Chapter Twenty-Two
‘Mum? I’ve been thinking.’ Harriet was rubbing one finger with her thumb the way she always did when she was nervous. ‘And I’ve got something to ask you.’
Pippa was helping sort through Harriet’s washing after the week away and Cassie was upstairs, unpacking in the bedroom Pippa had vacated for her. Isla was sharing with Harriet, and Luca, when he arrived later, would be bunking down in his dad’s room on a camping mat.
Pippa had moved into the box room and a narrow single bed, hoping she was concealing how much she’d miss sharing with Gil after these past few nights together. Even the dogs were getting used to sleeping in the kitchen and had settled quite happily. She was coming to dread separating Maud from Lola as well; they were so sweet together and Lola tolerated Maud’s babyish attentions with bouts of patience.
‘Harriet darling, you’ve only been home for thirty minutes.’ Pippa eyed her daughter, unwilling to begin what sounded like it could be a difficult discussion so soon. ‘Where’s Isla?’
‘In our room, getting changed. We’re going down to Dorothy’s and Alfie’s meeting us there, but I wanted to ask you to think about something first.’
‘Something I’m clearly not going to like.’
‘Well, you might.’ Harriet’s thumb was rubbing a bit faster. ‘What would you say if I told you I don’t want to go back to school.’
Pippa almost dropped the pair of shorts she’d been holding, puzzled at the mention of school out of nowhere. ‘No one does after the holidays, that’s perfectly normal.’ But Harriet hadn’t generally minded before and often set off without a backwards glance. ‘You’ll soon settle in again. But if something is bothering you, then yes, absolutely you must tell me so I can help.’
‘There is. And you can.’ Harriet took a deep breath and put her phone down, making Pippa’s heart swoop as she realised just how serious this conversation was. ‘But you’re not going to like it.’
‘Just say it, please.’ Her own nerves were fluttering now, thoughts running over what might have changed with her daughter in the past week.
‘Okay. Here goes.’ Harriet took a deep breath. ‘I don’t want to go back to London. Or school.’
‘You what?’ Pippa nearly laughed until she caught sight of Harriet’s pursed lips. Of all the worries darting through her mind, she hadn’t landed on this one. ‘Of course you do! We live there, our entire lives are in London.’
‘Not our entire lives, Mum.’ Harriet eyed her steadily. ‘We’re both making a life here, in Hartfell.’
‘Yes, but it’s temporary.’ Even though Pippa was coming to wish things were different. ‘We have to go home.’
‘But do we, really? What if I said I want to stay here?’ Harriet rushed on, pressing home her advantage in the face of Pippa’s shock. ‘There’s a high school in the next village, I’ve already looked at their Ofsted and it’s outstanding. No areas of concern. It’s a great school and they have a really strong sports ethos. I think I’d really like it there. I met Alfie’s auntie at his before camp, she’s head of year eleven. I bet she’d be happy to have a chat with us.’
‘Go to school here?’ The alarm was swiftly being replaced by panic as Pippa saw the firm resolution in Harriet’s gaze, instantly reminding her of Jonny. He would look at her like that when he wanted his own way, and he usually got it. Another thing he shared with his only grandchild. ‘But why? It doesn’t make any sense. You already go to a great school, one you really wanted.’
‘Yes, but I don’t want to go back to London. I want to stay here.’
‘Harriet, that’s absurd! You love London as much as I do.’ The pair of shorts slid from Pippa’s hands, and she barely noticed that Maud had made a nest in the pile of dirty washing. ‘We only came for a few days and yes, we’ve stayed longer than I expected, but we have to go home. I have work, you have school. You’re surely not serious? What’s brought this on?’ She narrowed her eyes. ‘Please don’t tell me your grandad is behind this. Because if he is, I’ll—’
‘He’s not, it’s all my idea. I haven’t told him anything, I wanted to speak with you first.’
Well, that made a nice change, but it didn’t solve the problem. Pippa felt ambushed, still too sated and tranquil from these past days with Gil to make any sense of this startling declaration from her daughter.
The time she’d spent with him had been wonderful and she’d tried to cling to every precious moment. Thankfully, he’d gone to collect Luca from the station so for the moment she didn’t have to disguise her feelings around Harriet. It wouldn’t be quite so easy when Gil was here and she was remembering his mouth on hers, tangled between the sheets, falling asleep in his arms.
