Estranged Heart

Twenty-four

Silas

“Remember how much you loved riding my fingers in the lake parking lot?” Elijah breathes against my lips.

“Yeah,” I say against his open mouth, my tongue darting halfway inside.

“Remind me how you did it that night.” He reaches between us, stroking one of my hard nipples.

Moaning, I arch my back and reach under the mattress for lube. The bottle I’ve always kept there hasn’t been moved. Stacey never knew about it and had no reason to look under the mattress. After slicking us both up, I slide up his body enough for my ass to line up perfectly with his cock when I push myself into a seating position. Breathing raggedly, I straddle his hips and push myself all the way down until I’m bottoming out.

My walls stretch around him and I feel like I’m being split in two, still not fully used to his size. Eager to get there, I wiggle my hips and then lift myself up all the way before slamming my body back down. My thighs quiver and high-pitched sounds crawl up my throat, a delicious zapping sensation scattering inside me. Everything’s so sensitive and wonderful. When Elijah arches his hips, meeting my thrusts, my legs lock up and I struggle to remember how to move my body.

“Look at you. So beautiful. You’re flying, aren’t you, baby? So high above me. You love having something to rub that pretty hole on, don’t you?”

His words take me closer to the edge and I’m like a fiend, needing more as I slowly roll my body forward, feeling him everywhere inside me with every ache we create together.

“Yeah, you do. It’s so needy and hungry for attention. It deserves it too. Being deprived for too long. All of you has been. This too, huh, baby?” He rolls my bouncing cock between his large fingers and I give all the control over to him, only taking what he gives me.

Oh, and he gives me so much too, with the strong force of his hips and steady stroking fingers, his palm creating tiny sparks over my sensitized skin.

“Feel good? I love making you feel good.”

His fat head hits my sweet spot the faster he fucks me, his hand slowing down on my cock as he shakes with me.

“You make me feel good too,” he continues. “You’re the perfect good to go with my bad. Just perfect all the way around.”

“I’m not going to last long.”

“Then don’t, Sunshine. You better hurry if you don’t want her to catch us. She could walk through that door at any moment and see what I’m doing to you.”

Tightening my muscles, I hold back my orgasm, not wanting to come too fast after all. Wanting to feel the weight of his words, the fear from the risk we’re taking pumping adrenaline into my veins. I don’t want her to catch us but I entertain the idea anyway, fueling it. Heat pools in my stomach and my balls cry out, needing release. I clench around his cock as it pumps in and out of me, slowly hacking away at my self control.

“You want your wife to see her husband riding her boss’s cock? To see you coming from someone else other than her?”

I nod my head and then shake it, not knowing what I want anymore. I don’t really want that. I can’t want that. Seeing us together would hurt her but it’ll also make it more real for us all. No more pretending everything’s okay and fixable—or like we can go back to how we were. The truth would be out in the open, where she’d have to face it instead of running from it. She’ll see me and Elijah in her head instead of me and her.

Why does this all feel more important to me than sparing my wife hurt and pain? Maybe because I’m done with being stuck and tired of her not wanting to hear me. And maybe also because an alarm lights up inside me when I think about her, warning me about a side of her her absence has been preventing me from seeing. Almost as if my heart knows something I don’t.

Elijah’s filthy sounds bring my attention back to him and the magic sparking between our clashing bodies.

“That’s what she’d walk in on,” he says. “Me fucking you and you loving it. Those smiles and pretty sounds are all for me. Not her. Only for me.”

Rushes of warm blood fill my ears. When I picture her standing in the doorway watching us, my hole pulsates, and Elijah’s hot cum fills my sore channel as white ropes shoot from my cock. I shake my way through my pleasure, my head light and fuzzy. Closing my eyes, I smile up at the ceiling and open them again to the room spinning.

White curtains and floral bedding come into focus. We really did this in a room I once shared with my wife—or sometimes did. Sitting up, Elijah holds me to him, our chests pressing together. His heart beats fast against mine and they both slow down together as we catch our breaths. My heart works and Elijah is who I now run to as a reminder.

My phone buzzes and I’m still in his hold. “We should get dressed and go.”

“Yeah.” He kisses my cheek, rubbing my back.

The high is leaving me and I still can’t get myself to feel the guilt I once did. Where is it when I need it to knock sense into me?

What we did is wrong, but it’s also freeing that I was able to do it, and Elijah let me when no one else felt I was ready for anything.

Climbing off the bed first, Elijah helps me to my feet and guides me into the bathroom. He uses one of my many homemade washcloths to clean me up before washing himself, then leaving me leaning against the sink, still unsteady on my feet, he snatches our clothes from the floor and dresses me. Once he has his clothes on too, he steers me to the bed and lowers me to the edge.

“Looks like we didn’t leave a single drop on the bed. If you want, we can throw the blanket in the washer to be on the safe side?” He straightens the pillows and brushes out all the wrinkles we made on the comforter.

“No. I’m not sure she’s even been sleeping in here. Stacey wasn’t great at making the bed between shifts and everything looks exactly how I left it.”

I look over to the closet, noticing the partially open door and all the missing work uniforms. “Looks like she’s been staying somewhere else.”

Rushing to my feet, I walk over to the closet and run a hand over the empty hangers. “Her pink suitcase is gone.”

“Where do you think she’s staying?”

