Chapter 26
26
T he third week of July, Joan worked long shifts five days in a row, which was murder, so she decided she wanted to plant herself on her couch on her next day off. She slept until eight, completed a few minor chores, then collapsed on her sofa to binge a new show. The muggy day further cemented her decision to lounge in front of her television. The late afternoon sun heated her front window before she moved at all, and even then it was only to respond to her phone’s text chime.
Lucas
Whatcha doing, gorgeous?
Joan paused her show. Lucas had never called her gorgeous before. It wasn’t that much different from delicious, but it lit her up all the same.
Watching TV. Haven’t moved in 5 hours, and it’s glorious.
Lucas
Want some company?
Absolutely.
An hour later, Lucas showed up with Mexican food.
“Bless you,” she said, pulling him in for a kiss. He obliged immediately, cupping her neck and exploring her mouth with a fervor he normally reserved for a good filet.
“I’ve been dying to do that again for days,” he said. “Like, really dying. You have no idea. I’m addicted.” He trailed his fingers lightly down her arm. “If I had known in high school it would be like this, I would have skipped all my classes, foregone college, and lived under a bridge just so I could make out with you.”
“Same.” She glanced at the bag in his hand. “Though I see you brought queso.”
He pulled her toward him again. “Do I lose against cheese?”
“Always. Sorry.”
They settled on her couch with their burritos and a two liter of soda Joan had pulled from her fridge. She pressed play on her remote.
“Have you seen this one before?”
“Yes, but I don’t mind rewatching.”
After they had eaten, she laid her head on his shoulder. He hooked his arm around her. It felt very coupley, but she couldn’t be bothered to care.
“Who should we ask to be on our softball team this year?” he asked once the show they were watching had ended.
“You first. I have some ideas, though.”
“I was going to ask Eric and the other teacher from school. The one Kendall didn’t like.” He laughed. “I’m hoping he proves us wrong. I’ll invite Jacob, too. Starts at the end of this month and runs through September.”
“Well, I’m in, of course, though I’d have to work around my schedule again. Gwen would be in. I think Kendall would be a hard no. Maria is iffy, but probably also a no. Do we have to come up with an entire team?”
“No, they can put us with other people. Each team has to have at least four women and four men. Fifteen total.”
Joan tapped her chin. “Christine would play. Her new job is keeping her busy, but she loves softball, so I bet she would make time.”
“That would be fun. We’d get lots of that Coleman competitive energy.” He tugged at a strand of her hair.
“It isn’t one of my better qualities, is it?”
“I think it’s sexy,” Lucas said, and her stomach flipped at the casual way he dropped the word into their conversation. “I always have, actually. I can still remember your reaction when you won the district championship senior year. I’ve hardly ever seen you so excited.”
“It’s still one of my best memories. What a cliche, right?”
He stared at her, and she squirmed in her seat.
“What?”
“I’m just thinking.” He leaned back against the couch. “I’ve always liked watching you kick ass. You’re good at everything.”
“Ha. That is completely and totally untrue.”
“Nah.” He rubbed his chin. “I feel like you should give yourself more credit.”
“Alright. Name one other thing I’m good at that doesn’t involve athletics.”
“Hmmm.” He pretended to think about it. “When you put leftovers away, you can tell exactly which piece of Tupperware will fit the amount of food left.”
“Yes, that’s very impressive. So what’s your special skill then, huh?”
“I can carry an obscene amount of groceries in the house in one trip. Like, you’ve never seen anything like it.”
“Oh, I’m aware. I’ve seen the bags lined up your arms.”
“See? We’re talented.” He ruffled her hair again. “And you really don’t love yourself enough. I think you’re amazing.”
Joan straightened on the couch. “Do you think Emmie had a point?”
If the non sequitur confused him, he didn’t show it. He blew out a breath.
“About us spending too much time together, you mean?” At her nod, he gazed up at the ceiling. “Probably. I’m sure we’re abnormally close.” He looked at her again. “She did suspect us of having secret romantic feelings, and I honestly think she was wrong about that. I buried those a long time ago.”
“And now? How are you feeling about me at this point?” She chewed her lip as she waited for his reply.
“I think about you a lot,” he said, so quietly she strained to hear him. “It makes me all, like, confused. I want you all the time.” He rubbed his hands along his thighs. “It’s distracting.”
“I feel the same.” She caught his hand and pulled it to her lap. Her skin warmed. “I think there’s something wrong with me, I’m turned on so much.”
He leaned in toward her. “Yeah?”
She nodded, and his lips found hers. She sighed into the kiss, moving with him when he snaked his arm around her to bring her flush against his body. Her skin felt alive with sensation, the slightest touch setting off shivers.
She pulled back. “Are you okay with taking another step?”
