Exile

Chapter 18

DARWYNN

“It’s been another month, Darwynn! When are you coming home?”

My mother’s voice screeched through my phone, and I pulled it away from my ear to lessen the intensity of her voice.

She had called two times this morning, but I was outside with Caspian, working on his car, and I didn’t hear my phone ring. When I picked it up after coming back inside, I saw her missed calls and immediately called back.

I didn’t want her to worry, but I also was nervous to talk to her. I knew she would be upset that I hadn’t even texted her since coming here weeks ago.

“Hey, Mom. I’m fine, thank you for asking,”

I said, my voice humorless.

“I sure hope you are! No calls, no texts. Nothing! Where are you?”

I took a deep breath and leaned against the back of the couch, crossing one arm over my waist and resting my elbow on it. “I’m still in Hilton Beach. With Caspian.”

She let out a heavy sigh, then was quiet for a moment. “Why?”

I frowned. “Because I want to. I’ve been having a good time with him. He’s great.”

“Great,”

she murmured, not convinced by what I said. “Darwynn, I thought we talked about this. I don’t want you around him. He’s not—”

I needed to stop her. “He’s not what, Mom? He’s a good man. He’s your father.”

And I know the truth.

But I couldn’t tell her that, not over the phone. I needed to hear the truth from her personally, face to face.

A creak from the doorway made me turn my head. Caspian stood there, wiping grease off his hands with an old towel, eyes locked on mine. He didn’t speak, but his presence filled the room.

“I know who he is,”

Mom snapped. “And I don’t like that you’re spending time with him after never even being interested in your life.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, covering my face with my free hand. I hated the way she spoke about him. “Mom…let’s not argue right now, okay?”

Caspian stepped closer, crossing his arms over his chest. He was watching me intently, not looking too happy. But I knew it wasn’t because of who I was talking to, but how I was being talked to.

I gave him a tight smile, wanting to let him know that I was okay.

“Listen,”

I said, my voice calm. I wanted to talk to her normally and not fight over the phone. “I’ve been meaning to come back home…to get my things and move out.”

Caspian raised his brow at me, surprised by my made-up-on-the-spot plan.

I didn’t know if he wanted me to move here. I mean, he definitely wanted me here, but I didn’t want to violate his privacy. Although the way his face softened, he let me understand that he did like the idea of me moving in with him.

“Move out? To where? To his place?!”

Mom was losing it. “Are you insane? That man did not care one bit about you, and suddenly, you want to move in with him?”

“Mom.”

“Darwynn, you’re coming home right. Now.”

“Mom, please. Stop.”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes before looking at Caspian again. “I’m coming home, and Caspian will be with me. I want you two to talk.”

“You’re out of your mind. Has he talked you into this?”

she asked, sounding completely stunned. But her voice softened then. “Just come home, Wynnie. You’ve been gone for so long.”

I took another breath. If I didn’t ease her into this and showed up with Caspian without another warning, she’d be mad. She wouldn’t even let us into the house. “Mom, please listen,”

I said, lowering my voice. “You and Caspian need to talk. Just talk, Mom. No accusations, no yelling. I know deep down you want to, and I can’t imagine that you don’t miss him even a little bit. And I know he misses you.”

The line went silent, and I held Caspian’s gaze as he nodded slowly. God, I hated how sad he looked. How hopeful his eyes were. Without having to tell her what Caspian and I were, I simply wanted them to talk again to at least clear things up.

“It would mean a lot to him. Just…hear him out,”

I added, my voice breaking from all the heavy emotions inside of me.

I could hear her breathing, the internal war crackling through the static.

“I don’t know, Darwynn. I don’t know if I can do that.”

“You can,”

I whispered. “And I’ll be there the whole time.”

“Fine,”

she finally said, her voice tight. “One visit. That’s it.”

“Okay.”

I smiled and gave Caspian a nod, reaching out to touch his arm and squeeze gently. “We’ll make it work. How does Saturday sound?”

“Yes, sure. Saturday works.”

“Great. I’ll see you then. Bye, Mom.”

I ended the call after she said goodbye, and I looked at Caspian with a crooked smile. “Sorry for not asking you first.”

His jaw was tight, his eyes surprisingly watery. “About the moving in part or visiting Julie?”

