Find Me in July (Mesa Boys)

Chapter 8

eight

T roy backed the van onto a hump in the rocky dirt drive-in parking lot, next to a speaker stand. “Good?”

Kneeling on the carpet, Jessie peeked out a window framed by cream curtains on the side of the van. “Yeah, good.”

Troy lifted the shifter to park and shut off the engine. His gut twisted in knots. It was time for things to get real. As he looked out over the parking lot, his gaze caught on a white work truck, slowly driving through every row, white fog billowing out behind it. “The mosquito truck is coming through.” He sighed and crept out of the driver’s seat and made his way to the back.

“Yeah?” Jessie plopped down on the brown pull-out couch, running across the back of the van. A wide grin stretched across his face. “Want to get high first?” He slipped a baggie of joints out of his front pocket. The skin mag rested on a circular table poking up from the floor.

“No, but a beer might be okay.” Troy crawled around the van, closing the drapes on each of the windows. He didn’t know how this was going to go down, and he didn’t need prying eyes on them. Especially from little kids.

Jessie’s grin waned. “What are you doing? Why are you closing the drapes if you don’t want to get high?” He set the bag of joints on a small cabinet counter behind the driver’s seat, then opened a red cooler resting next to it and pulled out a beer from the ice. He popped it open and handed it to Troy, then dove in for another one.

Troy’s heart ran wild in his chest. He’d need that beer to calm his nerves. He drank a few gulps, then sucked in a deep breath. “Jessie.”

Jessie snapped his brows together. He widened his eyes and looked at him. “What’s going on? You only call me that when it’s serious.”

Troy searched the van one last time. No one could see them in here unless they plastered their faces against the window. So any reaction should be okay. He shifted to sit sideways on the couch, facing him. “Look, I’m just going to come out and ask.” He gulped hard, wrinkling his brows. “Are you gay?”

Jessie parted his lips and lifted his brows. “What? Why are you asking me that?” As he swigged his beer, he stared at the inside wood-paneled wall. “What about you, are you gay?” He flashed his blue eyes at Troy.

Troy’s breath caught. Am I? He huffed. “No, I’m not gay. I like chicks. You know that.” Maybe he needed a different tactic.

Jessie thinned his lips. “Is this because of...” He peered at Troy, his eyes glassy. “Are you freaking out?” He sniffled and wiped his eyes.

Shit, he’s going to cry. Troy placed his hand on Jessie’s thigh, gazing into his eyes. “I’m not freaking out. In fact, I’m feeling pretty good about... whatever this is.” He inhaled deeply. “But I’m not gay. I don’t know what the fuck I am, but I’m not gay.”

Jessie nodded his head and straightened his spine. “So, why are you assuming that I am?”

Troy freed a ragged sigh. There was no other way around it. He had to tell him everything. “So, I saw you with Gary. At the marina.” He focused on Jessie. “I mean, I saw you.” He gauged his reaction.

As Jessie’s eyes filled with tears, he clenched his teeth.

Do I have to spell it out? Troy’s heart ached. He was hurting him. He didn’t want that. “H-he was giving you a blowjob.”

Jessie set his beer on the table, then rose from the couch and crawled for the sliding door.

Troy dropped to his knees and seized Jessie around the waist, clutching at him. “No, talk to me, damn it.”

Jessie snarled. “Don’t touch me.” He shoved at Troy’s arms.

Troy tightened his hold, the pain in his chest building. “Stop, Jess. I just want you to talk to me.” His voice wavered. Was he going to lose him now? His breath hitched. “I’m sorry if I fucked things up somehow. I just want to know what we’re getting into here. You’re my best friend. M-more than my best friend now.” He blinked and a tear plunged down his cheek. “You’re more, so much more.” He pressed his head to Jessie’s back, wiping the tear into his t-shirt, holding him tight. “Don’t leave.”

Still on his hands and knees, Jessie hung his head and broke out in choked weeping, deep sobs wracking his shoulders.

