Two days after my night in Genevieve”s room, I’m having breakfast by myself, cursing my anxious brain for waking me so damn early, when Creed drags his feet into the kitchen and sits beside me. I spare him a quick look and a soft smile, loving the sleep rumpled look on him. Goddamn, he really pulls it off.
“Couldn’t sleep?” he asks me quietly as he leans in to kiss my forehead.
I shake my head, finishing the last of my cereal.
He watches me closely while I stand and cross the small kitchen, washing my dish in the deep sink. “We should go take care of your mom soon. I know that’s weighing heavily on you, baby.”
Thank god I’m looking down into the sink and not into his eyes, because my expression drops. I don’t even have to look at myself to know that I look devastated and on the verge of tears. I’m trying to stay strong, force my face into something neutral before I turn around, but Creed can read me better than I ever gave him credit for.
Warm, gentle hands wrap around my waist and he drops his chin to my shoulder, whispering, “I know, Ember. I know it hurts. Break if you need to. I’m right here.”
Damn him. If I wasn’t trying to keep myself together right now, I’d have melted in his arms. How does he manage to say the most perfect things?
I shut the water off in the sink and turn around, and Creed adjusts his hold on me so I’m tucked into his chest and he’s holding me close, one hand cradling the back of my head and the other rubbing soothing circles on my back.
“Do you think we could do it today?” I mumble, my cheek pressed against his chest so I can hear the calming and steady beat of his heart. “I’ve already put this off for too long. I know we have a lot going on, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling like the world’s worst fucking daughter.”
There’s no hesitation as Creed says, “Of course, Ember. Whatever you need.” There”s no it”s not safe, we should stay put. Creed doesn”t care about that, he just wants me content, and he”ll go along with whatever to make that happen. Plus, he”s happy to shed blood if need be, so really, there”s not too much to worry about. We”re only about an hour from the group home, and I doubt we”ll find any trouble there, so it should be a quick enough trip there and back. A hard one, and I might need to sulk and mourn for a few days after, but a quick trip nonetheless.
”Thank you.” I squeeze him a little tighter, closing my eyes.
Creed rests his cheek on top of my head, swaying a bit with me in his arms. ”I’ll go tell the others, and we’ll get on the road soon. Should we wake your sister?”
“Tell us what?” Asher drawls as he comes into the kitchen.
I shift in Creed’s arms, turning to look at Asher as he comes up beside us and makes himself a coffee. Griffin is with him, silent as ever, which is impressive when he’s such a big man, and he offers me a heart-stopping smile when I catch his gaze.
It still amazes me that there’s no jealousy between any of them. Though I guess I don’t know that for sure since it’s still something we haven’t all spoken about, and frankly, I’m not up for that conversation quite yet. Should I be an adult and bring it up? Absolutely. Am I going to? Fuck. No.
Creed looks down at me, silently asking if I want to tell Asher and Griffin or if he should. I sigh, reluctantly pulling away from him. The smell of Asher’s freshly brewed coffee teases me. I haven’t had a cup yet. When I glance down at it for a fraction of a second and then move to walk past, because my restraint is that good, Asher stops me with a hand on my wrist. He pushes the steaming mug toward me on the counter without a word and immediately starts making another cup for himself.
I’m a little shocked, blinking up from the coffee to him. He smiles cockily, like he’s won something, but doesn’t say a word. Griffin breathes out a laugh as I snatch the mug and walk to the table, cradling it between my hands to warm me up.
Creed gives his cousin a flat look. “I would have made her a coffee.”
Asher shrugs, but it’s Griffin who says, “Yeah, but you didn’t. You’re slipping, man.”
I snort into my cup at the dejected look on Creed’s face. He takes such pride in caring for my nutritional needs, always getting me food and making sure I eat it, and I can tell this is going to bug him until he finds some way to make up for it.
I take pity on the poor guy, patting my hand on the table. “Come sit with me. Hold my hand,” I request softly, feeling freaking smug when he shoots me this happy, adoring look and comes to my side.
Griffin and Asher take a few minutes to get themselves their own caffeine and simple breakfasts, and I watch them closely while they go about it. There’s an easy comfort there between them that warms me right through. And also kind of makes me jealous, so I guess I’m not as good as the guys are. It’s not that I don’t want them… together or whatever. It’s just that Asher seems so happy to just be in Griffin’s space, so calm and relaxed as they move around each other with little touches and quietly murmured words. And I hate that I don’t have that. Asher made me an enemy from the very beginning. I’ve never gotten to experience this softer side of him for myself. But damn if it’s not a headfuck to watch it happen with Griffin.
They love each other. It’s obvious, as if they’re broadcasting it to the world, even when they”re subtle. When Asher catches Griffin’s gaze with a dopey little smile and the softest blush on his cheeks, I could just fucking die of envy.
Maybe one day, Prudence.
When they sit down, joining Creed and me at the little circular oak table, I take a deep breath and squeeze Creed’s hand for support. I don’t even wait for them to start eating before I blurt out, “I’d like to go to Serene Acres to collect my mom’s belongings, sign whatever paperwork I need to, and make funeral arrangements.” I pause and bite my lip, my knee bouncing under the table from the intense stares of Griffin and Asher. “I’m assuming they’ll have cremated her by now, but I want to take her ashes with me so I can give her a proper goodbye and spread them somewhere safe. She”d like that. A peaceful place to rest.” I barely manage to choke the words out, and my eyes burn with unshed tears, but I don’t allow them to fall.
