61. Cordelia
I realize we’re already married, but I have to admit, it’s exciting to do it again. The beautiful chapel, the perfect dress, the bespoke suits, the flowers everywhere. It’s a fairytale, and somehow, it has become my life. But with every fairy tale, there is always a dark side, something hiding from the bright, beautiful light. Usually, you don’t know the villain until there’s a reason to. But in my fairy tale, I know exactly who the evil villain is, and I can’t do a single thing about it. My nerves about getting married don’t come from walking down the aisle. They come from the known evil that I can’t anticipate.
It’s a blessing to be married to my best friend, but getting to marry him again with our son there feels like a dream. I look at myself in the mirror, admiring this stunning designer dress. It reminds me of the beach, and the night Kai asked me to be his wife.
It’s a charmeuse fabric in a strapless cowl neck that lays across my chest, highlighting my breasts. Fabric drapes across my arms and then comes together at the back of the dress. The bodice is fitted and makes my figure look borderline sinful the way it hugs my hips gently and gathers at the corner. Then, the fabric relaxes as it drapes down to my feet. The eye easily moves with the curve of the fabric, ending in a long slit, exposing my right leg. It’s light and silky and makes me feel like a goddess. I almost chose a ball gown style, but when the designer showed me her idea, it was the one.
There’s a knock on the door. “Come in.”
Dad enters, and his eyes widen on me. I’ve never seen this man cry, but there is a first time for everything. “You look beautiful, honey.” He grabs my hand and kisses my cheek.
“Thanks, Dad.” My heart is pounding out of my chest, and I check myself one more time. I look every bit the regal queen Esmarie hoped I would be, and I love it.
“Ready?” he asks, holding his elbow out. I nod and grab my flowers.
“Ready.”
I take his elbow, and we meet the coordinator at the end of the hall. She mutters into her little microphone and pushes us to our places to wait for her cue.
“I didn’t think I would be walking you down the aisle twice, let alone to the same man,” Dad says out of the corner of his mouth. He looks good in his tuxedo with his hair slicked back. Our black-tie wedding is truly stunning. Esmarie knows precisely what she’s doing.
“I’m sorry. Are you implying I’d get a divorce?” I ask while we wait in front of the doors, ready for them to be opened so we can walk down the aisle.
“No, baby girl, I didn’t. It’s kind of unorthodox,” he says.
“Dad, if you had questions, why didn’t you ask them earlier?”
He shrugs and pats my hand. “You probably think that I’m not aware of the Coldwells, baby, but I am. One day, Esmarie told me a few things when Kai was young and she had to leave him during practices. I did my own research. I may not know everything, but I know who you married. I also know he’s a good man. But most of all, I know you both have loved each other since you were kids. You just weren’t ready for it.”
The doors swing open, and I feel a slight breeze blow my hair back.
“We are now, Dad,” I whisper as we take the first step through the doorway.
White and pink roses line the aisle of the satin runner sparkling in the light. Classical music plays in the background, and we walk past people I don’t know. At least the team is here, including my mom and her husband.
I see my husband at the end of the aisle on the steps in his tux with his perfectly styled hair. Love bursts from my chest as I take him in. It doesn’t matter if we’re doing this again. It feels like the first time. We walk past the last few pews, and I look at Esmarie holding Theo in her arms. My eyes well at the sight. He’s wearing his little custom-made Brioni suit to match his father’s.
Dad hands me over to Kai, and Kai helps me step up each stair.
“You look beautiful, gem,” he whispers in my ear.
“You don’t look so bad yourself,” I say and wink. He chuckles, and we face the pastor. We don’t have a wedding party. It’s only Kai and me.
The pastor asks us to share our vows and steps to the side. We’ve already shared them before, but we’ve been through so much since then. It feels like new words need to be given to each other as a vow to never give up on our love and on the commitment we are making to one another.
He smiles widely. “Here we are again.”
“It’s like déjà vu, only with a lot more flowers.”
He chuckles and lifts my knuckles to his lips. “I thought about how I wanted to say this to you or what I could have said better at our first wedding. I know we’re doing this a second time for a lot of reasons, but I didn’t want to squander the opportunity we have. Cordelia Coldwell— can I say that since we already got married?”
I giggle. “Come on, we don’t want to be here all night,” I whisper.
He grins and kisses my knuckles again.
“Love can’t be rushed, gem. What we have was built, fortified, and nurtured over the years. You already know this, but I’ve loved you from the moment we met. We were kids, so I don’t think I understood at the time, but it didn’t take me long to figure it out. Do you remember that one summer when I had finished high school and you had one more year?”
I nod.
“I remember wanting to kiss you when we were hanging out around the bonfire. Your dad had asked me to go pro, and I told him yes because I wanted to do something that was just for me. But I wanted you more than anything. I remember telling myself that I had no right to take you. Yet all along, you were meant for me, and I was meant for you. We only had to be brave enough to take the leap. You are the love of my life, Cordelia, and I promise to give you, our son, and our soccer team of kids a life full of joy, happiness, and safety. I promise to keep adding the best things to your list. I love you more than life itself, and I have never been so proud to call you my wife.”
I swipe my tears and glance at our son. “I don’t have much to say, but I do know this. Like you, I fell in love with you the moment boys weren’t so gross, which didn’t take long. I’m still and always will be in awe of you. You’re an amazing father, and I don’t ever want to live life without you again. I just can’t do it.”
“You’ll never have to, gem, not until we take our last breaths, and even then, I’ll meet you again,” he says.
