Exactly As You Are (Love in Louisville #1)

Chapter 25

25

“ I think you should have been the one to stay in the house, not him,” Lucas said to his mother, who washed dishes at her sister’s house.

“I don’t know if I want to live there. Not after the bad memories I’ve made in the last few months.”

“I understand.” Lucas sighed. “Jacob said you filed for divorce?”

“The day I found out.” She threw her dishrag on the counter. She was on the shorter side, so she had to look up at him when she spoke. “About his potential love child, I mean.” Her lip curled in disgust. “And you know, I’m still sympathetic enough to feel awful for that woman. For all I know, she really is pregnant. To have a man coming around occasionally but knowing you’re some dirty secret.”

“He’s sixty. That’s ridiculous.” He propped his hip against the counter.

A single tear slid down his mother’s cheek, and his heart squeezed.

“Are you okay on money?” His eyes lifted to meet hers.

“I’ve got some of my own.” She waved him off. “Thankfully. Your dad lost a lot of money. Lots of our savings. And I wasn’t even checking it. I trusted him.” She wiped at her eyes, and mascara smeared across her cheek. It made him smile, how she always put her makeup on for the day, even if she wasn’t going anywhere and her life was falling apart. Fixing herself up was like armor for her.

Lucas looked out the window at a wooded area beyond. His aunt lived just outside Louisville and her home boasted some actual land with it, unlike most of the houses in the city limits. The grass was a little brown and sad-looking from the lack of rain, but it barely detracted from the large expanse of open space edging against the forest. He was a city guy, but he’d loved visiting his cousins when he was a kid, running wild and climbing trees.

“It hurts, though,” his mother said, and her voice broke. “It’s like a hammer to the chest. I hate him, and somehow I still love him all the same. I’m so furious with him. And so ashamed of what he’s done.”

Lucas stepped forward to give her a hug, and she laid her head against his chest. He wasn’t sure he’d ever comforted her before, only the other way around, but it felt like the right thing to do. She let loose a few gulping sobs. He kept his arms around her, not saying anything for once, until she stepped away.

“Got mascara on your shirt now,” she said.

He shrugged. “It’ll wash out. Or not. No big deal.”

“Sorry to break down on you like that. I’m grateful for you and your brother, though. You’re great men, despite having such an asshole for a father.” She giggled, and the sound was watery. “I probably shouldn’t say that to you.”

“Nah, you’re right. He’s an asshole.” The dripping faucet broke the silence before he spoke again. “Do you need anything, Mom? Can we do anything to help?”

“Just your company when you can. The lawyers will take care of the divorce proceedings. I’ve got everything I need physically. Your aunt’s been pretty helpful.” She smiled, but her face flattened after a moment. “I know you think I should have left sooner.”

“It’s not that, really,” Lucas said, shifting his posture again. “I just didn’t want you to let him walk all over you. But I didn’t know all his dirty secrets, either.”

“Well, I’m done letting him do that now. I do want to say,” she picked up a spatula and pointed it at him, “that it’s okay if you still talk to him. Just because I’m done with him doesn’t mean you have to be. He’s still your father. You don’t have to feel like you’re being disloyal.”

“Trust me, not speaking to him is my own decision right now. But that’s very big of you.”

She sighed. “I worry, though. If you do end up moving cities, I don’t want you to only see me and Jacob when you come back into Louisville. That would break your dad’s heart.”

“I haven’t given that much thought, Mom. I wouldn’t worry too much about it yet. It’s months away, and a lot can change in that time.”

It did give him something else to think about, though. His family was undergoing a lot of turmoil, and it might not be the right time to leave, even in several months. Yet another thing he could add to his list of pros and cons.

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t take the job,” she said. “Don’t get me wrong.”

“Yeah, I know. Plus, Jacob’s been wanting all the attention his whole life.”

“I won’t argue with you there.”

Lucas felt a little lighter when he left. Maybe things would be okay. Not perfect, but okay.

His phone rang after he’d walked back into his house.

“Malcolm.” James, the acquaintance who’d offered him a job, used his last name to greet him.

Lucas positioned himself against his tiny kitchen island. His skin prickled. He wasn’t sure he was ready to have this conversation, especially considering all the fresh changes in his life. “Good to hear from you.”

“So. You given any thought to our conversation?”

Had he given it any thought? He’d been obsessing over it. He’d be unwise not to consider it. Though Crescent College was somewhat small, it opened opportunities for him. James had told him he was impressed by his career so far, and though nothing was set in stone, he thought he’d be a suitable candidate once his current assistant coach retired. There were further steps, of course, hopefully ending with a formal offer. Next to playing in the majors, which hadn’t been in the cards for him, unfortunately, college coaching ranked as the backup plan he fantasized about the most.

There remained several splinters in this plan, including Joan, and though he’d never decline an amazing opportunity for the sake of more time with his friend, an ache threatened at the thought of being an hour and a half drive from her. They’d always been in the same town, and he spent more time with her than anyone else. Besides that, he’d just been thinking about how he might not want to leave his family in the midst of all their drama, though he knew his parents would want him to take an opportunity like this.

As for Joan, he also couldn’t get their recent kiss out of his head. It had dominated his thoughts for the last several days. He’d never experienced anything that powerful, or, frankly, erotic, in his entire life. It confused him and made him wonder if they could go back to being pals after all this was over.

“I’m interested.” He stretched his legs and crossed them in front of his body. “Definitely open to further discussions.”

“That’s great.” James paused. “That’s great.” The man possessed a quirk where he would repeat himself frequently, Lucas had noticed. “This situation’s a bit unusual, seeing as Coach Yates let me know early he’d be retiring. So you’ve got some time, but I’d love to have you on board sooner rather than later.”

Lucas heard the subtext. Though he wouldn’t start until the next summer, they wanted a verbal commitment soon if they could get one. He couldn’t let this slip through his fingers. “Understood.”

“We can meet in person if you like. Let you see the facilities, all that.”

Lucas agreed, and they decided to wait until September for that. He didn’t know whether the queasy sensation in his gut signaled basic nerves, or if the idea of leaving Joan truly did alarm him that much. Maybe she was right, and they’d grown too codependent. He couldn’t extricate himself from her if he tried, though.

Deep down, he knew if he took this job, they would only see each other on occasional weekends and holidays. Maybe it wouldn’t be too different if they put effort into it, but he couldn’t shake his concern. If they started dating other people, he would bet on them drifting further apart.

The sour feeling that gripped him grew stronger. He tried to banish it.

He’d never been a worrywart, and he wasn’t going to start.