Chapter Nine

Doing my best to be quiet, I took my boots off at the front door and made my way through the house to the kitchen. My stomach had been growling at me for the last few hours since I had to skip dinner. I was still fuming over the fact that I had to leave like that, even though I knew Gwendalyn understood the nature of my work. However, the action itself still hurt when I had to give up time with Oliver, and I could only hope he was never too upset by my departure when it happened. It wasn’t fair to her to have to deal with the fallout of my own actions.

Standing in front of the refrigerator, I noticed a note in Gwendalyn’s handwriting stuck to the fridge, high up enough that she must have intentionally made sure I would see it.

Left you a plate in the fridge. -G

I opened the door to see she did, in fact, leave me a plastic wrapped plate in the fridge piled with what looks to be some kind of pasta. My mouth watered at the thought of devouring it as I removed the plastic and warmed it up in the microwave. Removing my shoulder holster, I laid it on the kitchen island and my eyes studied the space. Almost immediately, my mind wandered back to seeing Gwendalyn leaning on it this morning. I wanted to know how it felt to have her hair balled in my fist while I had her leaned against the island teasing her clit. My lips on her skin as my tongue ran over the goosebumps that I caused with my breath. I attempted to push down the thoughts of what I wish I could do to her in this kitchen.

The beeping of the microwave completely halted my fantasy, and I chastised myself for thinking of Oliver’s nanny that way. This wasn’t the first time I’ve let my damn dick do all the thinking over the last few months. That’s why I had put as much physical and emotional distance between us as possible. Even if that meant she thinks I hate her. This afternoon was a brief lapse in judgment. She was my employee and thinking about her in any other way was extremely unethical. Though, I never have followed a path of ethical righteousness. There’s something about her that made me want to be better, like a guiding light. Luce mia. I couldn’t lose her. Oliver couldn’t lose her. She was the best thing to have happened to us in a long time.

Sighing, I pulled my food from the microwave and started shoveling pasta into my mouth. As much as I wanted to savor every bite, my body was screaming for bed. Finishing the last few bites, I sat the plate in the sink, then grabbed my holster before making my way upstairs. I walked to my closet as soon as I made it into my room so I could lock my service gun up in the safe. Pulling out a pair of sweatpants, I changed into them before deciding to check in on Oliver. When he was a baby, I used to sit by his bassinet for hours every night just watching him sleep. Now, I do it on occasion to remind myself of the innocence I strived to protect every day.

Cracking open Oliver’s door, I took a step in and froze when I saw a sleeping figure on the floor next to his crib. Even in the soft glow of the night light, I could still make out Gwendalyn’s features. Her hair was twisted up in one of her signature messy buns on top of her head and the oversized shirt paired with sleep pants did little to hide her body from my wandering eyes as she lay on her side. She had one hand under her head while the other was in between the slats at the far end of the crib. Presumably, it was holding onto Oliver at one point, but he had long since migrated to the other end and was currently curled up with a stuffed bear.

Without thinking, I quietly stepped further into the room until I was standing behind Gwendalyn. After gently pulling her hand out of the crib, I did my best to lift her into my arms without waking her. She curled into me, her head resting on my shoulder. Her warm breath on my shirtless chest sent chills down my back, and I relished in the way her body fit against mine. A soft hum came from her throat, and I thought I had succeeded in my mission to keep her asleep until I heard her mumble. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

I wasn’t sure she was completely aware of what was happening as she sank further into my arms. Not bothering to reply, I walked out of Oliver’s room and across the hall back to mine. I knew I should have taken Gwendalyn to her room, but the thought of her sleeping in my bed, even if I wasn’t with her, sparked something inside of me. A primal need to claim her, even if I had no right to. Call me selfish, but I wanted to hang onto that feeling for as long as possible.

Thankfully, I was not someone who regularly makes the bed. After gently laying her down, a content sigh left her lips as she curled up on her side. I lifted the blankets over her body, draping them carefully around her shoulder, before tucking behind the loose strands of hair that had fallen out of her bun. The sight of her in my bed made my heart skip a beat, something I didn’t know it could still do after everything it had been put through. Before I could convince myself to stay, I grabbed one of the extra pillows from the other side of the bed and made my way out of the room. I shut off the light and softly closed the door behind me.

Heading downstairs, I threw my pillow on the couch before flopping down on top of it and throwing my arm over my eyes. I hated myself for wanting to go back upstairs and lay in bed with Gwendalyn. The distance I had tried putting between us was no use. She was a temptress. I wanted her body against mine. It didn’t take long for sleep to claim me as my thoughts led to my hands exploring every inch of her.