‘ Mum! Are you even listening? I said, what’s wrong with the school here?’ Harriet bent down and scooped Maud into her arms, nuzzling the puppy’s face. Maud wagged her tail and licked Harriet’s cheek with an enthusiastic pink tongue.
‘Harriet, you’re fourteen!’ Pippa came to, sharply jolted back to the present. She couldn’t indulge such nonsense; it was far too close to her own thoughts, and she needed to remind herself of the facts. ‘And about to enter your final two years at school, at the end of which you will sit your GCSEs. These are your most important years. They’re crucial and you know you need excellent results to get into the college you want. You’ve already picked it out.’
‘So? That’s exactly why now is such a good time to change. So I can settle in and get on with it.’
‘But what if you never settle and it makes you really unhappy? You know what it’s like, everyone will already have friends and you’d be landing in the middle of that, trying to find your own. And they’ll all know who your grandad is, and some won’t like you because of it.’ Pippa paused for breath, voicing another fear. ‘Does this have something to do with Alfie? Because if so, you simply can’t change your entire life for the first person you fall in love with.’
She hoped Harriet hadn’t noticed the flash of guilt. Pippa had done exactly that, and had gone one further and married him as well. But in her defence, she’d been in her twenties, not an impressionable teenager.
She leaned against the washing machine, trying to steady her racing pulse. Of all the adventures Harriet had thrown herself into since arriving in Hartfell, wanting to change schools and move here, to actually move her life here, had never entered Pippa’s mind. She had allowed herself a little daydream now and then, of somehow sharing a life with Harriet, Gil and the dogs, all coming home together each evening. Luca living with them when he wasn’t travelling and Joel visiting when he could. Where, and whilst Pippa did exactly what, she had no idea. Elaine had returned to the practice and she too, would retire again once it was closed.
‘I’m not in love with Alfie.’ Harriet took a selfie with Maud, smiling into her phone. ‘At least not yet, and it’s not all because of him. It’s everything, Mum. Posy, Dorothy’s, having Maud and giving her a proper home. She loves it here, it wouldn’t be fair to take her away.’
‘Harriet, it would literally be madness to move here. I’m sure Maud would settle wherever we were. And what about me, where do I feature in all this? Where would we live, what would I do?’
Pippa couldn’t drag her daydreams into a plan, they drifted in like confetti only to blow away again. Harriet, school and London were the realities she needed to hold on to so she could make herself leave this place.
‘You could be an artist, Mum. It’s what you’ve always wanted and maybe you need to be here to see that. You’re always the first to tell me to follow my dreams. I know you didn’t like it here at first, but you do now. I know you do.’
Pippa stared at her daughter, trying to snap out of her confusion as Isla entered the room, and she smiled. Isla had also changed and both girls seemed very much on the brink of adulthood. Altering the rules, making their own decisions, and she felt a rush of sympathy. Isla had lost so much, and Pippa knew how untethered Cassie sometimes felt, having single parenthood forced on her by bereavement. Was it such a terrible risk, to take a gamble in life now and then, when everything really was so uncertain and might be gone in a moment?
‘We can’t talk properly about this now, Harriet. Luca will be here soon with his dad and you two are going out.’
‘Please, Mum, just promise me you’ll think about it?’ Harriet knew exactly when to back off and her tone had become placatory as she put Maud back down in the washing and made for the door with Isla.
‘I promise to think about it,’ Pippa agreed, aware she’d just landed herself in a world of trouble. Harriet threw her a grin and both girls disappeared, promising to be back in time to eat later.
‘I can’t believe you didn’t mention how gorgeous he is.’ Cassie was stood at the window watching Gil getting out of the Land Rover with a younger version of himself, Lola bounding joyfully beside Luca, who dropped to his knees to hug her.
She fixed Pippa with a long, knowing look. ‘A seriously hot vet, sharing the house with you. You’re up to something and quite frankly you don’t even need to tell me what, it’s written all over your face. So what’s it like, sleeping with the enemy?’
‘Isn’t Luca like Gil? So tall and even more blond.’ Pippa was staring too, attempting a feeble change of subject. She was still very nervous about meeting Luca, and she gulped back her uncertainty as he hauled a bag from the back seat and shared a grin with his dad. She’d never been any good at games which involved keeping her face straight. ‘Keep your voice down, Cass, that’s the last thing Luca needs to know. And Harriet, obviously.’
‘And that hot tub. I bet you’ve never been out of it.’
