25. Soren
Chapter twenty-five
Soren
I toss and turn, fighting between trying to wake myself and slipping back into the nightmare I’ve found myself trapped in. Ever since last night, hearing Ben’s tapes and coming face to face with a man I thought I lost months ago, the dream keeps me in its claws, dragging my mind back to the darkness, back to him .
The creaking of the chains against the metal beams sounds like my death calling me to embrace it, to stop fighting. Jace walks in with a slumped-over Finn, followed by Alec carrying a weakened Drake, dragging them to where I'm hung like a lamb to slaughter by my wrist, the rope burning as I struggle to get free to escape this endless torment. To save them...
“Stop moving, you stupid slut. You're going to bleed out from the marks on your wrist before we even have a chance to have some fun.” Jace's voice grating against my brain like nails on a chalkboard makes me grimace at the onslaught on my already cracking sanity…
“ Maybe we should unhook her from the chains and tie her to the metal table over here and show her how we treat sluts who won't submit,” Alec says through a nasally tone, hatred seeping out of his every pore as he looks at me.
“ Oh my sweet boy, you wanna taste the pussy that stole me away from you for years?” Jace snickers, stepping away from a now-chained Finn, whose head is at an odd angle. I watch his chest barely rise and fall with each labored breath.
“ Yes Daddy, please can we teach this slut what it's like when you're taken and used by real men and not these bitches.” The last word is delivered with a swift kick to Drake's prone body now discarded on the floor like trash, the sound of his ribs cracking against the kick has me clamping my teeth to withhold the scream that so desperately wants to escape .
“P..pl..ple…” my words fail me, as I try to plead for the guys to be set free.
The smile that takes over the man I once thought I'd marry, the one I thought would never hurt me, and yet the same man that tried to kill me after our fight. The same one that won't let me live in peace without having to look over my shoulders for a threat hidden in the shadows.
The sight before me made me lose the battle I was fighting to hold back the bile that was suffocating me to keep down out of fear of angering him more.
The smack across my cheek sends my head snapping painfully to the left as a soft whimper escapes my mouth. “ YOU NASTY LITTLE SLUT!” Alec is seething at me and the state of my body as the bile slides down the front of my shirt, hitting the floor in little drips. “ If you think this will stop us, you're just as dumb as I always thought you were.” He reaches up with Finn's blade and slices the ropes and I crash to the floor, smacking my head on the dirty concrete. My breath temporarily leaves me as I gasp out through the pain searing itself into my very bones.
The blood from whatever gash I just attained flows down my forehead and over my eyes, causing my vision to become murky. Consciousness alludes to me as Alec shoves me onto the cold metal slab they're considering a table and starts to strap me in like a sacrifice to please his self-proclaimed God.
The sound of laughter and a zipper has my breathing picking up as I fight to gain control, but my body is weakened and I'm not as strong as the guys lead me to believe..
I'm not strong. I'm not fearless. I'm going to die.
Strong hands grip my shoulders as I flail trying to get free, but I'm tangled up in the sheets and whoever has me is strong and my mind is still in a weakened state from the nightmare.
“ Little Mama! Please, it's me. It's Miles, please open your eyes, baby. Please see me so you know that you're safe.” His panicked voice has me opening my eyes warily, the bright light from the open window causing me to wince at the assault.
“ Queenie, we are here for you, love. We aren't going anywhere. You're safe.” Finn says softly, his hands creasing my back from his position behind me as he tries to reassure me, along with Miles.
“ I'm sorry... I'm so sorry for worrying you two... I'm okay… “ I say through my frantic breathing as I try to regain composure and ground myself to the now and not the dream. I'm okay, my guys are okay. Well, these two are in front of me. The thought sends another wave of panic as I remember Drake being there in my dream, hurt. I don't even know if he was alive.
“ Little Mama, tell us what you need. Please, you were screaming and you were shaking so violently it woke Finn up. He tried to wake you up, while I made us breakfast but he couldn't... That's why he called me .” He pushes his way beside me, his body being squished between the headboard and my still-rattled body.
“Tell me how to fix this. What do you need Soren?” Finn whispers in my ear. Making a different shiver rake its way down my flesh leaving goosebumps in its wake.
“ I need to call them.” I sniffle, through the tears I wasn't aware of. “ I need to know if they're okay. I need to hear their voices. Please. “
The guys both look at one another, a silent conversation taking place between them and with one last grunt Finn is standing and walking over to grab my phone.
I watch him retreating as his boxers grip his ass in a delectable way causing a groan to escape my lips involuntarily. My face reddens as both men look at me with cocky grins gracing their faces at my expense.
Stupid fucking hormones.
