Chapter 17
seventeen
S craping, then a thunk. What is that noise? Troy licked his lips. Warm pressure covered his side. He snuggled into it.
“Troy Larson, you get up this second!”
Troy fluttered his eyes open. Why was his mother shouting at him?
“Holy shit, shut the door! Shut the door!” Jessie cowered into him.
Troy sat upright and stared at his mother, blinking a few times.
“What is the meaning of this, young man?” She pointed at them, flapping her finger around, scowling.
Jessie curled into his side. “Shut the door, Mrs. Larson, please.”
I’m naked. We’re naked in the van! “Mom, shut the damn door!” He waved a hand at her, covering his groin with the other.
Donna appeared behind his mother. She widened her eyes and covered her mouth. “Holy shit.” She slammed the door shut.
“Get dressed.” Troy jumped off the couch and fumbled around for his clothes, jerking arms and legs through holes, yanking hems up and down. As he finished, he stared at Jessie. “Holy fuck. What are we going to say?”
Jessie fastened his shorts and swallowed hard. “I-I don’t know.”
“Mom, I’m sure Troy has a very good explanation for this,” Donna’s voice sounded from outside the van.
“I wasn’t born yesterday, Donna. There is only one reason two people sleep together like, like that,” Troy’s mother said, disdain dripping from her voice.
“Maybe it was hot?”
“Maybe they were having sex .”
“Who’s having sex? Who’s in there?” Mr. Larson asked.
“What’s going on out here?” Mrs. Smith’s voice joined in.
“Oh my God.” Troy twitched the corners of his mouth and rubbed his forehead. “Everyone is going to know.” He stared at Jessie. “I don’t know what to say to them.” There was no hiding any of it.
Jessie sat on the carpet, wrapping his arms around his knees, trembling. “I-I’m going to b-be banished from my family.”
Troy crept to him and hooked his arms around his shoulders, placing his forehead against Jessie’s. “Whatever happens, Jess, I’m here. I’ll stay by your side. I don’t care what anyone says.”
Jessie looked at him, his eyes glistening. “Y-you can’t. What about being a-a teacher?”
“Stop with that crap. Let’s just get through this first.” Troy mustered his strength, then left his side to slide the door open.
Both sets of parents along with Donna stood next to the van in morning sunlight filtered by a thick layer of clouds, all with their arms crossed over their chests, except for Donna.
Donna smiled at them and waved her hand, stepping forward. “See? They’re dressed. They probably partied too hard last night, right, Troy?”
“Oh, stop. I know what I saw.” Mrs. Larson pursed her lips. “Troy, we need to have a word with you. Alone.” She sent a glare at Jessie.
Jessie pressed against Troy’s side.
“Son, please, get out of the van. It’ll be okay.” Mr. Larson glanced at everyone. “Right? No one is going to make any rash decisions. We’re going to hear them out.” He touched Mr. Smith’s arm.
Mr. Smith scowled. “We’ll see.”
“We’ll talk to you all together.” Troy peeked at Jessie. “Right?”
Jessie nodded.
Troy climbed out of the van with Jessie following. “Let’s go inside.” He gestured at their cabin. How the hell was he going to explain this?
Everyone walked into the Larson family cabin and took up positions in the family room, the Smiths on the couch, the Larsons pulling up chairs from the kitchen table. Troy and Jessie moved the wicker barstools from the kitchen island into the family room until they were all seated in a large circle.
“Donna, where’s Mark?” Troy scanned the hallway. Last thing he needed was for him to show up unannounced.
“He and Nate went fishing early this morning down at the bridge.” She flashed a grin at him.
“Son, tell us what’s going on. It’s okay. Just be frank with us.” Mr. Larson knit his brows.
“Uh...” Troy glanced at Jessie, then grasped his hand. How should he start this conversation? He had to be careful.
Jessie flinched, his gaze darting to Troy’s.
“We uh, we’re not just friends anymore.” Troy offered Jessie a faint grin. “We love each other.”
Both mothers gasped and covered their mouths.