Pippa’s only reply was another faraway smile and she quickly snapped out of it as the back door opened and Luca entered, followed by Gil. Whatever the reality over the future of the house, she cared about Gil and by extension his family, and her smile was wide as she stepped past Cassie and held out a hand.
‘Luca, welcome home, it’s so good to meet you. Your dad has only wonderful things to say.’
‘Thanks.’ Luca flashed her an easy grin, so like Gil’s. It was going to be okay, there was warmth and humour in those matching blue eyes. ‘I’d say I like what you’ve done with the place, Dad, but it hasn’t changed much since I left. He told me what you did to the caravan, Pippa.’
‘Oh, did he?’ She had to school her face very carefully to remain nonchalant. ‘It was all for his own good because he wasn’t very well. I hope he mentioned that part.’
‘I told Luca you pretty much dragged me in here and wouldn’t let me out again.’
Pippa hurriedly coughed into her hand, doing her best to pretend that Cassie hadn’t just snorted behind her. She’d have words with her friend later. And Gil. He couldn’t be laughing at her like that, safely out of Luca’s sight.
‘Until I was better. Recovered my strength,’ Gil clarified, making a fuss of Maud who was wary of yet another new arrival and one who was even taller than Gil. ‘Maud, this is Luca. You and he are going to be good friends, he loves dogs as much as I do.’
Luca held out his arms, snuggling the puppy close, making Pippa melt just a little more. Maud was already getting over her fright and licking his face. Pippa introduced Cassie and the door opened again as Harriet arrived with Isla and Alfie. Both girls were laughing at something Alfie was saying, and as one, they fell silent when they saw Luca holding Maud.
Pippa introduced the three teenagers as well, and Maud wanted Harriet, so Luca handed her over with a grin and grabbed his bag. Pippa had been making a vegetable lasagna for dinner whilst Cassie prepared a salad. Harriet suggested the hot tub to Isla and Alfie, who’d apparently come prepared with swimming things. Another thought which made Pippa blush at the reminder.
When Luca returned downstairs, he was persuaded to join them, the dogs flopping in the early evening sun on the terrace. Gil had nipped down to the pub to bring more wine, and Pippa was breaking chocolate into chunks for a sauce to pour over profiteroles later. The house was buzzing with chat and laughter, and she loved it. Finally, it felt like a home.
‘Teasing aside, Pippa, Gil’s lovely.’ Cassie was wistful as she poured double cream into a yellow enamel jug she’d found in a cupboard. ‘And he’s so obviously into you.’
‘Do you think the kids have noticed?’ Pippa attempted to smooth out the alarm in her voice. Leaving Hartfell was going to be hard enough, and she didn’t want to add any more layers of difficulty to her decision.
‘Doubt it, Harriet’s only got eyes for Alfie and Isla’s transfixed by Luca. I doubt they’d notice if the pair of you tangoed stark naked right past them.’
‘Well, that’s not going to happen.’ Pippa sighed. Despite the hugely different and exciting relationship she was now sharing with Gil, for every smile there seemed to be a sadness too.
‘Why don’t you want them to know?’
‘It’s complicated.’
‘Complicated with benefits. That’s something.’ Cassie threw her a grin and Pippa didn’t miss the suggestion of sorrow in her friend’s face before she blinked it away. ‘You’re making quite the home here. Is there anything else you’d like to tell me?’
‘Such as?’ Pippa had been planning to keep a lid on her happiness whilst Cassie was here, but it wasn’t easy. Every time her eyes met Gil’s they shared the kind of smiles and knowing looks that wouldn’t go unmissed for long.
‘Such as this plan of Harriet’s to move up here and change schools. Isla told me.’
‘So what do you think? It’s crazy, right?’ Pippa had been running over it since Harriet had made her request earlier, finding lots of reasons against it and a few in favour. Mentioning the plan out loud somehow made it seem even more ridiculous and she was looking forward to Cassie agreeing with her so she could stand firm against Harriet.
‘In theory, yes.’
‘In theory?’ Pippa just managed to reach the chunk of chocolate that had flown from her hand before Lola did. ‘Sorry Lola, chocolate’s bad for you. What does that mean, Cass?’
‘It means that on paper it’s maybe not a good idea but it’s worth considering, surely? I take it you’ve told her no, not with her GCSEs in two years.’
