Chapter 24
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Imust have drifted off to sleep as when I open my eyes again the sun is fully up, streaming through the giant window, my body warm even though I’m naked. I stretch as I roll over, finding Jax sleeping peacefully beside me. I take a moment to savor how content he looks, wondering what is responsible for the constant presence of shadows behind his eyes when he’s awake. I reach out to him, gently brushing a strand of hair off his forehead, before quietly shifting away, pulling the sheets off slowly, feeling the hot sun on my naked skin.
The evidence of our activities earlier is sticky on my thighs, and as I walk towards the bathroom, I realize I miss my apartment and its rustic charm, the hard floor here refusing to yield under my steps.
I turn the shower on and feel the hot water bite at my skin as I step underneath it.
I let the water wash over me, lathering shampoo between my hands and running it slowly through my tangled hair. I know exactly why it’s tangled, and smile as I remember Jax’s hands running through it, grabbing a fistful and guiding me up and down. I blush at the thought, my body remembering all too well what it felt like as I straddled him.
I wonder if I’ll ever get used to being near him, if I’ll ever stop wanting everything he can give me. My smile quickly fades as a part of me wonders if he’ll ever grow tired of wanting me, if he’ll ever find himself bored of the same repetitive cycle that I seem to be stuck in, constantly making choices that lead me straight back to rock bottom.
My chest feels like it’s going to cave in on itself as my thoughts sweep me into a world where Jax decides I’m just not worth it anymore, that I’m too much and yet not enough to keep fighting for.
But how do I move forward, what does that even look like?I find myself wondering. How do I make things right again?
I think about work, about Sam, my family, and the drugs. I think about Rhett, his friends, the partying, and the spiral that caught me off guard and swept me into it, like a current dragging a swimmer out to sea.
Tears start to stream down my face as the memories from the past several months start to resurface, and my breathing becomes shallow at the embarrassment of it all; the stumbling through clubs, falling over myself, and throwing myself at Rhett. At the fights with Sam, the one person I had in my corner before all of this, and at the realization that I gave up everything—Sam, art, looking for jobs—for a guy and some party drugs.
I stay in the shower thinking about my next steps until the water runs cold, and goosebumps cover my skin.
I turn off the water, shivering as I reach for a towel, and make quick work of drying myself off. I get dressed quickly before quietly walking back into the bedroom. While the room is still warm, the shower has me chilled to the bone, and the idea of a cup of hot tea makes me look at the bedroom door, and I wonder if it’s still locked.
I approach the door, and as I grab the handle surprise flickers through me as the cold metal shifts under my touch. I push my weight against it and a moment later it yields to me, groaning as it opens slowly, allowing me to slip out of the bedroom unnoticed.
Like the bedroom I just left, cold stone, concrete floors, huge windows, and leather furniture greets me as I look around Jax’s house. I take a tentative step forward, my feet moving quietly as I explore the place I have been kept for the past week. The sound of my breathing is the only thing I hear as I wander through his house, and I wonder if Jax and I are the only ones here. I walk past a home gym, a movie room, and a wine cellar, but my breath catches as I peer into what appears to be his office. Paintings of every style cover the walls surrounding the rugged desk that’s positioned in the middle of the room. I find myself craning my neck to get a better look at the art, and while I know I shouldn’t invade his privacy, I’m drawn into the room like a moth to a flame, and I tentatively walk through the doorway.
I feel nervous exploring his house without him beside me. It’s as if I’m getting an inside look at a part of him that I’ve never been allowed to see, and it feels strangely intimate. His collection is incredible, and a unique mix of excitement and inspiration bubbles within me, a feeling I only get when I’m immersed in art.
I lose track of time as I soak in the artwork around me until the sound of a door closing causes me to jump and my heart to race. I look to the office door, half expecting Jax to come charging in looking for me, but the house remains quiet.
I make my way out of the office and resume my initial search for the kitchen and a hot cup of tea. I find what I’m looking for and quickly get to work filling the kettle and finding a mug. I lift myself up onto the counter as I wait for the water to boil, sitting on the cold gray marble as my legs dangle off the edge.
“This is a sight I could get used to.”