“Sure,” He spoke the word into her skin as he trailed his lips along her jaw, down the side of her neck.
“Luke.”
He stopped. “What?”
“I’m serious. Can we take this to the bedroom?”
“Really?”
She nodded. His eyes widened when she took his hand to lead him to her room. The moment expanded, slowing as they crossed the threshold to her room, so that she felt like they’d entered another universe, one where she and her best friend saw each other naked. Her body thrummed with anticipation and tension.
He cradled her face with his hands, tilting forward to press his lips against hers. She met his enthusiasm, sinking into the comfort of his touch to ease her nerves and pulling him down to the bed. He settled on top of her as they kissed, releasing a moan when she widened her legs so he could push himself against the cradle of her thighs.
“I’m gonna be honest. I’m kinda freaking out right now.” He swept her hair from her face.
“In a bad way?” She ground her pelvis against his, seeking friction, and he made a tortured sound.
“No, like,”—he propped himself up on his elbows and she gripped his shoulders—“this feels monumental. Like we might change us forever.”
“You want to stop?” Her heart pounded.
“I think I would literally rather die.” He punctuated this with a shift of his hips, moving against her in a way that had her chasing the feeling with a roll of her own pelvis.
She pulled him down for another kiss.
“So dramatic.” She looked him in the eye. “I have to believe we’ll be okay. But can I ask you a weird question?”
His eyes lit. “By all means.”
“No, I’m serious. You aren’t like—I mean, your penis isn’t huge, is it?”
He chuckled.
“I don’t know. Average for my height, I guess?” He trailed a hand down her arm, leaving a streak of warmth in his wake. “Tell me what you want here.”
“No penetration yet,” she answered, and he nodded as though he expected this. “I’m good with other touching though.”
“Clothing optional?”
She exhaled, then nodded.
He stared at her for a moment, then rolled off her, stretching out next to her. “Why don’t you show me what you would do? If you were alone, I mean?”
Incredulity nearly made her laugh. A rush of adrenaline followed as she caught his molten stare. “I’ve never done that before.”
He lifted his eyebrows.
“Ugh, you know what I mean. I’ve never done that in front of someone else.” Her fingers moved to her waistband. Lucas’s gaze seared her skin where it roved along her legs and up to where her hands fiddled with the drawstring on her athletic shorts. “Real quick boundary, though. I’m trying to get better at that.”
Lucas’s eyes flicked to hers.
“Anything you want,” he said.
“One big problem for me, in the past, is that men would try to push me once things got hot and heavy. And often I let them, only to end up in pain and upset. I’m telling you no penetration, and that’s where I’m comfortable for now.”
“Joan.” He touched her face. “I would never. You can absolutely trust me.”
“I know. But it feels good to say things out loud.” She smiled wryly. “I haven’t always been great about voicing my own needs.” She paused. “Also, and this is awkward and we should have already addressed it, but are you?—?”
“What?”
“Infection free?”
“Ah. Yeah, I am,” he said.
“Same for me.” She started on her shorts again, staring at Lucas as she did so. The impossibility of the situation kept surprising her, like the way Lucas watched her with a hungry expression, and she could almost see ahead to the way she would picture his face in that moment for the rest of her life. She shimmied out of her shorts, along with her underwear, in one slick movement, then arched her back to pull her shirt over her head. Lucas scooted back to recline against her pillows, eyes still glued to her body with an intensity that should have flustered her, but set her aflame instead. He scrubbed a hand down his face.
“Goddamn. I know I’ve said this, but I could write poetry about your legs. I would let you choke me with them.”
“That something you been thinking about?”
“Not until just now.” His eyes moved up, and she resisted the urge to put her hands over herself. She knew her breasts were on the small side, and he’d seen her in swimsuits. She had nothing to hide.
“I usually use a toy for this.”
Lucas took a deep, trembling breath. “Oh?”
She reached for her bedside table, extracting some lube and her vibrator. A round of shivers wracked her body, though not from the cold. She glanced at him with uncertainty. After years of knowing Lucas, that he would now know where she stored her vibrator struck her as surreal.
He stilled her with a hand on her arm.
“Can you lose the bra?” A flush covered his face and his bright eyes tracked her movements. His voice barely surpassed a low mumble, and he looked like someone hammered by lust. She couldn’t believe that face was for her.
“Only if you get rid of your clothes, too.”
She unhooked her bra as he scrambled to his feet to shed his own shorts and tee. He laid his hat on the dresser, then bent over to pull off his own boxers. His movements reflected exactly who she would have expected Lucas to be in this situation: a little lacking in finesse, but with enough enthusiasm to make up for it. He grinned at her, looking much like he would if he were about to challenge her to a game, except for being naked. Thick, dark hair covered his chest and legs. His erection jutted forward, and he smiled again when he saw her studying him. Lucas hadn’t lied about his size—he looked big, but not enormous.
