Chapter Three
Rian
I t got to the point where I could say I had a regular blood donor in town. Acacia was fifty-three, in peak physical condition, and only ever imbibed in weed, which she proudly told me at our introductory meeting.
Then she’d explained that she was the child of two hippie type people who had named all their seven children after trees. “At least they didn’t name me Mimosa, because that’s another name for Acacia and frankly I’d rather not be associated with a drink, which is what most people would think.”
Yeah, we got along fine.
She liked to be a donor because she loved helping people. She was a nurse and was also one of the staff at the small local hospital who would donate for vampires patients if needed.
And that’s kind of how I ended up being a tiny bit hangry—I loved all these new words people came up with—come full moon night.
Acacia had had to cancel the previous day because her mom had needed urgent help with something, and then, right before she was about to get off shift that night, there’d been an injured vampire who needed a donor ASAP.
It meant she’d be out of commission for even a small amount for at least a week, especially if the patient needed a larger amount of blood. Humans could donate every other week, because most vampires didn’t need that much to get by.
I couldn’t be bitter about it, but I could feel hungry which in turn made me a bit… snappy.
I’d also spent the previous nights trying not to hear Brodie and Kye going at it in their room. Yeah, they were pretty loud sometimes, and normally I didn’t mind. But it was almost like listening to a family member doing it and… yeah. No.
B y the time we were gathering in the living room on full moon night, Kye looked at me worriedly.
“Should we figure out if we know someone who could come donate?”
I shook my head. “It’ll be fine. I’ll be good until tomorrow, at least.”
“If you’re sure,” he said, tone still worried, as he squeezed my wrist.
“If all else fails, I’ll use the other app.” I grinned at him.
He rolled his eyes, knowing full well how much I loathed the other app. I hated feeling as if I was being used in a sexual way. It was kind of tragicomical really, if you looked at it like that.
There were all kinds of people among vampires—and werewolves and humans for that matter—and I even knew some soccer mom vampires who used the “other” app to spice up their life with their partner’s consent. There were also sex addicts of all species who used it to connect with each other and regular people who wanted a new experience.
And then there was me. A submissive pain slut vampire who couldn’t deal with someone using him for pleasure. Something about it made my skin crawl, and I pushed it from my mind.
I kept carding my fingers through Carys’ hair, since she’d decided to park herself over me, Kye, and Brodie. It had taken me getting here to understand how touch starved I had been.
The pack showed affection and love by touch, and I couldn’t get enough of it. There were nights Carys had nightmares and came to sleep next to me instead of going to Brodie and Kye.
The two of them didn’t know she had decided to leave them in their happiness bubble even if she needed the comfort of someone else to fall back asleep. I didn’t mind in the least. She was like a baby sister to me, too. She reminded me of my siblings, or rather the echoes of memories I had of them at this point.
The others talked as I drifted in my brain until we heard a car rolling into the driveway.
Soon enough, a tall, handsome man walked into the family room.
“Hey guys.”
“Long day?” Brodie seemed to make an educated guess. “We’ll go easy on you once we shift, I promise.” He had his fingers crossed where we could all see it, and the man snorted.
“Great, thanks.”
There was something about him that seemed familiar to me, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
Then Brodie turned to smile at me. “Holden, this is my best friend Rian Flynn, Rian, this is Deputy Holden Drumm.”
Holden Drumm. Oh gods. Oh fuck. Now it made sense.
I managed to reach over Carys to shake his hand. “Nice to meet you, Holden.”
“You as well. Brodie’s talked about you a lot.” He smiled at me in an affable way, and I tried to hold myself together for everyone’s sake.
I sensed the Rossi siblings noticing my tensing, but it couldn’t be helped. Then luckily they started to co-mother Holden and the pressure was off, or so I thought.
Carys took Holden into the kitchen to fix him a plate, but Kye turned his shrewd gaze on me. I tried my best to appear as if nothing was wrong, even though we both knew something was.
At his raised eyebrow, I shook my head subtly. Now wasn’t the time. Actually, never would be the time to crash their perfect pack bubble with my issues from the past. I could deal. I could….
Kye let it go. For now. I felt fucking fortunate.
R ight before the wolves were supposed to go on their full moon run, Brodie called us all into the family room again. We’d wandered off a bit, and now sat back on the couches as my best friend stood in front of the fireplace, looking like the strong, confident, Dominant man he was.
I was so incredibly happy for and proud of him.
“I think we’ve established what kind of a pack we want to be. There hasn’t been any trouble yet, most of us know how that can change in the blink of an eye with how things on the non-human side are, sometimes,” Brodie started to speak to Holden, Ben, and Max especially.
