19. Aubrey
Chapter 19
Aubrey
I finish up the yoga session I didn’t do this morning because I wound up having a mental breakdown during my first downward dog and turn off the yoga app on my phone. After Mom dropped off Raine this morning, Caleb took his daughter, “the party chef,” inside to make pancakes, while I remained outside with my book. And from that point forward, the morning has felt natural and right. Joyful. Serene. Indeed, the whole time I’ve been doing yoga, Caleb’s been in front of me in the shallows of the lake, enthusiastically giving his daughter her first-ever swimming lesson, and Raine’s been having a blast with him.
As I’m turning off the yoga app on my phone, Caleb calls out to Raine, “Great job, Shortcake! Kick, kick!”
I look up, surprised. Shortcake is what Dad has always called me, so my brain assumed Caleb must have been talking to me for a second there. But, nope. He’s holding Raine’s two little hands, while teaching her to kick her legs and dunk her face into the water .
“That’s it,” Caleb says, his tone gentle and brimming with encouragement. “You’re doing a great job!”
It’s a beautiful thing to behold a big, brawny man carefully leading his tiny baby girl around a lake. I’m transfixed by the sight.
After a few more kicks and dunks of her face, Caleb pulls Raine to him, and she sputters and blinks in his arms.
“You want to keep going or stop for now, sweetheart?”
“Thtop.”
“Okay, Shortcake. Good job. We’ll go again tomorrow, okay? Great job for today.”
Caleb begins striding out of the water toward me, with Raine clinging to his massive frame like a wet baby monkey.
“Did you see her?” he asks, stopping in front of me with a handsome smile on his face.
“I sure did. Great job, Rainey.”
“My grandpa taught Miranda and me to swim that same way, right there in the exact same spot. I’ve seen it in home movies.”
“I’d love to see them.”
Caleb scratches his bearded cheek. “Not sure where they are. I’ll ask Miranda.”
“Please do.” I bite my lip and look away. Since our conversation on the yoga mat earlier, something has shifted between us. Something big. In fact, if my mother hadn’t driven up when she did, I think I would have thrown caution to the wind and kissed Caleb before our conversation was over.
“Pway bawn?” Raine asks Caleb.
Caleb’s eyebrows ride up. “You said you wanted to play with sand toys.”
“ Bawn .”
I chuckle. “Looks like she’s changed her mind.” When Caleb frowns, I motion to the grass in front of me. “Go on, Dadda . Oink like a pig for your daughter’s pleasure.”
Raine giggles. “Oinky, Dadda!”
Caleb visibly melts. “You already know how to get anything you want from me, don’t you? All you have to do is call me Dadda, and I’m at your service.”
Caleb sets Raine down and gets down on all fours in front of her. And then, man, oh man, the brawny, tattooed rockstar starts oinking like a pig with abandon for his baby girl. So well, in fact, Raine and I can’t stop laughing with glee at the ridiculous sight.
“Is that good?” Caleb asks. “Can I get up now?”
“Cow!” Raine commands, and to his credit, Caleb doesn’t hesitate to moo like a cow. And then, to cock-a-doodle-doo like a rooster. And on and on, as Raine, with a snarky assist from me, goes through every conceivable farm animal.
“Okay, Rainey,” I finally say. “Let’s let Dadda take a break. It’s time for lunch.”
Caleb falls onto his back and splays his arms like a dead body, making Raine giggle uproariously. “Thank God,” he murmurs. “Playing barn is exhausting.”
I laugh. “Thank me .”
Caleb turns his head and flashes me a panty-melting smile. “I do thank you, Goddess Aubrey. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.”
Butterflies whoosh into my belly. “You’re welcome.” Clearing my throat, I offer Raine my hand. “Come help me make sandwiches for all of us, Boo. Let’s give Dadda a second to himself.”
“That’s okay,” Caleb says, sitting up. “Raine and I will make lunch together, while you read. We’ve got this.” He gets up, scoops up Raine, and heads toward the house without looking back at my shocked face. “Come on, Shortcake. We’ll make a picnic for Auntie Aubbey.”
“A picnic ?” Raine gasps out excitedly in his arms. “What dat?”
Caleb begins explaining the concept of picnics to Raine, but he disappears before he’s finished his explanation. I stand frozen for a moment, trying to wrestle with the yearning I’m feeling. The all-consuming attraction for Caleb that’s been wracking my body all morning. But finally, I settle into a beach chair with my book.
A couple pages in, music starts blaring from inside the house, followed by the unmistakable sounds of Caleb banging on his drums. I close my book, feeling annoyed. It’s too soon for Caleb to be finished making lunch, so he must have gotten distracted. Or worse, maybe Raine had some kind of meltdown, so Caleb plopped her in front of a cartoon, so he could bang on his drums to let off steam.
I head through the front door, fully expecting the situation to be problematic. But when I step into the front room, I’m met with the sight of Caleb sitting at his drum kit with tiny Raine propped on his lap. Raine’s got noise-cancellation headphones on, the ones Caleb bought for her in Billings, and she’s banging on a metal cymbal thing, not sure what it’s called, with a solitary drumstick, while Caleb keeps a steady beat with the other drumstick and with his foot below.
“Good job,” Caleb coos, his sparkling eyes trained on his daughter. “You’re a natural.”
He hasn’t noticed me yet. He’s only got eyes for Raine. So, I remain in the doorway.
“Like dis , Dadda?” Raine asks.
