Fighting For Light: A Dark Sports Romance (The Coldwell Brothers)

34. Kai

We will be in Texas for about four days, and the race is tonight. Tomorrow night is the freestyle competition. I’m more confident in the team because of the Dallas performance in Louisiana, but every race is a new chance to either win or lose. We need to keep our heads on straight, but mine is spinning.

Mom is coming in, and I’m worried about her exposure and Cordi’s. Ever since we got married, my last look at her has changed. I did it before we said I do, but after, it was…different. I tell myself to get a good look at my whole world because I may not get to see it again. I’ve never been afraid of death. My family has been dancing with it for most of our lives. It’s a miracle we’ve gotten this far.

I know my mom, brothers, and Reece will take care of Cordi if something happens to me. But we’re just getting started. Our life feels like it’s just begun. I feel like I’ve been in a holding pattern until now. For once in my life, my father isn’t my primary concern. My wife is. My priorities have changed. She has changed everything for me and this family. It’s as if we have a reminder of a new hope, a renewed reason to fight for our family.

Anxious energy still buzzes in my gut after my workout, practice, and nap. I down a bottle of water and glance at Cordi typing away on her computer. She didn’t sleep well last night after we rolled into Texas.

“Why are you staring at me, babe?” she asks, still looking at her screen. She tilts her head and starts typing again.

“Just admiring the view.”

She chuckles and glances at me. “You are such a sap.”

“I like looking at you. I get to do it openly now, so I’m playing catch up.”

“Though I am flattered, I know you, and there is something on your mind. You do this weird staring off into space thing when you’re thinking too hard.”

“Is there smoke coming out of my ears, too?” I ask her.

She grins and looks at me while sipping her strawberry smoothie. I had to run out the other night and grab five bags of frozen strawberries because she was craving them so badly.

“Yes, there is, actually. I’m starting to get worried. We may have to do an engine replacement.”

“Or maybe I need someone to help me flush the pipes. It might clear everything out.” Cordelia snorts, and the smoothie comes out of her nose. She catches it before it drops on her computer, and I grab a paper towel to help her clean it up.

“That hurt, and that was gross,” she says, shaking her head.

I grin as she glances at my crotch. “I was joking, gem.” Her skin flushes an adorable pink, and I shake my head. “Who knew you had such a dirty mind?”

She shrugs and sips her smoothie. “What can I say? I look at you and immediately get ideas.”

My eyebrow ticks up, and I lean over, kissing her forehead. “Now that I like the sound of,” I say, dragging my knuckles over her cheek.

She knocks my hand away and levels me with a look. “Stop avoiding my question. What’s on your mind? You better tell me, otherwise I will stand in the middle of that track until you get off that bike.”

I sit across from her, and she shuts her laptop, waiting for me to talk. This is why she’s my best friend. She has always been a good listener, not that I’ve ever shared a lot with her. Even when I couldn’t tell her something, she knew I needed her. Just like she does now. I take a breath and look her in the eye.

“I’ll give it all up if you want me to. If it makes you that nervous or fearful, it doesn’t matter. I will give it up for you,” I say, enunciating each word.

Her eyes are wide, and lips parted in surprise. She swipes her hand across her cheek and levels me with a stare. “Listen to me very carefully, Kai. I do not want you to give anything up. You love this, and I will never ask you to stop doing something you love. I’ll admit, for some reason, it scares me more now to watch you flying in the air like Superman, with no superpowers or a way to land, but I don’t want you to feel forced into making choices about things that make you happy, Kai.”

I reach for her hand and thumb the ring on her finger. If I quit, there would be one less cause of death that could be listed for me. But I love what I do. I’ll give it up if she asks me to. I already decided to do that for her, even if it meant giving up the only other thing that takes the weight off my shoulders. Because now I have her, and she makes all of it worth it.

“I’ve been keeping my identity a secret, baby. I am Superman. Surprise,” I chuckle and kiss her knuckles.

“Kai, I’m being serious,” she mutters. Anxiety tightens in my chest. Usually, I can ignore it, but I’m not having much luck at the moment. What I want isn’t as important anymore. What matters is Cordi, the baby, and my family. Period.

“I know, baby, but right now, if it’s one thing that could keep me from growing old with you, then I’ll do it.”

“I respect that, but kids look up to you. People are inspired by you. I am not the only one affected by you leaving the team. Now…if you want to leave because you want to do something else, I support you wholeheartedly. Where you go, I go. But don’t make this choice because I’m scared of what could happen. I don’t want you to resent me for it. I don’t want it to come between us. And under no circumstances do I want you to be thinking about me being worried about you leaping into the air. Your mind needs to be focused when you’re on that bike.”

