Exquisite Death: Dark, Friends to Lovers Romance (The Gilded Sovereign Book 3)

Chapter 19

Jealousy isn’tan emotion I thought I would ever feel. When I saw Grecia with Damien, it reared its ugly head for the first time. And then with my uncle, the same rage twisted inside me, and I lost my cool and my control. I should never have let Thane see me like that, and I never should have allowed him to taint my view of Grecia. But all I saw was red.

As soon as Grecia left his house, Thane told me the kiss was merely a joke, and he was trying to gauge what I felt for her. That’s when I gave him a black eye and told him I was going home. The anger that had taken hold of me dissipated after that, so when he accompanied me back to Tynewood, I simply ignored him for most of the flight.

I’ve never felt rage like I did when I saw Thane touching and kissing Grecia. As I think about it now, my hands fist at my sides, causing my knuckles to throb from where I punched him, but I don’t regret it.

The air hangs heavy with tension as I sit slumped on the Italian leather sofa in the Lancaster living room. It’s been months since I was last here. I haven’t told the others what happened, but when I first walked in, Ares poured me a drink.

My two best friends sit on the sofa opposite me. Ares pins me with a glare, so I have a feeling he already knows. And if he does, then so does Etienne, who appears impassive as he sips his whiskey. We’ve been through thick and thin together. Over the years, it’s always been the three of us, but I haven’t ever felt so lost, so utterly broken, as I have since hurting Grecia.

“I screwed up, guys,” I finally confess, my voice barely above a whisper. “I let my insecurities get the better of me, and I’ve ruined everything with Grecia. I should never have let Thane get inside my fucking head.”

Ares shakes his head before he says, “I’m sure she’ll listen to?—”

“I went to her house before I came here,” I interrupt Ares. “She pulled a gun on me when I was reluctant to leave.”

Ares laughs out loud, the sound bouncing off the walls, and I can’t help but scowl at him. But he’s not concerned about my feelings. He thinks it’s hilarious.

I pin him with a glare, but all he does is shake his head at me.

“It’s not a fucking joke,” I bite out.

Frustration burns through me. I can’t believe how badly I fucked this all up, and I know Grecia’s not going to give me a chance to fix it.

“I think it most certainly is,” Ares replies when he finally stops laughing.

“Ignore the asshole,” Etienne says, chucking a cushion at Ares before turning his attention back to me. “What happened, Tarian?”

I take a deep breath, steeling myself against the flood of pain and sadness threatening to overwhelm me. I hate showing any kind of emotion on my face. I used to be able to hide all this shit until I was alone.

“Last night I finally took the next step with Grecia. After months, years, of hiding how I fucking feel, I couldn’t hold out anymore. I should never have done it, but I don’t regret it. I wanted her, and she wanted me.”

I look at my best friends, and they’re both nodding as if they already knew.

“It was going to happen at some point,” Etienne tells me.

As he’s speaking, the click of the front door has us all turning to see Philipe walking into the house. I haven’t seen him in months.

“Boys,” Philipe greets as he makes his way to the liquor cabinet and pours himself a double Scotch before joining us on the sofas.

He looks at me and says, “I’m here to see your uncle. Is he going to be staying in Tynewood from now on?”

“I don’t know,” I reply with a shake of my head. “My uncle and I weren’t exactly on speaking terms when I left him at the airport.”

“We were in the middle of something important,” Ares tells his brother. “Thane has nothing to do with us. If you want to have meetings with assholes, then go for it, but leave us out.”

“Ares,” Philipe says, his tone taking on a cool timber. “If I’d wanted to ask for your opinion, I would have. I’m talking to Tarian.”

“Talk to Tar on your own time. We have something we need to help him fix.”

“Oh?” Philipe raises a questioning brow. “And what pray tell have you done, Tarian?”

I thought only Etienne and Ares would have to know about what happened between Grecia and me, but now Philipe is here, I won’t be able to stop the news from spreading.

“I fucked up big time, and it’s because of Thane.” I look at Philipe and pray he’s going to tell me he’s leaving to find my uncle, but he doesn’t move. “Grecia and Thane looked like they were kissing when I walked into his kitchen this morning. He was all over her, and when they saw me, she looked guilty and he looked fucking smug.”

“Thane always looks smug,” Etienne muses, and I nod because he’s right. My uncle has a superior expression permanently painted on his face. Then my friend’s features soften, and his voice is gentle when he correctly surmises, “And you didn’t believe her when she tried to explain?”

I shake my head. “I didn’t give her a chance to say anything. I told her to get the fuck out, and when I went to see her this afternoon, she said the same to me in return.”

“And then she pulled a gun on you,” Ares adds with a chuckle.

I shake my head. The memory of Grecia’s stone cold expression, together with the anguish in her eyes, haunts my thoughts. “She wouldn’t even listen. She told me to get the fuck out. She said she never wanted to see me again.”

“You know, Tarian, Dahlia’s told me to fuck off so many times I should be on the other side of the fucking world.” Ares leans forward in his seat as he’s speaking. “But where is she right now?” As he asks the question, he gestures with his head toward the ceiling, “She’s upstairs with our baby.”

“Not everything can be fixed so easily, Ares,” I throw back in annoyance.

It’s not every day one of my best friends frustrates me to the point I want to punch him, but at the moment, I definitely do.

“Hey.” Ares lifts his hands in defense. “I’m just saying that things aren’t always as bad as they seem. And if the feelings are real between you, then you can overcome anything.”

It’s not every day I hear him talk about emotions. Even when he’s with Dahlia, he plays it down so much you’d never know if he feels anything for her. Growing up, we learned that love and hate are nothing more than human constructs. Intense feelings are a distraction from what’s really important—the society.