‘Pretty much. I promised I’d at least think about it.’ It felt like another complication Pippa didn’t really need. ‘We were only supposed to be staying for a few days, and now she’s mucking out an assortment of animals every morning, has met a boy – who is lovely, by the way – and we’ve somehow managed to acquire a puppy. How did all that happen?’
‘And where would she go to school?’
‘In the next village.’ It still didn’t make sense, not fully. Pippa rubbed her cheek, leaving a smear of chocolate behind, aware that Harriet was trying to get Alfie’s family onside too, given that his auntie was head of year eleven. ‘And of course the school’s closed for the holidays so we can’t even look around it.’ She paused. ‘I think my dad would like the idea of Harriet being somewhere a bit more normal. He went along with her last time because it was what she wanted, but only Phoebe and Freddie went to independent schools, the rest of us didn’t.’
‘Pippa, your dad is most definitely not the important factor here.’ Cassie had employed a tone Pippa recognised, one that meant she needed to make her own decisions and mustn’t be swayed by Jonny. ‘This is down to you and Harriet. Why does she want to change schools?’
‘I can’t help thinking it’s because of Alfie. They’re so loved up right now and you know what it’s like at that age. If there’s even a whiff of me trying to separate them, she’ll probably come over all Cathy from Wuthering Heights and take to the hills.’
‘But don’t forget that Harriet’s got an incredibly wise head on her for someone so young. The way she’s supported Isla and looked after her.’ Cassie offered Pippa a smile. ‘She’s been wonderful. You both have.’
‘We love you, that’s why.’ Pippa leaned across to squeeze Cassie’s hand. ‘So are you saying you’re in favour of her plan, then?’
‘Actually, I think what I’m saying is that I’m in favour of love,’ Cassie said softly. ‘Not that Alfie is a reason to stay, but Harriet’s one of those kids that will find her way, she’s like your dad. You need to think about your life too, Pippa, and what that might look like if you left London. What you’ve got to gain, or lose.’
‘My job for a start.’
‘And I know you’ve always enjoyed it. But you’ve been there for years, maybe there’s something else out there for you too.’
‘And if there is?’ Pippa hardly dared voice it lest her thoughts should suddenly come true. She was thinking of the gallery role again, the longing to immerse herself in paintings and create her own. But was she brave enough to step aside from a steady career that had sustained her all these years? ‘What if I agree and Harriet doesn’t settle? Then her results would be up the wall and I’d never forgive myself for not seeing sense and saying no.’ Just thinking about an unhappy Harriet in Hartfell six months down the line, winter setting in and no Alfie, if they should fall out, made Pippa go cold.
‘It won’t come to that, and she could always resit. But quite honestly, she’s so determined that I can’t see her letting a thing like not studying stand in her way.’
‘How would you feel if it was Isla wanting to move right before her GCSE years?’
‘I’d be worried, for sure. But maybe I’d also be thinking why not give it a go? London’s not going anywhere if you’re both unhappy, and from where I’m standing, you both look very happy here.’ Cassie shrugged sadly. ‘Life’s so short, Pippa, we’ve both learned that the hard way. Why not take a risk now and then? You can always go back.’
‘It has crossed my mind. The idea of staying.’ Pippa had never said those words out loud before, and she was watching Cassie, testing her reaction. ‘I miss London less every day. Sometimes it hard to remember how we even lived like that, always rushing, racing ahead. It’s frantic and I can’t deny I like the pace here better.’
‘So if we take Harriet out of the equation for a minute, why would you want to stay? Have you fallen in love as well?’
‘Of course I haven’t,’ Pippa replied hotly. ‘At my age! Harriet would leave home.’
‘Oh please! You’ve literally just turned forty. You’re not even too old, in theory, to have another baby if you wanted one.’
‘I definitely don’t.’ Pippa winced at the thought. ‘We’ve got Maud and she’s quite enough to manage right now.’
‘You having another dog is literally one of the last things I would have expected, but it’s wonderful to see you with her.’ Cass slid the cream jug into the fridge. ‘Here’s the thing, though. Harriet’s super bright and she’ll ace her GCSEs wherever she is, as long as she puts in the work. The real question is, what’s at stake for both of you if you make the decision to move here? And I think that question has quite a bit to do with this house and your hot vet.’
They ate dinner outside as it was such a lovely evening. The kitchen table was useless for all of them, and Pippa hadn’t yet ventured to sit in the dining room for dinner. It was a dark room, full of heavy antique furniture with an upright piano piled high with yellowed music, and not somewhere she found cheery.
