Ethan's Sky (King's Of Fury MC Book 1)

21. Skyler

21

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Walking up the hill, I pass several headstones of loved ones lost. The sounds of motorcycles roar through the air. One drifts off, the other’s not far as he follows me up the hill. When I finally get to her spot, I drop my gym bag and sit down on the grass. The bike turns off. I don’t look to see who’s babysitting me now. Whoever it is doesn’t approach me but stays where he can see me. I appreciate him giving me some space.

Looking around the cemetery, I take in the cool air coated with the scent of fresh pine and hint of upcoming rain. The clouds aren’t covering the sky fully yet, but they’re making their way across. Maybe it’ll come tonight.

I was going to go to Mama and Daddy’s spot, but I found myself walking this way instead.

Clearing the edge of her tombstone of grass and weeds, I start talking.

“I’ve fucked up, Em. I tried to make things right, but it seems all I did was make things worse. Your secrets became mine to keep and the devils that haunted you have come to haunt me now. They found Daddy. I’m sure you’ve seen him up there somewhere. Probably telling horrible jokes and getting on Mama’s nerves.” I smile to myself at the image in my mind.

“Hug them both for me. Tell them I miss them, so much.” I can’t stop the tears from streaming down my face.

“Damnit Emily!” Holding my head in my hands,I let the tears fall. I”ve been trying to hold them back since Daddy died, but I can”t any longer. So, I don’t try anymore. I sit here and just…be.

I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here. The wind has grown colder making me shiver. Wiping my tears on the bottom of my shirt, I attempt to clean my face. There’s no hiding I’ve been crying.

“Do you have any idea how pissed I am at you? How your dumbass decisions to date that stupid ass mother fucking piece of shit screwedupboth our lives?”

Is it right to scream at the dead? She can’t possibly haunt me any more than she already is, can she?

I’m feeling conflicted on the subject. All I know is my heart is so tattered and torn. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel whole again.

I’m so tired of running and hiding. Pissed I can’t have a normal life. If Emily had never gone to the party or gotten hooked on shoving shit in her veins or up her nose, I wouldn’t have tried to help her and be in this mess. Daddy would still be alive. Ethan would still love me, and we would have a beautiful child to raise…together.

In a perfect world maybe, but this is your life. Not a movie. You can’t go back and fix this fuck up.

“Why did you have to go get involved with those assholes? Why couldn’t you leave it alone? I begged you!Begged you, Em!”

Great! Now I’m shouting at the dead.

“You left me here to fight your demons. I wanted nothing to do with Chase or his stupid brother, but you just couldn’t stay away. I tried to help make him see reason. All I did was make things worse. I tried to get him to do the right thing by turning his brother in, but Chase, he wouldn’t. I thought if I could get him to tell the truth, to do the right thing, it would make things easier on Ethan and your parents. They’d get closure, and Ethan would never have to know your secrets. They would die with you, and I wouldn’t have to cover for you anymore. But it didn’t work out that way.”

Delirious laughter bubbles up from the depths of my belly.

I’m losing my damn mind.

“I gave up everything I loved-everyoneI loved- trying to save them.To make things better for them. All for what? For a crack whore who didn’t love anyone enough to quit and let me help her, and a man I thought would love me for the rest of my life only to have him hate me so much he thinks I’m the whore. God, the irony in this.” Laughter turns to tears as the harsh reality sits like a lead weight on my chest once again making it harder to breathe.

“All I wanted was to make sure Ethan wouldn’t spiral out of control, give up his dreams to make something of himself as a fighter, and to save our baby.” My last words drop off in a whispered sob. “I’ve failed at both. Lost them both, and all because I loved you. Didn’t want him knowing the truth about you. It would tear him apart. He’d be eaten up by guilt. He’d blame himself for not being here to take care of you,” I chuckle as the truth hits me like a two by four to the head. “Maybe I didn’t do it because I loved you. Maybe I did it because I love him. I didn’t want him to suffer. Most of all I didn’t want to lose him. Jokes on me I guess, huh?”