“Oh, shit.” Troy scrambled around him and drew him into his chest, shushing him.

Jessie sat with his legs tucked underneath him, weeping sideways against Troy’s chest, his arms drawn up.

Troy rocked him. “Talk to me. Please.” He brushed his hand down Jessie’s side. How could he help him?

Jessie quieted and wiped his eyes, sniffling. “I’m gay, Troy.” He stared off into the van, his face slack. “I’ve known it for a while now.” Through his teeth, he said, “Your best friend is a fag, a fairy.”

“Shit, don’t say it that way.” Troy wiped tears off Jessie’s cheek with his thumb.

“I knew it. I knew you saw us that day. We heard something.” Jessie stared. “I was so fucking scared you’d never talk to me again.” He lifted his head and gazed into his eyes. “Why did you bring that skin mag to the boat? Were you testing me?”

Troy took him in, the dark hair framing his face, the large, blue eyes with wet, black lashes. His full lips, exposing the hint of front teeth. “Yeah, it was pretty lame, huh?” He released him and sat cross legged on the shag carpet of the van.

Jessie’s expression softened as he faced him, mirroring him. “Why did you make Donna kiss me?”

“I didn’t, actually. That was her idea. I just wanted her to keep Gary away from you. I hate that guy. I hate that he touched you.” Anger flickered through Troy’s chest.

“Why? Why do you even care?” Jessie’s gaze darted over his face.

“I don’t want anyone touching you, except maybe me.” Troy took a deep breath. Should he tell him? Why not. “My uh, dick really liked what it saw.” Heat flushed his face.

Jessie narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I saw you come. It made me come. Right there behind the wall at the marina. Fuck, was I surprised.” Troy chuckled, then frowned. “Now I guess you know why I ran off.”

“Holy shit.” Jessie dropped his mouth open. “Maybe you are gay.” He snickered and slapped Troy’s arm.

“I’m not gay. I don’t know what I am. Can a person be turned on by dudes and chicks? Or maybe I should ask, can I be turned on by you and chicks?” He twisted his mouth and shook his head. “I’ve been so fucking confused.”

Jessie sighed. “You’re bisexual. You can be turned on by both dudes and chicks.”

“I am? So, there’s a name for it?” Troy searched the van. Did that mean other dudes could turn him on? He didn’t remember that ever happening. “No, I think it’s just you.”

Jessie let a faint grin creep over his mouth. “Sure...”

“Tell me more about Gary. The truth.” Troy furrowed his brows and picked at his thumbnail. This would be hard, but he had to know. How much did he like Gary?

Jessie took a long inhale. “What do you want to know?”

Troy pursed his lips, looking him over. “How long have you been going out?”

“Going out?” Jessie rocked once. “We don’t go out. We...” He glanced at him. “We do things like what you saw.”

Troy gulped hard and rubbed at his chest, pain prickling through it. Why did this hurt so much to talk about? “S-so, but you invited him to play pool. That’s sort of going out.” He searched his face. What did he see when Jessie talked about Gary?

Jessie chewed his lower lip. “That was the first time I asked him to go out. I only met him a few days before I came up here. We got together in a bar in Minneapolis.”

Troy nodded. “Where?”

Jessie let a faint grin quiver over his lips. “The Gay 90s.” He freed a choked chuckle. “I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you.”

Troy widened his eyes. The Gay 90s was a pretty infamous gay bar. Jessie was going to gay bars. No wonder he didn’t invite him. “How many times did you...” Did he really want to know the answer to that?

“Not many.”

Troy’s heart lurched. Nausea balled in his gut. “Fuck.” Why did he feel like he’d been cheated on? He held his palm to him. “I don’t want to know any more.”

Jessie placed his hand over Troy’s, resting on his thigh. “Troy, do you... like me?”

Troy focused on his face. That was what this was. At some point, he’d started having feelings for his best friend. Or had he always had them, maybe under the guise of their close friendship? He didn’t know anymore. It was all tangled up inside him.

