Find Me in July (Mesa Boys)

Chapter 14

fourteen

T roy followed Jessie over the green on the golf course, swinging a six pack of beer in his hand. “I thought we’d never get rid of them.” He freed a soft chuckle. He couldn’t get what Nate had said out of his mind. You said you’re going to New York and you’re never coming back. As pain laced through his chest, he placed his palm over his heart.

“Yeah, I know. But apparently we did need to spend some time with them. Well, I needed to spend time with Nate.” Jessie sat on the short grass, cross legged, and set up the boom box. He pressed a button, and David Bowie’s Changes started up.

Troy smiled and sat in front of him, mirroring him. “That’s different.” He opened a can of beer and passed it to him.

“Yeah. Did you know David Bowie hangs out in The Village?” Jessie eyed Troy. “I’ve heard he’s bisexual, like you.” He slapped Troy on the knee and smiled.

“Are you kidding me?” Troy raised his brows. So there were famous people like him. He straightened his spine. “That’s pretty cool.”

Jessie took a gulp of beer, then looked at the can, turning it back and forth. “Anyway, I’m starting to wonder if I’ve been so afraid of anyone finding out I’m gay that I’ve taken it too far.”

“What do you mean?” Troy popped open a beer and took a sip.

“Well, I’m so afraid I’ll say or do something that will give it away when I’m with my family, that I stay away from everyone. Like, I don’t even stay in the same room.” Jessie sighed.

“No wonder Nate thinks you hate them.” Troy gazed up at the stars, twinkling in the clear, night sky. “Maybe you should stop worrying about it so much.” He focused on him.

“Yeah, maybe.” Jessie thinned his lips. “But I can’t let them know. Not yet, anyway.”

“So, you think you’ll tell them someday?” Troy lifted his brows. Maybe that meant he was going to stay. His heart lightened.

“Maybe. A few people I know have done okay coming out to their families. I just don’t think my dad would be okay with it. He does call gay people perverts.” Jessie flashed his eyes at him. “Well, and he thinks they all molest young boys.” He ground his teeth. “Fucking gross.”

“Damn, that’s messed up.” Troy thought back. So Jessie had heard this from his father his whole life, knowing he might be gay. No wonder he hated himself. “I can see why you don’t want him to know. But maybe you could talk to Nate?”

“No, he’s too close to my mom. He’d tell her, and then she’d tell my dad.” Jessie huffed and sipped his beer. “Are we getting high?” He pulled his baggie of joints from his front pocket.

Troy twisted his mouth. He wasn’t sure he was in the mood for that. “I don’t know, man. Maybe we should give it a rest tonight.”

“Sure.” Jessie tucked the baggie into his front pocket. “We need to find some ice cream for the van.” He snickered.

Troy curled the corner of his mouth. “Yeah? You think we’re going to be able to use the damn thing tonight? Even though Donna agreed it was our night, I think Nate and Mark are going to be up all night playing Monopoly.” Which really sucked. He was looking forward to taking things further.

“I guess not. We shouldn’t risk it.” Jessie slumped his shoulders. “I’m so fucking horny, too.” He looked at Troy and licked his lips.

“Maybe we could...” Troy leaned in and pressed his mouth to Jessie’s, then slid his tongue inside, tasting beer and sweet.

Jessie moaned into his mouth, swiping his tongue against Troy’s, then broke the kiss. “Don’t do that. You’re only making it worse.” He adjusted his shorts. “I’m going to have to take a long shower when I get home.” He lifted a brow.

As the image of Jessie jerking off in the shower flooded his mind, lust swept over him. “If only I could join you in that shower.” There were so many things they could do if they could only get away from the family. If only he could get Jessie to his apartment. “You know, I have a shower at my apartment.” He waggled his brows.

“You want to drive down there tonight and use it?” Jessie freed a short laugh, then drank his beer.

“No, I meant when we get back from vacation.” Troy’s heart fluttered. What would he say to that? It meant making plans after this month was over.

Jessie’s smile faded. “Yeah, maybe.” He shifted to pull the baggie of joints out of his front pocket. “I’m going to get high.”