The shuffling of feet and the crackling of leaves make me jump to my feet, wrapping my arms around myself. Shielding myself from the brisk air or Ethan’s penetrating glare, I’m not sure which.

“What are you doing here? Where’s the prospect?” I ask, my voice soft and scratchy from crying.

“He went with Jayde.”

“What about Cash? Why isn’t he here?” Ethan’s eyes narrow when I ask, not liking I’d rather it be him here instead.

Too fucking bad.

“Why are you crying?”

“It’s been a day.” I laugh derisively. “No, more like, it’s been a life.” I point to Emily’s grave. Clearing my throat and straightening my shoulders, my weak attempt at appearing to be fine, I snap, “I’d think it obvious.”

He steps in close, brushing a knuckle lightly under my right eye, gently, narrowing his eyes as he studies me. “Your eyes are red and swollen. The light of the sun is dancing across the tracks left behind by your tears. You haven’t just been crying, Sky. You’ve been sobbing. I heard you.”

Shit. Shit. Shit.

“What did you hear?”

If he heard most of what I’ve said, he’ll have questions. How foolish would I be to tell him I did all of this because I love him? Because I wanted to spare him the agony of knowing the truth about Emily. To protect my uncle and the club? Would it even matter? He’s already proven he thinks I’m lower than the shit on his shoes.

“Is your pussy made of magic or are you so good at giving head, a brother would neglect his loyalties to keep you on your knees at night?”His hateful words rattle around in my head turning my stomach, making me nauseous. But this is good. It will keep my anger in place. With my shields back up, I step out of his touch.

He steps in closer, gripping my waist with one hand, cradling my chin with the other, shaking his head, “Don’t run from me, Sky. Not now.”

What the…

I don’t move. Frozen to this spot. Perfectly still except for a slight tremble. My eyes close of their own accord as I breathe a soft sigh. I’m taken back to the night at the Pearl, how I melted beneath his touch. How good it felt to have his hands on my skin, caressing, touching, worshiping. The way he looked at me. His eyes full of desire and need. Not you. Scarlet. He wants her. Not you, Skyler.

I pull back suddenly. The truth is like a hard slap to the face.

God, I’m pathetic.

I want him so badly, but am I willing to be his whore?

Reminding myself he’s not here to check on me. He’s here about what happened at Magpie’s. About the Devil’s and what it means for the club fuels my anger once more.

“I’m not running. But I’m not stupid enough to believe you care all the sudden. You’ve made your feelings about me clear.”

“I shouldn’t have said those things to you, Sky. I was…”

Where’s Cash?” I ask not willing to hear his lies. “Why didn’t Gabe send him to get me?”

“Thought you said you weren’t his.” Ethan’s eyes darken, his jaw clenched. “If you’re not his ol’ lady, his obligation is to the club. He’s helping the other’s clean up the mess at Magpie’s then heading back to the clubhouse. Where you were told to go.”

“What about Xander?”

“He’s with Hawk. And before you ask, Ghost went with Austin to get him stitched up.”

“Is Austin, okay?” Silence surrounds us as a wave of guilt crashes over me.

He got hurt protecting me.

“He’ll be all right. The cuts weren’t too deep, but Gabe insisted they get him checked out.”

I don’t respond. I’m not sure what to say, where this conversation could take us.

Breaking the silence, Ethan, quietly says, “I know you’re worried about being sent away, but things are different now, Sky. They won’t send you away. Gabe wants you here where he and Ghost can watch over you.”

Gabe and Ghost. Not Ethan.

Once again, his words pierce my heart and the little voice inside reminds me, he’s not here for me. He’s here for the club. He’s being nice so I’ll cooperate.

“For the millionth time, I’m not fucking leaving. I don’t care who wants me gone, I’m not going anywhere. If this is where it all ends for me…so be it.” Those last words come out on a whisper. But I mean them with everything in me.

