Finding Home (Build-A-Pack #2)

Chapter Four

Holden

M y wolf was still happily buzzing from the run the night before. Even after twenty years, it felt amazing I could find something surprising about the creature inside me.

I would never be a wolf in the same way Brodie and his cousins were, but I had learned to coexist in my body with the miraculous thing that had saved me from certain death all those years ago. Now, if only someone had been there to save my brother, but there was no changing the past.

What made this run different from all the other ones? Well for one, this one had been playful above anything else. Letting go of the reins to let the wolf do whatever he wanted was nice.

This time, my wolf hadn’t tried to challenge Brodie, either, and I thought it might’ve been because I’d accepted Brodie’s offer to be part of his pack. That side of me was more settled now, more certain of his place.

The previous full moon he hadn’t been, and I’d felt mortified by the way I had acted. Luckily Brodie understood and had first put the wolf in his place, but then also told me later after we’d shifted that it was normal behavior and nothing to be ashamed of.

I’d slept on the couch, and woke up to a murmur of voices for the first time in years. It was oddly pleasant, even though the insistent staring from Cindy was missing from my waking up routine.

I folded the blanket and then went to use the downstairs bathroom to wake myself up properly.

I had the day off because of yesterday’s mess—I’d had to back up my two youngest deputies when a domestic had turned into a drug-related thing—so I had nowhere to be in hours. I couldn’t leave Cindy alone for the whole day, but for now, I would enjoy being around the pack.

When I came out of the bathroom, I heard Kye and Rian talking about Rian being hungry. It had to suck, no pun intended.

I offered him my blood, I’d done it in emergencies and for a colleague back in Atlantic City before, and for a split second I was pretty sure he’d say yes. But then something in his gaze changed, some walls went up, and he declined my offer.

W e had breakfast as a pack, and Rian hung out with us despite looking a bit worse for wear. I was so used to reading people because of my job, that I was half tuned to him the whole morning.

I saw the explosion coming a few moments before it happened.

As I watched it all unfold, I held myself back. This was for the Alpha to deal with, not the sheriff’s deputy or even the enforcer beta.

When Brodie told Rian to go upstairs and then followed him, it took me a few moments to realize they had a kink relationship.

Kye had mentioned it once, kind of off-handedly. I wasn’t a novice with kink, but I’d never really been in the lifestyle. I’d had kinky friends over the years, and I knew that BDSM play could be nonsexual, which I assumed was what happened between the two best friends.

As if reading my mind, Kye cleared his throat. “Brodie is Rian’s Dominant. They have a nonsexual arrangement for when either of them needs a scene for whatever reason.” He shrugged, grinning in a way I could only call pleased and continued, “Brodie has me now, but sometimes Rian still needs him.”

“I’m glad Rian has that release when he needs it,” I murmured.

“Or the punishment that’s not like a… what do you call it? Funishment?” Carys added.

I chuckled. “’Funishment,’ huh? I’ve never heard of that.”

Ben, who was keeping his brother under the blankets against his side, grinned. “Hey, sometimes a spanking isn’t a deterrent, ‘s all I’m saying.”

These kids. It sometimes hit me that the only one here who was older than me was Rian. The next oldest was Brodie and I was twenty-five years his senior.

Rian. I could only begin to guess all the things he’d seen during his lifetime. It was incomprehensible on some level to think that someone lived hundreds of years. I knew my own aging had slowed down significantly and I was looking at getting to two hundred if I was lucky. Hell, even older, really, but it seemed implausible.

My job brought its dangers. There were things even a werewolf couldn’t come back from.

The others around me chatted while I relaxed. They’d switched from the movie to a cartoon that was clearly meant for adults. I half-watched and eventually registered that Kye said he’d go check on his and Brodie’s laundry while we waited for our Alpha to come back downstairs.

It took over an hour for Brodie to finally be back downstairs with Kye in tow. They’d clearly been through something emotional with the way they cuddled on the couch. Brodie also commanded Max to come sit with him, and the beta drew comfort from him, the rest of his upset draining in Brodie’s gentle care.

By the time they started to talk about figuring out what to eat, I got off the couch and stretched.

“I really need to get going,” I said, smiling apologetically at Carys who was the main cook in the house. “My cat will be ravenous by now.”

