25. Kai
I get ready for bed and return to the balcony to look at the black ocean. “Kai,” Cordi calls for me, and I hop out of my seat and rush into the bathroom.
“Yeah? Are you okay?” I ask her. She’s still in the tub, sitting up with an arm on either side of the edge.
She smiles. “You’re always so worried about me. I’m fine. I don’t want to slip.”
“Makes sense,” I tell her, grabbing a towel before holding out my hand. She takes it and starts to lift herself. My fear of her hurting herself by trying to get out of this slippery tub wins as I scoop my arms under her, lifting her out of the tub. She squeaks, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck. Water drips off her body and down my bare chest, pooling at my feet.
“Kai, I’m heavy. Don’t drop me,” she says quickly, looking at the floor and trying to put a foot down.
I hold her steady and look her in the eye. “You’re not heavy, baby, and if for some reason you don’t believe me, I’ll prove it to you one day.” She inhales sharply with wide eyes, and her hand twitches on my neck. I’m so aware of every part of her skin touching mine. I want to carry her to bed and taste it, to taste her.
“Why not now,” she whispers.
I bite my lip, swallowing the groan building in the back of my throat. “Because you need a good night’s rest.” I carry her to the rug by the vanity and set her gently on her feet. Then I retrieve the towel and dry her off. I don’t know why I do it. I’ve never done something like this before. My need to care for her in every way possible is so consuming it feels like barbed wire around my heart, but I love bleeding for her.
“You really don’t need to do that,” she says, trying to grab the towel from me. Her chest tinges pink as she avoids eye contact. I drop to my knee and keep drying her off, leg by leg. She’s radiant, and it’s hard for me to focus on doing my job right now when all I want to do is stare. Her belly has seemed to grow a little bigger overnight, and I keep finding myself overwhelmed by it all. My brain can’t comprehend that she’s growing another human in there. I lean forward and press my lips on her skin as she grabs my hair. This time, I can’t swallow the groan, and I let my lips linger there. She smells like honey and lavender. My eyes burn with unshed tears, and I blink it away before standing.
I wrap the soft robe hanging on the hook around her, and she ties the knot before grabbing her toothbrush. “Thank you,” she says. I nod, looking into her blue eyes through the mirror. I can see something stirring in them, but I leave her to it and walk out of the bathroom. I sit on the edge of the bed, lean over, and run my fingers through my hair. I have never been devastated by someone. She brings me to my knees and doesn’t even realize it. A moment later, she saunters out in her robe, and I stand to leave her in peace.
“Will you stay?” she asks me, stepping closer.
“I didn’t know if you wanted me to since we’ve been staying in the RV together, but I thought you might want the bed to yourself.”
She smiles softly and holds out her hand. “That might have been the truth a long time ago, but it certainly isn’t now. I know we’re doing everything backward and maybe even a little sideways, but I want my future husband right here.”
“I love you, gem.”
“I love you, too,” she says.
“Are you okay?” she asks, and I nod, avoiding her gaze, and sit down on the edge of the bed. She steps up to me, standing between my legs. I spread them wider, and she steps closer as I place my hands on her hips. “Do you…do you not want me?” she asks.
“What the hell are you talking about?” I ask, rubbing my thumbs over the crease in her hips.
“Because I’m pregnant,” she whispers. “Because I’ve told you over and over again that I want you. I want us to take that step together. I’ve been ready to take it with you for a long time, but you keep telling me no.”
I lean my forehead against her belly, and she gasps as I feel something beneath her robe. I lift my head quickly and look up at her. “What?” I ask as her hand flies to her belly. My heart throttles in my chest like a V8 going two hundred down the road.
“Did you feel that?” she asks. I nod and she unties her robe, revealing her tanned skin as reaches down and grabs my hand. She takes it, smoothing it across her stomach and then stops. “Right there,” she whispers. “He responds to you,” she says, her voice full of awe. I look up from her stomach and tears fall from her eyes. “He kicks when you do that.”
“It’s a boy?” I ask her. She shrugs, holding my hand on her belly.
“I don’t know, I just have a feeling. What do you want?” she asks.