He leaned against her dresser casually, arms folded in front of him. “See anything you like?”
Joan giggled. “I still can’t believe we’re doing this.” As she watched him, though, she started to experience the familiar surge of arousal she’d been giddy with lately, and she noted that he was staring at her again like a man starved.
“I can’t get over it, either. You look,” he said, swallowing, “like my hottest fantasy come to life.”
Joan started by running a tentative hand over her breasts, her inner thighs, her lower abdomen. She liked a little warm up. Lucas watched her with wide, eager eyes, and she found herself getting more into it.
She spread her legs and poured a little lube on her fingers. She started to touch herself, stroking near the head of her clitoris but not directly over it, moaning softly when she found the spot she wanted.
“Oh, fuck.” Lucas put a hand on her dresser as though he couldn’t hold himself upright. “Can I…?”
“Can you what?” She reached for her vibrator and turned it on, then replaced her fingers with it.
“God, I don’t even know.” He palmed his cock. “I want to touch you.”
She beckoned him over, still holding the toy between her thighs. He kissed her on her lips, then trailed across her neck and collarbones, and down to her breasts. She arched off the bed when he used the flat of his tongue on her nipple. He moved back to her mouth while he stroked himself with one hand. He kneeled over her, looking like he wanted to devour her whole.
“Kiss my neck again,” she said. He obliged with hot, open-mouthed kisses down the side of her throat. She touched her own slickness and spread some of it over his erection. He made a strangled sound.
“I’m so close already,” he said, replacing her hand with his own again. She was starting to near her own climax. She could feel a flush climbing from her chest to her face. She closed her eyes. “And look at you. I’ve never seen anything this fucking sexy in my whole life. You’re almost there too, aren’t you?”
He skimmed one hand over her smooth leg, from shin to thigh, and the sounds they made together were obscene. She didn’t even recognize herself with her breathy moans and writhing body. After a couple of brief minutes, she felt herself reaching a boiling point.
“Oh God, Lucas,” she said. “I’m gonna?—”
“Same. Oh, Jesus. Joan.” She heard him cry out while she did the same, his name on her lips. She could feel his release on her thigh.
When she opened her eyes, she saw that he had collapsed next to her. His own eyes were open and staring at her.
“This is gonna be another obsession. How can everything be so good?”
She nodded and glanced down at where they lay against one another. “We made a mess.”
“Worth it. I’ll wash your covers. I’ll buy you new covers. A new bed.”
She giggled. Their clothes lay strewn about. The late afternoon sun slanted through her window and highlighted Lucas’s messy hair.
As they cleaned up and got dressed again, worry started to plague Joan. She wondered if they had ruined everything. They’d had a fun time, but she hadn’t even had genuine success. What if they ruined their friendship and she didn’t even meet her goal? She tried not to stew, but her thoughts mimicked a tornado.
Lucas joined her on the bed again.
“What now?” She picked at a loose thread on her comforter.
“Whatever you want,” he said. He sounded cautious as he rolled his head toward her. “I can stay if you’d like.”
She hesitated. They’d slept in the same room before, but never like this, of course. She grabbed his hand and pulled it to her chest.
“Stay,” she said.
“I do cuddle in my sleep, so you know,” he admitted. “And I know we just got off together, but I’m not sure if you want me all over you like that. That’s also a new thing for us.”
Her cheeks lifted with her smile.
“I would expect nothing less from you.” She stroked his hand. “I don’t mind. I think I need it, you know? It would be weird if you left right after.”
He nodded. “Yeah. That’s not my style. And I would agonize over leaving for the rest of the night, anyway.”
The admission tugged at something deep in her brain, like pulling loose a thread that had been bound for too long. She smiled. “By all means, then. We wouldn’t want you to be stressed.”
As they dressed again, his small grins aimed at her struck like little shots of elation, and she let her shoulders drop from their tense position. They were going to be okay. This experiment might actually work.
Joan awoke to a weighty presence at her back. Judging by the sunlight streaming through her window, it was later than her usual wake up time. She and Lucas had fallen asleep well into the night after watching several more shows. She started to move, but an arm threaded over her waist to pull her back. Lucas was obviously hard and pressing insistently against her ass. She shivered in delight when he skimmed a hand down the outside of her thigh. She’d fallen asleep without pants on, and he groaned into her hair.
“I don’t know if I can’t stand this much longer,” he said. “It’s like I’ve ingested some kind of lust potion.”
It usually took her a bit to get in the mood, but she found herself heating up as his fingertips repeated a pathway along her hip and thigh and then down to her knee. She pushed against Lucas, seeking out his groin again. Her heartbeat punched against her ribcage.