I jump, having not heard Jax step into the kitchen over the sound of the kettle whistling.
“Jesus Christ, you scared me,” I exclaim, lifting a hand to my chest as I wait for my heart to resume its normal rhythm. I look at him, his gray sweats hanging low on his waist and his hair wet as if he also just stepped out of the shower.
It should be illegal to look this good first thing in the morning, I think to myself, already feeling my nerves tingling in his presence.
“Hasn’t anyone ever told you that it’s rude to stare?” He smiles as mischief dances behind his eyes.
“You know,” I say back, my voice thick with sarcasm, “some would say it’s rude to keep girls locked in your bedroom, but here we are.”
“You weren’t locked in my bedroom, clearly.” He gestures to me sitting on the counter.
“Semantics,” I say, a smile crossing my own lips.
He stands across from me, leaning against the kitchen island and looking me up and down. A shiver courses through me as I feel his gaze devour me, and I feel the blush creep onto my cheeks before I can stop it.
The fire in his eyes and the smile on his face make it clear he knows the effect he has on me.
“I have to say I’m quite relieved,” he muses, his eyes piercing into my soul.
“Hmm?”
“That I get to start my morning enjoying a hot drink with you instead of organizing a manhunt across the city,” he says playfully.
“You’re hilarious,” I reply dryly, and his smile greets me once again. “I was just trying to find some tea; I wasn’t looking for a way out or snooping or anything,” I say quickly, and he raises an eyebrow at me before I continue. “Your house is huge by the way. And pretty. And your art is amazing,” I say without thinking. I freeze as I catch my mistake.
“I thought you said you weren’t snooping?” He smiles, shifting his weight forward off of the counter and stepping towards me.
My blush deepens and I grip the edge of the counter to keep myself from throwing myself at him. “I mean, I was looking for the kitchen and just stumbled across it.”
“It’s fine, look all you want. As long as you promise not to run away, we won’t have any issues here.”
His body reaches my knees, and he leans into me, his green eyes inches from my own. I resist the urge to reach out to him, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing how malleable I am under his stare, how my freshly showered hair is no longer the only thing that’s wet.
“Promise,” I say quietly, as my heart rate speeds up.
“Good. Now, what do you want for breakfast?” he asks, his eyes never leaving mine.
“I’m fine with tea for now, but don’t let that stop you from getting something for yourself.”
“I know exactly what I want to eat for breakfast, and it’s right in front of me,” he says with a devilish grin on his face and desire in his eyes.
An ache settles deep within me, and all rational thoughts leave my mind as I find myself under his spell once again. I open my legs, hooking them around his waist as his lips come crashing down on mine. Electricity courses through me as our lips meet, and it never ceases to amaze me how much I feel when my body touches his. He pauses for a moment, running his hands through my hair as he nips at my lips playfully before drawing me in for another kiss. The ache within me intensifies, and I find myself filled with a hunger only he can satiate. He breaks away, leaving me panting and wanting more of him, and I instinctively lean towards him.
With a roguish grin, he scoops me up effortlessly and carries me to the kitchen table, laying me down gently. I prop myself up on my elbows, taking my time looking at every single inch of him.
“You sure you’re not hungry, love?” he asks, his breathing heavy and the extent of his desire now visible through his sweats. His hands run up and down my thighs, before gently pulling my pants and underwear down over my hips, leaving them in a pile on the floor beside us. I should be embarrassed with my entire lower half bare in front of him, but there’s something about Jax that makes me bold under his gaze.
“If I was, would you stop to make me breakfast?” I say playfully, my breathing uneven and my core pulsing with need.
His hands on my legs go still, and the desire in his eyes flicker as he stares at me unabashedly, no doubt seeing just how aroused I am.
“If you ask me to stop, I will,” he says, biting his lip as he takes a ragged breath. “But trust me when I say there is nothing in this world I wouldn’t do to taste you on my lips right now.”
I smile at him, and emotions I can’t quite place swirl in my chest as desire washes over me. “Well,” I say, as I open my legs wider in front of him, his gaze tracking every movement, “enjoy your meal.”
