Finding Home (Build-A-Pack #2)

Chapter Twelve

Holden

G rant will meet you at the door.

I quickly tapped Brodie a response.

Thank you.

I stepped out of the fancy ass car I’d taken to the fancy ass venue. I felt so damn weird in my fancy ass suit and would only feel even more out of place around all the fancy ass people inside.

I could still picture Brodie’s face when I’d asked him if he thought I should go after Rian. That I thought he wouldn’t do well this time.

Brodie had told me to go. I’d taken a few days off work—they expected me back for New Year’s—and smoothly avoided answering the question in Brodie’s eyes. He wanted to know the same thing I did: what were my intentions here.

I… I didn’t know, if I was honest. But I knew I needed to be here. Surely I could wing the rest of it?

I walked up the steps of the… it wasn’t a hotel? Something else, I didn’t care. There were a couple of security people at the doors, and they twitched in a familiar way, but then the door opened and a tall, thin person with a very interesting personal style stepped halfway out.

“Holden?” he asked.

“Yes.” I smiled. “Grant?”

“That would be me. Let’s go, we need to hustle, he’s about to step on the stage.”

I followed Grant and idly compared him to that one person from Queer Eye. Except Grant was more waifish, almost ethereal. The way he stomped in his high heels told me a lot of his character, even if Brodie hadn’t given me the intro.

“Grant is amazing. He adores Rian. He knows about the panic attacks and has helped hustle Rian out of events before. He’ll help you out. I’ll give him a call, no worries.”

The fact that Grant adored Rian was enough for me. Anyone who loved Rian was a friend of mine.

Grant ushered me to some back hallway, then through a couple of more doors until I realized I was standing in the wings. He then gave me a tight smile and left me there. He was worried about Rian, too.

I could hear Rian on the stage, and the slight tremble in his voice broke my heart and made the protector in me perk up.

He was clearly telling the story of our pack, of Brodie leaving Seattle to go to Luxton.

“I couldn’t go immediately, of course, given how many of these events I’ve been part of in the past,” he said, and the audience laughed politely. “But when he told me he had two cousins who needed some help after hitting a rough patch, I immediately volunteered to make sure they got the best treatment possible at a center specializing in non-human addicts. Now, given that the boys, which is all I’m going to call them today, weren’t too far into their addiction, a two-month treatment period was enough for them.

“However, while I visited them frequently, I talked a lot with the staff, and I learned that these kinds of places are low on funding in many parts of the country. The main reason is that a lot of people, humans, vampires, and werewolves alike, don’t really understand the complexity of addiction in non-humans. In fact, there are studies that claim that even today, where we pride ourselves with inclusivity and understanding, there are plenty of people who don’t even believe a non-human could be addicted to substances.”

He continued to speak, and while I could tell he was in the groove of it, I heard every anomaly, too. The shakiness and the way his voice got tighter and a little higher the longer he spoke.

Then, after what seemed like an eternity to me, so it must’ve been so, so much worse for Rian, he said, “So, friends, eat, be merry, and please donate to the cause. There will be other fundraisers for this cause around the country, so please contact your friends and tell them about it, so we can help these centers to do the best job they possibly can. Thank you!”

The applause was deafening. I took a couple of steps to the side so I could see him coming, and heard the wheezing of his breath before he burst through into the wings, stumbling, heading face first to the floor.

I caught him in my arms and immediately backed away to a shadowy corner.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I got you, honey,” I murmured.

He jerked against me, his brain catching up with who was talking to him, and he melted again, giving me his weight as I sheltered him from the rest of the world.

“Come on, honey, breathe for me.” I took his hand and pressed it against my chest, then breathed calmly, hoping once again that he’d catch the rhythm.

I snuck my other hand into his hair, pulling him closer than I probably should have to leave room for breathing, but he immediately relaxed some more, so I kept breathing with him, breathing him in .

I could hear the clinking from the ballroom. The guests were eating their fancy dinners while their host was trying his best not to fall apart completely. I resented those people at that moment, but I knew what Rian was doing here was important.

“What are you wearing?” Rian asked suddenly, his voice a barely there whisper.

“What?”

“You don’t smell like home.”

Ah.

“Brodie organized for me to go to your tailor directly from the airport. Oh, and I used the pack’s credit card.”

Rian snorted against my chest, then his shoulders shook a few times with breathless laughter, and he was finally able to draw in a big breath. Then another one, and a few more.

I sensed the moment he gathered himself again. He squared his shoulders and pulled away enough to look at me.

“How are you even here?” he asked, confusion swirling in his eyes.

After a moment of hesitation, I said what was my truth, “You needed me here.”