I stare at her, absorbing every word she said. “Are you sure?”

She huffs and wiggles herself out of her seat, coming around the table. I turn to face her, and she sits on my lap, draping her arms around my neck.

“I’m positive, babe. I love you, and I want you to be happy. And I know this makes you happy.”

“Okay then, at the very least, I’m going to get rid of my bike,” I tell her.

“What do you mean, your R7? You love that bike.”

“I do, but if it means I’m less likely to be taken from you unexpectedly, then so be it.”

“We have some good memories on that bike,” she says.

I smile and twirl a piece of her hair around my finger. She’s right. I drove my fiancée on that bike. She looks good on that bike. I had other plans for us to explore on that bike. Maybe I shouldn’t sell it.

“Do you want me to keep it?”

“I want you to do whatever you think is best, but not because of me. But it would be cool if maybe you put it in storage for a while because I would like to ride with you again when I’m not pregnant.”

I smile at that. Cordi likes the thrill.

“Alright, baby, I’ll keep it.”

I lay my head on her chest. Her fingers run through my hair, centering me, fortifying my mind for the race ahead.

Her hands pause for a second, and I lean my head back. “And if…you need a way to get your head on straight before a competition, you come to me, and we can burn off some of that anxiety,“ she says, and I chuckle silently and lift my head to press my lips to hers. She smiles against my mouth.

We sit there for a bit. In this quiet moment, I can feel our friendship grow and change from the love we are feeding it. When I’m with her, I am in awe that my best friend is the love of my life. I am blown away that after she knows all my dirty and dark secrets, she still loves me. She is nothing short of a miracle to me.

I think about our little post-wedding dinner and the calm that blanketed our family. Cordelia is not just a light in my darkness, but she is a new beginning. She carries a new generation of the Coldwells that will have nothing but good attached to it.

***

Cordelia is standing off to the side of the track with her camera in her hands. It’s mid-afternoon, and the race is about to start. We got our pep talk from coach, which consisted of cussing us out and don’t mess it up. Good talk, coach.

She lifts the camera to her eye and points it at me. I lift my helmet and smile wide at her while making the hang ten sign. She lowers the camera to give the signal back. She’s wearing a cowboy hat, baggy jeans, and a form-fitting tank top highlighting her belly. I love this look on her and really like that hat. Maybe she would keep it on later. I pull my helmet back down and fix my goggles. Head in the game, dumbass. Quit looking at your beautiful wife.

The organizers call for us to line up, and we all slowly head to our place in front of the gates. Despite my best effort not to, I look up at her again. I get my fill, then force my eyes away, tracking my line. The countdown starts, and the gates drop. The rest of the world disappears.

Thirty minutes later, I pull in first, throwing dirt. My teammates roll in after me. We just solidified our first-place standing, putting us at least six points ahead of any other team. It would be hard to beat unless three out of four of us wipe out. I’m confident about how we will perform tomorrow with freestyle.

I glance up at Cordi, but she’s not standing there anymore. I turn to find her slowly making her way to me. Her kisses after a race are becoming one of my favorite things about racing. I used to look forward to cutting up with the boys or hanging out with Cordi simply because I enjoyed spending time with her. Now, as my wife, throw in the adrenaline coursing through my veins, I just want to pick her up and take her to bed.

Throwing my leg over my bike, I lean my butt against it and wait for her to close the distance between us. The guys are talking and high-fiving, but all I see is her. Coach pats my back, and Cordi takes a step between my spread legs, unhooks my strap underneath my chin, and pulls my helmet off before crashing her lips to mine. With one hand on her stomach and the other on her butt, I pull her tighter between my legs. Her other hand holds the side of my face, and she thrusts her tongue against mine, making me groan before she rips her mouth away.

Deacon whistles and says, “Hey, Cordelia. Want to come give me some that lovin’?” he asks, patting his cheek. I get up to punch him in the face, but Cordi’s grip on me is too tight to move further.

So I stare at him with a deadly look. “Refer to my wife like that again, and you will regret having a tongue.”

He pales a bit and shuts his mouth, holding up his hands. “No disrespect, man.” He drops his hands and puts one on his chest. “I’m sorry, Cordelia. It was just a joke.”

She rolls her eyes. “It’s fine, but you’re a dumbass, Deacon.” He shrugs and chuckles. Cordi returns her focus to me and kisses me gently. “You did good, daredevil. I’m proud of you,” she whispers across my lips. Her praise shoots through me like a bolt of lightning. No one has ever said that to me. It’s one thing to hear Mom saying she’s proud of me for the man I’ve become. It is something entirely different to hear my wife say those words. I really feel like Superman now.