He drops to his knees and pulls me towards him, burying his head between my legs and absolutely devouring me. A moan escapes my lips as his hands expertly explore my body, his tongue threatening to tip me over the edge already. The table is hard and cold underneath me, but the softness of his lips and tongue on me sends waves of pleasure through my body, making me forget where I am. All that exists right now is us, and the world melts away as my desire builds.
I’m writhing, unable to stay still under his touch. A growl sounds from his lips in response to my breathy moans, reverberating throughout my entire body.
“Fuck, that feels so good,” I say as I throw myself back even further, wrapping my legs over his shoulders, pulling myself as close to him as possible, wanting as much as he can give.
I can feel his smile on me as he chuckles in response, his hands digging into my skin as he continues, eating me as if he is starving and I’m the only thing that can satisfy his hunger. “You taste incredible, love,” he says, muffled between my thighs. I can feel the heat of his words against me, and it sends shivers of pleasure down my spine. I moan an indistinguishable response as he dips his head lower, and I gasp as his tongue continues to explore me, flicking and circling around my clit, before dipping into my very center.
I feel my muscles start to tense as he brings me past the point of no return. I shatter into a million pieces, his tongue never stopping as waves of pleasure sweep over me, my body trembling as ecstasy courses through my veins.
I take a breath and collapse, smiling as I throw my hands over my face, my legs slowly relaxing on his shoulders.
“That was…” I start before trailing off, trying to catch my breath and find my thoughts.
“Incredible? The best you’ve ever had?” he interrupts playfully.
I smile as he showers my inner thighs with kisses before slowly running his tongue between my folds one last time as if he is trying to savor the taste of my pleasure.
“Christ, you don’t know what you do to me,” he says, his green eyes dancing as he starts to stand.
I prop myself onto my elbows, the movement taking more effort than I care to admit, my orgasm having spent all my energy.
“I think I do,” I say, smiling as I raise an eyebrow and look suggestively at the erection straining against his pants.
He reaches a hand towards me, helping me off the table. But before I have my feet fully underneath me, he grabs me, turning me around and bending me over the cold marble. His hands pin me down firmly, and I gasp audibly, whether in surprise or arousal, I don’t know.
His body presses against my back, and I wish I wasn’t still wearing my shirt, wanting to feel him on me without anything between us.
His lips brush over my ear as he leans in closer, and I breathe in the smell of him, leather and warm citrus, as another wave of desire washes over me. Heat pools between my legs, and as if he can sense my need for him, he lets go of me with one hand. I moan as a finger, then two, make their way inside of me.
“Do you want me to stop?” he asks, his voice husky with desire.
I can barely think with the sensory overload I’m experiencing right now. His body pressing against me, his lips trailing across my cheek, his fingers moving rhythmically inside of me.
“More.” I pant, as his fingers find the perfect spot. “I want more.”
“Good girl.” He smiles, pushing himself off of me. I hear him pull his pants down, and my body trembles with anticipation as I feel the tip of him nudge into me slowly. “You feel amazing.” He growls.
Butterflies gather in my stomach as I await what’s coming next. He pushes forward, and I feel the thickness of him fill me. I moan softly, unable to control the sensation as he begins to move, his pace a slow and deliberate rhythm.
“I will never get tired of watching you take all of me.” He growls, moving his hands to my hips, pulling me into him as he increases his pace.
Electricity courses through me as he continues to drive into me and I can feel my muscles tightening around him, instinctively pulling him deeper into me, wanting all of him. He quickens his pace, and I can feel myself start to shatter, the electricity within me building to an uncontainable level.
The intense pleasure starts to overpower me, desperate for release.
“Come for me,” he commands. I can hear his ragged breathing as his pace becomes more frenzied, each movement bringing me closer to the edge.
I feel his name on my lips as wave after wave of my orgasm comes crashing down on me, and in one final thrust he finds his own release, burying himself deep within me.
For a moment time stands still, and all that exists is us. A part of me wishes we could stay like this forever, just the two of us isolated from the outside world.
Our breathing slows, and he plants a kiss on my back as he slowly pulls out of me, the evidence of our pleasure dripping down my legs.
“Well, this is awkward.” An unmistakable voice sounds.
I jump, turning around to see Ryan grinning ear to ear.