“With that in mind, I still want to say that my mate and I have welcomed the three of you into the pack in the same way we’d welcome anyone we think fits us and is a good person. It doesn’t mean I’m expecting everyone to officially be my beta.”
He then looked at Kye expectantly.
“What Brodie said. In this pack, we don’t expect anyone to put their health on the line in the ways betas are expected to do in case of emergency. We don’t expect anything from you guys, other than to live your best lives,” his clever, amazing mate said.
Brodie nodded. “You already know you can do whatever you want, work, study, whatever it is. I’m not going to limit your life choices, as long as they’re on the right side of the law and inside the rules we’ve established here as a pack.”
“That said, those rules? They’re real. We all know, and anyone who might be joining us later will learn that we don’t mess with those things.” Kye seemed surprised at how serious his tone got.
“Yeah, down with Jell-O!” Carys mock-cheered.
I snickered internally and squeezed her knee. We had a whole list of things we didn’t want in the house, and one of my icks was Jell-O, even though I wouldn’t have been able to eat it even if I’d wanted to.
Brodie sighed and ignored her. “What I wanted to ask you three is this: do you want to be my betas? If you don’t, I understand. This is still your home or your safe place for full moons, whichever you’d prefer. And Holden, if you choose to be a beta, it doesn’t mean we’d expect you to live here unless you want to.”
I wasn’t sure what I wanted Holden to say. I wanted him here for the pack’s sake, but I could do with some distance. Preferably effective immediately so I could think through all the things swirling inside me.
Holden glanced at Ben and Max, and then back at Brodie. “First of all, I’m honored that you asked. I know not all packs want bitten wolves as betas or hell, at all. But for what it’s worth, I can see what you’re trying to do here, and because of that, I want to officially be your beta, Alpha McRae.”
“Yay,” Carys whispered, making us all grin.
“What comes to us,” Ben said and squeezed his brother’s hand. “We’re going to say yes, too. We know you’re nothing like our dad was and that this pack is worth fighting for now.”
Max nodded. “This is home, like a real one, with a real family. We feel safe here and that hasn’t happened in….” He looked away.
“Ever,” Ben said bluntly. “We love you guys.”
Carys pounced them then, and when Kye went to move closer too, I joined the hug. I really loved those guys now, and felt a bit choked up when Brodie came to us and leaned down to grasp each of the brothers’ neck in turn with a press of his forehead to theirs.
“We love you too,” he said firmly, his voice so unwavering I could hear the jump in the brothers’ heartbeats before they settled again into a happier rhythm.
Then he let go and stepped back, grinning. “So, full moon run, anyone?”
Ben dumped Carys onto the cushion next to him, then got off the couch and pulled Max with him while she was still making annoyed noises.
“You coming, too?” Brodie asked me.
I gave him my best shocked look. “Have you seen the woods? It’s cold, dark, and wet over there. What do you think?”
Holden chuckled. “I can see your point.”
“You guys go play,” Kye told the wolves.
In short order, the four wolves went to shift, then they at first frolicked in the backyard like oversized puppies while the rest of us sat on the back porch steps.
“Thank you for repairing these,” Kye said, tapping his fingers on the step he sat on, and nudged me with his shoulder.
I didn’t respond, I didn’t feel there was a need to anyway.
He and Carys were having coffees and I enjoyed the scent as we watched the wolves play.
Eventually, the furry ones ran into the woods and we went inside to wait for them. The siblings were chatting about something, so I sat on the couch and thought about the situation I suddenly found myself in.
I wasn’t sure what to do. Leaving was out of question; this was my home now. I loved the people and the house, and I would never leave Brodie’s side anyway.
I would have to go back to Seattle and maybe some other places for a while to visit. Sadly that sort of thing meant I needed to do some schmoozing and I’d have to make appearances here and there, at least at the most important events. Events that had started to give me panic attacks after Brodie left town.
Just thinking about going back alone made my heartbeat pick up. It wasn’t pronounced normally, vampires weren’t quite undead like some of them early myths had tried to make us sound, but we had a slower heartbeat which was harder to detect.
Not around wolves or other vampires, though. The two species were normally polite enough not to point out they could hear something so personal. If Brodie had been here though? He would’ve picked it up and become worried.
I did my best to appear as if I was napping while we waited for the wolves. I needed to not show how freaked out I was when they came back. If I calmed myself down now, maybe nobody would notice Holden being there made me well, feel things.
I guess I managed, because when the guys came back, I concentrated on teasing them.
