole time. The first few nights are all down to my being a complete chicken when it comes to initiating things with him. I know, I know. He told me to tell him when I was ready. I know I’m ready. I am. Just taking that step seems so big and daunting. I need to find my balls and just do it.

To be fair, the last couple of days weren’t my fault. Asher and Logan’s wedding itself wasn’t eventful enough, but some fuckers thought it would be a good idea to come and take our little one, Madison. I was so glad that we found her after only a few hours. Not only was she pretty much unhurt, but she brought some other girls back with her.

Fucking Joseph. I thought, after all these years, people would have realized just how crazy he was and not follow him around blindly. Unfortunately, I was wrong. We’re about to have church to figure out how to deal with Joseph and his idiotic goons. You better fucking believe that I’m going to be a part of that. He should’ve stopped breathing air back in the eighties. You can be assured I’m going to help see that he doesn’t see next week.

I walk into the clubhouse, and it’s chaotic. Apparently, Anna, Madison, and the new girls decided to take matters into their own hands and are heading up the mountain as we speak. It’s a rush to the trucks, and Juan hands me a radio.

I hand it to Saxon as he hops in the front seat of my truck. I’ve got Jeremiah, Leif, and Ben in my truck. I see Grant in Jonah’s truck with Pres and Jonah. Ry is driving. In all my time going up the mountain, I don’t think we have ever gone this way. In fact, this seems like a roundabout way to get there. I’m about to have Saxon radio to see where the fuck Grant’s leading us when Wyatt’s voice crackles over the radio. “ Where the fuck are we, Grant? Are we going so fucking out of the way that we’re not gonna get there in time to help ?”

A few other clicks and voices chime in with the same worry. Grant must take the radio in the truck he’s in. “ Yes, we’re goin’ the right fucking way. In about three miles up, we’ll be back on the highway and only a couple of miles from the turnoff to the compound .”

The road winds back and forth again, not letting us keep up the same speed. The radio crackles with voices again. “ Are you fucking sure we’re gonna come up on the highway here soon, ’cause we fucking haven’t yet ?”

Grant responds, “ Yeah. Trust me. Rabbit is good. Rabbit is wise .”

Fuck me.

Luckily, only a few minutes later, we meet back up with the highway, and I can tell we aren’t far from the turnoff for the compound. I never imagined being up here again, let alone twice this week. The flood of memories hits me as we turn onto the gravel road that leads to the compound. Memories of Mamma, her cooking, and her wisdom that she would always seem to drop at the right time. Memories of Father and his rules and demands. Memories of nights by candle ‘cause we had no fucking power up here.

Wyatt has Anna’s phone location, so that’s the direction we head in, parking a ways away from buildings, so we have somewhat of an advantage of surprise and to not put the girls in danger. We approach the top of the little hill and reach a clearing. I speak without thinking, “Well, shit.”

Mick, who’s standing next to me asks, “What is it? You think they’re in there?”

I nod at him. “Yeah, I do. We should go around to the back and enter through the kitchen. They can’t see it from the front room.”

Pres is on my other side. “How the fuck do you know that?”

I answer him as I start walking. “‘Cause that’s the house that my father built. It’s the last one we lived in on this mountain.”

The next ten minutes are pure chaos, with Madison coming out of the house and running down Joseph, who was trying to escape, and Anna and the girls coming out of the house looking like extras from a horror flick.

Mick, Wyatt and Jackson try to talk some sense into Anna, Mads and the two new girls. They remind them that we can handle the clean up since they took care of everything already. Mick agrees to drive the girls back, and Jon directs the prospects and some brothers to start the cleanup process. It’s gonna be a bonfire night for some of these guys.

I can’t help but stare at the back of the house and wonder. With how Mamma and Father died, would anyone have really cleared out the house that well and know all the hiding spots that Father built into it?

Jonah comes up to me. “What’s goin’ on? Is it gettin’ to you, being here on the compound and that this was your folks' place and all?”

I shake my head. “Nah, that ain’t it. I dealt with that shit years ago. I’m just wondering’ if Mamma’s hidden spot is still there and if her box is there. Guess it won’t hurt none to go see, would it?”

Jonah chuckles at me like he’s done plenty of times over the years. “Brother, now’s the time to look. No one in there is gonna stop you. If it’s something you’d like to have, we’ll get it. You gotta be proactive and take what you want. None of us are gettin’ any younger.”

I can’t help the sigh that comes out in response. “I’m working on that. I’m just hopin’ I ain’t thirty years too late to get what I want.” I head on into the house. It’s eerie that the inside looks so much the same as the last time I was here.

Jon looks at me in surprise. “You in here to help clean up, or is something else going on?”

I look at my nephew. “I wanna see if a box my mamma kept hidden might still be here. Father built in a few hiding spots that would be almost impossible to find if you didn’t know where to look.” He nods and gets back to the cleanup. I walk into the kitchen and go to her treasured spice cabinet. Opening it, I move a few spice bottles inside, push the shelf up, and watch as the back of the cabinet opens up and reveals a cubby. It’s dark, but I feel around. There’s a box in there. I pull it out and instantly know that it was Mamma’s. I hear my name called from outside, so I head outside with the box in hand, with no intention of ever returning to this place.