“What are you thinking?” Jessie wrinkled his brows. “If it helps, I like you.”

“More than fucking Gary?” How did I say that out loud? Troy searched around him. Where was his beer? His mouth felt sticky. He needed it.

“Yeah, more than fucking Gary.”

Troy’s gaze flicked to him. “More?”

“Way more.” Jessie licked his lips. “Way, way more.” He creased his brows, then glanced at his mouth. “Can I just...” He placed his hand on Troy’s cheek, then leaned in, pressing his lips to Troy’s, softly exploring.

The pounding of Troy’s heart thundered in his ears. Jess is kissing me! He shut his eyes and opened his mouth, letting Jessie’s tongue lick across his, teasing it with a flick. Jessie tasted of beer and sweet mixed with something intangible, but something he needed. He didn’t hate it, not at all. Desire raced down his spine. His cock grew heavy. As he opened his eyes, he set his hand on Jessie’s cheek and deepened the kiss, brushing his lips over Jessie’s, tangling their tongues, releasing a soft moan.

Jessie broke free, taking deep breaths. “Damn, you can kiss.” He gazed into his eyes, then curled the edges of his mouth.

Troy’s face flushed. What was he supposed to say now? “Uh, you, too.” They’d broken whatever weird boundary he’d made for himself in his head. There was touching and kissing now. This was officially gay. He was having a gay thing with his best friend, who was definitely gay.

Jessie tapped Troy on the head. “What the hell is going on in there?” He wrinkled his forehead. “Are you okay?”

“I-I don’t know.” His gaze caught on his beer, resting on the circular table, and he lunged for it, then drank it all down. What had happened to all his resolve, the pep talk he’d had with himself? He needed to start talking to Jessie. That was what he was supposed to do. But somehow everything got stuck in his head. He straightened and grabbed Jessie under the shoulders, looking him in the eye. “Jess, my head is out of control, but I like this. I like you. I hate that Gary fucker and I hope you never see him again. I want to start telling you what I’m thinking, even though it’s messy, and I want you to talk to me. I want to know what happened to you last year.” He gulped hard and dropped his arms to his sides. He sounded like a dork. Donna would be happy about that.

Jessie stared at him, lifting his brows. “Uh... I won’t see Gary again, then.” He gave him a quick smile, then slumped his shoulders. “As far as last year, it’s a long story. But yeah. I’ll start by saying I had a boyfriend in New York.”

Troy’s heart pinched. “A boyfriend? Shit.” He wasn’t going to like hearing about this, he could already tell. He already hated the dude, and he didn’t even know his name.

“He was my professor. We broke up right before I left.” Jessie studied him. “He didn’t want me coming home last year or even talking to you.” He shook his head and pursed his lips. “He turned into kind of an asshole when I think about it.”

“Why wouldn’t he let you come home or talk to me?” Troy narrowed his eyes—now he knew why he didn’t talk to Jessie much last year.

Jessie gave him a coy grin. “He said I talked about you too much. He thought I had a thing for you, even though I told him you were straight.” He freed a sharp laugh. “Maybe he was right and I do.”

Troy toyed with the hem of his shorts. “So you were dating one of your professors. Is that why you don’t want to go back to school in New York?” He glanced at him.

Jessie released a soft sigh. “Part of it. I really don’t know what I want to do. This last year opened my eyes up a lot. The first year in New York, I was trying to figure myself out, you know, what was wrong with me and why chicks didn’t do it for me. After I finally admitted to myself that I was gay, I was pretty lonely. I didn’t know how to find people like me, and I didn’t feel like I fit in at frat parties and stuff. Two years ago, James introduced me to a whole new world, and I came out to the gay community there.”

“James, so that’s his name?” Troy furrowed his brows. Now he knew the dude’s name and he hated him even more.

“Yeah. I met him my sophomore year and he helped me find my place. He introduced me to the gay and lesbian student organization, so I finally knew other people like me.” Jessie pressed his lips together. “Then last year our relationship started becoming more. He took me to some of the gay bars and we’d chill with some of his friends in The Village.” He looked him over. “You okay with all this?”

