Chapter Thirty-Four
chapter THIRTY-FOUR
E than stared back at Beau, doing his best to rationalize what he was telling him. Did Beau really believe that a freak accident that ended his football dreams had been his fault? Or worse, his father’s apparent reaction was a burden he should carry on his shoulders?
Ethan didn’t think so.
“Huh,” Ethan huffed.
“ Huh , what? What does that mean?” Beau asked, taking a step back from Ethan, the expression on his face one of both concern and confusion.
Going all in, Ethan said, “Is that what you think when I tell you my story? That I brought it all on myself? I mean, I’m the one who went to the lake.” Granted, if Ethan thought about it too long, he wouldn’t have the guts to challenge Beau’s way of thinking, but honestly, Beau’s statement, and his own comparison to it, had opened his eyes a little more than they were already.
“It’s not the same thing, and you know it,” Beau said incredulously. “Not by a long shot.”
“Sounds like it is to me,” Ethan countered, his voice growing more determined. “I mean, how is it different? I made the decision to drive to the lake. You made the decision to hang with your friends...”
Ethan noticed the moment Beau understood what he was getting at. If he was supposed to address his internal conflict, it was only fair that Beau address his own. Not that Beau had pushed him, but ever since Ethan’s conversation with Sawyer, he’d been thinking.
Really thinking.
When he first got home, he had come out onto the back porch as he attempted to pinpoint when he first decided to take everything and compartmentalize it, including his own feelings. He had been so closed off for so long, he wasn’t even sure when or how it had happened.
A bitter cold gust of wind whipped around them, but Ethan tried not to flinch. Now that his frustration had subsided, and the shaking had stopped, he was getting cold. And looking at the man standing just a few feet away, he could think of a million ways to warm up, and every one of them involved Beau.
“How about we continue this conversation somewhere a little warmer?”
Beau nodded, still staring at him as though Ethan had lost his mind.
Maybe he had.
Once inside, Ethan made his way to the living room. As much as he wanted to detour to the bedroom, bypass all the talking and emotional bullshit, he knew this had to be done. They had to hash some things out.
Tonight Ethan had been slayed by Sawyer’s revelation. Knowing what Jimmy Reardon was capable of, yet hiding out all these years, not owning up to who he was, Ethan couldn’t help but wonder if Jimmy had inflicted the same damage on someone else.
Or hell, it didn’t have to be Jimmy. He thought about Ricky Dillinger. Or what about Ricky’s brother, Ralph? Was he that way? Did they bully others besides him? Probably.
Ethan hated the idea of that.
Dropping onto the couch, Ethan leaned back into the soft cushions and propped one leg up, opening his legs wide.
“Come here.” Gesturing for Beau to sit in front of him, Ethan held out his arms.
Beau hesitated only briefly, but then to Ethan’s relief, he moved toward him. Once he was seated, Ethan shifted until he was comfortable and pulled Beau back against him, lying nearly flat on the couch. Resting his hands on Beau’s chest, his forearms over Beau’s shoulders, Ethan leaned forward and kissed the top of Beau’s head.
“I remember your dad always being at the football games,” Ethan said a moment later, wanting to get back to his original subject.
“He was,” Beau said, his body tensing slightly.
“Relax,” Ethan insisted, gently massaging his fingertips into the hard planes of Beau’s chest then slowly moving up to try to ease the tension in his shoulders.
Beau sucked in a breath and released it with a huff, making Ethan laugh.
“Do you think he’ll accept the fact that you’re gay?” That had to be the hardest question of all time.
“No,” Beau said quickly.
“Do you plan on telling him?”
“I don’t plan on hiding it if that’s what you mean,” Beau explained. “The relationship I have with my parents is strained at best. We don’t talk.”
“They don’t call to check on you?” Ethan couldn’t imagine a world without his parents in it. Couldn’t fathom how he could go day after day without hearing from his mother or his father or both. The same with his brothers.
“No.”
Ethan’s heart ached for Beau. The man was so tough, so solid, yet he had endured part of his life with parents who had somehow shut him out along the way.
Ethan sat there, running his hands up and down Beau’s chest and shoulders, soaking up his warmth as Beau did the same to Ethan’s calf. This was nice. Perfect, despite the subject matter.
He could easily imagine them doing this day in and day out.
An unusual emotion filled his chest, like his heart was expanding, growing until it felt as though it would explode right out of his rib cage.
“I love you.”
Beau’s comfortable weight shifted slowly, gently, and Ethan was forced to let go of him as Beau turned himself so that he was kneeling on the couch in front of Ethan.
“Repeat that,” Beau demanded.
Ethan stared into rich, warm brown eyes, the same eyes he’d been dreaming about for so long. He felt the answering emotion even without Beau saying the words. Maybe that’s why repeating them seemed so easy. Lifting his hands, he cupped Beau’s face and smiled. “I love you.”
Beau growled, that possessive, sexy sound that made Ethan’s insides warm several degrees.
Before he knew it, he was flat on his back, Beau directly above him, holding himself up with one knee and one arm.
“I love you, too,” Beau answered. “I never thought you’d say the words.”
“I’m just full of surprises today, aren’t I?” Ethan said snidely.
Beau pressed his hips down, grinding his steely erection against Ethan’s as he leaned in and pressed their mouths together. Sweet and tender was how things started, and truthfully, that’s how Ethan saw this moment going.