“Oh, you have a cat?” Carys asked, eyes wide with excitement. “What’s their name?”

I might’ve blushed a little bit. “Her name is Cindy Clawford.”

Yeah. I scratched my forehead while everyone laughed at me.

“That’s hilarious.” Kye kept giggling at me.

“To be fair, she was rehomed because she got tired of the kids in the house. The kids who named her,” I pointed out, and not for the first time.

“Hell, if someone had called me that, I would’ve gotten tired as well,” Max murmured, then burst out in more giggles.

“Brat.” I shook my head fondly. “Okay, I’m off. I’ll see you when I see you, and let me know when you need me.”

“Absolutely.” Brodie got to his feet and gave me a hug. Not one of those super manly man ones that were barely hugs at all, but an actual warm one that made both my wolf and I feel good. “And I’ll let you know when Alpha Ramirez can meet us.”

“Excellent. Thanks again for last night, everyone.”

Carys got up and gave me a hug. “Stay safe, Holden.”

“You too.”

I escaped the house before I could be persuaded to stay. The cat needed me, but I also had to curb the feeling I got from being there. I’d been independent since my college days, rarely lived with anyone, and I didn’t want to get used to the pack life now.

If I was to settle in at the house—whether as a visitor or moving in like the pack would prefer—and something went wrong and I had to leave the pack, I wasn’t sure I’d survive. I’d had enough loss in my life already. I knew better than to get attached.

T he next couple of days were pretty normal. I still felt good from the full moon run, and my wolf seemed more balanced again.

When I’d run with the Ramirez pack, it had been content but not to this extent. I needed to thank Alpha Ramirez anyway, so when her baby was well enough that she wanted to host the meeting, Brodie and I left our pack and drove the forty-five minutes to the Ramirez's small compound.

Of course, nothing went as we’d expected. The meeting, not that we got far, was completely wonderful and the two Alphas clearly liked each other which was the most important thing. But then Rian sent Brodie an SOS message and my job became to keep Brodie safe while he sped us back to the pack house.

At least I could use my expertise of the safest, quickest routes I’d gathered while on patrol and then white-knuckled the oh shit bar while my Alpha drove like a man possessed.

By the time we made it to the house, the situation was over. The threat had been taken care of by everyone else, which, if I was honest, made me respect them all so much more than I already had. The relief I felt seeing them all in one piece was unlike anything I’d experienced before. I could only imagine what Brodie was feeling.

The whole event drove home the fact that these people were survivors who would do anything at all to keep hold of their newly found home and family. My wolf preened at the thought of being part of such a group, and I fully understood.

Things got messy when we started to figure out why we’d been targeted. Apparently one of the redneck jackasses had let it slip that “The Sheriff” was part of it somehow, which didn’t make much sense.

As we discussed possibilities, it became clear that Gerrell was dirty, one way or another. But it didn’t explain sending pathetic thug-wannabes to the pack house. One thing was certain; those men had thought they could intimidate the McRae pack, especially without the Alpha and the enforcer not having been there. I watched as Brodie fell apart, but only a little. I understood exactly where he was coming from. The idea of his beloved mate and the pack being in danger took a lot out of him. He wasn’t scared for himself, but for the others, as any sort of loss would kill him. It would kill me if I were in the same situation. Maybe that was why we got along so well?

B ecause I was the only one who could casually talk to Gerrell, I decided to go meet him at his office the next day to gauge the situation. When I walked into the Warren Sheriff’s station, the deputy running the front desk beamed at me.

“Deputy Drumm!” he said brightly. The kid was such a ray of sunlight that sometimes I wondered if the universe had put him here to balance out Gerrell.

“Morning, Deputy Caldwell. Is Sheriff Gerrell in?” I asked, taking off my hat.

“Yeah, he should be in his office. Just go ahead.”

I walked through the room, the layout pretty similar to ours, except the Sheriff’s office was in the back of the space, instead down a back hall like mine in Luxton.

I knocked on the door and got a gruff response to come in.

Gerrell couldn’t hide the surprise fast enough. “Deputy Drumm? What can I do for you?”

I closed the door and at his gesture, took a seat.

“So, I wanted you to know I’ve officially joined the McRae pack as the enforcer beta for Brodie McRae,” I started.