Troy’s chest tightened. That wasn’t a good answer. Should he push it? What if Jessie told him things needed to go back to normal after the vacation? An ache built in his chest. He didn’t think he could handle that. He’d be heartbroken. “Hey, maybe we could go in the back seat of your car?”

Jessie lit the joint and sucked in, held it, then freed a cloud of smoke. “That’s a totally awesome idea. Why did we even come out here?” He pinched out the joint and stuffed it away, shut off the boom box, then jumped up. “Let’s go.”

Troy picked up the six pack and followed Jessie through the trail in the woods to the blue Trans Am, parked on the side of the street. At least they’d parked under a tree where it was dark.

Jessie put their opened beers in the six pack, grabbed it from Troy and placed it along with the boom box on the driver’s seat. “Get in the other side.”

Troy walked to the passenger’s side and climbed into the back seat.

Jessie stepped in and shut the door, then hooked his arms around Troy’s shoulders, claiming his mouth with hot, wet kisses.

Troy parted his lips, letting his tongue explore. His cock swelled, straining against his jean shorts.

Jessie’s breath caught in a gasp. “Jerk me off.” He unfastened Troy’s jean shorts and freed his stiff cock from his underwear, then pumped hard and fast over his shaft.

As pleasure pulsed Troy’s cock, he moaned and released Jessie’s erection from his shorts, then pumped equally hard and fast. Tension coiled in his groin, and he rolled his hips, devouring his mouth with deep kisses.

Jessie broke away and panted, then tensed his face. “Oh, fuck, I’m coming.” He thrust his hips and buried his head in his neck, gasping as cum spurted over Troy’s fingers.

Sensation surged in Troy’s shaft, his peak hitting in harsh waves. As he groaned, he wrinkled his brows and cum burst out of his cock, dribbling over Jessie’s hand. As it calmed, he fought to catch his breath. “Holy fuck. I guess we both needed that.”

Jessie lifted his head. “Yeah, you really had me turned on at the ice cream shop.” He giggled. “I want to put some on your dick and lick it off.” He stretched to the center console and grabbed the traveler’s tissue, then handed one to him.

Troy shivered and wiped his fingers off. “Dude, that would be cold.” He grinned. Wasn’t he thinking about doing the same thing to him? “Though, I’d probably let you do it.” His mind went back to the other thing they’d talked about. Anal sex. They hadn’t really talked about it since the first time Jessie used his fingers on him. “There’s something else I want to do.”

Jessie cleaned his hand, then wiped his groin. “What?” He threw the tissue to the floor and focused on him. “Tell me.”

Heat flushed Troy’s face. Was he really going to say it? Yes, he was. “I want to have sex with you.”

Jessie widened his eyes. “You sure?”

Troy shrugged. “Yeah, why not? You know how and I dig that finger thing when you do it.” It had been killer, actually. What would it be like to have sex, to have Jessie’s dick doing that?

Jessie’s gaze locked onto his mouth. As he brushed his hand over Troy’s cheek, he took a hard swallow, then placed a long, tender kiss over his lips. “I’d like that, Troy.” He looked deeply into his eyes. “Next time we get the van, we’ll have ice cream and Vaseline ready.”

Troy freed a choked laugh. “What a combination.” He shook his head. Am I really thinking about things like this? Yes, I am. “So, what are we doing tomorrow?” This month was going by too fast. They’d be going home in twelve days.

“How about Gooseberry Island again?” Jessie fastened his shorts. “I’m pretty sure I can get the boat.”

“Sure.” Troy zipped up his shorts and buttoned them.

“Maybe Donna and Jake would want to go with us?” Jessie studied him.

Troy narrowed his eyes. “Why do you want them to come with us?” He wasn’t sure he wanted to share his time.

Jessie smirked. “Tomorrow is her night for the van. Maybe we can trade taking them out on the boat for her night.” He tapped his head. “I’m thinking here.”

Troy nodded. “Ah, good idea. I’ll talk to her in the morning.” It might work.

