14. Creed
Now that we’re out of the car and walking into the group home my Ember’s mom passed away in, the feeling of dread I”ve been fighting has firmly taken root. It”s festering deep in my stomach, warning me away from this sick place, but I”ll be damned if I run from my fears today. I”m here for Prudence, and that”s all that matters.
It doesn’t help that I spent too fucking long locked up in a mental institution not so different from this place. I doubt there are any patients strapped to their beds in this facility, drugged against their will, but my mind is being dragged back to that dark time in my life, nonetheless.
My skin prickles with unease as the nurse — or whoever the fuck it was that answered the door — leads us deeper into the massive building, explaining that Prudence will need to speak with her mother’s former doctor and sign some forms. My steps become heavier, my breathing more labored, and the color is beginning to seep from my vision.
Stop, Creed. Stop it right now. This is a big moment for your girl and you will not fuck it up by losing your goddamn mind.
I blink far too aggressively for any normal person, but it helps repel that void I was slipping into. For now, at least. Prudence lets go of my hand as she matches her pace with the woman droning on and on. The second her skin isn’t on mine, I turn and search for Asher’s gaze. My cousin may be a fucking dick, and yeah, there’s been times lately that I’ve wanted to cave his damn head in, but he’s the only family I have. Asher and I have always been close, even if our relationship has been strained at times, and he knows my… mental struggles better than anyone.
While Griffin is practically on Prudence’s ass, he’s following so close, Asher hangs back and finally looks my way. The second his eyes find mine, some of the tension releases from my chest. Asher frowns and comes over to stand beside me, putting his hand on my shoulder.
“I know, man,” he murmurs sympathetically, nodding almost imperceptibly. “I almost suggested you stay in the car, but I knew that wouldn’t go over well with you.”
I snort, raking my hand through my hair as I check on Prudence and Griff again. My girl is fine and her guard dog looks vicious enough to bite should anyone come too close. Knowing she’s safe helps ease some of this heavy feeling.
“I can’t— I won’t ever go back there, Ash,” I croak, trying to keep my voice low so I don’t alarm Prudence. I turn away from her and Griffin, giving all my focus to my cousin. “If this all goes dicks up and The Celestials win… I want you to kill me. A bullet between the eyes, quick and—“
“Like fucking hell I’m doing that,” Asher snaps, cutting me off as his fingers dig into my shoulder painfully. His brows are creased together as he scowls at me like I’m a naughty child caught dicking around.
I shrug his hand off and tip my chin up in a silent challenge. “You know what they’ll do to me. If those cocksuckers get their hands on me, I’ll be locked in a padded room for the rest of my life. I’d rather fucking die than endure that hell all over again. So please, Asher. You’re the only one who’d do this for me if everything goes wrong.” Prudence might murder him for it, but that’ll be future Asher’s problem.
A muscle tightens in his jaw as he looks away from me, his green eyes flashing with emotion. There one second, gone the next, but it was fear and anguish if I’m not mistaken. “We’ll be okay. Nobody is dying anytime soon,” he mutters darkly.
I almost laugh. I don’t know why. That unsettled feeling in my stomach riots at my cousin’s words, and something tells me people will be dying sooner than we think.
Forcing myself to stay here and not in my colorless void that’s trying to drag me under the surface right now, I grit my teeth and nod at Asher and then I follow after Prudence and Griffin. She’s too far away from me, even though I can see her. I need my hands on her, her calming aura seeping through my mind before I fucking lose it in this place.
Asher sighs at my clear dismissal, following me without another word. He must know I’m right on the edge of snapping and tearing shit from the walls in here, so it’s smart of him not to push me too hard, even if he is only worried and looking out for me. Right as I get to my girl”s side, placing my hand on her lower back and finally taking a deep breath, a patient screams from the TV room to our left, and I swear to fucking god, I jump straight out of my skin.
My head snaps that way, watching as the guy stands and claws at his arms while three nurses rush him. His skin tears, blood bubbling to the surface, and his eyes are frantic. Jesus fucking Christ. Prudence slips her hand into mine, and I’m a little ashamed of how hard I squeeze it in return. I see the glint of a needle before it penetrates the guy’s skin, the drug working immediately to lull him into some kind of hazy state, and it takes a hell of a lot to force memories away and not run from this place screaming. I’m all too familiar with needles and drugs and faceless, nameless nurses. It may have been a few years ago now, but being here is bringing all those horrid memories to the forefront of my mind.
I shiver from the effort it takes to look away from the scene. I don’t want to take my eyes off of the workers here, but rationally, I know I’m safe. With Prudence and my family, I’m safe. I’ll tell myself that a million and one times if I need to.
“You okay?” my girl whispers, just soft enough for me to hear. When I wrangle my brain back into some semblance of calm, I glance down at her, nearly breaking at the concerned look in her gorgeous hazel eyes.
How can she be so worried about me, today of all days? She’s the one who needs support.
