Finding Home (Build-A-Pack #2)

Chapter Nine

Rian

B y the Sunday before Christmas, we’d gotten most of our shopping done. There were still some packages coming in, but the most important thing we’d bought was already there in boxes, we just needed to assemble it before Holden and Cindy came over that night.

Christmas Day fell on Wednesday, and Holden worked Monday, then had Tuesday off—which meant we’d do a big Christmas dinner then—and then he’d go back to work on Wednesday morning to give time off for those with small kids.

It was a good compromise, because he’d confessed to Brodie that he used to work nonstop every holiday before. I was pretty sure he’d done it so he wouldn’t dwell on the fact that Hunter and their parents were gone, and he had nobody else left. He’d isolated himself from the folks in town, too.

I wondered if that was because he didn’t want anyone too close so they couldn’t push him toward certain career moves once there was a new election again. Holden was a dichotomy, in a way. He enjoyed his job, was proud of what and how he did it, but he wanted to do it on a small scale. He’d told me he wasn’t ambitious, but I wasn’t so sure. Ambition didn’t always mean looking for promotion. For some people ambition was doing your job as well as you could.

I’d learned through the grapevine that there was a family in town Holden was worried about. Something about the father moving from alcohol and weed to harder drugs, and there being many kids who were little in a cramped living space.

I could understand that being an issue in so many ways, and Holden was nothing if not compassionate.

A burst of laughter made me smile. Kye, Carys, and the boys were in the kitchen, doing meal prep and baking. It was a well-organized factory line over there, and I didn’t want to be in the way. When Brodie came in from having gone on a patrol run around his property, I waited until he changed back to human and got dressed again.

“Brodie? Should we put together the cat tree?” I asked from my super comfy couch spot.

“Yeah, better that than being in the way in there.” He pointed his thumb over his shoulder and grinned. “Where do we want to put it?”

I pushed myself upright and got to my feet. “Kye thinks it’s the best here, in front of the windows, so she can hang out with us while we’re on the couch and the warmth from the fireplace hits the tree, too.”

“Okay, let’s do this!” Brodie smiled, and the happiness oozing from my best friend was everything I’d wanted to see.

We opened the two very large cardboard boxes and sorted the pieces out based on the instructions that fit on a single sheet of paper. The bag of nuts and bolts was a bit ridiculous though, and we looked at each other.

“This isn’t going to be easy, is it?” I asked, feeling a bit wide-eyed.

Brodie grinned. “Nah, but it’ll be fun. We might need an extra pair of hands though.”

The cat tree ended up having a really big base platform with four different pillars. Two of them reached almost to the ceiling, with the highest point, a small nest of sorts, having just enough room for a cat to sit on.

Ben, who had come to help us, took a few steps back and looked at the thing. “Okay, I think I want to be a cat in my next life.”

“Yeah, fuck being a wolf, I’d curl up on any of these—” Brodie counted them “—seven different cushy beds.”

Chuckling, I began to flatten the boxes, and Ben grabbed the other trash. Brodie picked up the two different sized Allen wrenches and went to put them in his toolbox.

I was outside, taking the cardboard to the temporary shed the guys had put up when I heard the rumble of Holden’s truck.

I smiled. The mere idea of him and Cindy coming to stay even for a little while gave me warm fuzzies. I chose not to concentrate on that, and instead waited for them on the bottom step.

Holden parked by the other vehicles and got out, smiling. “Hey! I didn’t know we’d get a welcoming committee.”

“I was taking the trash to the shed and heard you guys. Did she travel well?”

He rounded the car and picked up her carrier and his bag from the passenger’s side. “She loves cars and it’s not a long way, so we’re fine.”

He walked to the steps and lifted the soft carrier so I could see inside. “Hey there, lady. Did you miss me?”

Cindy meowed and headbutted the front.

“I think that’s a yes,” Holden said, sounding pleased.

“Let’s go inside, it’s a bit chilly here.”

“You don’t even have a jacket on.” He frowned at me playfully.

“I wasn’t expecting to stay outside so no, I don’t. Besides, I don’t feel the cold the same way you guys do.” I wanted to stick my tongue out at him but ended up going to open the door for them. “Holden and Cindy have arrived!” I announced.

I still felt the cold, but it was more of a lack of a cozy feeling that warmth gave me than anything else. I was all for cozy, having not known much of it while still human, and everyone around me knew that by now.

In no time at all, Holden had his shoes and jacket off, and he and his lady were escorted to the living room.

“So we did a thing,” Brodie said, gesturing at the cat tree.

Holden froze. He was holding the carrier, and for a moment I was afraid he’d drop it accidentally. Then he swallowed audibly, and looked at Brodie, then the rest of us gathered around and behind them.

“This was your Christmas present for me? You shouldn’t have.”

Uh. Brodie looked at me with alarm, and everyone else stayed quiet.