I pressed my lips into a thin line. “Both.”

I stepped closer to him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

He put his arms around me, holding me close as he studied my face. “And you’re sure about this? Me coming with you, I mean.”

“Yeah. I think it’s time for you two to finally talk.”

He gave a small nod and leaned in to press a kiss to my forehead. “And about moving in? You sure about that, too?”

I smiled, resting the side of my head against his chest. His heartbeat mirrored my own. Fast and steady. “Very sure. Is it okay with you, too?”

He let out a low chuckle, rubbing my back with both hands. “You have no damn clue how fucking happy you just made me.”

***

It was a twelve-hour drive to Burlington, and Caspian decided to get on the road on Friday night. We drove halfway and slept in a small town motel, then continued our drive to Burlington this morning.

Caspian had been quiet throughout most of the drive. It wasn’t unlike him to keep to himself, but most times, he didn’t have a reason to. This trip made him nervous, though. Hell, I was nervous too. This wasn’t just a visit. It was a reckoning.

My mind raced with possibilities. Would Mom admit what she had done or keep pretending? Would she even give Caspian a chance to speak? Anything could happen, but Caspian wasn’t alone. He had me right by his side, and I had already made up my mind about where and with whom I wanted to spend the next years of my life.

By the time we pulled into the driveway, my hands felt clammy. But in a way, it felt good to be back home. Even if it was only temporary. I looked over at him and smiled tightly, reaching for his hand to squeeze it. “I’m right here. If she’s not able to have a mature conversation, we’ll just leave.”

He studied our hands, turning his around so his palm was facing mine. I slight my fingers through his, interlocking them. He gave a quick nod before meeting my gaze. “Okay. Sounds like a plan.”

I squeezed his hand once more before we both stepped out of the car. With one more glance at Caspian, we stepped forward to reach the front door.

I rang the doorbell—not wanting to intrude by just unlocking the door to my childhood home myself—and the door swung open shortly after. Mom stood in the entryway, her eyes never meeting Caspian’s as she took me in. There was a hint of relief on her face, but uncertainty was the emotion that took over most of her expression.

“Hi, Mom,”

I said with a small smile. I wasn’t sure if she wanted to hug me, but I stepped forward and did it anyway. She didn’t hesitate to put her arms around me, and I felt her body ease as we stood there hugging for a while.

“Hey, sweetie. It’s good to have you back.”

She caressed my hair, and it broke my heart to hear how much hope she had said it with. She was convinced that I’d stay, even after I told her that I would move out.

I let go of her and took a step back, wanting her to say hello to Caspian. I looked at her with an expectant glance, but it was Caspian who took the first step.

“Hello, Julie. You look beautiful.”

His words were filled with so much love and pain. I couldn’t imagine how he was feeling. He hadn’t seen Mom in years.

Mom looked up at him, swallowing hard with a tight jaw. “Hello, Dad.”

Well, at least she didn’t fully disown him.

Mom stepped aside then, gesturing for us to go inside. “Come in.”

I went ahead, walking straight toward the living room. Mom motioned toward the couches, and we sat down after taking off our jackets while she went to grab us something to drink.

I glanced at Caspian, smiling gently to reassure him that everything will be okay. He gave a nod, then moved his eyes to Mom when she reappeared and sat down on the other couch opposite of us.

“How have you been, Mom?”

I asked, trying to ease the tension.

“Good. Work has been stressful, but I’m managing. Dale is on a work trip, so I have time to myself again. I finally had the chance to start a book.”

I smiled at her. “That’s nice. What kind of book?”

She hesitated, then glanced at Caspian briefly before answering. “Something light. A romance novel.”

Caspian gave a small, polite nod but said nothing. He was letting her set the tone, letting her ease into the conversation. I appreciated that, but I also knew we couldn’t dance around the real reason we were here forever.

Silence stretched between us, thick with unspoken words. I didn’t want to push her or urge her to come clean, but I couldn’t wait any longer. I wanted them to clear the things that kept them apart for years. The reason for me never meeting Caspian before.

I cleared my throat as the silence became unbearable. “Mom, you know why we came.”

Her face tensed, her fingers tightening around the glass in her hands. “I know.”

“Can we talk about it?”