There will be plenty of tears to come today, but not right now. I just want to be strong for a few moments, enjoy my coffee, and mentally prepare for what I”ll have to do.
Griffin frowns at me, reaching across the table to take my hand. He doesn”t say anything, but I don”t need him to. The look in his glacial blue eyes is enough to tell me he”s on board, and he”ll do whatever it takes to help me put my mom to rest.
Asher gives me a single, gentle nod, and something in my chest eases. I assumed he”d be the hardest to persuade, not that I”d let him keep me from doing this, but to have him agree so easily is a shock, to say the least.
I wake Genevieve to tell her we”ll be gone for a few hours and not to worry, and the guys do… whatever it is they do, and then we”re on the road within half an hour.
I never imagined having to make funeral arrangements for my mom in my early twenties. I thought this was something I’d have to handle much later in my life. Something I’d be marginally more prepared for. As we drive up to Serene Acres, the silence heavy in the car, I try my best to get ready for this emotional blow.
The group home is only open to visitors for certain hours and days each week, but I can’t imagine they’ll turn me away. I’m here to say goodbye to my mom. Creed will help if need be. He”ll shove his way inside with his fists if anyone tries to stop me, and Griffin and Asher would be right behind him.
Asher pulls into the parking lot, shuts off the car, and glances at me in the rearview mirror. I hold his gaze for a few seconds while I work on keeping my vomit inside my body. It’s not an easy task as the building my mom died in looms ahead. It”s gray and dull, not at all welcoming, and something about that tears my heart into ribbons.
She had to spend years of her life in a place that looks like it welcomes death. She died inside those sickly gray walls, under the oppressive weight of disease and depression housed inside. She should have had better. I should have done better for her. Now it”s too late.
”I…” I begin, still holding Asher”s gaze. I shake my head, trying to swallow past the boulder sitting in my throat. ”I need a second, um, before I get out. If that”s alright?”
Asher looks so wounded for me that it only makes my eyes sting with tears. He nods gently, murmuring, “Of course. Take your time. And when you go inside, you’ll be okay. We’re right here with you.”
I nod stiffly, but I don’t actually believe anything will ever be okay again.
We sit in silence for a few moments, none of the guys rushing me, which I”m immensely thankful for. Finally, I feel brave enough to face this, though I know going inside will knock me on my ass. With a deep breath, I clasp Creed’s hand for strength, and mumble, “Alright then, let’s get this over with.” I go to open the back door, in a hurry because this place gives me the damn creeps, but I don’t make it very far.
Creed pulls me back into his side with our intertwined hands and presses a kiss to my forehead. When he pulls back, he searches my eyes, nods as if he’s happy with whatever he finds in my soul, and then reaches over me to open the door himself.
“What was that for?” I whisper as I scoot out of the car.
“Just reminding you,” he answers softly, holding onto my hand tight enough to hurt. The pain grounds me, though, so I don’t pull away.
Griffin and Asher are waiting for us on the sidewalk, but I take my time getting to them, instead asking Creed, “Reminding me of what?”
He crooks a lazy half smile at me. “That I’m here, Ember. That I love you. This might be the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do in your life, but just know that you’re not doing it alone. You’ll never have to do anything alone again.”
My feet drag with the next couple of steps as his caring words hit me square in the chest. Tears burn my eyes, but I blink them away before any can escape. I will not cry until we leave this place. Then I’m going to hide in bed in my sister’s cabin for at least a week and finally give myself time to properly mourn my mom’s loss. We’ve been at the cabin long enough that I feel safe there now, confident that The Celestials don’t know where we are, so I know that the breakdown I’m going to have after this will be okay. I can shut off for a few days and we’ll all survive it.
Squeezing Creed’s hand in a silent thank you is all I can manage right now, but thankfully, he squeezes right back in understanding. “I got you, Prudence. I’ll always have you,” he murmurs right before we’re in earshot of the other two. He warned me that today might be hard for him, but looking at him now, I’d never know he was struggling. His grip is firm on my hand, his eyes steady, and his shoulders back, as if he’s ready for whatever comes. It breaks my heart a little because he’s only putting himself in this position for me, and I’d rather he didn’t have to face his trauma at all, but leaving him behind wasn’t an option for him.
I love him. For today, and for so many other things. I make a mental note to do something special to show him that once this is all over.
When we reach Griffin and Asher on the sidewalk, Griffin sweeps his icy blue eyes over me and offers me his hand. With Creed on my left, I take Griffin’s hand with my right, and Asher leads the way like my own personal bodyguard. Honestly, I could get used to this. If we get through the next few months, that is.
Asher stops in front of the main door, looking back at me carefully. “Ready for this?” he asks softly, which is still taking some getting used to. When I don’t answer, swallowing roughly, he turns to face me properly, cups my cheek, and murmurs, “Say the word, and we’ll leave right now. I can come back and make the arrangements for you if this is too hard.”
I swallow down the yes please, let’s leave that wants to burst from my lips and offer a shaky smile instead. “I’m okay.”
Griffin’s grip tightens on my right hand, and Creed inches closer on my left side, both of them giving their strength and support. Asher takes a deep breath, holding my gaze like he’s studying my very soul. I shift my eyes to the door in front of us and Asher takes the cue, turning back around and knocking.
The seconds it takes for the door to open feel like hours. Hours where I’m trapped in hell, strung up by meat hooks, and being probed by the devil. But before I can run away screaming, the door opens and my stomach drops. Looks like my trip to hell is only just beginning.