A shriek leaves my lips as I dart for cover behind the kitchen island, hiding everything below my waist from his view.
“Get out.” Jax growls at Ryan, his voice deathly quiet.
“Someone’s morning activities woke me up at an ungodly hour, and I’ve been struggling to get back to sleep since the sun started to rise. Finally, I decided to give up on sleep and come grab a glass of water,” Ryan retorts leaning against a wall casually, his voice playful as he feigns innocence. “But as I walked towards the kitchen, I heard Evi moaning so loudly I was worried she was writhing in pain from some fatal injury. Being the caring person I am, I decided to investigate, and was shocked at the sight in front of me—not that I’m complaining, Evi.” He chips in quickly, winking at me.
I feel my cheeks redden at his stare.
“If you know what is good for you, Ryan, you will stop talking and leave the kitchen before I make you.” Jax growls, a promise of violence in his tone. I find my heart swelling at the possessiveness laced between his words.
Ryan throws his hands up in defeat. “Okay, okay, I’ll wait in the hallway… dying of thirst.”
I can’t help but laugh quietly at Ryan’s playfulness and how comfortable he is around Jax, privy to a side of him that I imagine very few get to witness outside of these walls.
Jax looks at me as Ryan leaves the room, all hints of anger dissipating as soon as he sees me laughing.
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you liked Ryan catching us in the act,” he says with a playful tone in his voice and a sparkle behind his eyes.
“I’m actually mortified,” I say quickly, smiling as my cheeks flush again. “But you have to admit, he has a way of making everything funny.”
Jax gives a chuckle as he picks up my pants and walks towards me, coming to a stop mere inches away from me. I look up into his green eyes and feel my core alight with need once again.
“Is it always going to be like this when I’m around you?” I ask, my voice thick with want.
“Like what?” he asks, the picture of innocence.
“Like I feel…” I trail off, trying to find the words to describe exactly what I’m feeling. I take a breath, my eyes looking to the floor before I continue. “Like I feel incomplete without you, like I need you every second of every day, and I can never get enough of you. It feels like I’m whole when you’re inside of me,” I whisper quietly as emotion sweeps over me.
My nerves tingle as I wait for his response, worrying that he doesn’t feel the same.
He lifts my chin up with his finger, and I’m surprised when I hear his own voice shaky with emotion.
“I hope it always stays this way, love,” he says, his eyes burning into my soul.
I smile as he brushes my forehead with his lips before kneeling in front of me.
He holds my pants as I delicately step into them, kissing my thighs before pulling them up around my waist. His fingers skim across my hips, sending another jolt of electricity through me.
He lets out a sigh. “We better not make Ryan wait too long, or we’ll never hear the end of it.” He pulls away, walking back towards the table where he picks up his sweats that lay in a pile on the floor. I stare blatantly as he gets dressed, my eyes taking their time as they look him over one inch at a time.
“Keep looking at me like that and Ryan will be waiting outside all day, love.” His smile, nothing short of wolfish, causes my heart to skip a beat in my chest. “Okay we’re decent,” he calls out, never taking his eyes off me.
“Finally.” Ryan chuffs as he walks back into the kitchen and heads straight for a glass of water. “For a minute there I thought I was going to have to listen to you two going at it again.” Ryan pauses, noticing my mug sitting abandoned beside the kettle.
“I see you two can’t even enjoy a drink in each other’s presence. Such Neanderthals,” he scolds lightheartedly.
“Oh, I ate my fill of breakfast.” Jax fires back, and I blush again as desire coats his words, our eyes connecting from across the room.
Ryan rolls his eyes in response. “Please spare me the details. Coffee and bagels anyone?” He laughs, quickly changing the topic.
I nod enthusiastically, my stomach growling with a hunger that even Jax can’t satiate.
As Ryan busies himself making coffee and breakfast, I wander over to the kitchen table, pulling out a chair and sitting down. Jax isn’t far behind me, taking up a seat across from me. I glance between the table and him, our recent activities fresh in my mind, and he smiles at me, knowing exactly what I’m thinking.
“How do you take your coffee, Evi?” Ryan asks from the kitchen.
My attention jumps from Jax to him, and I shift in my chair, trying to ignore the look that he is giving me, as if he wants me back on the table in front of him.
