Find Me : The Poison Ivy Series Book One

Chapter 16

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Iwake up convinced that last night had to be a dream.

Sunlight streams in through my windows, warm against my skin, and I immediately remember the warmth of his touch on me, and how it spread to my core, my body begging for more and him… I roll my eyes at the level of restraint he showed by leaving last night. And even though I didn’t get what I wanted from him, I find it strangely meaningful that he left when he did.

There is something different about him, something beyond the physical, beyond the sparks that bounce between us when our bodies are near. I felt it the first night we met, but last night was on a whole other level.

I shake my head, thinking about how last night ended very differently than I thought it would. My body protests at the sudden movement, bile sitting in the back of my throat thanks to the mixed drinks I had.

While talking to Jax last night helped me feel better, I don’t really know where bringing an alleged murderer back to my apartment was really going to help with my stay out of trouble plan, remembering Red’s warnings. Both Red and Mike looked afraid of Jax, and I saw the way he was so hard towards others, and yet nothing but gentle with me. The irony isn’t lost on me as I remember how I spoke about a wolf in sheep’s clothing last night. Yet here I am, not sure what to make of the man who can terrify others but tucks me into bed… twice.

I stretch, letting the covers fall off my body as I stand up slowly. A wave of dizziness throws me off balance. I hold onto my dresser, waiting for it to pass, and notice my jeans from last night laying on my floor, right where Jax left them. I walk over to them, and as I toss them in my laundry basket, the baggie Rhett gave me falls to the floor, its presence blissfully forgotten until now.

I freeze, staring at the pills. I don’t even know how long I stand unmoving, looking at them and wondering how something so small can impact me so much.

“Nope, not today, I don’t need this,” I say out loud as I bend down to pick them up, desperately wanting to believe the words leaving my lips.

I open a drawer and shove the baggie beneath some clothes to hide it from my sight, hoping that I’ll stop thinking about it if I can no longer see it.

I make my way to the bathroom and turn on the shower, hoping it will cleanse me of the craving that clings to my skin, and give me some much-needed distance between myself and the drugs in my room.

The water is hot on my skin as I step into the shower. I lather shampoo into my hair and run soap along my body, willing myself to think of anything except opening the bag and taking a pill out. But the more I try not to think about it, the harder it becomes. Thoughts of euphoria dig their claws into me.

I don’t need this right now. I am happy right now.I try to convince myself.

But you could feel even happier if you take them.A louder voice responds.

I fight the internal struggle silently as I rinse my hair, trying desperately to convince myself that I don’t need to be the kind of person who wakes up and gets high alone.

I turn the water off, step out of the shower, and grab a towel.

Before the water dries from my skin, I find myself swallowing a pill and waiting to get lost in the bliss that’s about to take over my body.

The excitement in my body almost matches what I feel around Jax, except now I feel as though nothing can dampen my mood… In this moment, I am invincible.

I make my way downstairs, a lightness in my step as I walk towards my art supplies.

I choose a paintbrush and colors carefully before sitting in front of a blank canvas and painting.

For three hours I simply sit and paint everything that comes to mind, my brush strokes telling a story as both bold colors and the darkest black merge in front of me. My brush drips as I paint, and I’m too distracted to even notice as paint splashes haphazardly over me and the floor around me.

I take a step back from my work as my high starts to fade, impressed with what I created, even if the colors appear less vibrant as the high starts to wear off. These pills Rhett gave me don’t feel dangerous, they feel incredible.

A knock on the door a few minutes later causes me to jump, and I answer it tentatively.

As if my thoughts summoned him, I find Rhett standing outside of my apartment, leaning against the doorframe as if he doesn’t have a care in the world.

I’m caught off guard as my chest heaves and panic courses through me, the pit in my stomach suddenly on fire. I take a few steps back from him, trying to make sense of my reaction to him.

“I figured I should swing by after last night. You seemed a bit tense, so I thought I could help relax you today,” he drawls, smiling.