“But no flirting with Jake again.” Jessie jabbed at his chest.

Troy smirked. “Fine.”

Jessie grabbed Troy’s arm and tugged, bringing their faces close, then planted a long kiss on his lips. “Troy, I want you to know how special you are to me.”

Troy’s heart warmed. He swallowed over a lump forming in his throat. Could he tell him how he felt? Fear pricked his chest. “You’re ah, special to me, too.” And I love you... He couldn’t say it yet.

Jessie knit his brows. “No, really. I’d do anything for you. Anything .” He creased his forehead. “All I want is for you to be happy and have everything you’ve always wanted.”

Troy narrowed his eyes. “I am happy.” Where was he going with this? All he wanted right now was Jessie and being with him made him happy. “Do you know what would really make me happy?”

“What?” Jessie’s gaze darted over his face.

“If you stayed here. With me. In Minneapolis.” Troy’s heart thumped in his ears. I said it. He rounded his eyes, fixating on Jessie.

Jessie wrinkled his brows, then twisted his head. “I have to figure out if I’m going back to college.”

Pain tore at Troy’s chest. “I-I know, but when we go home from here?—”

“Sure, maybe.” Jessie focused on Troy, the edges of his mouth twitching. “We should probably go home.”

“Yeah.” Troy drew a deep breath. That hadn’t gone the way he wanted. Guess he still had to find a way to talk him into staying. Maybe Jessie needed to hear how he felt? Maybe that was what he was waiting for?

Jessie opened the passenger door on the car and stepped out. “So, you’ll see if Donna and Jake want to go out on the boat tomorrow?”

“Sure.” Troy sighed and climbed out of the back seat. It was too late to say any more about it.

“Find out if she said anything to Jake and how he feels about... you know.” Jessie walked to the driver’s side and opened the door.

“Yeah.” A heaviness filled his heart. Troy flipped the seat back and plopped down in it. He’d have to admit his feelings. Then Jessie would see he had to stay.

Troy jumped off the speed boat into knee-deep water, bow line in hand, and pulled the boat onto the sandy bottom. “Good?” He looked at Jessie.

Jessie, his muscular chest showing over his brown swim trunks, flashed him the okay sign, scanning around him.

Jake waded around the side of the boat, the water lapping at his orange swim trunks. “Need a hand?”

“No, I got it.” Troy gave the rope another tug, then searched around him in the mid-afternoon sun. Only a few boats were anchored off the beach, and a family were making a picnic farther down.

Donna pulled the top of her blue knit bikini over her breasts, then walked through the water to him, two beers in her hands. She held one out. “Beer?”

“Definitely.” He threw the bow line onto the boat and grabbed the beer, then gulped it down.

She stepped close. “How are things with Jessie?” She smiled and held her hand over her eyes, blocking the sun.

“Good.” He turned his back to the boat. “Thanks for letting us have the van tonight.” Vaseline and ice cream. He smirked.

She came closer, grinning. “So have you guys, ah...” She wiggled her brows.

He widened his eyes. Not yet anyway . Tonight. “Donna.” Why would she ask something like that?

She slapped his arm. “Oh, come on. You can tell me.” She giggled.

“No, have you and Jake?” He lifted the edge of his mouth.

“Of course. He’s got a big?—”

“Stop.” He held his hand up. “I seriously do not want to know.” Why was she talking like this?

She crossed her arms and came closer. “Jessie has a nice one, huh?”

“How do you... Oh.” He scowled. She’d seen Jessie naked when they played truth or dare. “Okay, that’s enough.”

“Why? It’s sort of like I have a sister now.” She burst out in giggles.

He shook his head, chuckling despite himself. This was too weird. “I am nothing like a sister. Even if I like dudes.”

Jake walked up to them, beer in hand. “What’s so funny?”

She swayed in the water. “Oh, just digging on my brother.”

Jake hooked an arm over her shoulders, gazing at Troy. “She likes to do that, dig on people. Doesn’t she?”

