Finding Home

21. Aubrey

Chapter 21

Aubrey

“ I love you ,” I murmur.

Caleb is softly kissing every inch of my naked body, from head to toe, making me swoon and sigh along the way.

He taps my cheek with his fingertip. “Auntie Aubbey.”

“Caleb,” I purr. “I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, but I couldn’t help it.”

Caleb smiles like a demon. “Good to know I’ve got another person to fuck over.” He taps my cheek again. Tap, tap, tap. “I use my inside voice like a big girl, Auntie Aubbey. ‘Ake up.”

What the fuck? I open my eyes and find a pair of blue eyes staring at me from an inch away.

“I smell pancakes,” Raine whispers excitedly, delivering another set of taps to my cheek.

I sniff the air and return her smile. “I smell them, too.”

Raine squeals. “Pop-Pop?”

“Or maybe Caleb— Dadda —got up early to make them for you.”

“Let’s go see!” Raine scrambles out of bed excitedly and then jumps around from foot to foot, when I’m not nearly as fast-moving. “Come on!” she shrieks at me, wriggling and waving her arms. “Let’s go!”

Cut me some slack, kid. Auntie Aubbey got the living hell fucked out of her last night. Three times. And now, my most intimate muscles feel like they’ve been put through a meat grinder—in the best possible way, of course.

I place my feet on the floor with a big yawn, which Raine takes as her cue to sprint the door. “Rainey, wait,” I call out. “Check your nighttime panties, honey.” I’ve learned not to call her nighttime pull-up a diaper . Raine the Big Girl only wears panties .

With a little huff of impatience and an eyeroll that reminds me so much of Claudia, it hurts, Raine yanks down her disposable, big-girl diaper to her knees and takes a peek at its crotch. “I did it!” she announces proudly. “No pee-pee!”

“Great job!” I motion toward the door. “Now go to the bathroom like a big girl, and we’ll go to the kitchen after that to see if it’s Pop-Pop or Dadda making you breakfast.”

Raine squeals with delight, and off she waddles toward the bedroom door with her pink pull-ups still at her knees and her tiny, naked butt on full display.

Raine was doing fabulously well with potty training before Claudia’s accident, other than a few occasional mishaps at night. But since her entire world came crashing down less than a month ago, the poor girl started having regular accidents again, which means our regular routine now includes lots of reminders and pull-ups at night.

As Raine does her thing in the bathroom, I wait at the door holding a sundress and a pair of panties for her to slide into when she’s done. When she emerges, however, I tell her I didn’t hear the faucet and turn her around to wash her hands for the full length of “The Birthday Song.”

When that bit of business is done, Raine throws on the clothes I’ve picked out for her in the hallway, while I use the bathroom myself. Due to Raine’s intense separation anxiety since Claudia’s death, I’m expecting her to be waiting at the bathroom door for me when I come out. But to my surprise and delight, Raine is long gone when I emerge.

I follow the sounds of Raine’s happy squeals toward the kitchen. And while I’m still in the hallway, her squeals become mixed with the delectable sounds of Caleb’s deep rumble of a voice, saying something I can’t quite make out. Whatever it is, it’s obvious he’s cheerful. Enthralled, I’d even say. And a second later, the same song Caleb played yesterday for Raine—the one he said is called “Fool in the Rain”—begins blaring.

I enter the kitchen and discover the pair bopping in place to the song while making breakfast together.

Caleb looks up with a smile when he notices me. “Good morning,” he says brightly. “How’d you sleep, beautiful?”

“Beee-yootiful!” Raine echoes, making Caleb laugh.

“Yes, she is.” Caleb’s green eyes are positively sparkling. “Very, very beautiful.”

Fuck. I thought having sex with Caleb— three times —last night would get him out of my system. Help me resist him, once and for all. But no such luck. He’s even hotter today than last night. Especially when he calls me “beautiful,” while dancing with Raine to an absolute bop of a song.

“I slept great,” I manage. “For the few hours I got, anyway.”

Caleb snickers, knowing full well he’s the reason I barely got a wink of sleep.

His incredible mouth. Those talented fingers. That relentless dick. All of a sudden, all of it is flickering across my mind.

“What about you?” I ask. “How’d you sleep?”