“I’ve got to brush my teeth first.” She stilled his hand on her thigh.
“I don’t care about that.”
“If I don’t brush my teeth now, it’s all I’m going to think about until I do.”
Lucas rolled onto his back with a laugh.
He watched her walk a few steps, then followed her into the bathroom, where she handed him a spare toothbrush. He flashed intermittent, foamy grins her way as he scrubbed his teeth.
When they returned to her room, Joan wrinkled her nose at him. “Were you really just going to start kissing me?”
He nuzzled her neck, then kissed his way up her neck. A flash of incendiary desire lit her from the inside.
“I’ve never cared about morning breath. Or freshly shaved legs.” He ran a hand up her smooth thigh. “Yours feel nice, but I’m not fussy.”
“That tracks.” She clutched the back of his head so she could pull him in for a harder kiss, and he responded in kind, deepening the embrace when he wrapped his arms around her. She sat on her bed, beckoning him, and he nudged her to her back so he could cover her body with his own.
“Can I touch you again now?” He scanned her body, licking his lips like a cartoon wolf.
She flipped their places, pushing him to his back and straddling him.
“We can set some parameters,” he said, squeezing her hips as she rocked over him. His eyes closed briefly.
“Still no penetration.”
“Got it. But that leaves a lot of room for other stuff.” He grinned at her, looking so much like her carefree Lucas that her heart pinched.
She nodded.
“I’ve been thinking about that for a while now,” she said.
“It’s all I can think about.” He let that hang in the air before speaking again. “What is it you want? Specifically?”
Joan ducked her head. She was trying to get better at asking for things, but still her face flamed. “Do you like to go down on women?”
“That is,” Lucas said, “my absolute favorite thing to do.” He inched his fingers up the side of her torso. “Let’s do only that. As part of your treatment, right?” His pupils swallowed his irises as he took her in.
“What about you, though? I don’t want to leave you hanging.”
“You don’t always have to give. Sometimes you can just take.” He silenced her next words with a finger to her lips. “I want you to start being a little selfish more often, like you said. I think it’s a good thing for you.”
She smiled at him, this man who knew her so well. He pulled her shirt over her head, starting his exploration of her body by running his hands along her neck, her jaw, her shoulders. Each touch tingled in his wake. When he moved his hands to her breasts, Joan slid off him so he could continue touching her while she lay on her back.
“There’s not a whole lot going on up here.” She gestured to her breasts as he continued to kiss and lick her all over.
“You know what I like about them?”
Joan giggled. Since when did she giggle so much? She shook her head.
“They’re boobs.”
He put his mouth on her clavicle, pressing kisses to her chest and then up to her jaw and finally to her mouth, where she sank into a deep kiss with him. She felt more relaxed than usual—she was in control, she had boundaries, and Lucas wouldn’t step over them. It was freeing not to worry about pain. He moved back down to her chest and her breasts, licking around one nipple and then the other, and she moaned.
“That's amazing.”
When he moved down her stomach to kneel between her legs, she was truly worked up. Lucas pushed her thighs apart and draped her knees over his shoulders. He maintained eye contact as he parted her. His hands shook, she noticed.
“Do you have any idea?” He put his teeth against his fist.
She trembled, but didn’t say anything.
He’d been studying her the night before, because he didn’t start directly over her clit, instead licking her on one side and the other. He started light, just the way she liked, increasing his pressure until she was shamelessly humping his face and grabbing at his hair.
“Oh, Lucas. Fuck. Fuck.”
Lucas made noise too, groaning loudly as he licked her. He brushed his fingers along her thighs, keeping the same pace. She reached her crescendo on a raspy cry. Lucas’s fingers dug into her hips and she didn’t care if he left bruises. She wanted evidence of this, of the wildest abandon in her memory.
Lucas climbed up her and kissed her cheek. Joan couldn’t move. She felt like fireworks had exploded in her brain, and she was helpless in the aftermath. Lucas gestured to himself.
“I, uh, need to go clean up.” Joan’s eyes widened as she interpreted his meaning.
“Is that—? I mean, it was that good for you?”
Lucas flushed to his hairline.
“It’s never happened before like that.” He sounded sheepish.
Joan lifted her shoulders up off the bed.
“I’ll get you some towels.” She pulled him in for a real kiss. “And thank you. That was mind blowing.”
Lucas grinned broadly. His open, cheerful expression reminded her of him in their high school days, like he had hit a home run and was ambling slowly around the bases.
“Don’t let it go to your head.”
“Too late.”
As Joan helped him clean himself up, another tiny kernel of concern lodged itself under her sternum. How they were ever going to get back to being just friends after this, she didn’t know. She already felt like they’d drifted too far, and a course correction would take monumental effort. She decided that was a problem for later.