“You guys smell of wet dog, oh my god, how did I ever think that wouldn’t be the case!” I exclaimed as they filed into the house.
Kye and Carys giggled their butts off. The brothers bonked me with their giant wolf heads before jogging up the stairs to shift back in their room.
Holden went into the utility room to shift, so I ignored the gorgeous reddish brown wolf as much as I could, and sat on the bottom steps of the stairs.
That was a mistake. Brodie saw his opportunity and rushed me, climbing onto my lap which flattened me into the stairs as he rubbed his wet, stinky fur all over my clean sweats and T-shirt.
“Oh my god, why?” I whined as he rolled over me, leaving dirt, fur, and water on me.
“I mean, you might’ve kinda brought this upon yourself,” Carys pointed out.
She might’ve been right, too.
As I heard the utility room door creak, I pushed Brodie off myself. “Okay, I’m gonna go shower and change and then read something. You guys have a nice rest of the evening.”
“I wish we could offer you snacks, too,” Kye said, frowning.
“If it was a less complicated thing, it’d be great. As it is though? Nah. I’ll be fine. I’ll try the app tomorrow.” I’d be fine. I’d been much hungrier than this, after all, and been fine.
I told everyone good night, avoided Holden’s gaze, and went up the stairs to hide.
W hen I tried to fall asleep later, I felt itchy under my skin. It was the hunger, of course, but also the fact that I had nothing else to do or think now, all I could see were the blue eyes which had startled me when I shook Holden’s hand.
I’d thought I’d never see those eyes again. I’d managed to forget Holden existed somehow, yet here he was.
Older, of course, and even more different. I didn’t know his story, but the last time I’d met him he’d been twenty, still a slightly gangly young human man trying his best to grow into his body.
I guessed another twenty years or so from that he’d been turned. He would be sixty now. He’d gotten to live. I couldn’t hate him for that as much as I wanted to.
The familiarity was there, in those eyes that sparkled with mirth when he was amused, even if the tiny crow’s feet were new.
Sighing, I tossed and turned for a bit. The only blessing was that he didn’t recognize me. The biggest reason was that I’d used a different name, and he hadn’t known I was a vampire, then, so he wouldn’t expect to see the person he’d thought he’d known at the same age in current day.
I’d looked so different back then, too. I’d had short, bleach blond hair, and I’d dressed in the early eighties twinky style my circle of friends had preferred, only I’d had a punk edge to mine.
I looked older now, but only because of how I styled myself. On one hand, I still looked to be in my early twenties, but I tried to appear more mature in my appearance, because of my more serious endeavors with philanthropy. I couldn’t wear ripped skinny jeans and band T-shirts with chains adorning my waist when I was trying to persuade other rich people to donate to good causes.
I fell asleep, thinking about blue eyes, mesh shirts, and the smell of bleach.
I woke up a bit earlier than usual, which was a surprise. The borderline nightmares I’d had that mixed memories from different decades and even some from past centuries had taxed me enough to make me stay asleep for longer in the recent years. Waking up early felt weird now.
Either way, when I went downstairs I remembered that Holden had stayed the night on the couch. His scent lingered everywhere, and the hunger pangs I was feeling didn’t make anything easier to bear. I hadn’t groomed myself as much, feeling crappy, and apparently it was noticeable.
“What’s up?” Kye asked when I stepped into the kitchen.
I frowned. “I’m getting hungrier than I thought I would be at this point. Must be all the physical activity in the last handful of days.”
Holden stepped into the room, his handsome self in trouble-solving mode. “I’ve donated before. I can help you out?”
For a few seconds, I wanted nothing more. The taste of his blood, different as it would be with the wolf in the mix now would be everything to me.
I quickly reined myself in. “Nah, I’d rather not start that with anyone in the pack. It can be a slippery slope with the endorphins.”
He shrugged. “Okay. But if you change your mind, let me know.”
I smiled, hoping it wasn’t a tight one. “Yeah, thanks.”
Everyone else woke up and had breakfast while I sat in the family room, trying to find someone local on DonorMatch. The longer the late morning hours stretched while the pack hung out, happy to be relaxing together, the crappier I felt. There was nobody on the app and Acacia could only donate again late tomorrow or, if I wanted a bigger top up, a few days after.
I was trying to concentrate on the movie we were watching as a group, when Ben tugged at the blanket I’d just managed to get over myself, him, and Max in a way that made my skin feel less tight.
“Can you stop messing with the fucking blanket!” I snapped.
The room went quiet. I could feel Brodie’s gaze on me and didn’t know whether to apologize or storm off.
