Find Me in July (Mesa Boys)

Chapter 13

thirteen

D onna stood outside the van, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, the lone streetlamp hovering over the drive at the edge of the woods bathing her in soft light. She closed her mouth, twisted around, and held her arms out. “My brother is using the van.”

Jake’s voice snaked in from outside. “He scored a chick?”

“Uh, yeah.” Donna turned, glanced inside the van, then shut the door.

Troy stared at Jessie, sitting on the carpet next to him, his shorts halfway up his legs, his shirt sideways on his chest. “Dude, you think she’ll believe us if we say we got high and played truth or dare?” How else could they explain it?

With a long sigh, Jessie righted his shirt, then shimmied his shorts up and fastened them. “No. I think she knows better.” He scowled. “Fuck.”

Troy fixed his shorts and furrowed his brows. “What should we do?”

A car door opening and closing, then an engine starting up sounded from outside. Headlights flashed through the van.

Troy crept to a window and looked out. “They left. Jake’s car is gone.”

The van door slammed open and crashed into the catch.

“What the fuck? Are you two gay?” Donna stood outside the van, her hands on her hips, looking them up and down, her brows lowered. “I was kidding when I said you were having lover’s quarrels. But damn.”

Troy reached a hand out to her. “No, Donna, you got it all wrong. We were, we were?—”

“Yes, I’m gay. Your brother is not.” Jessie huffed, then hung his head, placing his face in his hands. “Don’t tell on us. Please.” His voice broke.

“Shit.” Troy wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

Jessie shoved his arm off. “Stop it, Troy.”

Donna stepped into the van and shut the door. She placed a hand on Jessie’s shoulder. “Jessie, I’m not going to tell on you.” She glanced at Troy. “Or my dork of a brother.”

Jessie lifted his head and gazed at her with glassy eyes, then sniffled. “What?”

“I’m not going to tell on you. Why would I do that?” She sat cross legged on the carpet in front of him.

Troy watched the exchange, unable to form words. What was he supposed to say in this situation, or do for that matter?

“Why don’t you both tell me what’s going on?” She focused on Troy, jabbing her index finger at him. “And don’t try to feed me some bullshit. I’m not stupid.”

Troy glanced at Jessie, gazing at him with wide eyes. “Donna, we uh...” He gulped hard. “We started um...” He drew a deep inhale. How the hell was he supposed to explain this? “We like each other more than friends. We, well, we’re sort of boyfriends now.” Would Jessie be okay with that term? He chewed the inside of his mouth, focusing on Jessie.

Jessie thinned his lips. “Yeah.” He tapped her arm. “But Troy’s not gay. He’s bisexual.”

“Okay.” She took Troy in, as if seeing him for the first time. “You like chicks and dudes?” She lifted her brows.

“I guess so.” Troy took a deep breath. “I only figured it out recently.” He winced. He might have opened up a whole conversation he didn’t want to have with his annoying younger sister.

“Recently? You mean since you’ve been up here with Jessie?” She offered him a sly smile and slapped Troy’s knee. “I did notice something going on between you two. You seemed a lot closer than usual.” She snickered, then stopped. “So, this whole time when I was digging on Jessie, you were bangin’ him?

“Holy shit, Donna.” Troy furrowed his brows, then let a smile work its way across his mouth. He peeked at Jessie.

Jessie released a soft chuckle. “Yeah, guess so.” He smiled at Troy, then grabbed his hand. “This has to be a secret, though.” His smile faded and he focused on Donna. “If my parents find out, our parents, it would be bad.”

Donna nodded. “Yeah, I get it. You know I have a friend in college who’s a lesbian. Her parents don’t know either. She hangs out at some bookstores downtown. Maybe you two should go there?—”

“You have a friend who’s a lesbian?” Troy dropped his mouth open. Maybe his sister wasn’t as na?ve as he thought. “I thought you might be homophobic or something, the way you talk.”

“No way. I—” She slapped her hand over her mouth, widening her eyes. “Shit, I’m sorry, Jessie.”

“For what?” Jessie studied her.