She inhaled sharply but didn’t respond immediately. Instead, she placed her glass down on the coffee table and folded her hands in her lap. “Wynnie, I don’t know what Caspian has told you, but—”

“He told me the truth, Mom,”

I interrupted softly. “That he tried. That he wanted to be in my life and yours, but you wouldn’t let him.”

Her lips parted, but no words came out. Caspian, still quiet, sat with his hands clasped between his knees, his gaze never leaving her. He wasn’t here to fight or argue. He was here for closure.

Finally, Mom exhaled and looked down. “I was scared,”

she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “He…”

She stopped and looked at Caspian, wanting to address him directly. “You weren’t around much. You were busy with your acting, and I thought that…if I cut you off immediately, you wouldn’t get the chance to leave me, and it wouldn’t have hurt as much.”

Caspian let out a breath through his nose, rubbing his palms together. “Julie,”

he said, his voice low and filled with so many emotions. This was hard for him, too.

“I get it. I really do. I wasn’t always there, but I always made time for you and your sister. But you made that choice for me. And for Darwynn. You never gave me the chance to prove that I could be there for you even after her birth.”

And he would’ve been an amazing grandfather. I was sure of that.

Mom swallowed hard, and for the first time, she looked truly regretful. “At the time, I thought I was doing what was best for me and her. She wouldn’t have a father figure around, and I did a damn good job at raising her. So why would she need a grandfather who wasn’t around at all times?”

I furrowed my brows, letting out a shaky breath. “You let me grow up believing he didn’t care, Mom.”

Tears stung her eyes, and she turned her head to hide her face. “I know I hurt you. Both of you,”

she whispered. “I’m sorry. You have every right to be angry.”

Caspian leaned forward slightly. “I didn’t come here to punish you, Julie. I came here because I needed you to say it. To acknowledge what happened. I lost years with both of you. Years I’ll never get back. I can’t change the past, but I want to move forward. I want to be in her life and in yours.”

Although she seemed to understand the pain she had inflicted, I could tell that she didn’t like the idea of having him in her life again. Her mistake had led her to change her mind about him completely. She didn’t want things to change, and in a way, I was okay with that.

Simply because Caspian was hiding one big secret from her.

It might’ve been twisted to demand an apology from her for lying to me all these years, but this was a secret I truly couldn’t tell her. She would freak out. She wouldn’t understand it.

“How would that work if you’re intending to take her back to Hilton Beach?”

She was upset.

I chewed the inside of my cheek and played with my fingers, wishing I could grab Caspian’s hands to calm down.

“We have phones. We’ll find ways to communicate and see each other,”

Caspian suggested.

“And it was my decision to move to Hilton Beach,”

I added, wanting to make that clear.

Mom looked between us, her expression unhappy. “What will you even do there? I googled that place. It’s so small.”

I hadn’t thought about all that yet. I knew I wanted to eventually find a job and make my own money, but for now, getting settled at Caspian’s place was my first priority.

“I’ll figure that out. But I really like it in Hilton Beach. It’s quiet, beautiful.”

I watched her closely. She wasn’t happy, but she couldn’t change my mind. “I’ve made my choice, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you, Mom.”

I hoped that my words reached her deeply. I needed her to know how I felt. That I wouldn’t stop loving her, no matter how many times we didn’t see eye to eye. She was my mother, after all.

She pressed her lips together, then let out a shuddering breath. “Okay. If you’re really sure.”

The air in the room shifted, not entirely lighter, but no longer suffocating.

“I am,”

I assured her with a tight smile.

She looked at Caspian then. “And it’s okay with you too?”

“Yes.”

He had leaned back, looking way more relaxed now. “It’s okay with me too. I have to admit…I didn’t know what to do with her when she first showed up at my door, but Darwynn and I have more in common than I ever imagined. She’s a good…roommate.”

I pursed my lips at the choice of words to describe our living situation.

“Well then.”

She let out another heavy breath. “I take it you want to pack now.”

I smiled at her. “I was hoping we could spend the afternoon together and then have dinner at your favorite restaurant.”

“I can leave you two alone for the day if you’d feel more comfortable, Julie. I booked a hotel room to stay at.”

Mom looked at Caspian, surprise written all over her face. She thought about it for a while, then shook her head. “Don’t be silly.”

That was an invitation to tag along and possibly one to stay at the house tonight.