Chapter 23
One week later
Iwake up in Jax’s arms again, like I’ve done every day this past week. He’s refused to leave my side, and instead held me through the clamminess, nausea, and tremors that eventually returned full force. Nothing seemed to scare him away, and he remained an anchor as my mind processed through all the shame, guilt, anger, and resentment that was dwelling inside of me.
I nuzzle into him, bathing in his warmth and feeling so undeserving of everything he’s done for me, and he wraps his arms around me even tighter in response as he slowly opens his eyes.
“You didn’t have to do this you know,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Do what, love?” he asks, his voice thick with exhaustion.
“This. Take care of me so well. I’ve…” I take a breath, tracing lazy circles on his bare chest. “I’ve never felt so cared for before. So, thank you.”
Jax smiles at me, his green eyes sparkling as the dark sky outside slowly takes on an orange hue.
My hand travels down, lightly caressing the skin of his stomach.
He rolls towards me, attempting to cup my breasts through my shirt with one hand, the other hand working its way down between my legs.
“Not today,” I say, blocking his hands with my own. “Today it’s my turn to take care of you.”
Jax laughs lazily as my hand makes its way back to his stomach, before finding its way underneath the band of his sweatpants.
“You’re definitely feeling better this morning, but you don’t owe me anything, not for taking care of you,” he says.
I glance at him, smiling before completely ignoring him and getting back to the much more important task at hand.
Heat gathers as I feel him respond to my touch, my hand caressing every velvety inch of him, now hard under my touch.
I sit up, kneeling beside him and tugging at his waistband. He responds instantly, lifting his hips and allowing me to pull his pants off completely, his eyes never leaving me, as if he is hypnotized by what I am doing.
I stare at him unashamedly, taking my time as I stroked him, watching as beads of arousal gather at his tip.
I have never taken my time with him like this before; he’s always so eager to get on his knees for me, and I relish the opportunity to do the same for him. I explore every inch of him with my hands, and there is something erotic and empowering about wanting to give him the same pleasure he has given to me so many times before.
I bring my lips down on him, tentatively kissing him, and I feel a shudder course through his body in response.
I don’t know how I’ll fit all of him in my mouth, as I look at the size of him between both of my hands that are slowly moving up and down his cock.
I kiss him again, wanting him despite my hesitation.
“Come on, love,” he encourages, lust dripping from his lips. “Open your mouth and take it like the good girl I know you can be.”
My cheeks flush red in response as our eyes meet for a second. He will be my undoing, and based on the smile he gives me, he knows it as well.
I do as he asks, parting my lips slightly and allowing him to enter my mouth. At first, it feels like too much, the warmth and size of him filling my entire mouth. But having him under my control, completely at my mercy is so incredibly sensual. I slowly adjust to the sensation of him and, as I began to suck gently, he groans softly, encouraging me to keep going.
“That’s it.” He moans deeply, putting his hands behind his head and reclining, as my mouth continues to move up and down and my tongue swirls against his cock.
He shifts again, looking at me, his emerald eyes full of heat.
“That’s it, love, take it all.” He breathes, as I push my mouth further down on him, taking him as deep into my throat as I can manage. “Fuck, you are so amazing.”
I see something in his eyes then, something more than lust.
His words act like a spell, making me feel even more turned on and confident in what I am doing to him. I feel myself getting more aroused with every passing second, eager to please him. I move up and down, faster and deeper, as my tongue dances around him, savoring the taste and feel of him.
His hand moves, softly gripping the back of my head, guiding me exactly how he wants.
“Jesus Christ, you will be the death of me.” He smiles. “But if you keep going like that then this will be over way before I’m ready to stop,” he says, a smile on his mouth. “Come up here and ride me,” he commands, his voice gravely with need.
I sit up, wiping my lips with my thumb before moving closer to him.
His eyes lock onto mine, a fiery intensity that grows with each passing moment, a mix of lust, desire, and something more. I can feel the passionate anticipation in the air, and my heart thuds loudly in my chest. His hands move deftly, lifting my shirt over my head and pulling my bottoms off quickly, exposing myself to him fully. He lets out a groan of desire at the sight of me, pulling me towards him, the warmth of his skin against mine sending waves of lightening through my body.
I pull back from him, not wanting his lips to leave mine, but wanting something more, needing something more from him. I straddle him as his hands gently caress my hips, pulling me closer to him until our bodies are aligned perfectly. The sensation of his erection against me sends a wave of warmth through my core, and the feel of him softly brushing against me, is almost enough to make lose control here and now.