“She stood by me these past few months, watching me with girl after girl, night after night, and she never once complained. Instead, she gave me water and fucking fed me painkillers when I was hungover, she chased the girls out who didn’t want to leave, and she made sure I didn’t end up dead in a ditch,” I confess, my voice breaking with emotion. “I never meant to hurt her. I have feelings for her, and I don’t like being vulnerable. She’s broken down every fucking wall, and I hate it.”

“That’s what they do, man,” Etienne tells me earnestly. “Rukaiya and I didn’t just happen overnight. It took a while to come to terms with our feelings and emotions.” He shakes his head. “I didn’t want to be a hero. Before I met her, I never imagined this is how my life would turn out. But she stole my heart, and I had no fucking choice but to fall.”

I nod. “Grecia’s changed my life.”

“Then you can’t give up,” Philipe tells me. “If this is as real as you say it is, then you need to show her you’re not some pushover who walks away at the first sign of trouble. You’re one of the Crowns. It’s time for you to step up, take your place in the Sovereign, and get back the woman you love.”

Love.

I haven’t mentioned the word, but as it falls from Philipe’s lips, I realize that maybe he’s right.

I’m not sure if I love Grecia, but I can’t deny there are strong feelings there. After spending the night with her, something changed between us, and it seems to be permanent, despite what’s happened since.

“You need to give her space,” Philipe says, his expression resolute. “Let her process everything on her own terms. And after you’ve given her some time, you can try reaching out again, but don’t force it.”

Etienne nods in agreement. “In the meantime, focus on yourself. Try to figure out why you jumped to conclusions, and why you let your insecurities cloud your judgment. Thane was involved, so maybe that’s why you reacted so harshly.”

I nod as the weight of my mistakes bear down upon me like a lead weight.

“I hate that I hurt her. When I went to her house, I could see in her eyes all the pain I’ve caused. Thane is a bastard for what he made me believe.”

Ares shrugs. “Maybe he had a reason for doing what he did.”

“What?” Etienne and I both respond together.

“I mean, there must be a reason he kissed her. It’s obvious he’s trying to get under your skin. Have you asked yourself why?” Ares is making absolute sense. Which is saying something, considering he’s always the hot-headed, unreasonable bastard of the three of us.

Etienne leans forward, his elbows on his thighs.

“Listen, you can’t change the past, Tar,” he says. “But you can learn from it and do better in the future. Grecia needs more time, but if your feelings for each other are true, she’ll come around eventually. In the meantime, we need to figure out what the fuck Thane is up to.”

With a heavy heart and a soul weighed down by regret, I nod in agreement with my friend. I know the road ahead is going to be filled with more challenges and shit from my family’s past, but with Ares, Etienne, and Philipe on my side, I feel a glimmer of hope.

Even though the shadows of doubt threaten to consume me, I know I can figure this out, and when I do, I can finally get rid of my uncle for good.

I’m still not sure where my mother is, but I have feeling she’ll make another appearance when we least expect it.

“I need to know more about Thane’s recent business dealings with the mafia,” Philipe tells us. “There are rumors, but no one seems to know what he’s planning. I’m concerned he’s going to make a move to take over my territories.”

It’s no secret that Thane has been working with the Italian mafia. I don’t know what he’s been doing for them, but my uncle’s well known for causing shit wherever he goes.

“Why don’t you ask the mafia for help?”

Philipe grins. “I have. They sent me here and asked me to find him. He hasn’t been in touch with any of his business connections for a while, which has them worried.”

“He’s been too busy shacking up with my mother,” I bite out in anger.

The fact that she’s been living a lavish lifestyle while I was mourning her death grates on me.

“Listen,” Ares pipes up. “I don’t want you feeling like you’re somehow to blame for what your mother did. She’s a fucking idiot for walking out on you and faking her own death. She was the one who cared more about Thane’s dick than spending time with her son, so don’t put that shit on yourself.”

Ares is a tell-it-like-it-is type of person. He doesn’t care if he’s being crass. I’m used to it.

“She left three letters with Thane, and when I was there, he allowed me to read them. She explained some of the shit she went through with Dad, but still, I can’t get over the fact she let me believe she was dead all those years.”

“Letters to you?” Etienne asks as he watches me.

I don’t want to go into any details with them, but I have to tell them something. “One for me, yeah, but there was also one to my father and one to Thane. There were some things in them that didn’t make sense. Things only she can explain.”

“So, you need to see her.” Ares shrugs as if it’s as easy as calling my mother and asking her to come around. That’s not something I want to do. But thinking about it now, maybe that’s exactly what I should do.

“I’m still angry she came back. I really don’t want to meet her, but I’m not sure I’ve got much choice. I do know my father wanted me to become a Crown, and he stated in his will that I was to be raised in Tynewood so I could take my place in the Sovereign. My mother says in her letters that she wanted to abide by my father’s wishes, which is why she left me here.”

“It still doesn’t explain why she wanted you to think she was dead. Maybe it’s time we show her just how Crowns work,” Etienne tells me, and I know he’s right.

He pushes to his feet and goes to pour us more drinks.

“Give me twenty-four hours, and I’ll have her location,” Philipe tells me. “But in the meantime, I’m certain Thane will know where she is. Perhaps you can have a word with him, Tarian, and see if he’ll tell you.”

“She’s not at his house in New Orleans, and I doubt my uncle will tell me anything.”

My phone vibrates, and when I pull it from my pocket, my chest tightens. Speak of the devil, and she shall make her appearance.

I look up at the guys and say, “We have to find my mother urgently. I’ve a feeling she’s going after Grecia.”