Mr. Smith grimaced. “Perverts.”
Troy winced. “No, not perverts. Lovers.”
Mr. Smith stood up. “You perverted my son.” He stepped to Troy, jabbing a finger at him. “It’s unholy and God knows what else. Men are not supposed to lie with men.”
“Now wait a minute.” Mr. Larson rose. “No one perverted anyone here, and I’d like for you to not use that sort of language.”
“It wasn’t him, Dad.” Jessie stood up, wiping at his eyes. “It was me. I’m gay. I even had a boyfriend in New York.” He peeked at Troy. In a soft voice, he said, “He’s not gay. He’s bisexual.”
“Jessie.” Mr. Smith looked him up and down, curling his lip. Through his teeth, he said, “You are not my son. I don’t know who the hell you are.” He stomped to stand chest to chest with Jessie, glaring at him. “Get your things and get out. Today. I don’t care where you go. Live in the God damned gutter for all I care.” He stomped out of the cabin, slamming the door shut.
Mrs. Smith stared at Jessie.
“Mom?” Jessie’s voice wavered. He walked to her, tears tumbling down his cheeks.
She shook her head and a sob erupted from her throat. “I can’t...” She jumped from the couch and rushed to the door, then left.
Jessie turned to Troy, a blank stare on his face.
“Fuck.” Troy strode to him and seized his arm. “Give us a moment.” He hauled him down the hallway and into his bedroom, shutting the door. As he twisted, he flung his arms around Jessie’s shoulders. “I’m so sorry.”
Jessie nestled his face in his neck, his breath hitching. “What am I supposed to do now?”
Troy kissed the side of his head, his heart aching, tears stinging his eyes. “Stay with me. I’ll take care of you.” He skimmed his hand down Jessie’s hair.
“I can’t do that.” Jessie wound his arms around Troy’s waist. “What about Nate?”
“What about him? You were ready to leave him and go to New York. Why not stay here with me? Then maybe Nate can come around.” He brushed his cheek against his hair. He had to make him see that this was best for both of them. “Stay with me, please.”
“I don’t want to ruin your life.” Jessie’s voice broke. He trembled and wept softly against his neck.
Troy tightened his hold on him. “Damn it, Jess, don’t you see? You leaving will ruin my life. I’m willing to face the consequences and fight anyone who tries to fire me for being with you— if they ever find out that I’m with you. We can be careful.”
“I don’t know.” Jessie sniffled.
“Don’t you want to be with me?” Troy asked, in a ragged voice. Pain crept into his chest. “You can’t leave. I won’t let you.” Hot tears fell down his cheeks. “I won’t.”
A knock sounded on the door.
“Troy and Jessie? Can I speak with you?” Mr. Larson’s voice snaked in. “Everyone else is gone, and I have some things I need to say.”
“Yeah.” Troy freed Jessie, then swiped his eyes, while Jessie did the same. “Come on.” He held his hand and opened the door.
His father stood in the hallway, frowning. “Let’s sit at the table.”
As Troy followed his father with Jessie in tow, he asked, “Where did Mom and Donna go?”
“Out. Your mother needs some time.” His father sat at the head of the kitchen table. “Please.” He held his hand out.
Troy sat next to his father and Jessie took a seat next to him. They both focused on Mr. Larson.
Mr. Larson wound his fingers on the tabletop. “First, Jessie, I want to say how sorry I am that your father feels the way he does. It’s not fair to you, to either of you.” He rocked once. “Some of the old views on homosexuality still prevail, and that’s very sad.”
Jessie nodded staring at the table. “Thanks.”
“Troy, there’s something I’ve hidden from all of you my whole life, and well, now I believe it’s time for you to hear about it. Though, I never thought I’d have a reason to tell anyone, but apparently, I do. But please keep it between us.” Mr. Larson drew a deep inhale and focused on Troy. “I had a male lover once.”
Troy dropped his mouth open. “You did? Holy shit.” His father must be like him. Is that where I got it from? He gauged Jessie’s reaction.