“Cream and sugar would be great if you have it,” I say as nonchalantly as I can.
“Coming right up.” Ryan’s movement through the kitchen is fluid, like a dance he has done many times before, and I wonder what the arrangement is between him and Jax.
Jax stands up and walks towards Ryan, helping him bring an assortment of food and drinks to the table.
The smell of coffee hits my nose first as they set the mugs and plates down on the table, the dishes clanging against the marble. Ryan has prepared a small feast for us all, and the food looks delicious. I help myself to an everything bagel as Jax and Ryan sit across from me, watching as I smother the bagel with cream cheese before meticulously placing a few slices of smoked salmon on top, followed by some capers.
“I never would have guessed you two are such foodies,” I say between mouthfuls.
Ryan smiles as pride flashes across his face. “Well, when you grow up like we did, you come to appreciate any food that doesn’t come in a can.” Both he and Jax trade knowing glances.
Quiet sweeps between us as they busy themselves eating, digging into the food at a record pace. I watch them as I finish my bagel, unsure of how they can eat so much food so quickly, the food disappearing as if it never existed.
I glance between them as they sit side by side, noting how they are so similar yet so different. Jax is hard like stone, his broad shoulders, muscular arms, and intimidating stare promising violence to anyone who crosses him. His eyes hide the invisible scars he carries with him daily. And while Ryan is the same in terms of stature, he radiates a laid-back energy that could put anyone at ease, and it’s only at times that I catch a glimpse of the darkness that hides behind his gaze. Knowing that these two would have each other’s backs against anything, and have been there for each other in the past, would make anyone think twice before crossing them.
I pick up the coffee mug in front of me, the warmth enveloping me as I take a sip. I cradle the mug in my hands, before quietly clearing my throat.
Both men look at me, pausing their efforts to devour the last of the crumbs in front of them.
“So, I’ve been thinking… a lot,” I start, my heart pounding in my chest as nerves threaten to overwhelm me. I’m squirming in front of them, my fingers fidgeting against my mug and my feet shifting below me.
I take a deep breath as Jax reaches for his own coffee before leaning back in his chair, his eyes never leaving mine.
Ryan leans forward, propping his elbows on the table.
“I just want to say that I’m thankful for everything you guys have done, and I’m sorry for what I’ve put you both through.” I let out a breath I didn’t realise I had been holding before continuing. “I know I’ve made some bad choices, and I know I keep making the same mistakes over and over again, but I’m done with that all now. I really don’t want to keep going down this path. I’m tired of always finding myself broken and trying to pick up the pieces, but unable to. And it is hard, so hard, to find myself thinking it’s easier to just stay broken, to stay at rock bottom, than to even bother trying to piece my life together anymore. But no matter how many times I keep falling down, you’re still here catching me.” I look at Jax, hearing the shakiness in my voice. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I understand if you don’t want me around anymore, and I know I don’t deserve anything you’ve both done for me.” I glance between them, my breathing unsteady, as I wait for someone to break the silence after my confession.
I look to Ryan, expecting some sarcastic retort, but to my surprise he’s staring at me with a pensive look on his face, his eyes showing a depth of emotion I’m not used to seeing from him.
It’s Jax who breaks the silence first, his firm voice echoing off the stone around us. “You, love, are not broken. Lost, maybe. But never broken. I don’t care how far you fall. If rock bottom drags you straight to Hell, I’d kill the devil himself to get you back, I promise you that much.” His words like a vow on his lips.
My nervousness is quickly replaced by something deeper, something stronger, something I don’t dare to say out loud just yet.
I wipe a tear away as Ryan shifts, leaning back, deep in thought, before opening his mouth to speak. “You’re worthy, you know that right, Evi?” he starts cautiously. “I know you’ve made mistakes, and you know it too, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve help. I won’t pretend to know about everything you’ve been through, but I do know that the second things become too much you try to escape them rather than deal with them, and that needs to change.” I nod silently as I look at my mug, processing everything that’s being said.
“What I’m trying to say,” he continues, “is that we’ve got you, and we’re here to help you if you need us. And I hope you know you can lean on us when things get hard instead of running from your problems.”