“Just like that. You want to play a song?” When Raine expresses enthusiasm, Caleb says, “I know the perfect one. Something with both our names in the title.” He pulls out his phone and begins to scroll. “It’s called ‘Fool in the Rain.’ Get it? I’m the Fool , and you’re the Raine .”
Raine squeals and bops up and down in Caleb’s lap, making Caleb laugh. And a second later, a song begins wafting from Caleb’s phone.
I’ve heard it before, I think. Maybe? Although I’m not sure who plays it.
“Keep the beat now,” Caleb instructs. “Like this. Good. Just like that. Without someone to keep good time and lay down a really good groove, a band will always suck. No matter what anyone else might tell you, the drummer is the most important musician in the whole band.”
Raine is going for it now, causing Caleb to chuckle at her exuberance. “That’s it, Shortcake. Do you like playing the drums with Dadda? That’s ‘cause it’s in your blood, kiddo. You want to know who’s playing this song?”
“Me!”
He laughs. “Yes, but I meant who’s playing the song on my phone. It’s a band called Led Zeppelin. One of the best rock bands in the history of music.”
“Oooh.”
“Can you say Led Zeppelin?”
“Blebedah.”
Caleb hoots with laughter, as I do the same. I’ve never heard Caleb belly laugh quite like this. It’s a magical, glorious sound. Quite possibly, the sexiest thing I’ve heard in my life, even sexier than the sound of Caleb gritting out my name while jerking himself off.
At the sound of my laughter joining his, Caleb’s eyes shift to mine at the door. He beams a glorious smile at me, one that sends butterflies whooshing into my belly and warmth oozing between my legs, before returning gleefully to his daughter in his lap.
“Let’s try that again. I’ll break it down. Say Led.”
“Leb.”
“Zep.”
“Zep.”
“Uh.”
“Uh.”
“Lin.”
“Lim.”
“Led Zepp-e-lin.”
“Leh Boopoodah!”
Caleb howls with laughter from the depths of his belly, as I do the same. Since there’s no reason for me to remain in the doorway any longer, I drift into the room and take a seat on the couch to watch the show.
“I’m going to teach you all about Led Zeppelin, and other bands too, including my own,” Caleb says to Raine. “And when you’re old enough, you’ll come on tour with Dadda and play a song for the crowd. Would you like that?”
“Yeah!” Raine shouts, even though she has no idea what the fuck any of it means.
When the Led Zeppelin song ends, Raine bops around on Caleb’s lap, screaming, “Again!”
“ Again ?” Caleb says excitedly. “Okay, cutie. You’re the boss. We’ll play our song again.”
Raine cheers.
“Only this time, now that you’re all warmed up, you have to let loose and really go for it, okay? Don’t hold back.” He presses a button, and the same song starts again, followed by another round of encouragement and instruction from Caleb .
“That’s it,” Caleb says. “ Feel the music in your soul. Let it move you.”
“She’s definitely letting the music move her,” I joke. As far as I can tell, Raine’s banging her drumstick, willy nilly. Most definitely not to the beat of the song. But she’s absolutely giving it her all.
“Right?” Caleb says proudly. “The kid’s a damned prodigy.”
“A dang prodigy,” I correct. “ Darn prodigy. Flippin’. Freakin’.”
“Oh yeah. Sorry.” Caleb grimaces, making me giggle at his adorableness.
Eventually, the song reaches its homestretch again, for the second time, and the singer begins repeating a refrain about the unexpected love he’s found. As he sings, it hits me I’m feeling exactly what he’s crooning about: love . For Raine. For Claudia. For my parents. And for Caleb, too. For the obvious effort he’s been exerting today. For the unexpected tenderness and pride he’s showing toward Raine. And most of all, for the email he sent to my beloved Claudia, begging to meet his daughter, mere months after her birth.
Nobody’s perfect. The man fucked up. But now I know, at least he tried to fix his mistake, much earlier than previously known. Not because Raine had been orphaned. Not because he’d received a demand letter from Ralph Beaumont. Not to save thirty grand a month. But simply because he desperately wanted to right his past wrongs and forge a relationship with his baby.
To be clear, I’m not falling in love with Caleb in this moment, obviously. I’m simply feeling love for him, thanks to our shared love of Raine. It’s important for me to remember that, so I won’t confuse the feelings gripping me for something else. Yes, I desperately want to kiss Caleb. Also, to rip his clothes off and make him groan out my name again, only this time into my ear. But the fact remains?—
“Look, Auntie Aubbey!” Raine calls out, ripping me from my lascivious thoughts. “I play drums with Dadda!”
I clear my throat, hoping my lustful thoughts aren’t written all over my face. “Yes, you are. You’re great at this!”
“Of course, she is. She’s my kid.”
I can barely look at him. The lust I’m feeling is too intense. “Rainey, did you know your daddy is one of the most famous drummers in the world?”
Raine gasps and her blue eyes widen. “He is ?”
“People pay lots of money to see your daddy playing his drums.”
Raine stops drumming and frowns. “I don’t have money.”
Caleb and I both crack up.
“Don’t you worry, Shortcake,” Caleb says. “You’ve got a lifetime backstage pass.”
As Raine processes that confusing word salad, my eyes lock with Caleb’s. It’d be foolish to let myself fall for someone like Caleb. He’s told me, explicitly, he doesn’t know how to love. He lets everyone down. He cheated on his only girlfriend.
And yet, sitting here now, I can’t deny it: I’m falling hard for this man, whether it’s a downright foolish thing to do or not.