Me. Not someone else. Me.

Rian blinked a few times, then smiled and started to say something, but Grant interrupted us.

“Hey guys, if Holden wants to eat, now’s a good chance. I asked for a plate for him. Go to the corner table.”

“Okay,” Rian said immediately, brushing away our conversation as he went back to his version of work mode. “Let’s feed you. I’ll have enough time to calm down a little more. Then I need to chat with people—”

“You have two hours max,” I told him. “One and a half if I see you struggling.”

He opened his mouth, looked at me, and seemed to realize what I was doing. The way he changed before my eyes made something inside me take note. I felt ten feet tall suddenly.

His posture relaxed, and then he breathed out a word that he’d just used, but the way he said it was completely different.

“Okay.” He looked relieved. It was as if me being there, telling him how things were, took some of the pressure off and he could breathe again.

I smiled. “Now, food?”

“Yes!” He took my hand and dragged me out of the backstage area.

We didn’t go to the diners yet, instead he pulled me into a table by the kitchen doors, out of the diners’ view.

He sat down and I chose the seat right next to him. That way I was in between anyone who might want to speak to him and his peace for a while longer.

A server appeared and brought me a plate, seeming surprised when I thanked him.

“Yeah, it’s not great for them,” Rian murmured as the young man went back to the kitchen.

The food was good. A nice piece of steak with some still crunchy veggies and a tasty enough mashed potato.

What made it one of the best meals of my life was the fact that Rian sat very close to me and kept his hand on my thigh.

He was calmer now, but his energy was still far from the peace he felt back home. I’d also registered he’d said I didn’t smell like home, which meant that at least subconsciously, he knew he belonged in the old Victorian with the pack.

We needed to talk, but not here. The fact that we were so comfortable around each other physically now was easily explained by the bonds we had through our pack, but also because he’d fed from me, and we hadn’t made it as impersonal as possible as a vampire would with a normal donor.

Whatever would happen when I took him out of this place though? Well, that would definitely be crossing some lines, because whatever way we got him to unwind tonight? Yeah, I had a feeling we’d have trouble keeping it nonsexual.

The situation at hand was speeding the process, but I had a feeling both of us were starved for that sort of attention. Iit wasn’t a stretch we’d go there. Not that I was counting on it in the least. That wasn’t why I’d flown after him.

I’d come all this way because he needed me. Well, maybe he needed someone he trusted. That Moses guy would’ve been fine, I supposed. Brodie would’ve gone if the situation was different, but his pack was still too new for him to up and leave even for one night.

“You done eating?” Rian looked at me, his gaze one part hopeful, three parts dreading what he’d have to do next.

Without realizing, I’d demolished the meal while musing on my reasoning for being here.

I ate the last piece of steak and took a sip of my water, then smiled at him. “I am now.”

“Does the hour and a half start now?” he asked in a tone I couldn’t read at first.

Then it came to me. He hadn’t said two hours. He’d said an hour and a half. He wanted the shorter time.

“No,” I replied firmly. “It started when we sat down. So I’m going to say you have… one hour and fifteen minutes.”

The utter relief on his face killed me. He wanted out of here so bad, but he couldn’t leave, because it was his event.

“You ready?” I took his hand and squeezed it.

He inhaled deep, then nodded. “Ready.”

On pure impulse, I leaned closer and kissed his cheek. “Let’s do this.”

For a moment it looked like he blushed, which I wasn’t expecting, but it might’ve been a trick of the lights.

As we stood, he looked at my suit closely.

“Wait, that’s an Armani suit.”

I grinned and straightened it a little. I’d gone sans tie with the two top buttons open for a casual look—his tailor had told me to do so, because what did I know of fancy events.

“Why yes. Your guy was adamant this was perfect and while he didn’t have to do much to it, he did what he could in the half hour I had to spare.”

We maneuvered around the corner into the room where people were starting to socialize with coffee and delicate looking dessert. Rian glanced at me. “I have so many questions.”

“I’m sure you do.” I spotted a middle-aged woman bustling through a gap between some tables. “Look alive, honey.”

Rian’s expression morphed. He turned into a person I’d seen glimpses of before.

He was charming, competent, and all signs of his inner turmoil were suddenly gone.

“Olivia, how nice of you to come!” he exclaimed, reaching for her hands immediately.

“Of course, Rian. You know I wouldn’t miss such a great cause!”

They did cheek kisses, and then she clocked me. Her shrewd gaze picked up the fact Rian had returned to stand right next to me.

“Olivia, this is my friend Holden,” Rian said smoothly.

I took her hand and kissed the back of it. “It’s good to meet you, Ma’am.”