He takes a breath as I wipe the tears away, my heart bursting with gratitude for them both.
“Plus,” he adds with a hint of mischief in his voice, “I really hate cardio, so if we can all agree that you won’t lead me on a chase across the city, that’d be great.”
A half sob half laugh escapes my lips, and I look to see Jax thoroughly entertained by Ryan’s ability to lighten the mood.
I smile, and while tears still well in my eyes I feel more relaxed as I sit my coffee back on the table. “No promises,” I say, trying to give a playful wink as I attempt to compose myself again. “Also, I’m going to go back to work next week,” I add, reaching for the bowl of fruit on the table and scooping some melon onto my plate.
Both Jax and Ryan freeze, caught off guard by my sudden declaration.
“There’s no need. Your rent is taken care of as far as I’m concerned, or you’re welcome to stay here, the choice is yours.” Concern laces Jax’s words.
“Thank you, honestly,” I start, looking at him, “but I need the consistency, I need the money, and I need to get back to normal eventually. I can’t hide here forever or expect you to pave the way for me. And no offence, but I never want to be in a situation where I feel like I owe someone anything ever again. Plus, a part of me kind of wants to prove to myself that I can make it on my own, if that makes sense?”
Jax smiles at me before taking a sip of his coffee. “It does, love.”
“Well, now that we’ve sorted that all out what is everyone up to today?” Ryan inquires cheerfully before picking up another bagel and shoving it into his mouth.
I glance at Jax, not sure what he has planned for the day, but knowing exactly what I want to do.
“I think I’ll spend the day painting,” I say with a smile.
“I have some business to attend to, but it shouldn’t take long,” Jax says as he pushes his chair away from the table, the metal legs scraping against the stone floor. He looks at me as he stands. “Try not to miss me when I’m gone, love.” He winks.
I smile and roll my eyes at him, only to be met with a devious look flashing across his face.
“Do that again, love, and I won’t make it out the front door,” he threatens, a familiar fire in his eyes.
“God, get a room.” Ryan chimes in with an eyeroll of his own.
The smile Jax gives me before he leaves tells me he knows exactly what he would do if we got a room right now, and butterflies stir in my stomach at the thought of us together again. I stand to clear the dishes from the kitchen table, to distract myself from the familiar pulse that gathers in my core in his presence.
“When are you going to tell him?” Ryan asks suddenly, a sly look on his face.
I look at him, raising an eyebrow in confusion. “Tell him what?”
“That you’ve got it bad for him. That you are—what’s the expression—absolutely head over heels for him?”
“I’m not. It’s not…” I start, unsure of how to vocalize exactly what I feel for Jax, my cheeks reddening in response. “It’s complicated.”
“As love often is.” Ryan laughs, knowing exactly how he is making me feel.
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re annoying?”
“I’ve been called way worse, love.” He smirks.
“Do not.” I laugh as I stack the plates before bringing them to the sink and submerging them in soapy water.
Ryan follows me and leans against the counter with a grin on his face, as if he knows something I don’t.
I pause what I’m doing, the soapy water lapping at my wrists as I turn to look at him.
“What?”
“I was just thinking you might want to skip the dishes and shower first.”
Confusion flickers across my face again. “And exactly why is that, Ryan?”
“Because you smell like sex with Jax.” He laughs, a sly smirk now on his lips.
I hold my ground, not wanting to show him just how mortified I am at his observation.
“Oh, and you know what sex with Jax smells like?” I challenge, a smile of my own tilting the corners of my lips up.
“Not quite, but since I wasn’t the one bending you over the kitchen table this morning, I know that wet spot on your pants isn’t thanks to me so… after ruling out all other options, it’s safe to say that you smell like sex… with Jax.” He smiles broadly.
Embarrassment sweeps over me and my hands dart to my pants, where there is very clearly evidence of what I was doing before breakfast.
Ryan’s laughter interrupts my thoughts. “Oh, come on, Evi, after everything I saw this morning a little spot on your pants should be the least of your concerns.”
“You are insufferable to be around,” I retort lightly, drying my hands on my pants and walking out of the kitchen, headed straight for a shower as the sound of Ryan’s laughter fills the house.