22
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“Agree to disagree,” I say, “For now.”
Crowding her space, I grip her waist with one hand, using the pocket of my hoodie to tug her in close. My hands come up cradling her face and crash my lips down on hers. I swallow down her gasp of surprise, before sweeping my tongue into her mouth. My hand grips the back of her neck holding her to me.
Her body is stiff with shock, but I don’t stop my onslaught. I need to feel her melt for me. For her to trust me and let down her guard.
“Stop fighting this, baby. Don’t think Sky, just feel.”
It’s all the coaxing she needs. Her hands grip the back of my hair, pulling me toward her, like she’s afraid I’ll disappear if she lets me go.
Not a chance.
She lets out a whimper and begins pulling away.
“Why won’t you talk to me? You used to tell me everything.” My hand caresses her cheek. “So much has happened. It’s starting to make sense, but I need you to fill in the blanks for me, baby. I’ve been left to figure out who really fucked me over on my own. Was it my club or my girl. Right now, I really don’t know and I’m struggling to keep it together, Sunshine.” I lean my forehead into hers. Her eyes close as tears slip down her cheek. “Help me understand. Please. Talk to me.”
Neither of us says anything. We stay like this, our eyes closed heads together for a long minute breathing each other in. Her scent surrounding me, calming, and arousing me at the same time. My thumbs rubbing circles on her hips.
Why can’t we stay right here like this?
Her mind is warring with her heart. I know she should be furious with me for so many things. With all the trouble we may be caught up in with the Devils here in Oak Ridge, the shit from our past we need to sort out, all I want to focus on his us. Getting us back to the place where we move on, together.
Deciding the best way to do that is to rip the shit off like a band-aid, I tell her the truth.
“I spend half the time feeling like you’re only here to mess with my head. Bringing up old shit and bad memories. Reminding me of how the bastard who took Emily got away because you weren’t here to put his ass in jail. The rest of the time…I spend wanting to fuck you senseless and remind us both you belong to me.”
She shakes her head not wanting to believe my words, to allow them to penetrate her heart. She steps back, out of my hold, turning her back to me, looking over her shoulder. Her next words shock the shit out of me.
“You can’t have me and your redheaded fantasy girl too. I know all about how you pine after the dancer at the Pearl. Don’t get it twisted. You don’t want me, Ethan. You want what I know.”
My eyes narrow. Things are starting to click into place.
The wig. The private dance she avoided for so long. The mask she wouldn’t remove. The familiarity I felt with Scarlet. The way we connected the night we fucked.
Skyler dancing on the stage at the clubhouse.
Holy Shit! She’s Scarlet. How did I miss it?
For the first time, I take in what’s been right in front of me this whole goddamn time. Thinking about all the times I’ve watched her on the stage, hungered for her. Studying her skin, her body, the way she moves. How beautiful she is when she loses herself in the music and lets herself go.
Damn! She went through a lot to keep her identity a secret. The wig, the mask, but even more, she covered every one of her tattoos. How the hell did she do that? The only thing she didn’t hide was her diamond belly ring, the one I’ve imagined licking for far too long now.
“Things are different, you’re right, Ethan.” Her voice pulls me out of my memories. “I don’t have to worry about anyone else, but myself now. Last time shit went sideways, I was thinking about everyone else. Daddy, the club, Emily, you…the baby,” She whispers the last word, her bottom lip trembling. My heart seizes in my chest, my body stiffens.
“Baby?” My voice sounds foreign even to me. I’m not sure how to feel. Confused, angry, but there’s something else. Remorse.
Maybe she didn’t want to have my baby.
She takes a step away from me, but I’m quick to spin her around, cradling her against my chest. With two fingers, I lift Skyler’s chin, my eyes sweeping hers. I tighten my hold.Her violet eyes piercing mine, searching, seeing right through to the heart of me. She nods, unable to speak. I scoop Skyler up and drops on my ass, still holding her close as we sit on the ground with her in cradled in my lap. I need her close.
I need to know, even if it makes me an asshole.
“I probably shouldn’t ask this. The last time we were together was a few months before Emily passed away. I’m certain I already know this answer, but I need to hear it from you. Was it our baby, Sky?”
She nods, squeezing her eyes shut not looking at me. “I’m sorry, Ethan. The anger and guilt I feel toward myself is hardly bearable most days. I can’t deal with yours too.”
A sudden sense of dread furls low in my belly.