Troy lifted his brows. “Yeah, it’s weird to think that even last summer you were gay, but I couldn’t tell.” That didn’t come out right. He scratched his head. “Sorry, I don’t know what I’m saying.”

Jessie laughed and grabbed Troy’s hand, entwining their fingers, and holding them up between them. “Last summer I questioned everything I said and did and whether it was what I would normally do. That’s why I was cool with spending so much time with Donna, Mark and Nate.” He rested their hands on Troy’s leg. “I wasn’t ready to come out to you. Still wasn’t, even this year. I was afraid you’d hate me.”

Troy smirked at him. “Apparently, it would have been the opposite. I would have been strangely turned on and then confused, and then have pulled out a skin mag.” He laughed along with Jessie, then became serious. “So, I still don’t understand. Why is all this changing what you want to do?”

“I started getting interested in the activism side of gay rights. I was thinking about getting more involved, especially with that bitch Anita Bryant and her Save Our Children bullshit. I still refuse to drink orange juice.” He huffed. “But I don’t think I can do that here, working for my dad’s company,” he said. “At some point, it would get out that I’m gay.” Jessie held his breath, studying him.

Troy nodded his head. “So, you can’t tell your dad why you don’t want to take over his company.” No wonder his answers were always so vague.

“No. I’m not ready to come out to my family. My dad would definitely freak out. I still need to think things through. And what if I decide I want to change my degree? The only reason I went into business was to take over my dad’s company. If I don’t do that, what else could I do? I’ve never even considered what I really wanted to do.” Jessie frowned. “I need time...” He focused on him. “That’s why I was thinking if I moved far away, to someplace gay-friendly, like San Francisco, I might be able to do what I want and hide it from them. But I don’t know.”

Troy’s chest tightened. What about me? They were starting something here. What was going to happen at the end of the month? “Uh, Jess?” He creased his forehead. “I don’t want you to move to San Francisco. I don’t think I want you going back to New York, either.”

Jessie widened his eyes. “Troy...” He wrinkled his brows, then came close, placing a soft kiss over his mouth.

Troy’s heart ached. He hooked his hand around the back of Jessie’s head and drew their mouths closer, the kisses deeper. His tongue snuck inside his mouth, brushing over Jessie’s, seeking out the taste he craved.

Jessie groaned into Troy’s mouth.

Troy wrapped an arm around Jessie’s shoulders and tugged him down to the shag carpet, Jessie on top, chest to chest, hip to hip, their legs tangling.

Jessie rocked his hips, pressing his hardening cock into Troy’s.

Sensation tingled through Troy’s shaft. He crept his hand down Jessie’s back and cupped his ass, pressing their hips closer still. A jolt of pleasure surged through him. This was so much better than looking at the skin mag.

Jessie skimmed his hand up Troy’s shirt, caressing his chest, then kneading his nipple.

Pleasure-pain seared from Troy’s nipple to his cock. He thrust against Jessie, then gasped and broke the kisses. “Holy fuck, what are you doing?”

Jessie lifted a brow, gazing at him. “We’re going to have fun this summer.”

“Guess so.” He had no idea playing with his nipple could feel like that. “Why are we on the floor anyway, when there’s a perfectly good bed in this thing?”

“You thinking about being in bed together again?” Jessie grinned, brushing the back of his hand against Troy’s cheek.

“Now I am, definitely.” Troy’s cock pulsed. He scanned the front windows of the van, taking in the darkening light outside. “We might miss the movie.” He quirked the edge of his mouth.

“We might. You want to get high first?” Jessie raked his teeth over his lower lip.

“No. I don’t want to miss anything.” Troy gazed deeply into his eyes, his heart warming. He was going to do this. It would be okay. Naming whatever they were about to do didn’t matter. It was just the two of them being together the way they wanted. “I do want some music, though.” His face flushed. Was that stupid? He glanced at Jessie.