“For what I said about anal sex when we were playing truth or dare in the cabin.” She lowered her hand. “I’m really sorry.”

Jessie shrugged. “It’s okay. You didn’t know. It’s not the first time I’ve heard something like that.”

“I never would have said it if I’d have known you were gay.” She glanced at the carpet, then sucked a quick inhale and dropped her mouth open, staring at Troy. “Shit, and Jackie made you two kiss. Is that when you realized you liked each other?”

Jessie snickered. “No, we were already together by then.” He squeezed Troy’s hand. “I didn’t mind kissing Troy at all.”

Troy gazed at him. This wasn’t half bad, letting people know about them. What was Jessie so afraid of? Though he could see how Mr. Smith might not take it well.

“Anyway, I’m tired, so I’ll leave you two alone.” She grinned at Troy, then Jessie. “Don’t stay out too late. You don’t want Mom to think something happened to you.” She turned and crept to the door, slid it open, then glanced at Troy. “We’re going to have to work out a schedule for this van. I want to use it some nights, too.” She left and shut the door.

Troy blinked a few times, then stole a peek at Jessie. “So, what do you think? I had no idea Donna would react that way.”

Jessie straightened his spine. “I think we need to cool it in front of the family.” He looked him in the eyes. “She said she noticed something. If she did, I’ll bet others are noticing, too. In fact, I bet that’s why your mother insisted on us taking Donna and Jackie for a drive that day.”

“No, that’s not why she said that. My mom still thinks we’re all teenagers and should be going around together. That’s all that was.” He twitched the corners of his mouth. “I mean, come on.” Jessie was a little paranoid.

“Well, I’d rather stay away from the family as much as possible when we’re together.” Jessie thinned his lips. “It’s getting harder and harder for me to hide who I am.”

“Yeah, that’s got to be hard.” Troy looked around the van a moment. They were alone again. “Let’s go back to the bed for a little while.” He slapped Jessie’s knee, then climbed up on the bed and lay down on his back, holding his arm out.

Jessie nodded and lay beside him, resting his head on his chest.

Troy wrapped his arm around his shoulders. What would it be like if they didn’t have to hide their feelings for each other? “What’s it like in The Village?”

“Well, you still have to be careful, but there are a lot of places that are gay or lesbian establishments, so you can be yourself there.”

“So, you could hold hands there?” Troy skimmed his fingers up and down Jessie’s arm, gazing at the carpeted ceiling.

“Pretty much.” Jessie sighed. “Being up here with family is pretty different. I got used to things there.”

“But being in the Twin Cities isn’t so bad, right?” Troy raised his brows. There had to be places like that here. He tipped his head to gauge his reaction.

“No, not too bad. I haven’t figured it all out yet, though. I’m not used to being here and being out.”

“So, what does that mean exactly, out .” Troy furrowed his brows. “I mean, I know it’s coming out of the closet, but...” What did it mean to Jessie?

“Well, for me it was in stages. First, I came out to myself. I accepted who I was and stopped hating myself. That was a few years ago.”

Troy’s heart ached. “You hated yourself?” If only he’d known he was going through that... He tightened his hold on his shoulders.

“Yeah.” Jessie twisted his face into his chest. “The first two years of college I tried to force myself to like chicks. All it did was confirm that I didn’t.”

“So, what happened then?” Troy kissed the top of his head. Jessie had hidden it well. He’d never noticed anything odd when Jessie was with chicks.

“Then I had classes with my ex-boyfriend. He was out. I mean really out. He helps organize the pride marches and everything. He was actually at Stonewall when it happened.” Jessie lifted his head. “Do you even know what I’m talking about?”

Troy bit his lip. “Uh, wasn’t that a riot or something?” He smirked. “Sorry, weren’t we like twelve?” He had no idea what Jessie was talking about. How would he?

“It was a riot that started the gay pride marches, and with it, a national movement toward gay civil rights.” Jessie propped up on his elbow and fixated on him. “These are important things, Troy. Gay people, people like me and like you aren’t treated equally under the law. We can be fired at work or denied services, just for being gay or bisexual. Do you get me?”