“Yes, she does.” Troy’s gaze caught on Jessie, waving in the boat. “Hey, Jessie wants us.” He waded through the shallow water with Donna and Jake following. As he approached the boat, Jessie held up his baggie with the joints. He nodded. “Hell, yes.”

“I’ll pass for now.” Jake grinned at Donna.

“Guess I will too, then.” Donna said. “Let’s go up on the beach and drink our beer.”

“Sure.” Jake waded to the side of the boat. “Can you hand me a towel?”

Jessie lifted a cushion from a bow seat, pulled out a towel and handed it to Jake. “Here you go. Just let me know when you’re ready.”

“Yep.” Jake took the towel and headed toward Donna, almost to the beach.

Troy stepped to the aft of the boat and climbed up the ladder next to the raised motor, then sat on the bench seat. The waves made little splashing noises against the hull.

Jessie came down next to Troy, slipped a joint out of the baggie and set it between his lips. He lit it, drew a deep inhale, paused, then let it out, handing the joint to him. “So does Jake know about us?”

“Donna said she didn’t tell him. She wasn’t sure how he’d handle it.” Troy toked off the joint. A pleasant buzz filled his head and he shifted closer to him, their bare legs touching.

Jessie nodded. “That’s probably for the best. You never know who he knows up here, and it wouldn’t be good if word got around.” He took a hit off the joint. “More?”

“Yeah.” Troy put the joint between his lips and sucked in, smoke filling his lungs. He wanted to relax today. It would be a special day. They were going to have sex for the first time. He exhaled smoke out of his mouth. The buzzing heightened. “How many more joints have you got?”

“Enough.” Jessie drew off the joint.

“We’ve been smoking a lot this year. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smoke this much.” Troy studied him. “Do you smoke like this back in New York?” Maybe that’s where it all started.

Jessie smiled, his eyes narrowing. “No, man. In fact, I don’t smoke much at all back there.”

“So, it’s just because we’re up here.” Troy glanced out at the beach, watching Donna and Jake chatting and laughing on their blue towel under the shade of a tree. He focused on Jessie.

“It’s because I’m with my family. It’s so tiring having to hide who I am to them. I’m anxious all the time.” Jessie pinched out the joint and stuffed it away. “It’s the only way for me to relax, like I told you.”

“Yeah, I get it.” They weren’t going to have to worry about any of that tonight. They had the van. Troy bumped his side, grinning. “But tonight...”

Jessie lifted a brow. “Vaseline and ice cream.” He giggled, then adjusted his swim trunks. “Dude, don’t talk about that now. I don’t want to get a boner.”

Troy glanced at the swelling in Jessie’s swim trunks. Desire wound through his body. Something about Jessie made him think about sex. All the damn time . “Maybe we can sneak off into the woods.” He released a quick chuckle.

Jessie pushed him. “Stop it, man.”

Troy peeked at Jessie’s erection. He wanted to touch it. “Too late for not getting a boner.” He scanned the area around the boat, then palmed Jessie’s hard cock. He couldn’t help himself.

“You fucker.” Jessie shoved him off the bench seat, giggling.

Troy fell sideways, then righted himself. He seized Jessie’s sides and tickled him.

Jessie jerked and squirmed, laughing. “Stop... fuck.” He dove down over Troy, knocking him to his back on the floorboards, then sat on his hips and tickled him.

Troy giggled and writhed, clutching at Jessie’s hands. “Oh, fuck, stop it.”

“What the hell are you two doing?”

Jessie stilled, sitting on Troy’s hips, pinning Troy’s hands to the floorboards over his head.

Troy looked at the ladder area.

Donna smirked at them. “Damn, you two. Can’t keep away from each other?” She snorted. “At first I thought I was going to have to break up a fight.” She waved at the beach, then stepped onto the boat.

Jessie climbed off Troy and stood up. “We’re definitely not fighting.” He snickered, then helped him to stand.

Jake waded to the ladder. “Everything okay over here?” He smiled at them all.

“They’re good. Just boys being boys.” Donna beamed at Jessie, then tapped his arm. “Hey, can you get me that joint now?”