“Talk to me Skyler. You’re buried under secrets, baby. Let me help you. What’s got you so torn up inside? What does the D.O. want with you?”

“Don’t,” I snap, pushing him back a step. “Don’t call me baby. I’m not some slut from the bar you need to sweet talk. You don’t want me here. Don’t act like you want to help me now.You’re here for the club. You’d just as soon the Devil bastards took me and got me out of your hair.We both know it. So, please don’t bullshit me.”

“I’m not trying to bullshit you or sweet talk you into anything, Sky. I was wrong when I said that shit about wanting the Devils to take you away. I was angry. It doesn’t excuse it, but you’ve got to cut me some slack here, baby.” he argues. “I admit I’ve been an asshole. And I’m sorry. I am. I need for you to trust me the way you used to. To open up to me so I can help you. I admit I’ve fucked up. You have no idea the hell I went through when Emily died, and then you left. It’s not an excuse it’s the facts.”

“Well, I’m sorry I didn’t think about your feelings when my world imploded!” I shout back. “Forgive me, Ethan. My best friend died. I was being ripped away from the only family I have left, and from the man I thought was my forever.Keeping everyone’s secrets. When all I wanted to do was shout the truth to anyone who would listen. I was a little busy trying to keep my own shit together. Fighting my own battles…alone. My apologies for not being there when you needed me. I was a little busy trying to put myself back together.I gave you everything I could. Did everything to make sure you wouldn’t be alone. But none of it matters now.”

Telling him what you did won’t mean a damn thing to him. You’re a whore, Sky. A worthless whore.

“Then tell me about it, Sky? Tell me what happened. What did you do?” he demands. “Give me something. Tell me, let me share the burden. I want to understand. You think I wanted things to end up like this between us?”

My shoulders are pulled up to my ears. I can’t tell if it’s the temperature dropping or the intensity in his glare making me tremble.

“Wait here,” He orders then runs to his bike and comes back with a hoodie, tossing it at me he says, “Put this on. You’re freezing.” I don’t argue for once.

“Regardless of whether it’s what Gabe or Ghost think, I’m not running. They can’t make me leave this time.” I change the subject.

“They don’t want you to leave.”

“No? Only you then, huh?” His face falls. He shakes his head, about to say something, but I cut him off. “God, I’m so tired of running, Ethan.” I sniffle, mentally kicking myself for letting him see me cry. I use the sleeve of his shirt to wipe my face, scrunching my face when I realize I may have smeared snot on his sleeve. Oh, well. Serves him right for calling me a whore.

“You’re not going anywhere. You made a promise to George,” he shrugs. “I heard your phone conversation with him. It was recorded on the dashcam in the cab of his truck. You promised him and I’m not letting you go back on your word. You’re staying in Oak Ridge.” He states it like he has some actual say in what I do. “You’ll probably catch hell from Pres when we get back to the clubhouse for disobeying an order.”

“I’m not a club member. Gabe doesn’t get to order me around. Besides, when he realizes it’s the Devil’s Order who are after me, he’d be smart to sever all ties with me. It’s the best way to avoid a war. I don’t want anyone else hurt.”

My gaze drops to the ground, rubbing a hole in the grass with my foot.

“What about you being hurt? You know that’s what those assholes want.”

“You don’t care what happens to me, Ethan! Stop trying to convince me you’ve suddenly had a change of heart.”

“But what if it’s true?” My eyes shoot to his, and the truth staring back at me has me looking away. I hide my nose in the sleeve of his hoodie trying to mask my face.

“There’s my shy girl.” My eyes snap back to his. He’s staring at me with a soft expression and a devilish smirk.

“I’m no one’s girl. We’ve already discussed this. I’m no one’s ol’ lady, or girlfriend, or whore.”

His hands come up in a placating manner. His smile falls, replaced with an expression of remorse. Good. Asshole.