Finn ruffles his beard with his free hand as he walks back to me, phone in hand and his boxers slightly tenting in the front.
“ Here love.” He holds my phone out in front of him, and I fight everything in me to not look at his penis again now that he's closer.
Deciding to avoid looking at him altogether, I go to grab his phone only to grab his dick instead.
Fuck. Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.
He's huge.
How the fuck can anyone take that and not die? I shake my head snatching my hand back like the touch itself scolded me and not the absolute opposite of what just happened.
“Mm touch me there again and I'll say fuck calling those brats. “ He grumbles through clenched teeth, causing Miles to lose his composure besideme and fall into a tear-filled fit.
“I… uh, fuck..” clearing my throat, I pray for some kind of words to grace my lust-induced brain now that I've felt what is beneath those silky boxers. “ Okay, y'all have to go while I do this. You're dick-stracting me.” I grumble through my embarrassment coating my face as Finn lets out a laugh at my choice of words.
“Dick-distracting you?” Miles tilts his head as he tries and fails to stop his laughter from escaping.
“ I swear to God if you don't shut the fuck up right now you will be sleeping by yourself tonight. Both of you OUT! “ I sling my hand up as my finger shakily points to the door, the soft chuckle that is fighting to escape from them as they exit my room has me shaking my head.
Jesus, I'm surrounded by beautiful childish idiots.
The phone sits heavily in my palm as I try to come up with the best course of action.
Do I block my number and call?
Do I just call them and say fuck it?
Would they even answer me, if I did call?
It's the same number I've had for years. They each have it. It's the only thing from my past life I couldn't let go of for purely sentimental reasons.
“ Fuck Soren get it together.”
Without another moment to second guess myself, I press the call button beside Drake's name and the ringing echoes through the quiet room, it rings for another second before The voice that sometimes plays a part in my dreams comes through the speaker. “Little terror is that you?”
Tears prickle the corner of my eyes as I suck in a shaky breath, trying to muster the courage to reply. “ Yes, it's me.”
There's an audible whoosh of air from a breath he must have been holding waiting for my reply. Part of me feels guilty for listening to Scarlett, for staying away from them. They saved me that night. They put themselves in danger, and I never got a chance to show them how grateful I was for that. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be here. My sister's wouldn't be here. I'd be rotting in an unmarked grave, nothing more but maggot food.
“Fuck, I've missed you. Are you okay? Where are you? ”
“I miss you and the others as well. I won't lie to you and say that I'm fine. I'm not. But I'm surviving Drake.. and that's all I can do right now. I can't tell you much right now. But just know that I'm not far. We'll see each other again soon. Promise.“ Pain wraps around my heart squeezing it like a vice.
“ Why'd you call, Little Terror? Why now? It's been months ” The breaking in his words causes a choked sob to escape my tightly pressed lips.
“You know why I didn't call... Scarlett wouldn't let me, she wouldn't be happy if she knew that I was calling now. But I just needed to call. I need to hear your voice myself and to make sure you guys are okay.”
Tears flood my cheeks as I hate being responsible for his pain. I never wanted to hurt them. They're the ones who set me up with leaving, staying protected, and putting the separation between us, and in the months that have passed, they never tried to reach me either...
The only one that has is Reed. Maybe I was stupid to think the others cared for me like he seemed to..
“Fuck that. I could've protected you. I could have been enough for you. “ His sobs finally break through the barrier he had set up to protect himself from showing how truly vulnerable he is.
“I wish you could've been. But it would've only brought danger to your doorsteps. It would've put a target on your back, your brothers, and your best friend. You could've ended up like Ben, and it would've been my fault. I had to leave, I had to harden myself and go through everything I have since to become someone worthy of you. Of the guys. Of my family. I had to become my destruction. I'm not the same girl I was before. I've done horrible fucking things to survive, I've lied, cheated, and given every bit of my soul away with each task. You know how the order is, you know the shit they can force you to do. I'm a monster now.. I'm broken. I'm fucked and I don't even know if I'll make it to the end of the year Drake. Jace won't give up, and it's all my fault.. Ben died because of me. Because he loved me. I'd never forgive myself if you died too. “
“ That's not your decision to make Soren, you don't get to sacrifice yourself and in the same breath tell me I can't do the same. Please.. I'm begging you Little Terror, let me help. Let me bring you home where you belong. We need you, we are falling apart since we let you go. Let me be enough for you now. “He pleads with me through the tears, making my heart hurt more
“What if being close to me only hurts you?”I counter trying to mask my own emotions
“ Being away from you hurts more.”He replies through a soft hiccupping breath
“ What if I get you or the others killed?” I ask quietly wanting him to understand my distance
“ I'll spend my last breath telling you what I should have had all of those years ago. You're worth risking it all for. ” He replies sternly
“ I'll think about it okay? I've got to go now.. but before I do, I want you to know that last night we shared. I wish it was you I gave myself over to.. “ I confess quietly, hoping he understands I mean that.