“Sure.” Jessie snatched the baggie from the bench seat, then pulled out the half-smoked joint and handed it to her.

She held it up to Jake. “I’m ready, how about you?”

“Sure.” Jake climbed up the ladder, water dribbling down his muscled chest and taut abs.

Troy stared, dropping his mouth open. That dude was built. Donna was one lucky chick. His gaze fell to Jake’s swim trunks. He did have a big dick. Damn.

Jessie slapped Troy’s arm. “Hey.” He wrinkled his nose.

Troy’s gaze tore from Jake to Jessie. “What?”

Under his breath, Jessie said, “Stop looking.” He pinched his lips.

“Oh...” Troy cleared his throat. Was he really that obvious?

Donna sat on the bench seat and lit the joint, taking a deep drag. “Come over here.” She focused on Jake and patted the cushion next to her.

Jake sat next to her, then took a hit off the joint.

Jessie plopped into the driver’s chair. “Troy.”

Troy focused on Jake’s mouth as he took a second toke on the joint. He really did like dudes, not just Jessie. He still found it hard to believe, but it was true. He licked his lips.

Jessie slapped Troy’s ass. “Troy.”

Troy’s hips lurched forward, and he blinked. “What?” He twisted to Jessie.

Jessie scowled. “Get me a sandwich.”

“Sure.” Troy opened his mother’s wicker picnic basket from a space under the glove box of the passenger chair and handed him a ham and cheese sandwich wrapped in plastic, then sat down, watching him.

Jessie unwrapped the sandwich. “It was cool of your mom to pack all this food for us.” He bit into it.

“Yeah, she’s cool like that.” Troy’s gaze drew to Jake and Donna.

Donna giggled, then placed a soft kiss on Jake’s lips.

Jake held up the last bit of the joint to Jessie. “Hey, man, what do you want with this?”

Jessie wiped mayonnaise from his lip, then swallowed. “Just toss it. I have plenty.” He tapped Troy’s thigh. “Dude, focus.”

“Oh, sorry.” Troy twisted his head, then shifted in his seat, resting his elbows on his knees, and faced Jessie. Jake might be nice to look at, but Jessie was definitely the one he loved and way, way better to look at.

Jessie bit into the sandwich, mayonnaise dripping out the side, then gave Troy a faint grin as he chewed. A dab of mayonnaise hovered on his lower lip.

Troy rose from his chair and swiped the mayonnaise from Jessie’s lip, then sucked it off his finger.

Jessie widened his eyes, glanced at Donna and Jake, then focused on Troy. In a low voice, he said, “Don’t do that.”

Troy furrowed his brows. “Why?” He peeked at Donna, engrossed in conversation with Jake.

Jessie tapped Troy’s knee. “You know why.”

Troy sighed. Jessie was too paranoid. But maybe he should stay away from the weed. He didn’t think well when he was high. He reached into the picnic basket and pulled out a ham and cheese sandwich, then took a bite.

“So, Donna tells me you go to school in New York.” Jake offered Jessie a wide smile, then sipped a beer.

“Yeah.” Jessie chewed.

“I’ve been there a few times. Where do you like to hang out in The City?” Jake leaned back, resting an arm over Donna’s shoulders.

“Uh... I pretty much stay around campus.” Jessie peeked at Troy, then released a nervous chuckle. “You know, I have to study a lot. So I don’t really have time to go to a lot of places.”

“I love The Village. Isn’t that right by NYU? That’s where you go to school right?” Jake narrowed his eyes.

“Yeah, that’s right.” Jessie ate his last bite of sandwich and wiped his hands on his thighs.

“It must be cool to be right there, where all that cultural stuff is going on. Do you ever see Andy Warhol?” Jake drank his beer.

Jessie chuckled. “No, I’ve never seen him.”

Jake’s smile faded and he looked off toward the lake. “Yeah, I guess it’s a big place.” He focused on Jessie. “But still, there are some cool bars in New York City. You have to have been to some of them.”

“Sure.” Jessie grabbed his beer out of a holder next to the steering wheel and sipped it.