I gently took the carrier and the others went into the kitchen, leaving only Brodie hovering as I put Cindy down on the couch. I opened the zipper and let her out.

Then I turned to Holden and guided him to the couch. He looked a bit stunned still, but came with me without question, his eyes pretty much glued to the massive cat tree.

Once he was sitting down, I sat next to him, opposite from where Cindy was now sniffing around the couch.

“Holden,” I said gently, taking his big hand into mine. When he looked at me, I gave him a small smile. “The tree isn’t your Christmas present. It’s Cindy’s.”

For a few beats, he didn’t even breathe. Then he let out a choked up sound and tears that had been brimming in his eyes suddenly rolled down his handsome face.

Brodie came to stand behind the couch, squeezing Holden’s neck. “You’re home now, Holden. So is she,” he murmured, then chuckled when Cindy leapt gracefully onto the coffee table and began to examine the remotes.

I gathered Holden in my arms and let him weep in peace. Brodie removed his hand, then leaned to kiss my temple, and walked out of the room to give us space. How I’d become Holden’s emotional support vampire, I wasn’t certain, but I wasn’t complaining, either.

Part of my emotions surrounding Holden came from the fact that I would’ve done anything to make Hunter’s brother have a better life. It was what my beloved would’ve wanted for Holden, and if I could help, if I could take any of the bone deep sorrow Holden carried around whether he realized it or not and lessen his burden? Yeah. I’d do it in a heartbeat. His, not mine. Mine beat much slower.

The thought made me smile.

“Look,” I whispered to him, pointing toward the cat tree.

Cindy had jumped off the coffee table and onto the other side of the couch. She was perched on the back of it, teetering on the edge as she tried to smell the cat tree as best as she could.

“You can do it. Jump,” Holden told her, his voice a bit teary still.

She glanced over at us, then casually leapt on the second level of the tree and began to scratch one of the posts.

“We wanted her to feel at home here,” I said quietly. “We thought she’d have the best view from here, and it’ll be warm with the fireplace so close.”

Holden nodded, then grabbed some tissues from a box on the coffee table. “I’m sure I haven’t cried this much in decades.”

Chuckling, I squeezed his knee as I got up. “Me neither. There’s just something about finding home, I think, that once it really hits you. Tears. So many tears.”

He snorted softly, then watched as I went to say hi to Cindy.

I stood by the tree and leaned in. She immediately came to headbutt me.

“Well hello there, lady. You enjoying your new digs?” I smiled at her. She sat, and then lifted a paw to carefully tap one of my curls. “Oh, that’s interesting. We need to get you toys, too.”

“I already got some!” Carys said brightly, coming into the room with a medium sized Amazon gift bag. She handed it to Holden. “Can you check that everything is good for her? I haven’t had a cat around before, so I wasn’t sure….”

Her hesitance made Holden turn back into his compassionate, big brotherly self. “Sure. Let me see….”

I left Cindy to her exploration and went into the kitchen.

Ben and Max were cleaning the kitchen and it sounded like Brodie was in the utility room. Kye, who sat on his favorite spot on the window seat looked upset, and I raised a brow at him.

He shook his head minutely, then mouthed “Holden.” Ah.

I went to him and hugged him close. “He understands now, I think,” I murmured quietly. “He hasn’t had people in so long.”

“I know he likes his house, but I wonder if it’s home,” Brodie said very quietly from next to me, and used his considerable wingspan to wrap his arms around both of us.

“Whether he feels like it is or not, I’m pretty sure his present will be welcome.” I also thought it might make him cry again, but this house was a safe space for all the emotions we might have.

I extracted myself and let the lovebirds cuddle as I wandered back out of the kitchen.

I dug out my phone and went to check Luca’s Instagram. He’d sent me sporadic messages, and I felt uneasy in an undefined way. I couldn’t put my finger on why I was feeling like this, but something wasn’t right.

I sat on the couch and saw he hadn’t posted anything since the day before. The band’s account had a photo and a short video clip of all four of them smiling and throwing peace signs next to some Christmas decorations.

They were somewhere in Europe right now, before going back to finish the Asian leg of the tour. They’d wanted to take some time off around Christmas. The fact that Luca hadn’t posted on his own account was… odd.

Carys was playing with Cindy, so I tilted my phone toward Holden. “Look at this.”

He moved closer to me and squinted. “What am I looking at?”

With my heart lurching in my chest, I asked, “Do some of these people look like they’re high?”

He took the phone and enlarged the photo, then swiped for the video. “I can’t say for sure, but I’d hazard a guess the girl and the guy on the right might be.”

That’s what I’d thought, too. I sighed and took the phone back. No wonder Luca, who sat on the other side of Mila, the girl, looked upset despite hamming it for the camera.

“It’s my friend Luca’s band,” I explained. “They’ve been playing together for nearly a decade, and they had a pact that nobody does drugs beyond some weed. Ever. Because they saw so many people in their neighborhood in New Jersey fall before they ever got started.”