“Uh, yeah.” Troy drew a deep inhale. Why was he being so serious? Where was he going with all this? He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

Jessie softened his expression. “So, anyway, James, you know, my ex, he saw that I was struggling, and he was the first person to tell me I wasn’t a fucking pervert.”

“Damn, Jess. I’m sorry. Did someone call you that?” Troy searched his face. He would have hit them if he’d have seen something like that.

Jessie wrinkled his forehead. “Well, my father always said gay people were perverts. It sort of stuck with me, but I’m over it now.” He frowned. “So I came out to myself first, then to James and the Gay and Lesbian Organization at school and finally to the gay community in The Village.”

Troy shifted his head to see him better. “What does that mean, to come out to the gay community? Did you have a party or something?” He offered him a quick grin.

Jessie chuckled. “No, I just started going to places there with James and openly being a couple with him and his friends. I admitted to other gay people that I was gay. I don’t know how to explain it.” He twisted his mouth. “I didn’t hide it from anyone there.”

“So, did you hide it on campus?” Troy lifted his brows. This was a whole new world he didn’t know anything about.

“Yeah. It wasn’t always safe there. You have to know where it’s safe and where it’s not.” Jessie drew a deep inhale. “Like it’s not safe here. Your sister is an exception. I was surprised as hell at how she reacted.”

“Yeah, me, too.” Troy glanced at the ceiling, taking everything in. “So, what about Minneapolis? There are safe areas there, right? I mean, you met Gary at the Gay 90s .” His heart pinched at the memory of Gary.

Jessie kissed his chest and chuckled. “Yeah, but a lot of dudes get beat up down there, too. I stay away from Loring Park. I went to that bar before I came up here to see what it was like. I never would have had the balls to go in there last year.”

“Then why did you uh...” Troy wrinkled his brows. How could he ask this and not sound stupid? If Jessie was so careful, why was he getting a blowjob at the marina?

“What?” Jessie studied him.

“Why did you let Gary...” Troy gnawed on his lip.

Jessie huffed. “Fuck, man. I let my guard down. I didn’t know he was there until I went to get the boat. He came out and, well, I was horny.” He smirked.

A shock of heat pierced Troy’s heart. “I don’t need to hear any more about that.” Troy wrinkled his nose.

Jessie snickered. “That really bothers you, doesn’t it?” He kissed the tip of his nose. “At least it made you realize you like dudes.”

“And you.” Troy pulled him down into a quick hug. “So, we just have to be careful up here and around the family.” And when the month was over, they’d figure things out down in Minneapolis. Maybe he and Jessie could come out to the community there.

“Yeah.” Jessie lifted up and sat on the edge of the couch, then yawned. “I’m getting tired. We should go to bed.”

“Yeah.” Troy sat up. It would be so nice if they could sleep together somehow. Maybe he could find a way. “Let’s get the van cleaned up and go to bed.”

A few days had passed, and Troy sat in a wicker bar stool at their counter on the kitchen island, waiting for Jessie. They hadn’t seen much of each other today, and it was finally time to get together. As he tapped an index finger on his knee, he watched his mother cleaning the dinner dishes at the sink.

“So, haven’t seen you around much.” She rinsed a yellow plate in the sink.

“Yeah?” His gaze flicked to the door. Where is he?

“What you been up to with Jessie?” His mother twisted, glancing at him.

“Oh, just the usual, boating, swimming, playing pool.” He watched her.

Mark came bursting through the front door, shaking his short, brown hair, with Nate in tow. “Maybe we can do that tonight.”

Nate huffed. “Yeah, right. Jessie doesn’t want to do anything with me.” His brown-eyed gaze caught on Troy.

Mark glanced at Nate, then focused on Troy. “Hey, we want to go cruising in the Trans Am with you guys tonight. You said you’d do it, but we’ve been up here for weeks, and we still haven’t done it.” He stepped to Troy and placed his hand on the island.