It was a lovely, merry hour and afterwards the teenagers cleared the table. She loved listening to their chatter and laughter as they washed up and Harriet brought the profiteroles outside. Whenever Pippa caught Gil’s eye, it was clear he was enjoying this family time as much as she was. Once they’d seen off all the profiteroles, Luca wanted to have a look at Gil’s plans for the practice and the three younger ones joined them. The clearing up was done, and Pippa settled in the garden with Cassie and the dogs, glasses of wine in their hands.
‘I’m sorry to miss Rory but it’s nice that he’s gone ahead with his grandparents.’ Pippa was glad to have a few minutes alone with Cassie. They were so few, in between their work commitments and children, and they didn’t often catch up by themselves.
‘Yeah, they promised him a fishing trip and the lure of that without his sister tagging along and moaning was enough to make up for missing out on seeing this place.’
‘How are you?’ Pippa asked softly. ‘I know we don’t speak every day but I’m always here for you. You know I’ll do anything for you all.’
‘We’re fine,’ Cassie replied determinedly, taking a mouthful of the excellent red wine that Gil had brought back. ‘Really, we are. We’re doing okay.’
Maud was toddling around the garden with an important air, investigating borders. Every so often she’d look back, as though making sure that Pippa was still in sight. She turned and touched a hand to Cassie’s arm. ‘You can tell me it’s absolutely shit if you want.’
‘It’s absolutely shit.’ Cassie gulped and Pippa gripped her fingers. ‘There are so many things Ewan’s missing, so many things I want to tell him. And that’s before I even get to how it still feels to wake up without him every morning.’
‘I’m so sorry.’ Pippa felt the crack in her own heart at Cassie’s anguish, wishing she could make it go away. It made her new happiness with Gil both extra precious and not something she wanted to dwell on with her friend. ‘Is there anything I can do to help?’
‘We are fine, honestly.’ Cass sniffed and blew her nose, and Pippa eased away. ‘It just gets to me sometimes. Like now, when Ewan would love to be here and seeing you guys and the house, meeting Gil and Luca. Then there’s the weird days when I’m so busy I almost forget to miss him and then it hits me all over again. The counselling is helping all of us, but I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to seeing Ewan’s smile in Rory’s and knowing how much it hurts him not to have his dad around. Isla misses him like crazy too, but they were so different, and she’s always been more like me.
‘Little things help, like being with you and knowing you understand us. Sunshine, and listening to the girls nattering like nothing’s ever changed. Moments matter more now, life somehow gets smaller and bigger all at once. And Raf’s been a sweetheart. We see him every week whenever he’s in town and he’s invited us out to Australia in half term, for the end of the tour.’
‘Oh Cass, that’s wonderful.’ Pippa felt a rush of love for her brother. ‘Are you going? Can you get the time off work?’
‘Should be fine but I’ll need to sneak the kids out of school for a few extra days. And just this once I don’t care, they’d absolutely love it and I think it will do all of us the world of good. You know what it’s like, I’m always checking in, but I can’t deny the thought of a getaway from everything is very appealing.’
‘You should definitely go if you possibly can.’ Pippa was leaning forward to push home her point. ‘Why not? Vanessa’s out there with Phoebe and Freddie, and Raf will make sure you’re all looked after brilliantly. And if you should bump into Dave, please make sure you say hi from me.’
‘You and Dave Grohl.’ Cassie rolled her eyes. ‘I thought you might be over him now, especially seeing as you’re making out with Gil.’
‘Over Dave? Never.’
‘So what are you planning to do about him? Gil, not Dave.’
‘I have absolutely no idea,’ Pippa raised a shoulder. ‘I have to be in London on Thursday for results day at school, it’ll be the reminder of real life that I need. Gil and I are probably just one of those enemies to lovers thing that’ll burn itself out, most likely the minute I put his house up for sale. I’m going to get rid of his childhood home and finish off his ambitions for the practice at the same time. Can’t see that improving how he might feel about me.’
‘It’s not his house, it’s Jonny’s,’ Cassie reminded her gently. ‘Whatever you think, Gil’s crazy about you and it seems to me that you feel the same way. And you don’t have to sell the house. Do you?’
‘What else am I meant to do with it?’
‘Well, that’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? I don’t think your dad’s going to mind either way, as long as it’s what you want.’