“We still have time, Little Terror.” He replies confidently making a small smile crack across my lips.
With that, the line goes dead and I'm left with an uneasy feeling at the decision I've already set into motion. I pray I'm not making a mistake.
“The girls called earlier to let me know that they will be home earlier than expected. I figured they could join us at the race tonight?” The smell of gas assaults my nose as I lean further into the car's engine.
Finn looks up at me with oil and grease smeared across his forehead, he nods softly. “ Yeah that would be great.“
“Does that not seem odd? If I was working against the largest organization in the country, wouldn't I not be sneakier about it?” Unease settles deep within my gut making me step back from the hood for much-needed fresh air.
“Not all crimes are committed by masterminds, Queenie. The girls said this one was anything but smart. ”He counters with a smug smile. I watch as he turns back to the task at hand, his muscles bunching as he moves with swift precision.
Shaking my head to clear my lust-induced stupor, I grumble out “Yeah, that's what has me worried. Why work with the deadliest of killers just to turn around and betray them? You know when you take the blood oath what you're signing yourself up for.“
Finn leans up and points to the fridge in the corner.“Queenie, go grab me a water babe? It's hot under this hood.” He uses the shop towel tucked into his pocket to wipe his face, leveling me with a look. “ Say, if this is one big setup? Who do you think would be working with this girl? Jace? Alec? “ He keeps his eyes on me as I hand the water to him, the bottle top falls from his fingertips to be forgotten as he takes his first sip.
“We know it's not Tom since the dumb bastard was murdered in front of his mistress while leaving that Italian restaurant in Ashford.” He chuckles to himself at that little fact, the heat from him getting caught with someone other than his wife caused more controversy than the dick getting murdered.
“Jace wouldn't be that stupid babe. There's a reason we haven't caught him yet, and it seems like he's always two steps ahead of us. “I let an irritated breath escape my lips before I lean back on the stool Finn has beside the car.
“We will get him, Queenie. He has to make a mistake soon.” He says reassuringly, pushing the sweaty hair from my eyes.
“I hope so. I'm tired of looking over my shoulder for a threat that I know is there.”I sigh softly, as I continue to watch him work. Nails scraping against concrete have me looking to the opened garage as Draco and Sirius come barreling through like pups on a mission with tails wagging and drool dripping from their mouths sprintingthey spot me near Finn.
“Oh, my big babies!” I say gleefully. Finn watches me as the boys lick my face and get drool all over me, my laughter echoing around us as the dogs achieve their mission of knocking me flat on my ass.
“ Sweet boys, who are the good boys?” I scratch behind their ears, petting their jet-black fur gently as I enjoy the onslaught of love from my fur babies. “ Mommy loves you boys.” I coo, softly at them.
“Runter mit Draco und Sirius” Finn commands, making them sit straight on their haunches, tongues still hanging loosely from their mouths as they wait for their next order. “Gute Jungs”
I lean down kissing their soft heads, sitting up straighter. I point to the house as the next command leaves my lips.
“Kopf hinein” With that they're off heading to the house, tails still swishing in the wind.
“Leave it to you to have trained killers turn into absolute teddy bears around you.”He chuckles as he watches the dogs trot away .
“Oh, they will rip your throat out, if given the command.” I smirk at his shocked expression, before I turn on my heels “ Now I need to go get ready for the race tonight, make sure to clean up before we have to leave. I don't want you stinking up the brand-new interior, Len will cut you. ” I retort smugly
“ Not my Lenny, she loves me.” He holds a hand to his heart and acts like he is wounded
My laughter follows me inside as I pad my way up to the second floor where my room is. The black and gold walls shimmer in the dwindling sunlight causing little flecks of light to dance on the ground.
As soon as I reach for my door handle a small feminine voice stops me in my tracks, my head snaps in the direction of my younger sister as she stomps her way towards me, anger covering her beautiful face has me meeting her halfway.
“What's the matter Car?”I ask as I try to move closer to her
“Stupid fucking, time-wasting, bullshit!”She growls out with a sense of irritation gracing her words
She stops her stomping as she reaches me, her chest rising and falling in rapid succession as she groans as the world itself has wronged her.
“It wasn't all a waste, you proved that the necessary matters will be taken care of on Saturday when I snap the traitor's neck. “I reply confidently, causing a smile to grace her lips
“ Yeah, yeah I know but still. I'm so tired of being an errand runner to pissy old men and bitchy old cunts. You wanna know what that dumb bitch Josie had to say??”She continues her warpath into my room and throws herself on my bed in an exaggerated manner, making a small smile creep across my lips.