She blushed and if she’d had a fan she would’ve used it. It was all so very cliché, it almost made me laugh.

“It is good to see our Rian has such a handsome friend.” She put her hand on my arm and squeezed.

She was about to say something, but then she noticed someone over Rian’s shoulder. “Oh dear, I believe this is your chance to avoid the Gossip Squad,” she said quickly.

Rian’s eyes widened, he pointedly didn’t turn around, and instead took my arm and thanked Olivia.

Then he steered me through the tables to the other side of the place, where another person, this time an elderly gentleman sitting with either a daughter or a trophy wife, flagged him down.

And so it went. We sat with them for a moment, then moved on to another table, and all the while, Rian was his charming self.

I kept note of the time. When it was almost up, I gently cupped his elbow and leaned in.

“Five minutes.”

He was talking to a vampire and human couple who were dressed similarly to Rian. Neither of the men were wearing anything truly over the top, and they seemed kind and, like everyone else here, wealthy.

I was pretty sure that the watch the vampire wore cost at least half of my yearly salary, but it was the only thing that spoke of serious money.

“Okay, gents. I think it’s time for me to call it a night. I feel jetlagged,” he said apologetically, with his charming smile firmly plastered on his face.

“It’s not just him, I have an early flight in the morning,” I lied smoothly.

They said their goodbyes, and Rian led me back to where we’d come from. Then he caught Grant’s eye and nudged his head toward the wings. Grant was doing his planner duties while taking care of some of the chatting, because apparently he was also loved by these people.

As we quickly made our way to the corridors in the back, Rian’s breathing picked up again.

Grant caught up with us. “You going?” he asked, only compassion in his voice.

Rian lifted a hand in a signal for him to wait.

I pulled Rian to my chest and nodded to Grant. “We’ll be going. Thank you so much. Make an excuse if you must, but Rian needs to leave. He’ll call you tomorrow.”

Grant nodded, his fingers already flying across his cell phone. “The car will be at the side door in two minutes.” He reached to touch Rian’s shoulder. “Let him take care of you, babe. Talk to you tomorrow.”

Rian nodded against me, doing his best to regulate his breathing. I guided him to the door Grant had pointed out to me, and by the time we stepped into the cool air, the town car was there.

Luckily, the location of the venue wasn’t too far from Rian’s place. Even so, it took us twenty-five minutes to get there with traffic.

Again, I hustled him out of the car and into the building.

The young man behind the front desk seemed to immediately recognize Rian.

“Mr. Flynn, and you must be Mr. Drumm?” he said, already going to the small room next to the desk.

“That’d be me.” I waited until he came out with my bag and handed it to me. “Thank you.”

Rian was shaking now, and he barely acknowledged the man whose name tag said Tom.

I excused us, and I knew Sandy, the actual head building manager slash whatever else she did there would’ve filled him in. I’d told her who I was, Brodie had video called her from my phone because they knew each other well, and he’d vouched for me and that I was there for Rian.

The elevator ride up seemed to take ages, and by the time we made it to Rian’s door and he gave me his keys, I was holding most of his body weight up and he was barely breathing.

I didn’t pay attention to the place. I could guess what it was like based on the location anyway. Instead, I scooped Rian up and carried him to the couch. Then I took off his shoes and threw them, and mine, toward the door. We could get them later.

I got both of us out of our fancy clothes and left us in our underwear. Then I laid on the couch, grabbed the softest and probably most expensive blanket I’d ever felt from the back, and pulled Rian on top of me. I flicked the blanket open, so it landed mostly on us, then rolled us so I could sandwich him between my bigger bulk and the couch cushions.

I don’t really know what instinct told me this was the way to go, but the way he latched onto me, curling up and holding onto my body as if it was the only thing keeping him together right then told me I’d done the right thing.

The trembling stopped gradually, and his breathing evened out. In about half an hour, his hold on me loosened enough to know he’d fallen asleep.

I smiled and kissed the top of his head, then settled in for a while. I had a feeling the night was nowhere near done, but I wanted him more clear headed for whatever came next.

I wondered if I should’ve been troubled by the way he fit in my arms. How right he felt there, taking his comfort from me, letting me protect him from the world while he recuperated.

Knowing I could get used to the feeling, I tried to push any feelings as far to the background as I could. Somewhere, in that remote corner of my brain where my brother sometimes appeared, he was snickering at me, and yeah, I knew I didn’t have a chance against Rian. I understood perfectly why he’d been the love of my twin’s life, even though their roles had been a little bit reversed.

It took an hour or so for Rian to stir again. He tensed, then looked up and smiled.

“Is it weird that there’s a part of me that wasn’t sure if you were really there?”