Jessie drew his brows together. “And what happened?”
“Well, it was a different time then. It was before the Summer of Love and the Hippy Movement. In fact, I was about your age, so it was around 1950. Very early in the history of gay people having any rights or being accepted in any way.” Mr. Larson glanced from Troy to Jessie.
“Dad, are you gay?” Troy lifted his brows. If he was, how did he have three kids?
“No, I’m like you. I can love men and women.” Mr. Larson gave them a quick grin. “I love your mother very much, I assure you.”
Jessie ran his finger along the table. “So, why did it end?”
“Because I was foolish and young and afraid. That man, Charles, was the love of my life, and I was too afraid to stay with him. So I left him, and I’ve regretted it to this day.” Mr. Larson sighed.
Troy shifted in his seat. Does he regret marrying Mom? “But you said you loved Mom.”
“I can still love your mother and regret something I did when I was young. They’re not the same things.” Mr. Larson furrowed his brows.
“So, you left him because you were afraid of how your life would be if you stayed with him.” Jessie frowned, peering at Troy.
“Jess, I’m not afraid.” Troy wrapped his hand around Jessie’s, sitting on the table. “I’ll fight for you. I’ll fight with you.” He squeezed his hand.
“Mr. Larson, your son wants to be a teacher like you. He can’t do that and be with me, can he?” Jessie narrowed his eyes at Troy.
Mr. Larson inhaled deeply. “Well, things are changing. I know we’ve had some upsets on rights lately here in St. Paul, but in California there’s an openly gay man named Harvey Milk who was elected to the County Board of Supervisors in San Francisco and passed legislation there to ban discrimination based on sexual orientation. In fact, he’s fighting, successfully I might add, a ban on gay teachers right now. So, there is hope for the future.”
Jessie widened his eyes. “Really?”
“Yes. In fact, at this year’s Pride March in San Francisco, he called upon us all to fight for our rights and come out of the closets.” Mr. Larson placed his hand on Jessie’s forearm. “It might still be a hard road for you both, but it sounds like my son is ready to face any challenges you may come across. I see how deeply he loves you. It’s the same way I loved Charles.” He drew a long breath. “I’d hate to see either of you live with the regret I’ve had. Will you stay with Troy and face the challenges together?”
Tears filled Jessie’s eyes. His lip quivered. “I...” He gazed deeply into Troy’s eyes. “Are you sure, Troy?”
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” Troy placed his hand on Jessie’s cheek and gave him a tender kiss. “You have somewhere to go. You have me.”
“And you have me.” Mr. Larson smiled at Jessie. “I’m sure Troy’s mother will come around, and it sounds like Donna already knew.” He smirked at Troy. “I’m glad I raised her right.”
Troy’s heart thumped in his ears. He needed a final answer. “So, will you stay? With me?” He fixated on Jessie.
Jessie searched Troy’s face. “Yes, I’ll stay.” He ticked his head. “I’ll stay with you.”
Troy threw his arms around his shoulders and yanked him in for fierce hug. “I’m so happy.” He buried his face in his neck. Finally, they had a future beyond July. He freed him and grabbed his hands. “Let’s go and get your things from your cabin.”
“Wait, why don’t you let me speak to Jessie’s father first? Then we can make plans, depending on what I find out.” Mr. Larson stood from the table and left.
Troy beamed at Jessie, his heart soaring. As far as he was concerned, the plans were already made in his head. “We can get your stuff and you can move into my apartment and live with me. Okay?”
“What about your roommate?” Jessie furrowed his brows.
“What about him? He can deal with it or move out. I can get you a job at Target for now and between the two of us, we can handle rent.” Troy planted a quick kiss on his mouth.
“I’ve never had a job before.” Jessie stared at the table. “This is a lot to take in.”
“What’s to take in? I’ll work everything out. You just have to show up.” Troy studied him. Why didn’t Jessie look as happy as he was? “What’s wrong?”
Jessie stared back at him. “What am I going to tell Nate? Is he going to think I’m perverted, too?”