Clearly, that was not what Beau had in mind.
BEAU’S HEART POUNDED so hard, he thought for a minute he might crack a rib. The thought made him smile. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t his overexcited heart that had him smiling. The fact that Ethan had just said “I love you” was likely the reason.
“Say it again,” Beau whispered against Ethan’s lips.
“I. Love. You.”
Beau plunged his tongue into Ethan’s mouth as though trying to consume the words right then and there. In all his life, he’d never known what it felt like to hear them. Never mind the fact that he’d never said them to anyone until Ethan.
With as much restraint as he could muster, Beau ripped Ethan’s shirt up his body and over his head, tossing it somewhere across the room. His lips had a mind of their own, trailing down his neck, over his collarbone, then over his pecs. Glancing up briefly, he noticed Ethan was watching him, his blue-gray eyes practically glowing with the heat that generated between them.
Sliding over slightly, Beau tongued Ethan’s nipple before taking it between his teeth and nipping lightly.
“Oh, God, yes,” Ethan moaned, bucking beneath him and grabbing the back of Beau’s head. Another nip and then Beau transferred to the other side, applying the same attention to Ethan’s other nipple before moving lower.
Using his hands, Beau deftly loosened Ethan’s jeans and pushed them down his hips, boxers and all. He didn’t hesitate when Ethan’s dick sprang free. Wrapping his fist around Ethan’s aroused cock, Beau inhaled him into his mouth, sucking hard at first, his eyes remaining locked on Ethan’s face.
Ethan groaned as he thrust his hips upward, forcing his cock deeper into Beau’s hungry mouth. Beau took every inch of him that he could, curling his tongue around the long, broad shaft. He took his time, relishing the taste, the texture, every glorious inch of Ethan with his lips and his tongue. Ethan’s wondrous expression and his sporadic groans spurred him on.
“Don’t make me come,” Ethan said sternly. “Not yet.”
Beau understood. He wasn’t ready for Ethan to come yet, either. He fully intended to have Ethan buried deep inside of him when that happened.
“As much as I want to do this right here, there is not nearly enough room on this couch,” Ethan said with a rough chuckle, pulling Beau forward when he released his cock.
Beau climbed up his body, making sure to hold his weight above him. “What did you have in mind?”
“I know this comfortable bed. It happens to be free right now.”
“Mmm,” Beau groaned against Ethan’s lips as he reached down and stroked the velvety soft length of Ethan’s iron-hard cock. “I like that idea.”
Ethan shifted, forcing Beau off him. Laughing, Beau obliged and stood.
As though it was a marathon and they were in the final stretch, they made it up the stairs in record time, neither of them pausing until they backed up against the bed. Beau grinned sheepishly and then offered a gentle shove. Ethan stumbled down onto his ass, and Beau came right down on top of him.
“Tell me again.”
“Tell you what?”
Beau cocked an eyebrow and smirked.
Ethan laughed and then grabbed Beau’s face, pulling him forward. “I love you.”
Beau’s heart smiled, wide and proud. There was a sense of freedom that washed over him like a monsoon. He would’ve been swept off his feet had he not been laid out flat already.
And, taking a moment to be selfish, Beau said, “Again.” Caressing Ethan’s cheek with his lips, he continued, “I want to hear you say it a million times.”
Ethan flipped their positions easily, and he stared down at Beau. That generated another rumble from Beau’s chest. He loved this side of Ethan. The aggressive, dominant side who wanted Beau with a passion he couldn’t control. It was hot as fuck.
He loved being at Ethan’s mercy, as much as he enjoyed being in control. He wanted Ethan any way he could get him. There was a desperate yearning that was growing inside of him, morphing into something greater than he’d ever experienced, and he needed Ethan right then.
Reaching for the nightstand, Ethan snagged a condom and the lube while Beau watched. Just because he wanted to touch him, Beau ran his palms up Ethan’s jean-clad thighs, up, down, up, down. They needed to lose the clothes.
“I want to feel you,” Beau told him, the guttural rasp reflecting exactly how he felt on the inside.
“I’m getting there, baby.” Ethan laughed.
“No,” Beau said firmly, still gripping Ethan’s thighs. Glancing toward the condom Ethan held in his hand, Beau added, “Just you.”
Waiting, watching, Beau noticed the moment his words seemed to register with Ethan.
“No condom?” Ethan asked.
“No condom.”
“I’ve never had sex without a condom, Beau,” Ethan said seriously, but he didn’t sound like he was arguing, just stating a point.
“Neither have I.”
“So this is a first?” Ethan asked, smiling down at him.
“For both of us.”
The first of many, Beau thought. Ethan loved him. He wanted to shout it to the world, making sure everyone heard, everyone knew that Ethan belonged to him. Not that he would, but he wanted to.
When Ethan tossed the condom over his shoulder, Beau heard the faint sound of it landing on the hardwood floor, forgotten. They needed to do the same with their clothes.
“Naked,” Beau growled from beneath Ethan, ready to get closer.
“Hmmm, good idea,” Ethan joked as he climbed off Beau.
Without leaving the bed, Beau shed his clothes and watched as Ethan disrobed completely.
“Now come here.” Beau motioned Ethan over by crooking his finger. “It’s time you show me just how much you love me.”