Caleb pops a blueberry into his mouth and winks. “Aubrey Capshaw, I can honestly say I got the best damned sleep I’ve ever had in my entire bleeping life last night.”

“Best darn sleep.”

“Oh yeah. Shoot.” His chuckle rumbles through the kitchen. “I made a stack of blueberry for you, by the way.” He points to a plate of pancakes on the counter. “A little birdie told me that’s your favorite, Auntie Aubbey.”

“A birdie ?” Raine says, looking around.

“A birdie named Pop-Pop. It’s a joke.”

“ Oh .” Raine laughs uproariously, and Caleb chuckles and pokes her belly. “Don’t worry, Shortcake. The same birdie told me you love chocolate chip pancakes. I waited to make a batch of those with you .”

“Dat my favorite,” Raine confirms. “Best damn.”

I palm my forehead, as Caleb cracks up.

“See how that works?” I tease. But he’s howling with laughter. Not worried in the slightest he’s taught Raine a bad word. “She’s a sponge, Caleb,” I say. But as much as I want to continue chastising him, I can’t. His laughter is too cute. Too irresistible. And soon, I’m laughing, too. When I’m finally able to control myself again, I say, “I admit it’s hilarious, but don’t curse around her again. A social worker is going to interview her in LA before the hearing, remember?”

Caleb’s smile fades. Reality sinks in. Our little bubble is popped. Shoot. Why’d I say that?

“Yeah, okay. I’ll be more careful.” Caleb takes a deep breath and returns to Raine, his jaw tight. “Ready to add the chocolate chips to the bowl now? ”

“Ready!” To emphasize her readiness, Raine shakes her little booty with glee, causing me to reflexively lurch toward her, since she’s now standing atop an old wooden chair. I needn’t worry, though. At the first shake of Raine’s little body, her big, strong daddy is there to slide a muscled arm around her and keep her safe.

Swoon, swoon, swoon .

And fuck, fuck, fuck.

I feel exactly like I did last night, when Caleb had Raine on his lap in front of the drum kit. Like a goner. Like a flock of bald eagles has landed inside my belly and started mercilessly flapping around. Like clouds are parting and sunshine is streaming in and rainbows are filling the air all around me. Is this ridiculous swoon of euphoria going to happen to me every time Raine and Caleb have an adorable moment together? If so, I’m in trouble, because falling in love with Caleb simply isn’t an option. I mean, come on. Sex was one thing. But pinning my actual hopes on the man being a long-term partner is something else entirely.

“Okay, that’s enough stirring, party chef,” Caleb says. “All good.”

Still bopping in place, Raine abruptly raises the wooden mixing spoon as part of her choreography, but because she’s been stirring the contents of her bowl with it, she unintentionally flings pancake batter across the countertop, a cabinet, and the floor.

“Uh oh,” Raine says, grimacing. “I make mess.” She looks up at Caleb with wide, blue eyes, awaiting his reaction. And much to her relief and mine, Caleb reacts the same way Claudia always did. With laughter and a gentle hug.

“It’s okay,” Caleb coos to his daughter. “We all make mistakes. Even me. Especially me. Hey, Aubbey, will you come over here and stand next to our girl, while I grab a rag?”

Our girl.

Why is that phrasing hitting me so hard?

My heart stampeding, I head over to Raine and keep her stable on her chair while Caleb cleans up the mess. When he’s done, he pinches my ass behind Raine’s back and says, “Thanks, Aubbey. You da best.”

“Da best!” Raine echoes.

“After my Zoom call, I’m gonna give Raine another swimming lesson, and then I told her we’d watch Monsters, Inc. together; so feel free to take a long nap today, if you happen to need to catch up on sleep for any reason.” With a grin, he leans in to kiss my lips, like it’s the most natural thing in the world for him to do. But I jerk back, reflexively, not wanting Raine to witness our physical connection and get the wrong idea about what it means. Hell, I’m not sure what it means, so how can I expect Raine to understand it? All I know is the poor girl’s already had one happily ever snatched away from her. She doesn’t need to get her hopes up about another one, and have that one snatched away, too, when Dadda and Auntie Aubbey don’t become a couple, after all.

When I reject his kiss, Caleb furrows his brow in confusion, so I jut my chin toward Raine by way of explanation.