I smile at her, though I know it doesn’t reach my eyes. “I will be, Ember. Just… a little uneasy. But I’ll be just fine as soon as I get you home and spread out on the bed, a sexy tool for my distraction,” I murmur back, and fuck me, the way her eyes shudder with heat helps divert me from my terror real fucking well.
Griffin snorts and shoots me a look that totally says behave, dick.
Oops, I guess I wasn’t as quiet as I should have been.
Asher slaps a hand on my shoulder, his own asshole way of reminding me not to embarrass Prudence around all these strangers. He not so subtly nudges Prudence and me apart, and then he takes her place with a hand on her back to lead her back to her mom’s old room.
He leans down and asks her something, but I can’t hear it properly. My eyes narrow at the way he’s carrying himself, tension radiating off of his stiff shoulders and every step like he’s walking closer to his doom. And then he looks down at Prudence, and there’s no masking the guilt in his expression.
I frown and look at Griffin as we walk behind them. He bites his lip and gives me an equally guilty look, and I make a note to ask what the fuck those two are hiding. I thought we were past this secret keeping shit.
“Don’t, Creed. Not right now,” Griffin rasps roughly, watching Prudence closely as she goes into the room her mom once lived in. Griff and I stop just outside the door, but Asher goes right inside with her, looking around at the sparely decorated, cold space. “Just let her have today. Let her have one fucking moment to process and mourn, and then… Tomorrow, we all need to talk.”
I keep my eyes on my girl as I hiss back, “Yeah, I’ll fucking say. I’ll gut the both of you if whatever this secret is puts her in more danger.”
Griffin just swallows and nods back, and then the two of us shut up and give Prudence as much time as she needs to sort through her mom’s few belongings and pack it all into a single box.
How fucking sad is that? Irene lived here for years, and yet everything she owned can fit into one box.
When Prudence picks up a framed photo from the nightstand, a smiling shot of mother and daughter, she finally breaks. The sob that rips out of her absolutely fucking guts me, and when she collapses to her knees and hugs the picture to her chest, I can’t get to her fast enough.
Asher, Griffin, and I all rush to her, the center of our fucked up little world. I damn near slam into her in my desperate need to hold her together. I wrap my arms around her as I lift her and shift us so she’s in my lap and I can rub her back while I tuck her face into my chest. Griffin and Asher sit on either side of me, so close they’re practically on my lap too. Griffin cups her face and turns her to look at him. He sweeps his thumbs over her cheeks as his eyes search hers like he’s helpless. And yeah, he is. We all fucking are. I’d slaughter the world and dance in the puddles of blood with a goddamn smile on my face if it meant protecting Prudence, but this is different. There’s no one for me to kill, no physical danger, and no way to piece her back together except to just… let her cry it out.
After a few minutes, and Griffin and Asher both looking into her eyes to silently check on her, Prudence shifts in my lap and rests her ear over my heart. Her fingers trace a little pattern over my chest, and I drop my cheek to the top of her head.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t expect for everything to hit me so hard,” she croaks, her voice raw and broken from her tears.
Asher sweeps her fiery hair away from her wet, red cheeks, tucking it behind her ear as he says, “Don’t ever apologize for feeling, Prudence. Not ever, do you hear me? If you need to cry, then do it. We’re right here with you.”
I can’t see her expression from the angle I’m holding her, but whatever it is has Asher giving her a soft smile back. He leans in and kisses her, just a quick peck before pulling back, but the way she sucks in a breath tells me she wasn’t expecting that from him. Honestly, me either. I don’t know what the fuck changed with my cousin, why he’s being so gentle, but I can’t say I hate it. When I saw them together in the hallway the other day, I kind of assumed it was more of a hate fuck about to start than anything else, but now? I’m not so sure.
My cousin has a very possessive glint in his eyes that I recognize well. It’s the way I look at Prudence every single day.
Griffin kisses her shoulder, drawing her attention to him. Prudence turns so her other cheek is on my chest, like she can’t bear to separate from me quite yet, and honestly, I’m fine with that. I’d hold her here all damn day if she wanted me to.
“Do you want me to pack the rest up?” Griffin asks gently, his face an open expression of sad adoration, as if it hurts him to see her like this. I’m sure it does. It fucking guts me.
Prudence thinks for a second, and then nestles impossibly closer to me as she nods to Griffin. “Thank you,” she whispers, and that’s all he and Asher need before they’re on their feet.
They move around us on the floor, being gentle and caring with each of Irene’s possessions. Prudence sniffles and shivers in my arms, so I hold her tighter, rocking her a little and just feeling so fucking complete with her in my lap. If I didn’t have to share with the other two dickheads, I don’t think I’d ever let her go. Literally, not ever.
It takes me a few moments to realize that with Prudence wrapped up in my arms, my own anxiety and old fears about being in a place like this have vanished. My palms have stopped sweating, my teeth aren”t grinding, and my legs are itching to sprint as fast as they can.
She heals me, wholly and completely, and for that, I vow to do the same for her for the rest of my days.