Jessie smiled at him. “Go turn on the radio.”

He crawled to the radio on the dash and twisted the knob, turning it on. Foghat’s Slow Ride filled the van. He turned the other knob, bringing the volume down. Perfect. A song about sex. As he came back to Jessie, he snickered and shook his head. He fell to his knees and skimmed his shirt off, then dropped his shorts and pulled them off his legs along with his shoes.

Jessie removed his clothes, down to his white underwear, keeping an eye on Troy.

Troy removed the circular table from the floor and set the skin mag on the counter and the table behind the front chairs of the van.

Jessie tugged the bottom wood frame of the couch up and out, unfolding it into a bed, then climbed on top to lie on his back with an arm tucked under his head, playing with the erection straining against his underwear. He parted his lips, watching Troy.

As Troy looked him over, a pulse rocketed through his shaft. His breath caught. “You really know how to turn a dude on.”

“Do I?” Jessie offered a coy smile.

“You definitely turn me on.” Troy climbed onto the bed and lay on his side, flush with him, fixating on the slow rub of Jessie’s hand over his shaft. I want to be the one doing that. “Can I uh... touch it?”

Jessie lifted his hand from his cock. “Sure.”

As Troy raised, then lowered Jessie’s underwear band down his hips, he admired him, the muscled chest and strong shoulders, the deep V in his abs leading to his groin.

Jessie widened his eyes and drew deep breaths.

With his heart pounding, Troy wrapped his fingers around Jessie’s shaft, then gently stroked.

Jessie freed a shuddering gasp, rocking his hips, closing his eyes, wrinkling his brows. In a raspy voice, he said, “Fuck. When you do it, it’s so much better.”

Troy bit his lip, his cock aching. The soft skin covering Jessie’s hot shaft slid through his fingers. A bead of pre-cum seeped from the tip. He swiped it with his thumb and circled. Damn, this was even better than he imagined. He was turning Jessie on. He was going to make him come. A surge of sensation twitched his cock. He ground it on Jessie’s thigh, freeing a choked moan as pleasure tingled across his groin.

Jessie groaned and shivered, bringing his arm down from behind his head. “Kiss me.”

Troy rolled against his side and placed urgent kisses over Jessie’s hot, wet mouth, quickening the pace over his solid cock, thrusting against his thigh. He wanted more. He stole a breath. “Jerk me off, Jess.” He kissed Jessie with deep, penetrating sweeps of his tongue, their lips crushing together.

Jessie snuck his hand inside Troy’s underwear and pumped, tightening his grasp at the tip.

Sweet friction pulsated over his shaft, knotting tension in his gut. Troy released a strangled gasp. Jessie knows exactly what he’s doing . He thrust his hips, craving more of Jessie’s hand.

Jessie cupped Troy’s sac, fondling it, devouring him with wet, hungry kisses, moaning against his lips. He thrust his hips hard and dragged his mouth away. “I’m coming.” His face tensed and he released a sharp groan. “Fuck, Troy. Go faster.” His breath came in quick pants.

Troy jerked his hand over Jessie’s pulsing cock, cum spurting over his fingers, onto his chest. His own peak surged, bursting waves of sensation through his shaft and deep into his sac.

Jessie kept on him, pumping in a furious rhythm.

Troy gasped and wrinkled his brows as his cum erupted in shudders of pleasure, onto his chest, over his stomach. As it calmed, he freed his spent cock and rested his head on Jessie’s heaving chest. “Holy fuck.” He let a faint grin creep over his lips. Doing things with a dude was proving to be very erotic, very erotic indeed. Or maybe it was because it was Jessie. Did he really care anymore? No.

“Okay, what are you thinking?” Jessie tapped Troy’s cheek.