“That’s the last thing I need right now Rhett,” I say, walking away from my door as he follows me inside. I sit back down in front of my canvas, holding my paintbrush while I try to take a deep breath and regain my composure. But it’s too late, the emotions I try to keep locked down are spilling over, my paintbrush shaky as frustration, hurt, and confusion create a hurricane within me.

I hear a cupboard opening and turn to look at Rhett, helping himself to the contents of a half-empty bottle of vodka and cutting a line, most likely to wake himself up for the day.

“Come join me, babe,” he says from the kitchen, motioning me to step away from my canvas.

I reluctantly walk towards him, unsure of what I even want to say to him, convinced he won’t bother listening to me, especially if I mention our conversation from last night.

I take a seat at the kitchen island, watching him snort some of his stash.

He looks at me, raising an eyebrow at my sudden self-control.

“You above doing coke now, Evi?” he questions.

“I’m trying to show some restraint after the other night.”

The smile he gives me makes it clear he caught my lie.

“If that were the case then your pupils wouldn’t look like that,” he says, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m already coming down from a high—one of those pills you gave me—so I think I’m good without anything else,” I say, trying to hold my ground against him.

“I disagree,” he counters. “It’s a beautiful day, let’s just let loose and relax. You can even pick out a movie to watch when we’re done here.” The kindness in his words almost sounds sincere.

I huff a sigh. “I’m fine, seriously, Rhett. But thanks,” I say, standing up to get some water from my fridge.

Suddenly Rhett is directly behind me, his body hard against my back, and I feel myself recoil from his touch, my heart accelerating in my chest.

“You seem to be forgetting what it means to be amicable, babe… It would be a shame if you didn’t hold up your end of the bargain.” He trails off, the threat lingering.

I close my eyes, trying to summon any hint of the boldness I have around Jax.

“I think we should reconsider the deal, Rhett,” I say quietly as I turn to face him. “Just cash, and no other strings attached. I’ll get it to you as fast as I can, I promise.”

I can’t read what flashes behind his eyes, his gaze ice cold. My heart beats quickly, and I break away from his stare as anxiety builds in my chest.

Finally, he smiles, and I loose a breath I didn’t know I had been holding.

“Fine by me, if that’s how you want to do it,” he says, his voice surprisingly chipper. “But one condition,” he adds.

I freeze, dreading what might come out of his mouth next.

“We spend the day together, hanging out and having fun, just like old times.”

“What’s the catch?” I ask suspiciously.

“There’s no catch, Evi. Is it that hard to believe I like spending time with you? Come on, give me a break and just hang out with me today. We’ll do a line and watch a movie… just as friends, of course,” he adds quickly.

I consider what he’s just said, and I can’t help but smile at the idea of being freed from our deal; trading one more day is a small price to pay if it means never having to entertain him again.

I nod, accepting his offer, and he smiles at me broadly as I walk towards the counter.

I bend down slowly, my nose hovering over the white powder, and snort one of the lines. Instantly, a wave of self-disappointment and shame hits me like a flood, but I quickly push it away and pack it up with all the other emotions I refuse to acknowledge.

True to his word, Rhett doesn’t make a single move on me, and even lets me choose all the movies we watch. But as the TV flashes in front of me, one line quickly turns into several, with Rhett setting a pace that is hard to keep up with. Before I know it, day has turned to night, and after a quick outfit change, I find myself sliding into his passenger seat, and he is driving us to Heat.

As he drives through the city, I can’t help but feel suspicion rise within me. In the time that I have known Rhett, I have never seen him back down from anything, and more often than not, he’ll do anything to prove he can get whatever he wants, whenever he wants it. I try to figure out the reason behind his sudden change in demeanor—how amicable he has become—and for some reason I can’t help but feel as though we are playing a game, where only he knows the rules.

Heat provides me with just what I need: an escape for all the energy that has built up within me. I dance with Rhett, too drunk and high to think about what he has put me through. The deafening bass booms through me, and the music is the only thing I can think about.

I dance until I feel like my heart is going to give out, and then I keep dancing some more. Rhett is never too far away, and the only time his hands leave my hips is to hand me a pill or get me a drink. As exhilaration sets my body alight, I can’t help but think that I want this feeling to last forever.