“I don’t know. I think that’s up to Jessie. It’s his car.” Troy rubbed his neck. How was he going to get out of this?

Troy’s mother turned from the sink, wiping a plate with a dish towel. “You two have been going off by yourselves for days now. I think it’s time you did something with your brothers.”

“Mom...” Troy thinned his lips. Jessie wouldn’t be happy about this.

A knock sounded on the door.

Nate opened it. “Jessie, will you take us cruising in Nisswa tonight?” He lifted his brows.

Jessie looked at Troy, tensing his lips. “Uh, I don’t know.”

“Funny, I was just remarking on how the two of you aren’t spending any time with the rest of us.” She narrowed her eyes at Jessie.

Troy sucked in a breath and stood up. “W-we’ve been busy, Mom.” He walked to Jessie. How could he get them out of this?

“With what? Are there girls you’re going out to see?” She lifted her chin.

“Well, no.” Troy stared at the floor. What explanation could come up with for what they’d been doing?

“Then I think it’s time to take your brothers out for that cruise you promised them.” With pinched lips, she focused on Troy, then Jessie.

Jessie lifted his brows and nodded his head. “Yes, ma’am.”

Troy huffed. “Okay.” He studied Jessie. He didn’t look happy about this, but what else could they do?

Troy sat in the back seat of the Trans Am, next to Jessie, while Nate drove, and Mark sat in the passenger seat. The wind blew Troy’s hair off his forehead. He leaned forward and gazed up at the stars through the open T-bar roof, then focused on Jessie and smiled.

Jessie rested his elbow on the arm rest and touched his fingers to his mouth. He glanced at him. “What?”

Troy squeezed his hand on the seat between them. “It’s not so bad.” Hopefully, Jessie wasn’t feeling too anxious. He had a new understanding for how Jessie felt around family after the conversation they’d had in the van when Donna found them together. They didn’t even have time to get stoned before the outing to help his anxiety.

Jessie smirked and tapped on the top of the driver’s seat. “Turn here, Nate.”

Nate turned the car down the main street of Nisswa and slowed down.

Troy gazed out the back window at rectangular shops in various colors, most with overhangs covering the sidewalks, all with large windows. Parking spaces were lined up at an angle to the street, and every twenty feet or so, a streetlight lit up the shops, cars, and pavement.

Nate furrowed his brows, resting his forearms over the steering wheel. “There’s not many people here. Nobody’s cruising.”

Mark twisted in his seat, his brown eyes taking Troy in. “You said people cruise here.”

“No, I said we’d take you cruising here. I didn’t say anything about anybody else being here.” Troy chuckled. “What were you expecting?”

Mark shrugged. “I don’t know, chicks maybe.”

Jessie moved between the front seats. “Chicks? If you want that, we should go to the ice cream shop.” He smiled at Troy.

“Where’s that?” Nate sat back in his seat and slowed the car further.

“Over there.” Troy pointed to a red building with white trim that looked like an old schoolhouse. In fact, it probably was an old schoolhouse. “See that red building?”

“Yeah.” Nate pulled the Trans Am into an angled parking spot close to it, then shut off the engine. “I see chicks.” He let a coy grin work over his mouth.

“Yeah.” Mark smiled. “Let’s go.” He opened the passenger-side door and got out, then flipped the seat up for Troy.

Troy shimmied out of the back seat and stretched in warm, humid air. “If all you wanted to do was come here and meet chicks, you didn’t need us.” He’d have been quite content to take a stroll to a secluded part of the beach with Jessie.

Jessie straightened, looking at Nate. “Yeah, I would have let you take my car, you know.” He ruffled Nate’s hair.

“Hey.” Nate ducked out of the way. “I’m not ten anymore.”

Jessie put his face close to Nate’s, lifting his brows. “Could have fooled me.”

Nate slapped Jessie’s shoulder, chuckling. “Shut up, man.”

“Well, let’s go get some ice cream.” Troy strolled to the sidewalk.

Jessie stepped to Troy and came close, then whispered, “Maybe we can go get high or find a bar while they get ice cream.” He smirked.