I take a deep breath as I place my hands on his chest, steadying myself as he positions himself against my pussy. I sink down onto him slowly, and a moan escapes my lips as I feel the fullness of him inside me. He lets out a soft groan as I take him to the hilt, his hands roaming my body, my nerves feeling like they are exploding. He sits up, shifting so we are face to face, our lips crashing into each other, his tongue invading my mouth, claiming me as his.
He pulls back slightly, looking at all of me as I sit on all of him.
“You are…” he starts, taking a breath. “You are made of magic, love, and you have me completely under your spell.”
I smile, my eyes never leaving his as I move upwards slowly, before sinking back down onto him, our bodies melding together, the feeling indescribable. And I know, in this very moment that I will follow him to whatever end.
His hand wraps around the back of my neck, firmly, but gently, guiding me up and down, leveraging himself as we move, the pace quickening until our movements become erratic, needing more of each other.
I can feel him begin to lose control underneath me and it is enough to send me over the edge. I shatter around him as he pulls me onto him firmly, finding a euphoria I didn’t know existed while he finds his own release, coming inside of me.
Neither of us move, our hearts beating faster than ever before. I don’t want this moment to end, worrying that it will be impossible to ever experience something so perfect, so magical, again.
“It’s not like this with other people…” he whispers softly in my ear.
“No, it’s not,” I reply weakly, still trying to catch my breath.
He gently brushes his fingertips across my sweat-dampened forehead, his eyes filled with a complexity of emotions I can’t decipher.
“Do you think I can truly find my way back from this, from everything that has happened this year?” I ask quietly.
“You can, love, and you will,” he replies, brushing my skin with his lips. “And I’ll be here every step of the way.”
We lay in bed, our naked limbs entangled together. I feel Jax drift off to sleep beside me, his body relaxing and his face reflecting a level of peace that only finds him in his sleep, when he can leave behind whatever horrors from his work and the past follow him.
I shift my body to be closer to him, resting my head on his chest, his breathing becoming a soothing melody. This. This is perfection. I try to revel in the feeling of being with him, of feeling his body touching mine, of experiencing what it’s like to have someone willing to stand by me no matter what. But despite trying to savor this moment, trying to focus on all the goodness surrounding me, I can’t help but worry that it could all be taken away in a heartbeat. That something, someone, will put an end to the happiness I have finally found.
I sit up, shaking my head as I crawl out of bed, trying to get rid of the nagging feeling that this isn’t going to last, reminding myself Jax won’t let anything happen.
My movements rouse him from his slumber, and a moment later, his sleepy voice fills my ear.
“I can hear you thinking, love. What’s on your mind?”
“I’m worried that if I say it out loud, it will come true,” I respond quietly, feeling embarrassed despite myself.
“It doesn’t work that way,” he reassures me, rolling onto his side so he can look at me as I stand beside the bed.
I take a deep breath, telling him everything on my mind.
“While that’s an understandable worry to have, you’re forgetting one thing…”
“Hmm, what’s that?” I muse.
“That you’re now involved with one of the most powerful—what was the title you gave me—morally gray crime lords to date?” he says, his lips tilting up in a smile. “People know it would be a suicide mission if they ever so much as think of harming someone I care about.”
I know he means it. I know he will go to the ends of the earth to keep me safe, for reasons still unknown to me. But in this moment, it feels like there is something on the tip of my tongue, something that I’m not seeing but feel I should be. And I just can’t put my finger on it.
“We’ll talk more about this later over a hot cup of coffee,” he says, “but there’s no point worrying about it now, love, when there’s nothing we can do. So come back to bed.”
“I’m not tired,” I reply, shrugging.
“I said come to bed, love, not come to sleep.”
His green eyes flicker, and the sheets at his waist move, clearly indicating what he has in mind.
He lunges for me playfully, and a yelp escapes my lips as his hands grab mine, pulling me onto the bed before quickly shifting me underneath him.
I laugh, my smile genuine and broad.
“It sounds to me like you just need a distraction, and I am more than happy to be that for you this morning.” He purrs, his words laced with promises of things to come.
“Do your worst,” I say, my eyes flaring with anticipation, as my legs wrap around his waist.
His mouth collides with mine, and I lift my hips to be closer to him.
His hands move in a way that elicits moans of pleasure from me, as his lips taste every inch of my body. It doesn’t take long for me to surrender to him completely, riding a wave of euphoria I hope will last forever.