Sheriff Gerrell’s eyes narrowed with clear distaste. “All right. That’s good to know if we have further dealings with the pack.”

“Well, that’s kind of why I’m here,” I said easily, holding my hat on my lap as I smiled slightly. “There was an attempted attack on the pack last night.”

He feigned surprise well, but not well enough that I couldn’t tell he wasn’t being honest.

“Oh, that’s not good. What happened? Did they call us?” He tried so damn hard to appear as if he was interested, worried, and didn’t know these details already.

“Nothing really happened so there was no reason to make a complaint, given my job.” I let my smile widen slightly. “They were some thugs, we think from that group in the north-eastern part of Luxton. You know the one, I’m sure. Anyway, they went over, Alpha McRae and I were meeting with the Ramirez pack, and I suppose they thought the pack was without protection. That, however, was not the case at all.” I let some of my true feelings, both pride and how pissed off I was, show in my expression.

Gerrell swallowed audibly. “How do you figure?”

“They didn’t think anyone left at the pack house knew how to defend themselves. But we have more than enough power in that sense. They didn’t need Brodie or me for safety.” I made sure the pride I felt was obvious.

He started to look constipated. “I’m glad.” I was certain his ulcer started to bleed just because he had to say those words. “If there are any further problems, please do file a report though.”

“Oh, absolutely!” I leaned forward, about to get up and added, “We’re taking precautions. In fact, Brodie has already contacted his lawyer and he’s put protections in place so in case anything happens to him, nobody outside of the pack can get hold of the property.”

Now that irked Gerrell. The vein on his temple throbbed suddenly. “Uh, well that’s good. It’s good to have those things covered.” He got to his feet as a sign for me to leave, too. “Better make the plans before you need them, is what I always say.”

I stood and nodded, smiling affably. “Absolutely, sir.” My radio crackled, and I sighed. “Well, duty calls. I’ll talk to you later.”

I answered the call as soon as I stepped out of his office, unable to quite hide my grin.

As I talked to the dispatcher, I waved goodbye to Caldwell who was also on the phone. Since the call didn’t require my immediate attention and someone else was closer, I started the drive back to Luxton and called Brodie.

The fact that we now had proof—if nothing concrete and just a hunch based on my observations—of Gerrell being part of whatever plot those wannabe gangsters had going on was both a relief and an annoyance. When Brodie learned that Gerrell had almost popped a vein when I told him about the paperwork being filed, he cackled with glee. Damn, I liked my alpha.

I n the next month, things seemed to settle down on all fronts. I should’ve known it wasn’t going to end up lasting.

The slightly off feeling I got from Rian occasionally kept nagging at me, but I couldn’t really do much about it. Every time he realized I was gearing up to talk to him about it, he seemed to sense it and made himself scarce.

The funny thing was that the others didn’t appear to notice those moments.

Then Thanksgiving arrived, and we had a great time. I stayed over the previous evening, and woke up on the couch again, feeling great about everything.

We were having breakfast as a pack when Ben’s phone dinged with a message.

“One of the guys at the garage. He’s the one whose friend is the brother of the main asshole who showed up.” He texted something back and lifted his head to look at us. “He went to those wannabe thugs’ place with his friend. Apparently it’s a shithole in the woods. Like rundown trailers and stuff.”

I sighed. “I’ve got to figure out a good reason to go check it out.”

I’d known of their shitty compound, because everyone in the law enforcement knew, but I’d never been there.

Brodie frowned. “Could be that’s why Gerrell wants this place. To move those guys here. Like if he had income from Rusty’s businesses, maybe he figures this place was good for that stuff.”

Rian cleared his throat. “Either way, the real estate lady I went to see in town the other day, Gladys? She says this place isn’t valuable that way. There are no secrets that would hike up the price. Sure, the value has gone up with the renovations and will continue to do so, but….” He shrugged.

“We’ll either figure it out or we won’t, but we’ll be fine,” Kye said in a decisive tone.

I hoped he was right, because something was afoot and it bothered us all.

A fter dinner we’d gathered on the couches. The energy shifted a second before Rian stood.

He looked at me and asked, “Can I talk to you in private?”

