CHAPTER 38
Nellie
I unlocked the door and let myself into the station, feeling like I was breaking the law. I stepped in quickly and closed the door behind me. As soon as I turned to face inside, I locked gazes with Hammer. He was in his cell, on the other side of the station, but he had a direct view of me. I bit back a groan and stopped at the front desk to grab utensils for his dinner.
“Things must be bad with your little boyfriends if they sent you to do this.” Hammer’s raised voice made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. “Are they already done pretending with you?”
I picked up the Styrofoam tray and walked toward him. “This must be the best jail food you’ve ever eaten.”
He sneered at me when I entered the back half of the station. “I know something you don’t know, Nellie.”
“How to build a pipe bomb out of a Mountain Dew bottle and your nail clippings?” I had a hard time forcing myself closer.
“Cute. I know something your boyfriends are keeping from you.” He smiled and it was a cruel one. “I know you and your type. You wouldn’t let a man fuck you where another man can hear when you don’t have feelings for them. You really care about those pigs, don’t you?”
“Shut up, Hammer.” My stomach twisted but I forced myself close enough to hold the tray out for him.
He didn’t take it. “You know I met your brothers? They came in here a while back.”
“Take the tray, asshole.”
“I overheard their conversation with your boyfriends and I’ve gotta say, your boyfriends and I have more in common than I thought. They might be pigs but they still think like a bunch of dickheads. Taking a job and getting a fuck out of it? That’s good.”
It was too much to ignore. I scowled at him. “What the hell are you talking about? Just take the food so I can go back home.”
“You want me to just spit it out like ripping off a Band-Aid?” He stepped closer, his grip on the bars tight. “Fine. Your brothers demanded the good Sheriffs keep an eye on you to keep you from getting into trouble. Your boys agreed to stick close to you to make sure you didn’t do anything stupid. I don’t know who you used to be, Nellie, but you sounded like a lot more fun back then.”
I took a deep breath and blew it out. He was full of shit.
“They turned a babysitting job into a few hot fucks. Brilliant. God knows they wouldn’t have wanted to be stuck to your side for any other reason and spending all that time with you without fucking would’ve been torture.” He laughed. “Not for me. I like my bitches a little boring. Easier to control them that way. They listen better.”
I had a sudden memory of the day Hammer had been arrested. My brothers had heard I was with the Sheriffs and had come barging in to see what I’d done. Was that when they’d spoken to the guys and asked them to babysit me? If it was true… That was before anything sexual had happened between us.
“Your brothers came in here again a day or two ago. They’d heard some old bitches calling you a slut and rushed right over. They weren’t too happy to find out your boyfriends blurred the lines and fucked you to hell and back. I heard some interesting things. Your boys have a nasty streak. It even came to blows.” He saw my doubt and rushed on. “Look at your brother’s face if you don’t believe me.”
“I don’t care. Take your tray.”
“I just think it’s funny. You left a man you thought wasn’t good enough for you to spread your legs for, and came to this prissy little town and fell for three men who only fucked you to pass the time since they had to be there anyway. What a fucking idiot. I hope it was worth ruining that pussy.”
I dropped the tray and turned away. “Go fuck yourself.”
He raised his voice as I walked away. “By the way, I’ve heard your boyfriends laughing about how easy it was. Fucking you. Said it was easier than changing a tire.”
I didn’t let him see how his words hurt as I left, slamming locking and the door as I did. I walked back to the diner in a numb haze. My mind was going over all the things he said and trying to reconcile it with the men I’d left with my daughter. Was it possible? Could I be so stupid as to fall for men who didn’t care about me. Again? Because I had. Fallen for them. I was crazy about them and my chest throbbed at the idea of those feelings not being returned.
“Nellie?”
I glanced up, shocked to see Mary. I’d entered the diner and gone straight to the counter without realizing it. I cleared my throat. “Yeah, sorry. I was…thinking. Um. Here are the keys.”
She took them with a frown on her face but she didn’t have time to question me. “The pie is on me. Come by and talk to me tomorrow.”
I lifted my hand in a silent goodbye and took the pie.
My brothers would’ve definitely asked the guys to watch over me. Mills trusted me about as much as he trusted a mad snake. Would the guys have agreed, though? I’d been the one to initiate the flirting. I’d started it. I’d wanted to screw with my brothers but…had they beaten me to the punch?
I suddenly felt very stupid. I was throwing myself at Seth, Henry, and Woodrow, thinking I was winning at the silent sibling game I was playing with my brothers. I’d just played into their hands, though. I’d put myself as close to the Sheriffs as possible. They hadn’t had to do any work.
My brothers had bested me. Even though they hadn’t planned on me getting my heart broken, they’d given the guys a job and then watched me play right into the space they’d wanted me, in the guys’ pocket so I wouldn’t get into any trouble. Like I was a wayward fucking teen. It was no wonder they hadn’t shown up to demand I stop flirting with three different men in front of them. They’d probably been laughing the whole time. I felt so stupid and ashamed.
I was on the front porch of Ms. Vivian’s when the other layer of my shit pie revealed itself. I could hear Waylan inside, cheering and shouting with the guys. She loved them.
Could I take more people away from my daughter when she’d already lost so much? I didn’t think I could. I wanted to raise her to have fewer trust issues than I did. Except, with the way I felt right then, a few more trust issues would’ve done me good.
I suddenly wished my brothers were right about me being a runner. I would’ve loved running away from Devil’s Den if it meant I wouldn’t have to deal with everything waiting on me inside. I couldn’t, though. Even if I wasn’t someone who stayed until they absolutely had to leave, Waylan loved Devil’s Den. I wouldn’t hurt her.
That meant my only other option was to suck up my feelings, put them behind a brick wall, and smile pretty until I felt better. That didn’t mean the guys were getting near me again. I was done with that. I was already a fool; I didn’t want to be even more of a joke.
I took a deep breath, opened the door, and walked inside, completely ill-prepared to face what I was going to have to face.