My throat feels dry, and I think I’m going to have a heart attack. “I…I don’t know. I never thought about it.” I never thought I’d have kids. Not because I didn’t want them but because I was terrified of becoming like my father.
“I didn’t either, and I don’t know if it matters to me, but I was curious about what you thought.”
“It doesn’t matter to me either. I’ll love this kid like they are my own.”
The baby kicks again, and she giggles. The sensation under my hand is bizarre and amazing.
“That tickles,” she says, grinning.
“I can’t imagine how that feels,” I murmur and kiss her stomach one more time. She yawns, and I stand. “Let’s get you to bed.”
“You never answered my question. You can tell me. I…I want to know.”
I look down at this beautiful wonder of life, grabbing her face between my hands. I draw my thumbs back and forth on the underside of her jaw and lean forward to kiss her forehead.
“I told you I want you so badly it hurts. But…I don’t think I can be gentle with you, gem. I don’t think I’ll have the restraint left in my body the moment I get to take you. I’m afraid I’m going to hurt the baby or something. I couldn’t live with myself if—“
She grins up at me. “That’s what this is? It’s not because I have stretch marks or an extra inch on my thighs?”
“Why would it be? I don’t care about any of that. You’re beautiful to me; stretch marks and whatever else you said,” I tell her and kiss her nose this time.
Cordi pushes her fingers on my chest, forcing me to sit back down. She puts her hands on my shoulders, lifting a leg one at a time to straddle me, pushing each side of her robe back as it almost falls off her shoulders. She grabs my face between her palms and takes my mouth, owning it, owning me.
“I have done all the internet searches and asked all the questions. You won’t hurt me. It’s whatever works for us.”
“Are you sure?” I ask her. She nods and kisses me again. I lay back, bringing her with me. She slides off my lap to her side, bringing my mouth with her and keeping one leg between mine. I grip her butt firmly, holding her body as close as I can. Hunger builds in my stomach, and I push her onto her back, getting on all fours above her. I press a kiss on each cheek down to her collarbone and land between her breasts. She whimpers and runs her fingers through my hair.
Sitting up, I gaze down at her and graze my hands over her stomach again.
“You really like touching my belly, don’t you?” she asks.
I nod, staring at the small swell of her abdomen and how her whole body has accommodated the change. “You amaze me,” I whisper.
She sits up on her elbows, and I kiss her again, tasting the sweetness of what it means to love her. How it feels to love her. She tastes like honey, and the one good decision I’ve made in my life. I turn us again so she’s on her side and slip my hand between her thighs.
She grips my shoulder, and her lips part on a gasp. “Kai,” she sighs.
“Is this okay?” I ask her.
She bites her lower lip, pushing her hips into my hand. “Yes,” she says.
“Gem,” I murmur against her lips. Cordelia moans as I quicken my fingers. Her nails dig into my skin, making me groan with the little bite of pain.
Slowing my hand, her eyes pop open, and I grin, knowing I’ll love messing with her in the future. “Don’t stop,” she whimpers.
“Never,” I whisper, curling my fingers. Her moans turn into a scream, and I memorize the sound. I can’t wait to hear it over and over again.
“Kai,” she says, inhaling sharply. I slam my lips against hers, lapping up her whimpers. She bites my tongue, and I snap my head back.
“Hey,” I grunt. She grabs my lower lip and drags it through her teeth. The fire in her eyes makes me want to take this further, but we’re tired, and both need rest. I slip my fingers between my lips, and her face turns even pinker. “You like that, don’t you?” I ask her.
She blushes and whispers, “Maybe.”
I pull back, eyes still closed as her lips tattooed over mine. I haven’t slept well for days, but I think I could tonight.
She drags her nails down my abs, yanking me back into the moment, and slides her hand beneath my waistband, grazing her nail across me.
“Gem,” I groan.
“Let me,” she says and kisses my shoulder. She moves her hand back and forth while I stare into her eyes, edging me closer to the sheer drop. “I am so hopelessly in love with you,” she whispers.
I grunt, unable to form a sentence. It doesn’t take long. I was already halfway there the moment she touched me. Before I fall off the cliff, I grab the back of her neck and devour her like she’s devoured my cold, dark heart, replacing it with only light.