Troy searched the area, the families walking the sidewalk, some with strollers, and the teenagers huddled in packs. “I don’t think we’ll get away with lighting up a joint around here.”

Jessie frowned. “Bar then?”

“I don’t see one around. Do you know of one?” Troy peeked at his lips. He was really hoping to get a taste of them tonight, but...

“No, I don’t. But there’s got to be one.” Jessie searched around him.

“Come on, you guys.” Mark, almost at the ice cream store, waved his hand, walking next to Nate.

Troy released a long breath. “Guess we should go and get some ice cream.” He absently grabbed Jessie’s hand.

Jessie yanked his hand away. “Dude.” He widened his eyes and looked around.

“Shit, sorry.” Stupid. Troy furrowed his brows. He had to watch himself. Hiding his feelings wasn’t something he was used to. He followed Jessie to a glass door centered in the red wood-sided building.

Jessie opened the door and stepped to the side, waving him in. “After you.”

Troy twitched a corner of his mouth and walked onto white and black checkered linoleum. He guessed Jessie wasn’t too pissed off. His gaze took in white walls with a row of glass-topped freezer displays, tubs of colorful ice cream underneath. “What are you getting?” He approached the display and scanned the tubs.

Jessie edged beside him to whisper in his ear, holding his hand up. “If they had Troy flavored, I’d get that.”

A rush of desire washed over Troy. Damn, they needed to find a way to be alone tonight. “Maybe we can arrange something.” He waggled his brows.

“What are you two whispering about?” Nate stepped to them, licking a cone with strawberry ice cream on it.

“Never you mind.” Jessie watched Nate a moment. “Troy is definitely getting a cone, though.” He patted Troy on the back, a glint in his eyes.

Troy raised his brows at Jessie. “Why?” Something was up.

“What flavor do you want?” Jessie set his hand on his hip.

“Just... get me mint chip.” Troy watched Nate and Mark stroll out the door and take a round table on the sidewalk, sitting on rounded-backed chairs.

Jessie nudged him. “Here.” He held in ice cream cone to him. “I got us both mint chip.” As he gazed at him, he took a long, slow lick of the ice cream.

“Damn...” Lust quivered through Troy’s groin. They really needed to find a way to be alone tonight. He grabbed the ice cream cone from Jessie.

“Come here.” Jessie waved and walked out of the shop, holding the door open.

Troy followed, taking a quick lap of his ice cream.

Jessie waved again and jogged to the corner of the building, stepping into shadow.

Where the hell is he going? Troy met up with him. “Shouldn’t we be sitting with Nate and Mark?”

Jessie fixated on him. In a low voice, he said, “Lick it.”

Troy furrowed his brows, then widened his eyes. “Oh...” As he curled the edge of his mouth, the held the cone up and flicked his tongue against the top of the ice cream, then sucked it into his mouth.

Jessie raked his teeth over his bottom lip, dipping his knees. “Fuck, that turns me on. Do it again.” He watched him.

Troy slid his tongue over the ice cream, swirling the top, then chuckled. “Fuck, man, I feel stupid.” He shook his head.

“You don’t look stupid at all .” Jessie adjusted his shorts. “You’re giving me a boner.”

Heat filled Troy’s groin, making his cock heavy. “Great, now you’ve got me going.” He turned and glanced at Nate and Mark. “We should go sit with them.”

“Not until you finish that cone. There is no way I’m going to be able to watch you eat that and not have a hard-on.” Jessie grinned.

“Fine.” Jess sure was horny tonight. Wonder if he’s been thinking about getting together all day like I have? Troy licked the cone in a circle, then sucked the top, swallowing it all down.

Jessie’s breath quickened and he palmed his erection through his shorts. “Fuck, man. Maybe you should go and eat that over there, before I need to go jerk off in a restroom.”

Troy smiled and leaned close to his ear. “What have you been thinking about all day?” He lapped at the cone.

Jessie licked his lips. “Jumping your bones. But right now, I’m thinking about bringing ice cream into the van tonight. I can’t get the thought out of my head.”