“Pray tell sister, what that dumb bitch said this time,” I ask, rolling my icy blue eyes in her direction.
“She said that if we would've gotten our job done quicker, then Ben would still be alive.”Her voice comes out broken like she is trying to fight back a sob.
Red filters through my vision for a split second, as I slowly stop my pursuit of my closet. “S..she said fucking what now?”
This bitch has a goddamn death wish. Carla's green eyes meet mine as she lifts on her elbows to get a better look at me as she nods solemnly at me. “She said we failed a lord by being negligent with our work, by not catching the Traitor. “ Guilt now stains that beautiful face that matches the other half of my heart.
I'm going to slit this bitches throat for causing this feeling in my baby sister after she lost her best friend as well. Someone who became close friends with Ben over the couple months of him being in The Lord's, who would talk with him about the newest anime or the newest song from their favorite band. She didn't cause this. Jace was the one to kill him. Josie's fucked up brother. Fuck her. Fuck him too. I'm going to kill them. I'm going to bathe in their fucking blood and eat their fucking hearts for dinner for all this fucking pain they've caused.
“Fuck her. Do not under any goddamn circumstances believe that vile fucking bitch. You didn't cause this, we didn't know that Jace would find him, we didn't know he would kill him so horribly and then send pieces to us like trophies to hang on our walls. Finding the leak wouldn't have changed his fate. Jace is relentless, he would've found him sooner or later. We both knew we weren't safe while he was still out there ..”I state calmly, even though my inner emotions are anything but calm.
Carla's tiny frame shakes with the sob that escapes her thin lips. “ It's not fair that we are still running from that demented fuck. We joined this stupid fucking order to keep us safe and even it cannot protect us against that sicko.” She curls into herself the tears staining the pillow below her head, her blonde hair sticking up all over the place from static.
I climb up beside her pulling her into my arms and rubbing her hair down as I cradle her against me soothing the ache plaguing her. “I know baby, I know but I promise you that I will kill anyone who comes near you or the others. I won't let anything happen to you, I swear it. “
“But how can you be sure, Sor? I don't wanna die.. ” she whimpers, burying her face into my chest, soaking through the thin fabric, and making a chill go down my spine .
“I don't want that either baby, I'll do anything to prevent that. I promise you.”
I wrap my pinky finger through hers, sealing the promise between us. A promise I hope to never break.
“I believe you sissy.”
The revving of engines surrounds us as we walk side by side to the man holding the bets so we can go ahead and get entered into tonight's races.
We walk in our normal formation, Finn stands to my left with Len connected to his arm, her blood-red mask hiding her identity, and to my right Miles stands with his arm hooked to Carl's, her silver mask covering her face as well.
My half-shell mask covers from my nose down my neck, the halter top leaving nothing to the imagination as my breasts are perfectly taped to prevent them from falling out and my leather shorts cut just below my ass leaving just enough to peek out. I'm here as The Nightingale, the leader of the Valkyrie. I'm not Soren tonight, I've got her safely locked away.
Paul looks at me with a tigerish grin spreading across his chapped lips, as he cuts the others quick glances before returning back to me “M’lady it's been a minute since we were blessed with your presence out here, you come to clean house again?” He asks mockingly, looking around us as others start to filter through and get set up in their necessary positions around us.
“You know I never come to lose Pauly, boy, now who do you have for me tonight?” I grin even though he can't see it, my eyes must give it away because he sucks in a sharp breath as he runs his dirty fingers through the ledgers looking for the right one. By the look on his face, he seems to have found what he was looking for as he brings those bloodshot eyes to mine again, handing me the three slips each with a name that makes my palm shake slightly.
‘Caden Cole, Radley Ashford the blue flames dance behind us as we race side by side. I glance over, and I can't help but think how stunning he is behind the wheel. However, I'm a woman on a mission, and this isn't personal. I press the gas pedal harder, gaining the extra foot I need to ensure my car crosses the finish line first, not his.
The look of surprise that graces his handsome face has me silently pleading that this won't come back to haunt me later. I step toward him and extend my hand, saying with a smirk gracing my lips, “Let's do it again sometime.”
“Next time it won't be for a fucking car or money, I'll be racing for you. Tell your boyfriend that.” With that, he hands me the keys and the envelope with the cash in it. Right before he steps away, he mumbles a quiet ‘Fuck it’ before pulling me against him and kissing me in Infront of everyone, but before Finn and Miles have a chance to step in, he's gone.
Leaving my lips bruised. My mind and heart splintered in six different directions. Fuck. I'm screwed.