“What happened to the baby, Sunshine?” I push a stray strand of hair behind her ear, cradling her face, forcing her chin up, kissing her forehead. Sky’s eyes snap to mine, as my forehead comes to rest against hers. Her eyes glassy with unshed tears.
“Tell me. What happened? Where’s the baby now? Did you give it up?”
She shakes her head. She tries to speak, nothing comes out. I pull her closer and hold her while she cries.
“I feel like there’s something broken inside of me. I never cry like this. But since being here, I’ve been bogged down. With Daddy’s funeral, and being around you, all the memories, and now the shit with the Devils, I can’t seem to get a grip on my emotions.”
I don’t respond. She needs to let this shit out, and I’ll sit here and listen to every fucking word. Part of me ecstatic she’s finally confiding something in me.
I’ll take her pain. Hold her while she cries. And when the time comes, I’ll fight her demons if that’s what she needs from me.
Once she’s calmed down, she turns her body pushing her forehead into to my chest, not allowing me to see those beautiful, expressive eyes of hers. I allow her to hide from me, for now, resting my chin on her head.
“The baby didn’t make it,” she says softly. “I’m sorry, Ethan. I’m so sorry. I tried. I wasn’t strong enough. I couldn’t protect us both.” I hate how small and frail her voice sounds. I choke past the lump in my throat, knowing what I’m about to hear is going to tear my heart in two.
“Ethan,” Skyler looks up, her tear-filled violet eyes so full of shame. “I lost the baby.”
We’re both silent for a bit. I’m not sure what to say, how to comfort her. It’s a strange feeling. I can’t describe it. I don’t know if I should mourn the loss or be somewhat relieved, she didn’t raise a kid and hide a child away from me too. I know it probably makes me a colossal asshole, but like I said, I don’t know how to process the information.
Skyler was off in Mountain Heights running from I don’t know exactly what. I was here, hating the world because my heart wasn’t beating like it once did when things were perfect. Emily was gone. Skyler vanished. I probably would’ve been far worse off than I was had I known she left with my kid too.
But she didn’t. She was hiding out, dealing with the loss of her best friend, and the loss of our child…alone.
“You’re a selfish bastard and all you care about it how the situation affectedyou… a young woman who may have very well been running for her life.” Kieran’s words hit home.
I feel Skyler closing down beneath me. If I give her too much time to be in her head, she’ll shore up those walls I’ve been chipping away at. I can’t allow that to happen.
“Did Emily know? About the baby I mean.” I ask. Sky sniffle and nod against my chest.
“We were planning to surprise you. You know Emily, nothing was ever simple it had to be a grand gesture,” she chuckles, but sobers quickly. “We were going to tell you when you came home to visit for graduation. We had this whole plan, but…s-she died before…” Her voice trails off.
“Jesus, baby.” I pull her close. “I’m so sorry you had to go through it alone.”
“I-I wasn’t alone.” She starts to pull away from my hold, searching my face before she says, “Cash and Eli were with me.”
“Say what now?” She jumps to her feet, creating space between us. I follow, not letting her get too far out of reach. “Cash! Cash was there for you when you lost our baby, and I didn’t even know you were pregnant. No one thought to tell me?”Hurt, anger, sorrow, all weigh heavy on my chest.
Overcome with emotion, Sky rushes to explain. Her eyes pleading with me, for what? Understanding? To not be angry? How could I not be?
“Cash was there for you when I should’ve been. He seems to always be there, by your side,” I growl. “You’re. Not. His. Yet, he’s always there.”
“Ethan…” Skyler sighs, reaching for my hand. I take hold of hers, needing the connection. “I was staying in an apartment near their clubhouse. Cash was helping me get my things settled in the first night when I started bleeding through my clothes. Cash and Eli, they took me to the infirmary room and had their club doctor take care of me. The doctor called in a friend of his, she’s an O.B.G.Y.N. They called her to come help me since I couldn’t go to a hospital without answering questions about myself and I needed to stay off grid as much as possible.”
“… if you loved her so much, I can’t fathom why you’d be so upset to find out the very men who saved your sorry ass, were also protecting hers.” Again, Kieran’s words play through my mind, and make me take pause to reevaluate what she’s telling me. As pissed as I am about not being there for her, not understanding the full extent of what had her running in the first place, I should be grateful it was my brothers who saw to her every need.