“Look, Sky, I shouldn’t have said those things. I was angry.” He takes two steps forward. I take two steps back. He gets the hint and stands still. “You show up out of nowhere after years with my Mountain Heights brothers in tow, all gushing about you and acting like they know you. Only the woman they’re describing, she’s not the Skyler I knew. They act like you’re one of them. Like your happiness is the most important thing to all of them. Only ol’ ladies, steady women, and club royalty get treated with such high regard. Hell, you busted up a club whore’s jaw, and have assaulted a brother twice and they’re proud of you! Were it anyone else they would’ve had dire consequences. You say you belong to no one, yet they treat you as if you belong to all of them and it pisses me off.” He throws his arms in the air, exasperated.

“You don’t understand what being part of the Kings means if seeing your brothers take care of me pisses you off,” I scoff. “Eli is an old friend of Daddy and Ghost’s. He sees me as family. They all do.” My chest shakes as I pull in a stuttered breath. “At least they did, before I brought the Devil’s to their front door.”

“You still don’t get it. They don’t give a shit about the Devil’s or any other asshole who thinks they can come after you. They’re going to protect you because like it or not, you belong to the Kings of Fury. But the part you seem to be missing is I am supposed to be the man making sure you’re happy and cared for.Even if they hadn’t already sworn their loyalty to you, they’d protect you because you mean something to me. You were always meant to be mine. And you may not believe me now, but you and me, it’s happening. We have to get through some shit, but the outcome remains. You are mine, Skyler.”

“You don’t mean it. You can’t do everything in your power to push me away, then suddenly change your mind and demand I believe you. You hate me!”

“That’s where you’re wrong. I don’t hate you, Sunshine. I’ve never really hated you. I hated what you did. What happened. But not you. I wanted to hate you. I wanted to forget what we had, to make the pain stop, but nothing I did worked. We were supposed to get married, have our own family, but you took the opportunity away and won’t tell me why. I have a right to be angry, but I don’t hate you, Sky. I love you. I’ve always loved you. I wish you would tell me what the hell happened that night to make you run away from me so we can work our shit out and get back to the way it’s supposed to be!”

Should I tell him about the baby? Won’t it add to his anger? His pain. Another thing I’ve taken from him.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” I whispered, overcome with too many emotions. Love, hate, fear, disappointment. But the one thing I felt I didn’t dare trust, was hope. I wanted to believe his words. I hoped there was a chance he was telling the truth, but hope can be a fickle bitch. It can be shattered all too easily.

Ethan is pacing back and forth a few steps, his hands on his hips. I can see the tension in his muscles. His clenched jaw. The creases in his forehead as he scowls. He’s breathing deep trying to remain calm, but I can see it in his eyes, he’s warring with his emotions too. Hanging on by a sheer thread.

“How could I not be mad, Skyler? Cash talks like you two are fuck buddies. You say you’re not.” He’s becoming more animated with each passing word. “Kieran can’t stop talking about how feisty you are and what a great fighter you could be with a little more training despite the fact you used to hate fighting! Not to mention me not wanting you in my gym. Anna and Violet love the hell out of you. Gabe and Eli have your back at every turn. Don’t you see? Everyone loves my girl,” he growls, coming toe to toe with me. Our eyes locked on one another as he says, “but she won’t even fucking talk to me and it’s fucking killing me, baby,” he says it so quietly, standing so close, I feel his breath caress my lips. I close my eyes against the urge to tip up on my toes and kiss him.

“She accepts love from everyone else, but my own woman, my Sunshine, she won’t accept love from me.”

“I told you. I’m no one’s girl.”

Ethan steps back, scrubs his hands down his face and back around the nape of his neck. Furious, confused, I’m not sure which he’s feeling, maybe both. He puts enough space between us studying my face. The sting of rejection evident in his eyes. He tries to hide it, but I see it plain as fucking day. Seconds later, it’s replaced with something else.

Determination.

Shit.

“Agree to disagree.” He says, “For now.”

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