A jolt of lust twitched Troy’s cock, swelling it. “Great, now I’m thinking about that, too.” The image of licking ice cream off Jessie’s chest, then his shaft, lodged in his mind. “Tonight, for sure.”

Jessie licked his ice cream.

“Fuck...” Pleasure pulsed inside Troy. “Okay, I’m going to go sit with Mark and Nate. Apparently, neither of us can watch the other eat an ice cream cone right now.” He shook his head, snickering. “This is ridiculous.” He ambled to the table, pulling his t-shirt over his waning erection, and stuffing his hand in a front pocket.

“Why were you guys over there?” Nate finished off the last of his cone, then licked his fingers.

“Just talking.” Troy smirked. And making each other horny with ice cream cones. He sat next to Nate.

“Why is Jessie staying over there?” Nate frowned.

“He uh...” Troy glanced at Jessie. What was a good excuse? “He’s just thinking about stuff.”

“Like what stuff?” Nate straightened his spine. “Is he okay?”

Troy knit his brows. “Yeah, why are you asking me that?”

“Nate thinks Jessie hates him.” Mark lapped a drip off his cone.

“What? No.” Troy set his hand on Nate’s forearm, resting on the table. “He doesn’t hate you. I know that for a fact.”

“Then why doesn’t he ever want to be around me?” Nate’s face went slack. “He didn’t come home at all last year, and now that he’s back, I never see him. It’s like I don’t have a brother at all.”

Troy widened his eyes. Holy shit . No wonder Mom was so adamant about them spending time together. Nate must have complained to Mrs. Smith, and then she must have told Mom. He obviously couldn’t tell him the truth. What could he say? “Nate, Jessie doesn’t mean to not spend time with you. We’ve just been busy. We didn’t get to see each other much this year either.” He wasn’t sure if that was helpful or not.

Nate stared at the cement sidewalk. “Guess he’d rather go around with you instead of me.”

“Shit.” Troy ate the rest of his cone, then caught Jessie’s gaze and waved at him.

As Jessie walked to the table, Troy stood and met him halfway. “Hey, uh, we have a situation.”

Jessie widened his eyes. “Did they see something?”

“No.” Troy rubbed his forehead. “Nate thinks you hate him, because you aren’t spending any time with him.” He gauged Jessie’s reaction.

Jessie slumped his shoulders. “Fuck.” He ate the last of his ice cream cone and walked to the table, sitting next to Nate. “Hey.”

Nate peered at Jessie and drew a deep inhale. “Yeah.”

Jessie glanced at Mark, then focused on Nate. “Listen, I don’t hate you. You’re my brother. How could I hate you?”

Nate’s face flushed and he stared at the ground. “I know...”

Jessie wrinkled his brows and looked at Troy.

“Nate, why don’t you talk to Jessie?” Troy gnawed his lower lip.

Nate fixated on Jessie. “Because he never talks to me. I know something’s different about you and you keep giving me bullshit answers.” He clenched his jaw.

Jessie dropped his mouth open. “Why do you think something is different about me?”

“I don’t know how to explain it. You’re just, you’re never there .” Nate’s eyes grew glassy.

Jessie hung his head. “I’m sorry. I’ve had a lot of my mind. You know that.”

“Do you hate Dad?”

Jessie turned to Nate. “No, I don’t hate anybody.”

“Then why do you want to move away from all of us?” Nate glared at him. “You said you’re going to New York and you’re never coming back.”

Jessie’s gaze darted to Troy.

Pain pierced Troy’s chest. He winced. Did he really say that? It must have been before they’d gotten together. It better have been. Losing him now couldn’t happen. What they had was serious. I love him .

“I uh...” Jessie focused on Nate. “I was angry with Dad when I said that. I still don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“Don’t let whatever’s going on between you and Dad make you leave.” Nate placed his hand on Jessie’s arm.

“Come here, kid.” Jessie wrapped his arms around Nate’s shoulders and tugged him close for a quick hug, then held him out. “No matter what happens, I don’t hate you. Remember that.”