I promised to start talking, so...” I’m thinking I’m really digging this.” Troy lifted his head and propped himself on an elbow. “I’m really digging this with you.” Heat flushed his face. He sounded so dorky. As he bit his lip, he let his gaze wander over Jessie’s body, the hard lines mixed with soft curves outlined in the ambient light coming in through the front windows of the van. His gaze caught on a shimmering droplet of come. He wanted to lick it off. What would it taste like? He ran his tongue around his mouth.

“Go ahead.” Jessie lifted his hand and sucked the come off his own fingers, then lapped at the knuckles. “Next time I’ll let you blow me.”

A quiver of desire raced up Troy’s spine. “You’ll let me, huh?” Seemed like now he’d gotten past his own head, he couldn’t get enough. “I like that idea.” He came down and licked a dab off Jessie’s taut stomach. Bitter and salt and something only Jessie filled his mouth and slid down his throat. He went to the next one on Jessie’s chest, and another.

Jessie freed a soft moan. “You are definitely blowing me next time.” He smirked. “Who knew you had such a killer tongue?”

Troy stopped and lifted a brow. “I might be a virgin when it comes to dudes, but I know a few things.” He licked Jessie’s come off his fingers and hand. “My mom keeps tissues in the front.” He righted his underwear and crawled to the front of the van, then picked up a box of tissues, returned to Jessie and handed him one. He snapped one out for himself and wiped off.

Jessie cleaned up and pulled his underwear into place, then sat on the bed with his legs crossed. “Now do you want to get high?”

“Sure.” Troy threw the used tissue at the cooler, then opened it and grabbed out a beer. He needed to remember to throw the used tissues away before they got home. The last thing he needed was Donna or Mom finding them. “Beer?”

“Yeah.” Jessie stretched across the bed and snatched the bag of joints from the counter.

He popped the beer open and gave it to Jessie, then opened one for himself. He glanced out the van windows. A glow ran across the dirt parking lot from the concession stand lights and a few headlights shone as some of the vehicles left. “So, I think Jaws 2 is about to start. It looks like the last movie is over.”

Jessie sipped his beer, then slid a joint from the baggie along with the slim, blue lighter. He put the joint between his lips and lit it, taking a deep drag. He held his breath, then released a cloud of smoke.

Troy chuckled and swiped at the air. “Damn, dude, take it easy. It’s going to stink in here.” He didn’t need that either. He crept to the windows and opened each one.

“That’s smart. No one will know what we’re doing now if they walk by.” Jessie sniggered.

“What else can I do?” Troy shook his head. It was probably only teenagers and young adults left for the second movie anyway.

Jessie handed him the joint. “Are we going to put some clothes on, or do you think we should watch the movie in our underwear?” He giggled.

Troy drew a toke off the joint, held it, and exhaled, then wiggled his brows. “Open the curtains on the back windows. Let’s see if we can watch with the doors closed.” He liked that idea. Something about lying next to him skin to skin was very appealing.

Jessie swiped the curtains aside. “The windows are too high. We can’t lie down and watch the movie.” He looked at him, giving him the once over. “Though I like seeing you naked, I’d rather we lie down.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Troy sucked another drag off the joint and handed it to him, then found his clothes and put them on.

Jessie took a few more hits, then pinched the joint out and slid it into the baggie.

Troy tossed him his clothes. “Get dressed already. You’re high enough.”

“Fine.” Jessie dressed, then stuffed the baggie of joints in the front pocket of his jean shorts. “Can I open the doors now?”

Troy surveyed the area inside the van. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just two dudes about to watch a movie from the back of a van on a bed. Okay, maybe a little unordinary. They’d have to be careful. “Yeah.”

Jessie opened the doors.

Cool night air snaked into the van, clearing the smoke.

Jessie gazed out over the theater parking lot, cross-legged. “That’s nice.” He sipped his beer.

“We should probably grab some hot dogs and popcorn or something.” Troy took a seat beside him, resting a hand on his shoulder.

Jessie smiled at him. “You got the munchies already?”

“Yeah. Guess so.” Troy gazed into his large, blue eyes. I want to kiss him right now. But he’s a dude and we’re out in the open. I can’t. This is going to be hard.