Exactly As You Are (Love in Louisville #1)

Chapter 18

18

L ucas raised his hand to knock on Joan’s door, but it swung open before he did so. Joan stood before him, taller than him in her heels, her short dress leaving so much leg on display it seemed to take hours for his eyes to travel the length of them. She had half her hair pulled back, but the rest of it curled around her tan shoulders.

He gawked at her. He’d long ago shelved any romantic feelings for her, back in high school, in fact, but the attraction at that moment hit him with the force of a jet engine. Maybe their recent conversations about sex had scrambled his brain chemistry. Or perhaps his dry spell had impacted him more than he’d expected.

He cleared his throat. “You look nice.”

“Thanks. So do you.”

Their eyes lingered on one another for so long Lucas wondered if they’d both lost it, but Kendall’s voice broke their hypnosis.

“Hey Lucas. It’s Joan’s friend hiding back here.”

He laughed. Kendall was tall herself, but Joan, already at six feet, had a few inches on Kendall with her heels on. Kendall’s bronze hair was twisted into a long braid, a style she favored. She also looked lovely, but it didn’t have the same impact on him as when he’d seen Joan. Which was a problem. A big problem, maybe.

“I wondered where you were.” He inclined his head toward his truck. “You guys ready?”

Once they were buckled in, Lucas fiddled with his radio, trying not to steal more glances at Joan in the passenger seat. He had some memories of her in short sundresses, and some of them came rushing back. He was seventeen again, watching a drive-in movie with some friends. Joan sipped on her soda, laughing uproariously at something one of his friends said, and he tried, without success, to drag his gaze away from her. She wore a pink dress, and he wanted to kiss his way up her legs, to feel them wrapped around him, just to brush his hands against them if she would let him. Back in the present, he shifted in discomfort.

His mild infatuation must have been stronger than he remembered.

“How’s America’s favorite pastime?” Kendall said from the backseat of Lucas' extended cab. She leaned forward between them like an eager lapdog.

“We lost in the state tournament. Should have an even better team next year, though.”

“Well, congrats for making it that far, anyway.” She sat back again. “And how’s your fam? Haven’t seen Jacob in a while.”

“Jacob’s exactly the same as always.” Lucas turned out of the apartment complex. “My parents are, um, okay I think. But there’s been some problems there.”

Joan stared at him in his peripheral vision.

“So what’s the story?” Joan said, and he thought he detected some sharpness in her tone. “Haven’t you seen them lately?”

“Well.” Lucas flushed. “You know how my dad cheated on my mom, right? A long time ago?”

“Yeah, I remember that. You said it was a big deal, obviously, but they moved past it.”

He squirmed. The air conditioning blew against his burning cheeks. “I’m worried it happened again. I don’t have confirmation, but they’re in counseling, and he’s been acting shifty. I don’t know, though.”

Joan’s shocked gaze pressed on him like a solid thing. Kendall stayed silent in the backseat. This really wasn’t the best time to reveal his parents’ problems, especially since it wasn’t a private conversation, but he could explode from the pressure of holding it in.

“I had no idea.” Joan’s scrutiny still seared the side of his face. “So how’s your mom? What’s going to happen to them?”

“I have no idea, honestly. They went to counseling when I was younger, but I don’t know if mom could move past it a second time. It would be cowardly of him, right?”

“I’m so sorry, Luke,” Joan said. “I hope it’s not true. It always seemed like your dad was so in love with your mom.”

“Well, he says he still is,” Lucas grumbled. “But sometimes I wonder if he’s gaslighting Mom, because the last time I talked to her she seemed down on herself. She doesn’t want to talk about it, either. And there’s this whole birthday party, which she wouldn’t dream of canceling because she’s already invited everyone.” He took a breath. “Maybe their marriage isn’t even my business, I don’t know, but I would be really upset if he hurt my mom like that again.”

Kendall leaned forward. “If it’s any consolation, my dad was a complete deadbeat loser my entire upbringing, but he’s coming around again. I’ve been talking to him some. I feel like we might have somewhat of a relationship again.”

“You haven’t thought of cutting him out completely?” he asked.

She shook her head. “People suggest that sometimes, but that’s harder than you might think. I spent my whole childhood wishing he would come around more. Now he seems like he wants to make amends, and I’m cautiously optimistic about it. It’s been a positive thing.”

“I would be in a similar spot. I care about him too much not to see him, but I would also be so damn angry with him. I know him, too. He would act like I shouldn’t care, that it’s only between him and my mom.” He didn’t say it out loud, but again, some of his distress stemmed from the idea that he and his father were a lot alike. He tended to bore easily, and some of that bled into his own relationships with women. The thought of hurting someone he loved like that chilled him.

Despite his father’s past errors, he’d always looked up to the man, too. If he’d done the same thing again, that wouldn’t be an errant, albeit terrible, mistake. It would represent a pattern, a character flaw. The continued dishonesty struck him as spineless.

Kendall aimed a sidelong look at Joan. “At least your parents are normal.”

Lucas parked in a garage downtown and watched his friend closely.

“They’re great, but far from perfect,” Joan said.

“Well who is?” Kendall pulled her phone from her gold purse. “Also, one of my coworkers texted me. They’re at the taco truck, wherever that is.” She tilted her head, studying her text messages. “When I asked for clarification, she said ‘close to the band.’ So I guess we can just start walking.”

A crowd surged through the downtown street, with groups of people congregating near beer vendors and others pushing their way past. It smelled of grilled meat, sweaty bodies, and oaky bourbon. Live music swelled as they walked on. Lucas stayed with the girls until they reached Kendall’s work group. He wasn’t sure why—he was meeting other friends here, so he should head off to do that. He tried not to think about his earlier impulses, and ignored the sick, tight sensation in his stomach.

“Guys, this is Joan, and our friend Lucas.” Lucas didn’t miss the way Kendall said “our friend,” as though she wanted Joan to appear wholly single. Which she was. “I know you’ve heard me talk about her a million times. Joan, this is Joe,” she paused, perhaps letting Joan know this was the man she wanted her to meet, “Cindy, and Alex.”

Joan waved at them. Joe, a pale dude with prominent biceps, slid a lightning quick glance up and down Joan’s form when she wasn’t looking. Lucas clocked what Joe saw: Joan was beautiful, smiling, and statuesque. This dude was probably already imagining her raising his babies, who would no doubt be brilliant and talented, while he logged long hours in surgery. He thought she would slot right into his life, when Lucas knew she would absolutely hate giving up much of her own identity, or being a stay-at-home parent for that matter.

Jesus, he needed to get a grip.

“Kendall was telling me today that you switched to inpatient rehab recently,” Joe said. “Have you been happy there?”

Okay, fine. Maybe he would support her career goals. Whatever. Although, now he seemed a little pushy about it, like he might pressure her. He knew from talking to her she wasn’t sure what setting she would end up in.

Lucas made himself turn away from the pair of them, thinking that he needed to put a lid on this sudden and strange reaction to Joan. They’d both had other partners without any friction. He chatted awkwardly with Kendall and her other colleagues. He never felt awkward, and he didn’t like feeling it now. He decided to wander off in search of his friends, allowing himself one last perusal of Joan before he did so.

That was it. No more.