I shrug. “Maybe her sister’s. Or wherever she’s been whenever she wasn’t at work like she said she was. It’s not important anymore. I only hope she’s okay.”

“I’m sure she’s fine.” He stands behind me, resting a hand on my hip, his face hard to read in the mirror’s reflection. “At least she will be. She just needs time and so do you.” His brows furrow and he frowns. “I’m sorry if I got carried away earlier. I shouldn’t have—”

Spinning around, I cup his cheek. “It’s okay. We’re both guilty of it.”

Nodding, he lays his hand over mine. “Jealousy is a new feeling for me. It didn’t happen with Landon but there was no reason for it to. There shouldn’t be any reason now either, but so much is different with you.”

“You saying I bring out the worst in you?” I arch a brow.

He laughs, shaking his head. “No. I’m saying I think Landon’s and my relationship was mostly built on rules and this perfect outline he mapped out for us. I was afraid to walk outside it, but I’m always moving outside of the safe zones with you . . . and it’s freeing. I never know what will happen with us next and I’m okay with that. I like making plans and then changing them together.”

“Then let’s break them again and make a trip to the bakery on a day other than Thursday.”

We don’t reach my mom’s house until hours after the sky grows dark, arriving in her driveway with a bag full of more pastries than either of us could eat in one day.

“You’ve got a little bit of strawberry jelly on your face.” His warm breath ghosts over my lips.

“Where?” I scrub a hand down my cheek, licking my lips.

“Not there. Here.” He runs the tip of his tongue over the corner of my mouth. “There, I think I got it.”

“You sure?” I brush my lips tenderly over his and he shoves his tongue into my mouth, licking his way deeper inside.

He slowly backs away, smiling. “I am now. Want me to walk you to the door?”

I glance out the window at the porch light turning on, then back at him. “Maybe next time.”

“So that means there’ll be another time I bring you home?”

“At least two more times.”

I kiss him once more before exiting the car, waving him off as I step up onto the sidewalk with my bag. My mom opens the door before I reach the stoop, looking at the car driving off behind me.

“Who was that? That didn’t look like Stacey’s car.”

“It wasn’t. I haven’t seen Stacey in a few days. It was a friend of mine.”

She stands aside, allowing me to walk past her. “Why didn’t you bring him in? Didn’t want him to meet your embarrassing mother?”

“Of course not, Ma. It’s late.” I set my bag on the couch. “He has to get up early.”

She closes the door, resting a hand on her hip. “Well, next time you’ll have to ask him in.”

“Yeah.” I scratch at the back of my neck, thinking about how I can’t fault Elijah for not being ready to let someone new into his world when I’m not sure I am either. “Yeah, maybe. Oh, I got you something,” I say, trying to steer the conversation in a different direction. I hold the desserts in front of her and she takes the bag from my hand, tilting her head.

“What is it?”

“Go ahead and look.”

She peeks into the bag. “Pastries?”

“Not just any pastries. The best fruit tarts I’ve ever had.”

My distraction works because she heads into the kitchen, pulling one of the tarts from the bag. I fix us both some coffee and we sit at the table to talk, but I’m quickly wishing for a new distraction when my mom starts talking about Stacey.

“You think you two will be able to work it out eventually?”

I stir a spoon in my cup. “I don’t think so, Ma. I think we’re better off going in different directions at this point. Our relationship has been crumbling for a long time, and I don’t think I love her the way I used to.” And there it is. I’ve said it out loud, but not to her. “Both of us deserve a loving marriage and I don’t think we can give that to each other anymore.”

Sighing, her eyes soften and she lays a hand on mine. “Oh, honey, I hadn’t realized it had gotten that bad. You know your happiness is what’s always mattered most to me. If you truly feel this is the right thing to do, then I’m behind you a hundred percent.”

I lower my gaze. “That, and you never really liked Stacey.”

“Oh, I liked her just fine, but I did find it odd she was never home when I’d show up with food.”

“She works a lot and was paying all the bills.”

“Yes, but you were really sick and we could have lost you that day.”

“I was but I’m not anymore. I’m here.” I wrap my fingers around hers.

“You are and that’s the most important thing.”

After I help her clean off the table and load the dishwasher, I head to the guest room with my bag and smile when I look down at my vibrating phone.

Elijah : It was nice being in a bed with you today.

Me: Better than a tent?

Elijah : Maybe a little. Fewer sticks and rocks, that’s for sure.

I huff out a laugh.

Me: I don’t know, I didn’t mind them too much. They kind of went with the moment.

Elijah : They did. What do you think will go with our next one?

Me : You’ll have to wait and see. I better get to bed before I pass out while I’m talking to you and wake up with my phone dropping on my face.

Elijah: Yeah, we wouldn’t want that. Night, Sunshine. Sleep on whatever endeavor you plan to drag me on next.

I don’t need to because I already know what it’ll be and when.

Me : Go skating with me this Saturday.

Elijah : Sure. Should I pick you up or meet you there?

Me : You can pick me up if it’s a date.

My heart speeds up and I feel like I’m holding my breath waiting for him to answer.

Elijah : I’ll be at your place at 3 p.m. If that works for you, we can have dinner afterward.

Me : Can’t wait

Elijah : Sweet dreams, Sunshine.

With all the happiness and hope bursting inside me you’d think I would, but if it didn’t keep the nightmares away last time, why would it now?