12. Cordelia
We’re in New Mexico and just got settled. The heat of the day is starting to dissipate as the sun sets, and I’ve been wracking my brain for how to tell Rafe I’m pregnant with his child. Dad is outside, so he doesn’t see me pacing like a crazy woman. Kai still isn’t here yet, but I’m hoping he will be soon because I need my best friend right now.
Do I blurt it out? Do I work him up to it? What if he doesn’t want me? What if he doesn’t want the baby? Will he want to get married? I don’t think I want to marry him. He was nice in the moment when Kai pushed me away and shattered my heart into a thousand pieces, but that doesn’t mean he’s the one.
I already know who he is, and I’ll never be able to tell him.
Rafe is already here and settled. I saw him hanging out with Deacon earlier. I need to rip the band-aid off. There’s no way around this. Buck up and do it, Cordi. You can do this.
I don’t know the first thing about being a mother, but I will find out. I’ve been processing this for the past two months. I don’t want to tell my mom right now, but I’ll have to tell Dad before I start showing. Time is not on my side.
The first step is telling Rafe.
I take a deep breath and open the door, heading straight for Rafe’s trailer.
My knuckles rap against the door a few times, and I step down the stairs to wait as my stomach churns.
He opens the door, and that smile I thought was cute two months ago feels slimy now.
“Hey Cordelia, how are ya? It’s been a minute,” he says.
“Hey, I was wondering if I could come in,” I say hesitantly.
His eyebrows shoot up in interest, and I do my best to hold back the vomit crawling up my throat.
“Yeah, totally. Come on in,” he says with that charming smile.
I smile the best I can and follow him inside.
“Take a seat. So what have you been up to?” he asks.
We sit on the couch, and he leans forward with his arm on the top of the cushion. He’s getting warmed up.
“Um, not great, Rafe. I have something to tell you.”
He leans back with an odd look on his face, and I know I’m going to have to come out with it. Let the chips fall where they may. He’s not the type to warm up and gently present the news.
“I’m pregnant, and the baby is yours.”
I watch for his reaction, and he’s as solid as stone. Did he short out? I start to ask if he’s okay, and then he leaps up from the couch.
“There’s no way we used a condom. That’s not…no,” he says.
I puff out a breath and look down at my feet. I should have known this would be his reaction.
“Condoms break, Rafe. I haven’t slept with anyone else. This baby is yours,” I say with as emotionless of a tone as I can.
“Bullshit, this baby isn’t mine!” he yells.
I stand and take a step back from him.
“What do you want? You want me to give you money? This isn’t on me. This is all you. I don’t want anything to do with you,” he says, stepping back.
My eyes burn, and I force the tears to stay in my eyes because the last thing I want to do is show this asshole any kind of weakness. I didn’t expect him to pledge his love to me, but I didn’t expect this cruelty, either.
“The reality is, Rafe, this child is yours. I am not asking you to marry me. I—“
“Hell no, I’m not marrying you! You’re not getting a dime from me. All you bike bitches are the same. I want nothing to do with this or you. Get out!” he yells and points towards the door.
Forcing another breath of calm into my lungs, I count to three before finishing my sentence. I want to kill him right now. What the hell was I thinking sleeping with this asshole?
“Look, I thought you would want to know. I don’t want anything from you. I will do this on my own, and I’d appreciate it if you could stay quiet about this.”
He scoffs. “You think I want anyone to know I got you pregnant? Hell no.”
I open the door to leave and pause, turning around, and he’s staring at me with disgust. I hate myself for it, but I start crying because there is no stopping these tears.
“You are an asshole. You suck in bed. You’re a terrible rider but an even worse human. Good luck to you because you’ll need it.”
Lifting my chin with tears running down my face, I leave his trailer with my head held high.
The door slams behind me, and I see Kai’s trailer next to mine. Relief fills my heart with the sight. My best friend is finally here.