My heart flips around as butterflies flutter their delicate wings, tickling my stomach in excitement.
We return our attention to the pastor, who tells us to put our rings back on. Not having mine on made me feel naked and exposed. I don’t want to feel that way again.
The pastor recites a few more words that sound like waves on the ocean because all I can focus on is how Kai looks at me. Then he finally says, “You may now kiss the bride.”
Kai grabs my face and hauls my lips to his. He kisses me like there’s no tomorrow, only there is. There is an entire future full of love and happiness. It will overshadow any bit of darkness following our family. We will make our way out of the tunnel. We will see the light.
The crowd of strangers cheer and stands as we walk hand in hand down the aisle. Kai stops right before the doors and dips me into a kiss. Before he pulls away, I pull on his lower lip, and he grins.
“I love you, gem, forever and always.”
“I love you, too,” I whisper. He stands me back up and then holds out his elbow for me to take. The photographer snaps away, guiding us into pose after pose. Esmarie brings Theo over to us for more pictures.
Kai grabs him and holds him across his chest with one large hand while I hold Kai’s arm close and look up at him. It is possible I might spontaneously combust because of it.
As we make our way out of the chapel to the main stairs, I overhear Mom whispering about a celebrity she recognized. Then Kai halts his steps and grabs me, pulling me behind him. He puts Theo in my arms and shields us with his body. My heart drops out of my stomach, confused about what’s happening, and I can feel the adrenaline pump through my veins, ready to take off to get our son to safety.
“Father,” Kai says.
A second later, Emerson and Liam are standing in front of us. My dad stands next to me with his hand on my back. Then Esmarie comes around them, and everyone goes silent. I grip the back of Kai’s jacket, and he stands firm.
“Congratulations, son. My invitation must have been lost in the mail. No matter, your mother did a wonderful spread in the newspaper. Now, you are the talk of the town.”
“Fred,” Esmarie says in a clipped tone.
“Esmarie,” he drawls.
“Last time I checked, you were not on the guest list because I didn’t put you on it,” she says with a defiant lift of her chin.
Fred looks like any other man. He’s not especially good-looking; he’s…typical. But the aggressive, menacing energy radiating from him makes me take a step back. His eyes are as dark as what I think hell might look like.
“Well, Esmarie, my son was getting married, and seeing as you didn’t invite me to the first one, I figured I would pop in. Family is important, darling wife.”
I glance at Emerson, and I’m afraid he’s going to beat the congressman to a bloody pulp.
“It’s such a momentous occasion I thought we might celebrate more than our son’s nuptials.” Suddenly, I hear camera clicks and calls for Congressman Coldwell.
“What did you do?” Kai grits out.
Fred slides his lizard eyes over to my husband, and I tense. They dip down over Kai’s shoulder to me, and I lift my chin, meeting his gaze. This man will not scare me.
“Well, son, I thought I’d announce my run for governor with my whole family behind me. I mean, we grew by two. Isn’t that something to celebrate?” As if the boys are synced perfectly, they all take a step towards Fred Coldwell.
I look at Dad, and he looks at me. I hug Theo tightly and kiss his baby soft head.
“Dad, take Theo and leave now. If they are taking pictures, you shouldn’t be in them. The less publicity there is for all of us, the better,” I say with rocks gouging my throat.
“But Cordi—“ Dad says, reaching for Theo.
“No, take him,” I whisper, my voice breaking.
Dad nods and takes Theo out of my hands, slipping away from the rest of the crowd. Once they are out of sight, I step around Kai and grab his hand.
“What do you want?” Esmarie asks.
He leans forward and grips her elbow so hard his fingers dig into her skin. The boys move, and Esmarie looks over her shoulder at Emerson.
“I’m going to make my announcement, and you all are going to smile and wave. Because if you don’t, you know what the consequences will be. I’ve made sure to remind you, and that little gift you sent a while ago?” He glances at Kai and his brothers. “I didn’t know my boys had it in them. But that’s okay. You know what they say about best-laid plans. Good thing I’m excellent at pivoting.”
Emerson growls and Kai glances at me with worry in his eyes.
Esmarie moves to pull her arm out of his grip, but he squeezes harder. Her pristine, let-nothing-by face winces slightly, and anger roars through me.
“Do it, or we will be having a funeral tomorrow. You know how grief does wonders for polls. So do it, Esmarie, test me.”
Kai steps forward, bringing me with him, and puts his hand on Esmarie’s shoulder.
“It’s okay, Mom. It’s good PR to use his son’s wedding as a stunt for more support because he needs all the favor he can con. Right, Dad? Those votes won’t look quite right if you hack all the vote counters? You’ll need some real, actual votes, right?”
Fred’s eyes widen and his face gets red with anger. He takes a step towards Kai, then Emerson and Liam step in.
“Finish your shit and get out of here,” Emerson grits out.
The news and tabloids are still taking pictures of this whole interaction. I want to scream that the man is a fraud, but that would likely get me killed. Only he would probably succeed this time. There is no doubt in my mind this man has, and will continue, to kill for what he wants. There is corruption, and there is evil. I am convinced this man is the physical embodiment of both.
Fred straightens his posture and fixes his diamond cufflinks, then spins around to face the cameras and microphones with that classic plastic politician’s smile on his face.
Kai leans down and kisses my temple.
“Smile for me, baby, and make it good.”
I look up at him, and I’ve never seen this face before. It’s not fear, it’s not anger, it’s resignation to the fact that we are going to have to do bad things to be done with him for good.