Finding Her Strength (Sonoma #3)

14. Hope

14

HOPE

T he smell of rubber and tools greets me as I step into the hardware store. Aisles of every home improvement item you could possibly need span the large space. It’s overwhelming, to say the least.

There are entirely too many options here. Where do I even start?

I step down an aisle with wood glue, paintbrushes, and paint. Nope. Not what I need. Down the next one I go, one after the other, still having no clue what I’m even looking for, at this point.

Finally, one aisle seems promising as I start browsing the nails collected in clear plastic bins. Now, which one do I need? Where are the employees when you need them?

“Hope?”

The sound of my name startles me, and the nails I had in my hand go flying into the air.

“Jesus.” My hand flies to my chest as my heart attempts to thump out of my body. Turning, I find Levi smirking at me from the end of the aisle. I shoot him a glare. “I’m going to buy you bells to wear so you won’t do that anymore.”

He laughs, and I can’t help the smile growing on my face. I don’t think I’ve ever smiled so much around another person. How can he have such infectious joy surrounding him? I lean over to pick up the nails I dropped, placing them back into their respective bins.

“Are you doing some remodeling?” Levi asks, a teasing lilt to his question.

“No, just trying to get the stuff to hang the paintings I bought at Paint and Paper.” Quinn helped me pick out some great stuff to match the decorations already at the house.

“I thought you were going to call me when you picked out some decorations.”

I cringe. I did say I was going to do that, but I wasn’t sure if he genuinely meant he’d be happy to help or if he was only being nice. “I didn’t want to bother you. I figured it couldn’t be too hard to hang a few pictures myself.”

“Well, those are drywall nails.”

“Hmm…” My brows furrow as I look at the selection. “I guess those won’t work, then?”

“Definitely not.” Levi laughs. “Here,” he reaches up, grabbing a clear box hanging on a peg, “these are what you need.”

The box says picture hanging kit . These make way more sense than loose nails. I turn to walk back out of the aisle, then start toward the cash register. Levi walks next to me with a few supplies in his hands.

“Um, not to question you or anything, but do you have a hammer?” His words are hesitant as if he doesn’t want to straight-up ask if I know what I’m doing since it would be rude.

“Yes, of course, I do!” I say indignantly.

I don’t actually have one; I just don’t want him to think I'm a total idiot. Which, I am. How could I have forgotten that I would need a hammer? I casually look up at the lists of items at the end of each aisle, trying to find where the hammers would be located.

“Okay… I’m sure you’d do fine on your own, but I can st ill come help you. I’ve got some time right now,” he offers a little sheepishly. He knows I’d probably put a million holes in the wall if I did this on my own.

“It’s driving you crazy thinking about me doing it myself, isn’t it?”

“No! I’m just trying to be helpful.”

I raise my brow at him, and he crumbles like a dried flower.

“Okay, yes! I keep picturing the hammer going straight into the wall, and it’s killing me!”

“All right, fine. You can help.” I walk up to the cash register, setting my kit on the counter. “Um, you have a hammer, right?”

“Oh, sweet Jesus,” Levi groans, which makes me laugh.

If I’m being honest with myself, I didn’t call Levi because I’m afraid of my feelings for him. Ever since dinner a few nights ago, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how amazing it felt to have his arms wrapped around me. Being surrounded by Levi’s strong embrace made me feel safe for the first time in a very long time. Naturally, I freaked the frick out as soon as I got home. Despite having given myself a few days to calm down, I still couldn’t gather enough courage to call him to help me with the paintings.

I should probably thank fate for letting us cross paths again.

After I finish checking out, I grab my small paper bag and step out of the store with Levi following close behind me. “I’ll meet you at your house?” he asks, his own bag hanging from his fingers.

“Sure. See you in a minute.” Once I’m in my car, I pull out of the parking lot to head home. Driving down Main Street always makes me smile. The sidewalks have wooden awnings covering them, and timeless black lamp posts are stationed between beautiful flower boxes. One of my favorite things is how the city changes the flowers for each season. Each box is always well maintained, which makes my flower-loving heart happy.

I pull into my driveway, opening the garage door as Levi pulls in behind me. Once I’m out of my car, my stomach starts to quiver at the thought of being in my house alone with him. It’s not like I haven’t been alone with him before, but something feels different this time. I feel different. The resolve I’d been holding on to so strongly seems to have evaporated with the bubbles of dishwater.