“Jess, Nate loves you. He’ll understand. Maybe we should go down to the bridge and talk to him and Mark right now.” Troy stood up, pulling on his hands. The sooner they could get all this over with, the sooner they could start being together again like they were.
“Troy, stop.” Jessie breathed deeply. “I need a few minutes to chill, okay?” He gazed at him. “I was just kicked out by my parents, and it’s a lot to take in.”
“Okay, let’s go sit on the couch.” Troy tugged on his hands. All he wanted was to feel him close.
Jessie rose and followed him to the couch, then sat down.
Troy wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “I’m sorry. Guess I’ve thought about all these things already, you know, you staying with me and how it could work.”
Jessie curled into him, laying his head on his shoulder. “It’s so much change all at once.”
“But aren’t you happy to be together after this month?” Troy brushed his cheek over his hair. “I mean you are, right?” Jessie had said he loved him, so why wasn’t he at least a little happy?
Jessie rubbed his cheek against his shoulder, lifted his head and gazed into his eyes, then placed a long, deep kiss on his lips. “Staying here with you makes me happy. I’m also still afraid that me being with you won’t be good for you.” He rested his head against his shoulder. “But in time, I think I’ll get over that.”
“We can come out to the gay community in Minneapolis, like you did in New York.” Troy released a soft chuckle. Seemed he was all the way in. “We’ve already done the hard part, coming out to our parents, even though we didn’t try to.”
Jessie entwined his fingers in Troy’s hand, resting in his lap. “Yeah, I didn’t think about that. I can finally be myself, even here. I don’t have to hide anymore.” He lifted his head spreading a grin over his face. “I can take you to the Gay 90s.”
Troy chuckled. “As long as Gary’s not there.” He still hated the guy. He couldn’t help it.
Jessie slapped his arm. “Stop about Gary. He was nothing but kind and helpful when I talked to him about us.”
Troy’s chest tightened and he huffed. “All I kept thinking about when we were apart and you were gone was if you were out with Gary getting high and... you know.” He pressed his lips together.
“None of that happened. Turns out Gary is very connected in the Twin Cities. He can probably help us if we need it.” Jessie studied him.
“He’s not going away, is he.” Troy lowered his brows.
“No, I’d rather we all be friends, Troy. Can you handle that?”
Troy scowled and shook his head. “For you? Yeah.” He’d just have to get used to it.
“He knows I love you.” Jessie lifted his brows.
“You told him before you told me ?” Troy’s heart pinched and he breathed through it.
“Uh, I guess so.” Jessie placed his hand on Troy’s neck and tugged him close, resting his forehead on Troy’s. “He was happy for both of us. He told me I was being stupid and should stay with you.”
“See? Even fucking Gary knows we should be together.” Troy offered him a quick grin, then kissed him. He didn’t want to talk about Gary anymore. They had so much planning to do. “So, do you want to transfer to UofM and finish your degree? Or are you thinking you’ll switch majors?”
Jessie straightened. “I’m not sure. I’ll definitely transfer here, but I don’t know what I want to do yet.” He spread a full-on smile over his face. “Damn, Troy. It’s just hitting me. I can do whatever the fuck I want now.”
Troy smirked. “See? We’ll be okay. And my dad will help us.” His gaze fell to his lips. The things they could do when they got to his apartment... Desire shivered over his spine. “And I can’t wait to get you in my bed.”
Jessie squirmed, adjusting his shorts. “No more late nights in a van.” He snickered.
Troy’s father burst through the front door, frowning. “Boys? I have news.” He stepped into the main room and sat in a chair next to the couch.
“What happened?” Jessie came forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
“Your father will not be swayed, at least not yet.” Mr. Larson wrinkled his brows. “He loves you, Jessie. I know he does. He’s your father. But right now, he’s shocked and angry. I think it would be best if you give him some time.”
“What about my mom?” Jessie chewed his lower lip.
