Finding Her Strength (Sonoma #3)

7. “Rosemary”

7

“ROSEMARY”

SIX YEARS AGO

T he beeping of machines provides a backdrop to my constantly swirling thoughts. I never thought this would be the direction my life would go. As a kid, I had all these dreams of what I wanted for my life. I was going places and knew exactly who I was. Then, those dreams went up in smoke faster than I could scream fire . I’ve been adrift since I was fifteen, and at twenty-one, that’s a long freaking time to be so unsure of what your future holds.

My grandmother’s voice echoes in my head, “ You’re meant for greatness, my darling Rosebud.” Sitting here now, it’s hard to believe she was right. All I’ve been able to do is survive these past few years. Even that feels like a stretch sometimes. I feel like I’m disappointing her every day, but how can I be meant for greatness when life is constantly there to push me back down when I try?

My father stirs in his hospital bed, and I sit up in my chair to see if he needs something. His old, weathered face is lined with stress, finally reflecting the monster he truly is on the inside. I hate having to be by his side through the end. It’s not as if he deserves my support.

“Get me water,” his scratchy voice grates out. Even while dying, he’s still harsh and angry. And like the good daughter I’ve strived to be since I was fifteen, I reach for his plastic cup, pressing the straw to his dry lips.

Our life has been hard. My life has been hard. All because he’s a lazy, entitled asshole who believes I should be the one supporting him. Then, when I don’t meet his ridiculous expectations, a punishment follows. Looking at him now, his body frail in the hospital bed, his punishments would probably break him before they broke me. And I’ve been broken plenty of times.

“I need to tell you something.” His gaze meets mine, empty and soulless. I lean forward so he knows I’m there, but I don’t say anything. Not talking out of turn is almost ingrained in me now despite knowing he’s too weak to provide a punishment.

Before he starts speaking, Antony Malatelli, my father’s close friend, comes into the room. With his salt and pepper hair, piercing blue eyes, and strong physique, he’s quite handsome. His friendship with my father always baffled me. I never questioned him about it, though, knowing full well what would happen if I did.

“Good, I’m glad you're here, Antony. I was about to tell Rosemary the plan.” My father pauses for a minute to catch his breath. The lung cancer has eaten away his entire body over the past couple of months. He doesn’t have much time left now.

There’s a small part of me that’s glad he will no longer be around to use me as his punching bag. The other part of me is worried about what will happen next.

“How about I take it from here, Gerald?” Antony offers, and my father nods. “Rosemary, your father owes me a very large sum of money. At the moment of his death, all of his assets will become mine. Unfortunately, the few assets he does have will not cover the entire sum. Therefore, you will also be a part of the deal. ”

My stomach drops as his words begin to filter into my brain. I’m part of a deal? I didn’t agree to any sort of exchange. “I don’t understand. How am I a part of this?”

“As payment for his debt, you are to be my wife once his death certificate is signed.”

I shake my head in both disagreement and disbelief. This can’t be happening to me again. I didn’t want to live with my father after my grandmother’s death, but I had no choice. He was the only one who could take me, and I was still a minor.

I refuse for this to be my future.

“I’m sure this is a shock, but I have a sizable income, so you will be comfortable. You’ll live a more affluent life with me than you did with your father. Plus, you have no other options. I hold ownership over all your money and assets. If you leave, you’ll have nothing.”

Standing, I rush to the bathroom, the contents of my stomach no longer able to stay down. I heave until there’s nothing left to expel, my body shivering as dread races up my spine. This was not the outcome I envisioned when I knew my father was dying. I was supposed to finally be free. Free of the crushing weight I’d been carrying for so long. Free to live the life I’d been dreaming of since my grandmother died. I will not do something just because some bastard deems it so. I’m no longer the frightened little girl with no means to stand up for herself.

With shaking hands, I turn the faucet on at the sink. The cold water is cooling to my heated skin as I splash it on my face. The reflection in the mirror shows a person I barely recognize as myself. My olive skin looks pale and ghostly, the kinky curls of my black hair are sticking out around my face while my dark eyes show the fear radiating from my pores.

This is not me.

I’m so tired of not being myself.

Walking back out to the room, I have a renewed sense of energy. I will not marry this man. I’ll run away. Find a new place to live. I don’t have much in savings, but it could be enough to at least get me out of the city. I have work experience, so I’m sure I could find a decent job somewhere.

“Rosemary, I know this isn’t what you expected to hear today. You have no other choice, though, I’m afraid,” Antony says to me. I keep my head down, gaze fixed firmly on the floor. I refuse to look at Antony. Too afraid my partially formed plans will show in my eyes.

“She’ll be obedient,” my father rasps. “I’ve taught her what happens if she doesn’t follow my instructions.”

“Good. I expect full cooperation from her.”

Chills run down my spine as Antony’s icy words float through the room. No way will I let him have me. I’ll be homeless before I go willingly with him.

I just need to be smart with my next steps.

I’ll get away. No matter what it takes.