I frowned, confused about his tone I couldn’t really read. “Of course.”

As he turned to go upstairs to his room, I followed him while trying to figure this puzzle out. Being a cop was hard to the brain, and I’d been one for forty years. I couldn’t help the niggling feeling I sometimes got from something or someone and then it bothered me until I solved the issue. Rian had become one of those things, and I guessed he had finally cracked and he’d tell me what was going on.

I’d never had a reason to go into his room before, so I glanced around. It was very vampire chic, but truly classy. A large print of some landmark I could guess was somewhere in Ireland—because Kye was thoughtful that way and he had decorated the room for Rian—hung by the door.

Rian went to sit on the edge of his bed and wrung his hands.

“Should I sit?” I asked, pointing at the armchair by the window. There was a pile of books on the windowsill.

“Uh, yeah,” he said in an uncharacteristically hesitant tone.

I went to the chair and sat, deciding that whatever was making Rian, someone who had one hundred and forty years on me, act like this had to be something bad. Since I didn’t know what it was, I stopped speculating and waited him out.

“We’ve met before,” he started a couple of minutes later.

He moved across the bed to sit on the other side so that he was sort of cornered while I had a straight shot to the door. I wasn’t sure if he was doing it consciously, or if he just wanted it to be easier for us to make eye contact.

I frowned. “Okay?”

“Three times.” He chuckled and dropped his head, rubbing a hand over his almost-pretty features.

I couldn’t remember meeting him before. “Where?” I asked, when he didn’t elaborate.

“The first time was at your brother Hunter’s place in New York.” He took in a breath and refused to look at me.

I’d visited Hunter’s crappy little studio apartment several times, and almost always there’d been friends around. When I didn’t say anything, he exhaled, then took in another breath, this time it stuttered some. He was getting choked up.

“The second time was at the hospital.” The pieces were starting to fall in place, and when he raised his head, his eyes locking with mine, I knew who he was the moment he opened his mouth again. “And the last time was at his funeral, because we were the only two people there except the minister.”

The emotions roiling through my whole being made me dizzy. Of course. I could see it now.

“You were called Ashton,” I whispered. “You weren’t Rian Flynn then.”

“No.” He tried to look away but couldn’t. “I tried to be someone else for once. Had been for a few decades before I met Hunter.”

More pieces fell into place, except now some of them didn’t fit anymore. “Wait, wait… You were a vampire even then? Did he know?”

Tears rolled down Rian’s face as he nodded. “He knew. From the start. We met at an underground gay club and once we became a couple, he donated blood to me on occasion.”

I could see that. Hunter had been selfless and kind and so damn giving.

“That’s how we found out,” Rian said in a broken tone, his eyes losing all vibrancy. “His blood started to taste different. Men like us started to die around us to this new disease.”

I shook my head. “No. Men like Hunter .” The question that was making the Thanksgiving dinner feel like lead in my stomach burst out from my mouth. “If you knew, why didn’t you turn him?”

Rian put a hand over his mouth, the tears falling wildly, drops staining his nice shirt he’d worn to dinner. “We didn’t know if it would take. N-Not with… that.”

Not with AIDS. On some level I could understand. On the level where I’d lost my twin brother because Rian hadn’t even—“Why didn’t you try? If he was the love of your life, why didn’t you try ?” My voice got louder and louder with every word until I was yelling.

“Because I was scared of losing him. Of killing him!” He yelled back, tears making him sound choked up. “And then when I made my decision it was too late!”

I got to my feet and paced a few steps back and forth. “If he was the love of your life… Jesus, Rian! You could’ve saved him!”

“We didn’t know anything about the disease then, Holden. Nothing at all. Hell, I didn’t even know if I could die of it!”

“I fucking wish it had been you instead of him!” I screamed at him.

And suddenly, I truly recognized his face, because the expression on it was the same he’d had at my brother’s graveside, utter despair.

Angry and ashamed of myself, I barged out of the room and ran down the stairs. I needed to fall apart in peace, and I couldn’t do it here. Not when my Alpha was Rian’s best friend, and not when Brodie didn’t know the truth yet.

I was in my vehicle before I had time to think and drove away as I shook from pent up emotions. I was holding onto them only so I could get home safely. Once I got there, I could let everything out.