“She won’t talk about it at all. I don’t think she wants to upset your father any more than he is already.” Mr. Larson sighed. “Your mother has packed your things and left them by your car. They want you to go home, pack up and leave the house in Minnetonka before they come home.”
“Do they even care about where I’m going?” Jessie huffed.
“I told them you’re going to live with Troy.” Mr. Larson focused on his son. “That is what you want, right, son?”
“Yes, it’s already decided.” Troy watched Jessie. What was he feeling right now? What was it like for your parents to kick you out? Thankfully, he’d never have to find out. “Jess, how are you doing?”
“I’m pissed off right now, actually. At first, I was upset, but now I’m furious.” Jessie stood up and stomped around the room, then stopped, placing his hands on his hips, his eyes appearing to burn with anger. “That asshole only cares about himself and his fucking company. He’s doing this because he doesn’t want a fag running it. You know that, don’t you?”
“Jessie...” Mr. Larson furrowed his brows.
“It’s true. This is why I didn’t want to run it in the first place. Heaven forbid it ever got out that the president of Smith Foundry was a fairy, a fucking pervert.” Jessie’s gaze searched the room, then glared at them. “He’d only care that it tarnished his name and the precious company. He doesn’t care about me. He never has. My whole fucking life has revolved around me being just like him, so I can carry on what he started. Never mind if maybe I want to start something on my own.” Jessie clenched his jaw. “Thank you, Mr. Larson, for everything. You’ve been an inspiration to me, and I’m proud that you’re my boyfriend’s father.”
Mr. Larson smiled at him. “Thank you, Jessie. That means a lot.”
He called me his boyfriend. Troy’s heart flooded with emotion. He stood up and walked to Jessie, smiling. “What do you want to do first?”
“Let’s find Nate and Mark and explain things. Then let’s pack up and get the hell out of here.” Jessie seized the back of Troy’s head and placed a hard kiss on his mouth. “I love you, and fuck everybody else.”
Mr. Larson rose from his chair. “That’s the spirit, son.” He smiled at them.
Troy stepped out of the Trans Am, parked on the side of the street at a wooden bridge spanning over a waterway spilling into the lake. In the near distance sat the chapel. That was where he’d almost lost Jessie. He peeked up at the gray sky hovering over the woods. “Think it’s going to rain today?” He followed Jessie across the bridge.
“I don’t care, actually. Let it rain if it wants.” Jessie smiled at him and poked him in the ribs. “I think I’m happy for the first time in my life.”
“Yeah? Good.” Troy scanned the bridge, his gaze landing on Nate and Mark sitting at the other end, both holding fishing poles over the water. As Troy and Jessie approached, they looked up.
“Nate.” Jessie jogged to him and crouched down.
Nate lifted his brows, cranked in his fishing line, and set the pole beside him. “Where were you all night?”
Jessie glanced at Troy.
“He was with me.” Troy offered Nate a quick grin and sat behind and between Mark and Nate.
“So, you two are friends again?” Mark brushed his brown bangs from his forehead, then put his fishing pole away.
“Well, sort of.” Jessie smiled at Troy. “We have something to tell you both.”
Troy waited. Does he want to say it or ? —
“Nate, Mark, we’re... we love each other.” Jessie snatched Troy’s hand and held it up. “As in boyfriends .” He glanced from one to the other.
Mark widened his eyes. “You’re fags?”
Nate released a choked laugh and slapped Mark’s arm. “No, Mark. They’re fucking with us.”
“No, we’re not.” Troy slackened his face. “Listen to me. Jessie and I, well, we found out that we dig each other. We were together last night in the van and Mom found us. So, everyone knows.”
“Holy shit, Troy. Is Dad going to kill you?” Mark dropped his mouth open.
Troy shook his head with a chuckle. “No, in fact, our dad is being really cool with it.” He pinched his mouth. “Mom, on the other hand, I don’t know what she thinks yet.”
“Donna’s going to be pissed.” Mark snickered. “Donna likes Jessie, too.”
Troy pushed on Mark’s shoulder. The little fucker had to bring that up. “Donna found somebody else. Besides that, she’s known for a little while now.”