He spoke before I had time for either. “Rian? If there’s nobody available on your better app, then I’m going to have to pull an Alpha move here.”
I glared at him, my emotions heightened by the hunger, the predator in me trying to get me to react in ways I normally never would. “What do you mean?”
“You’re getting a bit too snappy. I know how you get when you’re hungry. So either you check the app or you feed from me. We’ve done it before, and it’ll be fine.”
His Alpha tone, so different than what I was used to being aimed at me, made me snap. “I’m not one of your fucking betas!” I roared.
I barely registered Max letting out a wounded, scared sound as he dove under the blanket and against his brother’s side.
Brodie stood up and pointed a finger toward the hall.
“Rian. Up to your room. Right the fuck now.” This tone? This one I recognized. He’d pulled out his Dom voice which made me heel like nothing else.
I got off the couch and stormed off, taking the stairs two at a time until I got to my room. Feeling like I wanted to break something, I paced the beautiful, perfect room. Even the picture of Dún Briste didn’t calm me now. Brodie had followed me at a regular pace and stepped into the room before closing the door behind himself.
Then he turned to look at me seriously. “This is not acceptable, Rian. You can’t yell at people. Some of the pack is extremely sensitive to raised voices and they’re in therapy. This is not you. ”
I growled at him, feeling my fangs drop in response to his tone.
“I see you’re not ready to talk, so this is what we’re going to do,” he said calmly in his lower register. “Get me your toy box. Get undressed to a point you’re comfortable with and stand in the middle of the room.”
When I didn’t move immediately, he cocked an eyebrow at me. “I will hurt you. Then you’ll tell me what’s going on, and I’ll give you enough blood to tide you over for a little while.”
And fuck if I didn’t need all of that. So I caved, as I always would when my Dominant gave me no other options.
Safewording wouldn’t happen here. Not for something like this. So I took the punishment, the pain I craved when my emotions ran too high, and the comfort that came with it.
When I was sobbing halfway over his lap on top of my bed and he told me to tell me what was wrong, I just… couldn’t.
“Don’t make it an order,” I begged.
For a few seconds, he looked into my eyes, trying to get a read of what I was feeling. I guess he came to a conclusion when he nodded slowly.
“All right. But if this continues to be a problem, I will make you tell me eventually.”
I nodded rapidly. “Yeah, I’ll… yeah.”
He held out his arm to me. “Drink.”
I grabbed his hand and his elbow, then let my fangs lengthen before biting into his wrist. The woodsy taste of his blood was familiar, and combined with the hunger I was feeling, it made me whimper pathetically.
“It’s going to be okay, Rian. We love you, and you’re going to feel better soon. I promise.”
I heard the slight thickening of his tone as the feel-good chemicals coursed through his body. Our relationship wasn’t sexual, but his body couldn’t help but to react in the ways my biology made a non-vampire react.
This was how we’d always fed; by making the donor feel good whether they wanted to or not. Evolution was a marvelous thing, but it was also a bit weird to feed from Brodie because we weren’t that way.
It was different with a donor like Acacia, because she didn’t mind feeling turned on for a moment if it meant she could help someone. It wasn’t a sexual thing for her, either. The difference was that I loved my best friend and he loved me, and the chemicals that came with the affection were a bit odd in combination with the bite.
“Okay, sweetness, that’s enough,” he said after a while.
I whined again, this time because I wanted more. But he was right. It was enough, it would help, and I didn’t want to put him through this for any longer than I absolutely needed.
I let go, licking the droplets off his wrist, then watched as the holes closed immediately.
“Thank you,” I managed to say, feeling satiated in a way I hadn’t in a while.
“You’re welcome, sweetness. I love you.” He kissed my forehead, then tucked me under the covers.
He got off the bed and turned back by the door. “And tomorrow? You’ll apologize to Max and everyone else, too.”
“Yeah.”
“Good.”
He left me be, and I curled up under the covers. It was barely afternoon, but I was exhausted. The pain that I still throbbed from my shoulders down to the backs of my knees where he’d caned me with my special spiked cane I reserved for emergencies only was fading fast.
Luckily I had some blood in me now. It stabilized my brain as much as the buzz from the pain. I chose not to think about how much it encouraged the healing of the pinpricks left behind. I hadn’t bled much, since there hadn’t been that much blood to leak out. I’d been paler already, which, with my Irish complexion made me look like a piece of paper.
I wasn’t looking forward to apologizing to everyone, but I would. I needed to make things right with Max, especially. I hated the fact that I’d scared him.
Sighing, I tried to fall asleep while my brain was still quiet. While it wasn’t sending me film reels of memories of familiar blue eyes.