I wait for Levi to get out of his truck, his muscles flexing under his T-shirt as he lifts his toolbox out of the back. His tight jeans highlight his butt so well that I find myself wanting to give it a firm squeeze. The paper bag in my hand crinkles when my body tightens at the sight.

There have always been men I found attractive, but no one has ever made my body heat with only a flex of muscles like Levi does. I wish I had the gumption to make the first move. I don’t possess that amount of courage, though. Plus, I have no idea if he still has any desire to date me. Why would he when I’m an absolute disaster? I mean, he could have his pick of women; picking me would be a bad bet.

Levi turns around, catching me staring, and a cocky, little smirk grows on his face. I quickly turn to walk inside so he won’t see me blush. The garage door leads into the kitchen, and I set the hardware bag on the counter as Levi comes in behind me.

The three paintings I picked out lean against the wall in the kitchen where I want to hang them. Each painting is a part of a whole picture, and when they’re hung, you’ll see a full sunrise coming up over the lake here in Sonoma.

“These are great,” Levi says, walking over to the paintings. He sets his toolbox down on the floor, the tools rattling against the metal.

“Quinn painted them. I thought they were pretty fitting.”

“Definitely.” Levi smiles at me, and I have to turn away before I get pulled into his magnetism again. Grabbing the kit from the bag, I hand it over so Levi can hang the paintings.

His large hand slides across mine as he takes it from me, his eyes gauging my reaction. Instead of feeling the need to pull away, a tingle races up my arm. I grit my teeth to keep from gasping at the sensation. I wish I understood this connection between us. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. My body and mind are in turmoil, pulling in two different directions.

I want to know how it would feel to touch him completely uninhibited. To kiss him with the passion I’ve only dreamed of experiencing. At the same time, I am terrified of the consequences of getting too close, of allowing a man into my life when they’ve only ever led to pain. There’s something about Levi that’s pulling me in so hard, I’m having a hard time fighting it. What would happen if I gave in?

Levi's eyes shine with an emotion I can’t read before he turns to the paintings, turning them around, then grabbing what he needs from the kit.

“Can you hold these for a second?” he asks, holding out the gold hooks. I take them from him and watch as he measures out where each painting will go. He double-checks the placement with me, then hammers the nails into the wall.

After hanging the paintings on the hooks, he steps back. They look perfect. I take a photo to send to Quinn, and she sends me the heart-eye emoji in return.

“Thank you for helping me. I would have made a mess of that.”

“I know.” Levi winks. My hand snaps out, whacking him in the arm. My eyes go wide at the move, and I freeze. Fear races through me so fast, I’m almost dizzy.

Levi chuckles as he rubs his arm. He turns to look at me, the smile dropping from his face. “Hey, what happened? Are you okay?” Concern is laced through his voice as he steps closer to me. My brain is moving in hyperdrive, trying to predict the outcome of the moment. I don’t know how he’ll react to my brazen move. I’m frozen in place as self-preservation takes over my body.

“Hope,” Levi whispers, desperation lacing his words. His hands come up to my face, and I cringe into myself, keeping my eyes closed in preparation. The moment his soft touch runs across my cheeks, my eyes fly open in surprise. “You’re safe with me.”

His hazel eyes are full of concern as they implore me to hear his words. His thumbs rub across my cheeks, making my body relax. The adrenaline pumping through my system begins to dissipate, and I have to close my eyes as embarrassment floods me. When tears burn behind my eyelids, I grit my teeth to keep from letting them fall. I can’t believe how quickly I was triggered. He didn’t even do anything wrong. It was my own body reverting back so fast, there was no stopping it.

Levi’s lips press against my forehead, his words whispering against my skin, “I will never hurt you. Ever.” His arms wrap around my shoulders, pulling me into him. My head lands on his chest, his comforting scent surrounding me. All I can do is lean into the embrace.

It’s been so long since I’ve been held like this. So long since I’ve felt the gentle touch of someone who cares about me. It’s overwhelming. I sink further into Levi, deepening our connection. As his hands soothingly run up and down my back, a few of the shattered pieces of my soul begin to mend themselves. Even though the cracks will always remain, they’ll serve to remind me of how strong I am.