“I’m glad they were there to help you. You weren’t alone. I wish it was me who was there to hold you through it, but I’m glad Cash was there.” Sky looks at me warily. “You don’t believe me?’
“You hate Cash. You’ve been a dick to him since we arrived.”
“Because he’s always with you. He protects you. Comforts you. Makes you laugh. You talk to him freely about everything. I’m supposed to be the one you go to for all those things, Sunshine. But it’s okay. I’m here now, and we’re going to fix this shit between us. Then you’ll see you can trust me to be those things for you again.”
“Ethan.” She starts then sputters, “I can’t do this right now. I can’t process what you’re saying. I don’t know what’s true and what’s not.”
“I won’t lie to you, baby.” She assesses me, looking for the lie but she won’t find it.
“Why were you at their clubhouse, Sky? What happened the night Emily died?” I can feel her body vibrating against mine. “Why weretheytaking care of you? Why didn’t anyone contact me after you lost the baby? Why didn’t you?”
“I wasn’t allowed to tell you anything!” She shouts, taking a couple steps back out of his reach. “What is so hard for you to understand? Just when I think we’re getting somewhere, you come back to this. Why can’t you leave the past alone, Ethan? Please.”
“Because I need to know what has you so damn scared you didn’t think you could come to me. You didn’t even give me a chance to take care of you. You fucking left. What’s to say you aren’t planning on doing it again? I’m not going to let you. Get it through your head now, Sky. I just got you back. We may have shit to get through, but if you try to leave with them, I will follow your ass and drag you back to my bed where you belong. So tell me. Why were you staying in Mountain Heights? Give me that much!”
“Because that’s where I was taken after I was attacked,” She shouts! My heart slams into my rib cage.
The hell did she say?
“By whom?”
She ignores my question, continuing her rant. “It’s where Daddy and Gabe said I had to go. I lived in Mountain Heights the last six years under the protection of the club. Because they told me to.”
“Attacked by who?” I arch my brow, a silent demand for her to answer me. My voice is lethal and for a moment, I see the fear in her eyes.
“Hey. I won’t hurt you, Sunshine. You believe me, don’t you?” She looks like a scared animal, not sure if she should trust the wolf or scurry off in the woods.
“Skyler.”
“Shit!” She turns away pacing, scrubbing her hands across the nape of her neck. “Fine! You want to know? I was attacked the night Emily was killed. By whom doesn’t matter.” She waves me off, hoping I’ll let the little detail go. Fat fucking chance.
“Anyway, I was taken to Eli’s clubhouse when all was said and done to be placed under his protection. No one would question Daddy going to Mountain Heights since he took his truck there often to see Eli, and Gabe could get regular updates through the club. And if anyone came looking for me, they would tell them I ran away.”
“Kieran was right.”
“What?”
“Kieran. He helped me piece a few things together. Obviously, I don’t like it, but it makes sense.”
“What did he help you piece together?” She looks nervous.
“Not important now. Keep going. What else?”
“We were moving my things into the apartment over Eli’s shop. I had arrived there the night before. I had been feeling ill since I found Emily’s body, but this was different. I knew the sharp pains and cramping probably meant something bad was happening, but I didn’t want to tell anyone about the baby until I had to.” She shrugs. “Cash and I were eating, and I began to feel sharp pains in my belly. I tried to ignore it, but then the blood came. There was so much. I tried to stand up to go to the bathroom, but the pain was too much, and I ended up in a ball on the floor. I couldn’t stop it. Cash saw something was wrong and called Eli. They did what they could to take care of me, but the baby didn’t make it.”
“Did they know it was mine?”
“No. I didn’t tell anyone who the father was except Emily.” Her voice is quieter now. “After the miscarriage, they never asked, and I never told.” She shrugs. “I figured you had lost enough. No sense in making things harder for you.”
“Me? You were worried if they knew it was mine something would happen to me?”
“You weren’t a King then.” She says it like it’s supposed to make everything make sense. But what the hell does she mean, I wasn’t a King? What does it fucking matter?
Skyler must sense my confusion, because she says, “I was hoping things would settle down at homeand once I got far enough along in the pregnancy, and you were a King, Gabe would let me come home. I was going to find a way to get to you and live the life we had planned…as a family, but I…” She swallows hard, her voice coming out as a mere whisper. “I wasn’t strong enough. I couldn’t save the baby. You already blamed me for Emily’s death. How much more would you hate me for not saving our child?”