Walking in the front door, I heard laughter coming from the kitchen. Making my way toward the sound, I leaned against the doorway, watching as Gwendalyn held Oliver on her hip and they danced around the kitchen island. Before they could notice me, I snuck up behind them, embracing them both.

“Daddy!” Oliver exclaimed as he attempted to wiggle out of Gwendalyn’s arms and into mine. Laughing, she let him go, and I grabbed him, settling him in the crook of my arm.

“Hello, figlio mio.” I planted a kiss on the top of his head before turning my attention to Gwendalyn. My arm was still wrapped around her waist from my earlier embrace, and I took a moment to admire her ocean blue eyes. Little specks of green appeared around the edges of her irises when she was happy, and I couldn’t help but get lost in them. Gently tugging her toward me, she continued laughing as she softly collided with my chest.

“Hello, luce mia.” Leaning forward, I captured her lips with mine, the simple greeting quickly deepening with lust as we continued our embrace. One of her hands found the back of my neck and continued upwards, as her fingers ran through my hair. I grip her tighter against me, my fingers digging into her waist as the softest moan escapes her throat.

Every kiss felt like the first with her. Her body fit against mine like a puzzle piece and I felt complete. My heart was finally full of pure love instead of hate. Our tongues danced, and I swallowed every moan. We were lost in the moment, in each other. I wanted it to last forever.

“Ewww, Daddy kiss Mommy,” Oliver interrupted us and Gwendalyn pulled away giggling. I reluctantly let her. She turned to Oliver, giving him a quick peck on his cheek.

“I’ll let my boys spend some time together. Dinner is almost ready.” She smiled up at me, making my heart soar. I released her waist, watching as she made her way to the stove. For just a moment, everything was right. Oliver was happy. I was happy.

“Daddy, we play?” Tiny hands on my face, but I didn’t want to take my eyes off Gwendalyn. “Daddy?” I closed my eyes.

“Daddy?” Oliver’s call for me was muffled.

“Daddy?” he shouted again, as if from a distance. As if he was far away and I couldn’t seem to reach him.

“DADDY?”

My eyes snapped open. I wasn’t standing in the kitchen. I wasn’t holding Oliver. Gwendalyn wasn’t just in my arms.

Oliver was on top of my chest, his face inches away from mine, as I laid on the couch. Realizing none of it was real, the heart that felt so full only a few seconds ago slowly drained. Groaning, I sat up, lifting Oliver off of me and onto the couch. I was about to stand up when it hit me. “Oliver, how did you get out of your crib?”

“I climb Daddy. I strong.” He looked at me as if I should have known the answer already. It occurred to me that typically Gwendalyn and Oliver have already started their day long before I found the energy to climb out of bed. The dad-guilt hit hard as I wondered what else I had missed. Had she said something to me about Oliver climbing out of his crib? Had I been so distracted by my thoughts of her that I couldn’t even process the information she told me about my own son?

“Daddy, where Miss Gen? I hungry,” Oliver whined while shifting on my lap.

“How about we make breakfast today?” The words were out of my mouth before I could even process them. I hadn’t cooked a full meal by myself since long before Oliver was born, let alone with him. When his mother left, we survived on casseroles from neighbors and a lot of boxed pasta. Boiling water had always been simple enough. Surely I could find my way around the kitchen again if only to spend some quality time with my son, right?

“Pancakes and bacon, Daddy!” Oliver’s face brightened, the joy apparent on his face of getting to help me.

“Of course, figlio mio.” Scooping him into my arms, I walked to the kitchen and put him on his feet by the fridge. He ran around the island, coming back with a step stool I had never noticed before, and placed it in front of the counter. Maybe distancing myself from Gwendalyn wasn’t the best plan. I was a stranger in my own home.

Pulling out all the needed ingredients for breakfast and placing them on the counter in front of Oliver, I looked down at him. He was bouncing on his feet, happily waiting for a task. He grew up right in front of me and I never noticed. Mentally kicking myself, I determined it was time to get my head out of my ass and stop acting like a lovesick teenager. I was a grown ass adult who could control his feelings and his dick.

“Alright, little man. Let’s get breakfast going.” Oliver clapped his hands, then excitedly reached for the eggs I had set out. Before I could stop him, he had them crushed against the counter, shell pieces and yolk flying everywhere. I may have overestimated my abilities.

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