“Have you ever been to Studio 54 ?” Jake lifted his brows.

“No, I haven’t.” Jessie pursed his lips.

“Really? That’s the first place I’d go to if I went back there. What bars have you been to?” Jake gulped his beer.

“Well, uh...” Jessie glanced at Troy.

“He’s not into the bars.” Troy flashed a grin at Jessie. He clearly needed some help. “Are you?”

“No.” Jessie stared at the floor.

“Oh, guess you’d rather get stoned, huh?” Jake nodded his head. “It’s cool, man.”

Donna furrowed her brows. “Jessie’s not a burn out, though.”

Jake snickered. “Okay.” He sipped his beer. “So, this will be your last year there?”

Jessie nodded.

“Then you’re going to take over your old man’s business, right? My old man wants me to do that, too. But he farms corn. Not so sure I want to do that, but I’m the oldest of six.” Jake freed a long exhale.

“So, your family has a farm?” Jessie studied Jake.

“Yeah. It’s been in the family for three generations. It’s hard work, though.” Jake glanced at Donna. “I’d rather be down in the Twin Cities.”

“Have you told your father you don’t want to farm?” Jessie shifted to face Jake.

Jake unwrapped his arm from Donna’s shoulders and rested his elbows on his knees. “I’ve tried, but the man is stubborn as a mule.” He shook his head.

Jessie chuckled. “Yeah, so is mine.”

Jake took a gulp of beer, peering at Jessie. “So, why wouldn’t you want to run your old man’s business? Don’t you like it?”

Jessie straightened and glanced at Troy. “I don’t know that I want to be here, in Minnesota.”

Troy’s heart stung. He fixated on Jessie. “But you don’t know that for sure.”

Jake freed a quick laugh. “If I were you, I’d want to stay in New York.” He slowly shook his head. “That’s where all the action is. I’d kill for a chance to live there.”

“What’s so great about New York? The Twin Cities is pretty cool. It is the Mini-Apple.” Donna smirked, then let it fade as she gazed at Troy.

Troy gauged Jessie’s reaction. He didn’t need Jake putting any ideas in his head. Tonight was the night. He had to say something to make him stay. He had to tell him how he felt. It was the only way. “He’s not sure what he’s going to do. Right, Jess?”

Jessie looked Troy up and down. “Right.” He grinned. “What’s all this serious talk? Let’s go swimming.” He stood, then walked to the ladder and climbed into the lake.

Troy followed Jessie, wading out into waist-high water, holding his beer can over it. Something wasn’t right, he could feel it. “Jess.”

Jessie stopped, his back to him. “What?”

Troy walked to stand chest to chest with him. He had no idea what to expect at this point. “You okay?”

Jessie nodded, staring out over the water. “I don’t belong here, Troy.”

“Yes, you do. You belong with me, and I’m here.” An ache built in Troy’s chest. He pressed on Jessie’s chin, moving his head to face him. “Jess. You belong with me.”

Jessie thinned his lips, his brows wrinkling. “I don’t know, Troy. If I stay here, I have to keep hiding, keep being someone I’m not.”

“Not with me and Donna, you don’t. You can come out to the community here. We can come out.” Troy’s gaze fell to his lips. “I really want to kiss you right now.”

“But you can’t. If we were at certain places in The Village, you could.” Jessie clenched his jaw.

Troy knit his brows. He had to get through to him. “There’s got to be places like that here, too.”

“But my family is here.” Jessie punched at the water. “Fuck.”

“What the hell does your family have to do with it?” Troy furrowed his brows. This was getting so damn frustrating. The answer was clear as day for him.

“The more I’m here, around them, the bigger the chance that they’re going to find out I’m gay. It’s a given.” Jessie frowned. “Can we please change the subject? I wanted to come out here and have fun. My buzz is gone now.”

Troy grasped Jessie’s hand under the water. “Yeah. I’m sorry. Let’s forget it.”

Jessie released a long sigh. “Thanks.”

“You need more weed?” Troy smirked and freed his hand.

“Yeah. Let’s go light up another one.” Jessie smiled at him.