Tears fall down her face freely. Hiccups and sobs wrack her body with every breath. Turning away, she covers her face with her hands trying to hide herself from me. I grab her wrist, pulling her to my chest, running my hands up and down her back. Skyler’s hands wrap around my waist, squeezing me.
“I tried Ethan. I swear I did everything I could, but the …” Her words are coming out a jumbled mess in between sobs.
“Shhh. It’s okay, Sunshine.” My chest squeezes. All I can do is stand here and hold her while fighting to sort through a barrage of emotions. Grief strikes her, nearly knocking both of us on our asses as I hold her. “I never let myself truly grieve for the baby. I cried and allowed depression to take me over for a spell, but I don’t think I ever really let the baby go. I thought if I did, I would be letting you go.”
Jesus. She’s been holding onto this guilt all this time for something that wasn’t her fault.
“Skyler?” I take a deep breath, calm himself, but I can’t keep my frustration out of my tone. “What happened to make Gabe send you to Mountain Heights? Was it because of the attack?” Her body stiffens in my arms. I watch as she slowly begins putting armor back in place. “Who attacked you?”
“We should get going.” She releases her hold on me, trying to push off my chest, but I don’t budge.
“Answer the question.” It comes out a growl. After taking a deep breath, I soften my approach and ask, “Please.”
“Yes and no.” She struggles to get out of my arms. I release her, but continues to stalk toward her, not giving her the chance to run away. With every step she takes, I match her, keeping her within arm’s reach.
“Why did Gabe send you away to be protected when he could’ve done the job right here with his own men? Who. Attacked. you?” My voice as well as my temper rise with each word passing my lips. I want to find the bastard and rip his fucking heart out for what he’s done. “There’s more to this story than being pregnant and needing to leave. It’s the only explanation why Gabe wouldn’t watch over you himself. So, who was it? Who are you protecting?”
She stands there staring at me, saying nothing.
“Fine. You don’t want to tell me about the attack, then how about you explain to me why the Devils Order sent someone after you today?” She schools her expression, standing with her feet firmly planted, and lies right to my fucking face.
“I don’t know...” It takes three strides before I reach her. Lifting her up, I toss her over my shoulder. Skyler is punching my ass with her fists yelling at me to put her down. But I don’t stop. I walk her over to my bike, drop her to her feet, grabbing her chin firmly between my fingers.
“You’re lying to me,” I grit through my teeth, merely inches from my face. Her breath mingling with my own.
God, I want her.
But she has got to learn to open up and trust me for this to work.
Trust is earned. And I will earn all of it, but first she needs to give me this one thing. I’ve got to know why our enemies are hunting Skyler. I can’t protect her if I don’t know what’s coming for her.
“You know the D.O. are responsible for George’s death. You knew before he was killed, he wasn’t going to survive. He called you and told you. He even warned you. Sent you back to Gabe to watch over and protect you. You came here for help. Let me help you, baby. Please.” Her eyes soften, pleading with me, pulling me into the abyss. The fear and sadness in her eyes are killing me.
“You can’t help me. You can’t change what’s done.”
“If I can’t change it, then just fucking tell me.”
“You can’t bring him back,” She shout, stepping back shaking her head. “I can’t break my promise. Please don’t ask me to.”
“I know I can’t bring George back, but I can help you with whatever trouble you’re in. I can help you keep your promise to let the club take care of you.” I step into her personal space, reaching for her waist pulling her to me.
“Not my dad. Chase Matthews,” she tells me with a sigh. “You can’t bring him back.”
“What are you talking about? Why would you want me to bring Chase Matthews back? Back from where?” I watch as the blood drains from Skyler’s face. She looks like she’s about to fucking faint. “He’s going to freak out. He’s going to blame me for ruining everything.” Her words are whispered. She’s not looking at me, her eyes are looking through me. What the hell is going on with her.
“Were you screwing my sister’s boyfriend? Did you fall in love with that asshole while you were pregnant with my baby?”
“What? NO!” She starts to step back. But I don’t let her get far.
“Then for fuck’s sake, Skyler, tell me what the fuck you’re talking about here? You’re sending my mind into all kinds of scenarios. Tell me the fucking truth!”
“That’s all you think of when you see me, isn’t it?” Her eyes fill with tears, but she’s fighting them back. Her body trembles and shakes with absolute fury. “In your mind,I’m nothing more than a whore with a magical pussy spreading her legs for anyone who’ll give me the time of day.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
Fucking hell!