“Seriously?” Caleb murmurs. With a sigh, he guides Raine off the chair. “Go change into your swimsuit, Shortcake. I’ll have breakfast waiting for you, when you get back.”

With a little hoot of excitement, Raine runs off, and the minute she’s gone, Caleb folds his arms over his broad chest, leans his ass against the counter, and asks, “Why can’t I kiss you in front of her? ”

“Because I don’t want her feeling confused or upset, when things don’t pan out the way she’s hoping.”

“ When ?”

I bite the inside of my cheek. If my word choice is a surprise to him, then he’s the least self-aware human being on Planet Earth.

Caleb sighs. “She’s two, Aubrey.”

“Old enough to get her hopes up. You don’t think she’s already been bombarded with happily ever afters in all her cartoons?” I run a hand through my hair. “Look, last night was amazing, but the chances of this thing working out between us, long-term, are slim to none, and we both know it.”

“We do?”

“We’re going to be in each other’s lives for a very long time, thanks to our mutual love of Raine. So, let’s be smart and not do something to make it, you know, awkward for us in the future, when things don’t . . .” I stop talking when I realize Caleb looks pissed as hell. “You disagree?” I ask hopefully.

His jaw muscles pulse. “Doesn’t matter what I think. You’re the one with all the answers, apparently. We’ll do whatever you want, Aubrey.”

“I never said I have all the answers or that this is what I want . The only thing that matters is that hearing in a month, Caleb. We can’t screw that up. Plus, I’m in charge of your rehab, remember?”

“No, I’m in charge of that. That’s on me.”

“You know what I mean. I’m in charge of overseeing it. Managing it. So, it’s obviously in everyone’s best interests if we keep certain things on the down low, until we’re done with rehab and the hearing. If you’re still interested in kissing me when Raine is watching, when we’re not required to live under the same roof anymore, then, okay, maybe we can?—”

“I get it, Aubrey.” He throws up his hands. “You want me to be your dirty little secret.”

I’m shocked. That’s what he thinks I’m saying? “That’s not what I meant.”

“Whatever. It’s fine.” His green eyes bore into me. “Just so I understand, you’re saying you’re open to doing what we did last night again . . . as long as nobody knows you’d stoop that low?”

Is he fucking kidding me? What the fuck is wrong with this man? “I’m not stooping to anything,” I reply calmly, even though I want to scream at him and throttle him. “I’m saying we don’t want the social worker or the judge to sniff us out. Not to mention, I’m guessing sobriety coaches aren’t supposed to fuck their . . . wards. Clients. Charges. Whatever the fuck you are.”

Caleb subtly licks his lower lip. “Just tell me this. Do you regret what we did last night?”

Regret ? Again, he’s so off the mark, I could slap him. How could he possibly think that, after the way my body reacted to his—not once, but three times? “I don’t regret anything. Wanting to do the best thing for Raine isn’t the same thing as regretting what I did with you. It’s not always about you.”

Caleb’s eyes flash with anger, and I know I’ve messed up. Why’d I say that? Why am I pushing him away like this?

“Yeah, it’s always about me,” he spits out. “That’s why I’m here in Prairie Fucking Springs for three fucking weeks, when all I want to do is sleep in my own goddamned bed in Santa Monica. That’s why I took the risk of leaving rehab early, even before I knew if?—”

Raine barrels into the kitchen wearing the hot pink, ruffled bikini Caleb bought for her in Billings, and he smashes his lips together. Although “wearing” is a stretch in this instance, since Raine’s got the top on backward and upside-down and the frilly bottoms inside-out.

“Great job, kiddo!” Caleb bellows, just as I’m about to head over to Raine to help her put everything on correctly.

“You ready for some pancakes, Rainey Baby?” Caleb booms, scooping her up.

“Yessss!” she shrieks.

As Caleb gets Raine situated in a chair, he glares at me like he wants to strangle me. Or is that fuck me? Maybe both.

I take a seat next to Raine, figuring Caleb is right: it’s better to support her independence than correct her messed up bathing suit. I mean, whether the thing is on correctly or inside-out and backwards, it’s still functional, right?

The thing that’s not quite as functional, though? Caleb and me. Clearly, neither of us knows how to navigate this new, physical stage of our forced situationship. That much is now abundantly clear to me. And I’m not sure how to get clarity, going forward.