“How did Donna know? Did you tell her and not tell us?” Nate glared at Jessie.
“No, she found us together in the van, too. What was it, a week ago?” Jessie focused on Troy.
“Sounds like you two weren’t very good at keeping it a secret.” Mark sniggered. “What were you doing in the van anyway?” He lifted his brows. “You didn’t have sex on the couch, did you?” He gagged. “Gross. I have to sit back there.”
Troy tagged him in the head. “Shut up. We cleaned it up.”
“I was wondering what those disgusting stains were on the couch after you both took it to the drive in.” Mark made more gagging noises. “I can’t believe you would do that, dang.” He shook his head.
Nate stared out over the water, furrowing his brows, clenching his jaw.
“Nate.” Jessie tapped his arm. “Are you okay?”
Nate frowned, his gaze drawing to Jessie. “Dad says gay people are perverted. Are you both perverts, then?”
“Dad is an asshole. He doesn’t know shit.” Jessie huffed and crept closer to his brother. “Nate, I have been gay my whole life. I’ve never liked chicks, and I tried. I really did.” He shook his head. “When I went to New York for college, I figured it out and met other people like me. I had a boyfriend there. I used to chill in The Village and go to gay bars where I could be myself. If I seemed different this year and maybe even last year, it’s because when I came home, I had to turn all that off. I had to try and be someone I’m not.”
Nate’s eyes grew glassy. “So, you’ve been hiding this from me all this time? You’ve been making me feel like you hate me, so you could hide it?” He pursed his lips.
Jessie took a hard swallow. “Yeah, I guess so. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do.” He stole a peek at Troy, then focused on Nate. “Do you hate me now?”
Nate rubbed his eyes. “I don’t know.”
“Nate, he’s still your brother.” Mark placed a hand on Nate’s arm. “He just happens to like my brother, well, instead of my sister. What’s the diff?”
Nate glared at Mark. “How are you okay with all of this? Your brother is gay, too. They’re both...” He looked Jessie and Troy up and down. “Doing things with each other.”
Mark sighed. “I know it’s gross, but who cares? It’s between them.”
“Thanks, Mark. I think.” Troy sucked in a deep breath. “For the record, I’m not gay. I’m bisexual. I like chicks and dudes.” How many times was he going to have to explain this? It seemed like Jessie had it easier on this front.
“Nate.” Jessie creased his brows. “Does it bother you that much to know I’m gay?”
Nate sighed. “No, I guess not. But what’s Dad going to do? He knows, right?”
“Yeah, he knows. I’m going to have to move out. Probably today.” Jessie rubbed his neck. “He doesn’t want me around anymore.”
“What about Mom?” Nate creased his forehead.
“Mom is taking Dad’s side.” Jessie set his hand on Troy’s shoulder. “Troy here is taking me in. We’re going to be living together in Dinkytown.” He twitched the corners of his mouth.
Troy smiled. He couldn’t help himself. It was too good to be true, that part of it anyway. “Nate, you can come and visit whenever you want, okay? And maybe someday your parents will come to their senses and let Jessie come around again.”
“Yeah.” Nate glanced out at the lake, then focused on Jessie. “I guess... I’m okay with it. You’re still my brother, or are you my sister now?” Nate smirked. “Do you wear dresses and stuff, too?”
“No, I don’t cross dress or anything. Where the hell are you getting that from?” Jessie scoffed.
“I’m just digging at you.” Nate snickered. “I’m glad you don’t put dresses on. That would be really weird.”
Jessie held his arms out. “Come here and give me a hug.”
Nate shifted and embraced Jessie. “I love you, Jessie. Even if you’re sort of gross.”
Jessie released him and ruffled his dark hair. “Fine. I’ll take it. I love you, too.”
Troy tapped Jessie’s arm. “Let’s go back to my cabin, so I can pack up.” And get the hell out of here and to my apartment.
“Yeah. See you in the Twin Cities.” Jessie stood up and waved at Mark and Nate.