Holden hissed. “That’s not good then.” He looked thoughtful for a moment, then asked, “Which one is your friend?”

I pointed at Luca, and he opened his mouth, then closed it.

“What?”

“Is he okay? Health-wise?” he asked in a careful tone.

I immediately looked at the photo again. It was true Luca looked… not his usual self.

“Shit. He complained about some stuff a while ago, but….”

“He looked gaunt in the photo and like he’s very tired in the video,” Max said as he rounded the couch. Of course he’d seen the post, after all he was a big fan. “It also looks fake. All the cheer.” Our sweet boy looked upset.

“Yeah, I thought so too,” I admitted.

Holden hummed thoughtfully. “Maybe you should reach out?”

I found our text thread and typed, How is Europe? Everything okay?

Suddenly Carys zoomed past the couches, and I realized she was pulling some feather toy on a string behind her. She giggled loudly, and Cindy ran after her.

Kye appeared in the doorway. He had one hand over his mouth as he watched his sister act like a teenager. Brodie embraced him from behind, and I could see that even our alpha was touched.

Carys had been through hell. Any signs of her acting her age and being joyful and silly was balm to our souls. She was a wonderful young woman, but we constantly battled her tendency to try to take on more than she needed to, just because she wanted to feel useful and take care of everyone.

Half of the large family room was empty, which meant the ladies had room to run around. We watched them play for a while, and then Carys stopped and sat on the floor, flopping back on the rug.

“Okay, okay, I’m done,” she panted.

Cindy chirped at her and went to rub her head against Carys’s. Then she tried to steal the toy while Carys was cooing at her.

“Hey!” Carys exclaimed, then giggled, and we all laughed with her.

“So, anyone hungry?” Brodie asked, and everyone but me perked up. “Then come set the table and we’ll eat.”

I realized I was a little bit hungry, too. Maybe it was all the activity of the last few days. We’d done a lot of things from taking walks and chopping wood to, of course, putting together Holden’s present, too.

Everyone started to file toward the kitchen, but Holden lingered.

He raised a brow at me. “You okay?”

I wasn’t sure how he could be so in tune with me already, but somehow he read me almost better than Brodie. Then again, Brodie had Kye and the rest of the pack to concentrate on now.

Grimacing, I told him the truth. “I’m a tiny bit hungry.”

He shrugged easily. “My offer still stands.”

The immediate reaction from before was gone. I didn’t feel the “hell no” in my chest the way I had when he offered the first time.

“Okay. I’ll… I’ll consider it?” Hating how it came out like a question, I ducked my head awkwardly.

“Okay.” I could hear in his tone that he was smiling, and then his steps retreated toward the kitchen.

I was always welcome at the table, but this time, when Carys peered into the family room inquisitively, I shook my head.

“I’m trying to get hold of Luca. And I’ll try to keep Cindy occupied. Maybe show her the rooms upstairs.”

“Okay!”

I went to carefully scoop up Cindy, who didn’t seem to mind. I put her on my shoulder and started up the stairs. She swayed with my movement but seemed happy for the ride.

“You’re such a good girl.” I petted her gently. “Let’s go look at my room.”

When I opened the door and walked to the bed, she hopped down and continued her exploration. I was pretty sure all the rooms would get the same treatment sooner rather than later.

I went to sit in my armchair and let her do her thing, while I simultaneously tried not to worry about Luca too much.Going back to his Instagram, I scrolled back a bit, then looked at the selfies he’d posted. Then I did the same with the band’s account, and that of his bandmates’.

Holden was right. Luca did look… not good.

Out of curiosity, I went to check the regular hashtags for the band. I soon realized the fans had noticed it, too. Underneath someone’s clip from a concert in Tokyo a few days ago, the comments were speculating if Luca was feeling well.

“He seems tired. Takes more breaks and lets Mila do the talking. Anyone else worried?”

“Is it just me or is he out of breath a lot?”

“His high notes are not as crisp. I hope the vacation over Christmas allows rest.”

“Poor Luca.”

The thing about fans was that they never missed a thing. I felt oddly validated by these messages, as much as they kicked my worries up a notch.

Sighing, I went to check my emails and was reminded that I needed to be at a charity gala in Seattle on the twenty-eighth. I didn’t enjoy the dread that crept through my body at the thought of going back there.

I didn’t even realize I’d started to panic, before a soft meow alerted me to Cindy who was looking at me inquisitively.

“I’m okay, girl,” I told her, not quite feeling it.

“Don’t lie to my cat,” Holden rumbled from the doorway, smiling in a way that made his crow’s feet more pronounced. For some reason, the gentle teasing made me draw in a deep breath that hitched somewhere on the way.

“What’s wrong?” He moved quickly, kneeling in front of me, and it was as if his bigger body formed a block between me and the rest of the world.

I shook my head and couldn’t push the words out. Fuck.