“Bullshit! Don’t back pedal now, Ethan. You’ve never been one to run from a fight. Don’t start now.” She stalks toward me, and without a single fuck to give she slaps me across the face. Hard.
I stumble back a step, then fighting to keep my shit together, I try to reason with her. “What the hell else am I supposed to think?” His arms flail out to his sides. “You’re telling me I can’t bring a man back into your life. A man I know was fucking my sister and who happened to disappear the same night you did. I’m trying to understand, but you’re not giving me all the facts. For the love of all that is holy, Skyler, tell me the fucking truth!”
“I didn’t fuck him. He tried to rape me!” She screams in my face. “I fought him. I tried to protect the baby, to get him off me, but…”
“Shit.” I curse, reaching for her, but she steps out of my reach.
“No. Don’t touch me. I’m nothing but a dirty whore,” She repeat those hateful words, my hateful words back to me again. “Chase thought the same thing. He was going to ‘sample the goods’ before turning me into one of his ‘dirty little money-making whores’. Guess he thought I had a magical pussy too, huh? He attacked me with a fucking gun, Ethan! I didn’t want him. He. Attacked. Me.”
“Jesus. Skyler. Baby, that’s not what I meant. I was wrong to call you a whore. I was mad about, everything. Please. Come here. Let me hold you. Please.” I’m at a loss here. I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do.
Again, Kieran’s words ring through my mind, “You say, Skyler witnessed Emily’s death…I can only imagine the traumatic affect something like that would have on a young girl, of what was she? Eighteen?”
And then she was attacked on the same night. By the same piece of shit my sister was dating. I’m a fucking idiot.
Skyler’s face is unreadable. She looks at the ground as I watch her starting to shut down on me again. Her body shivers with the cold or, maybe it’s the haunted memories she must be reliving in her head.
“I killed Chase, Ethan. He killed Emily, and our baby, and I fucking killed him.” Her breathing is ragged, tears spilling from her eyes as her body shakes uncontrollably. I wrap her in my arms, taking us both to the ground and hold her tight, kissing her forehead, her cheek. Anything I can to keep her here in this moment with me. To not shut down on me.
I grip her waist, pulling her to straddle my lap. She allows me to mover her but remains stiff as a board. She doesn’t want my comfort, but that’s too fucking bad because I need to give it to her. I need her to feel me.
“You don’t have to comfort me, Ethan. I know you’re only feeling guilty because what you thought of me isn’t true. I would never cheat on you or hurt Emily by screwing around with Chase.” Skyler’s face is buried in my chest, but I feel her tears soaking through my shirt. I caused her to feel this pain. My words. My accusations. I did this to her, and now I’ve got to fucking fix it.
“You feel like shit for the things you said, but you don’t have to pretend you feel any differently toward me. I’ve accepted the fact you don’t want me anymore. I don’t blame you. Even if I’m not the whore you thought I was…I still lost our baby and kept things from you. You have every right to hate me. I would if I was you.”
The only person I hate right now is me. And fucking Chase Matthews.
I try to coax her by touching her cheek, kissing her forehead, but she gives me nothing. No reaction in return. After several attempts to get a response, I decide to take matters into my own hands.
Lifting her chin with my hand, I smile down at her. A smile letting her know I’m going to get my way eventually. It’s the same look I used to give her when I’d tease her about us having sex and she would tell me no. I used it to wear her down, and it fucking worked every single time.
But not this time.
“Get your ass on the back of the bike,” It’s a gentle demand, but one that brooks no argument. I climb on my bike, turn the key, and rev the motor. “Now. Skyler. Or I swear to God I’ll strap your ass to it myself.” Looking both defeated and exhausted, she does as she’s told. I hand her my helmet and she put it on. Straddling the bike, she sits back barely touching my hips with her hands.
“That’s not going to work for me Skyler.” I growl over my shoulder. “Grab ahold of me, tightly, and don’t fucking let go.”
I grab her thighs pulling her flush against my back. She gasps and I groan when her breasts plow into my back. The fucking feel of her against me, the warmth of her pussy nuzzled up to my ass, has me hard as a fucking steel rod.
I cross her arms over my abdomen then shout over my shoulder, “Don’t fucking move. You stay like this the whole fucking ride, you got me?”
She nods.
With the wind is in my face, my stomach in my throat, our hearts in a million pieces, and a shitstorm on the horizon, we take off for the clubhouse.
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