10. Fitch
TEN
FITCH
“Fitch,” Benji said to get my attention. I must have zoned out. “You okay?”
I looked up at the white clouds in the morning sky. Sitting out on Nolan’s veranda was much cooler today than yesterday. It was fast becoming one of my favourite places: me, Benji, and Ky lazing in the sunshine on the veranda of a rich apartment as if we owned the place.
“Lemme guess,” Ky joked. “Dominic wouldn’t fuck you this morning before he left for work and now you’re sad.”
I whacked his arm. “First of all, fuck you. Second, he did fuck me before he left for work, thank you very much. And third, fuck you. Wanna tell us who the hell Leon and Marek are?”
“Nope.”
“Then kindly shut the fuck up.”
Benji snorted. “Leave him alone. He probably signed an NDA or something like that. It’s not that he doesn’t want to tell us; it’s that he can’t.”
I sat up and stared at Ky. “Holy shit. For real?”
Ky’s eyes met mine, and I thought for sure he was gonna give nothing away, like he usually did. But this time he nodded. “Something like that.”
Holy, holy shit.
“An NDA?” I cried. “What does that even mean? That they’re famous or something? Nah,” I said, answering my own question. “If Dominic and Nolan know them, then they’re some hotshot lawyers or something.”
Ky closed his eyes to the sunshine but then locked his lips with an imaginary key.
“Nolan wouldn’t say much,” Benji said. “Just that Dominic had to call them.”
“And Dominic wouldn’t tell me shit,” I admitted. “And I tried all the tricks. All of them, lemme tell ya.”
Benji chuckled. “I bet you did.” He sighed happily. “Dominic’s hot, by the way.”
“Hey. You keep your eyeballs on your own guy. And I know he’s hot. Like damn. And his dick. Like wow. And I’ve had some good dick before?—”
“And some very mediocre dick,” Benji mumbled.
“True. But Dominic...” I sighed out a groan. “That man and the things I would let him do to me.”
“The things you do let him do to you,” Ky said, not even opening his eyes.
I snorted. “Yes. Because damn. And not just his dick,” I allowed. “His whole damn body. He has chest hair that is hot as fuck. His hands... lord, his hands. And his scent, fuck, he smells so good. God, I feel like a puppet on strings with him, ya know? He’s the puppeteer, and I do whatever he wants. When he goes into daddy mode, something switches in my brain and I comply. It’s so fucking hot. He could walk through this door right now and order me to bend over right here in front of you guys, and I fucking would.”
I expected them to laugh or comment, but when neither was forthcoming, I opened my eyes to find them both staring at me.
“What?”
“You’re in love with him,” Benji said quietly.
I scoffed at that, a knee-jerk reaction. “Yeah right. Love? In our industry?”
Ky shook his head and closed his eyes to the sun. “He’s down bad.”
I was about to tell him to fuck off again but... he wasn’t lying.
I was.
Fuck.
I let out a long sigh. “I don’t want to love him,” I murmured.
“But you do,” Benji added.
I whined. “He’s so... he’s everything I could ever want. He’s more than that. He fills a void that I didn’t even know was a void. I just thought the daddy thing was a bit of a kink, a bit of fun, ya know? I mean who doesn’t like being manhandled by a big burly older guy who uses you as his personal sex toy?”
“Who’s also rich and successful,” Ky added quietly.
“It’s not the money,” I said, then sighed. Because it kinda was, but maybe it wasn’t. “If he couldn’t pay me anymore, I’d still want to see him. I don’t want to stop seeing him. It’s supposed to be two nights per week, but it’s been more often than that these last two weeks, and he pays me extra, but I never asked him to. I didn’t expect him to, didn’t even want him to. I just need to be with him. He makes me feel...”
“Safe?” Benji replied.
“Loved . . . and wanted,” Ky added.
I sighed long and loud, because yes. Yes to all of that.
“You’ve fallen in love with him,” Benji repeated, softer this time. “And it’s understandable. I mean, look at me. Head over heels for Nolan, and no fucking regrets.”
I looked at Benji then, seeing how happy he was. And he deserved that. Fuck, he deserved it so much. Which made my concerns feel selfish.
But I had to ask... because I had to know.
“Are you gonna move in with him?” I asked. “Permanently? I mean, I want you to be happy, Benj. Don’t think for one second I don’t want that for you. It’s just that, we’ll need to find someone to help cover rent, I guess.”
Benji sat up, clearly trying to put his thoughts in order before he answered. “Nolan wants me to,” he replied quietly. “I told him I don’t know... I want to. God, so bad. But it’s a huge step. I’m staying here while the court case is going on, and I can cover my rent at the unit while I stay here, so you guys don’t need to worry about that.”
“Benji,” I murmured. “If you want to live with him...”
“I am,” he replied. “We’re treating it as a trial basis for now. As long as us three keep meeting up like this during the week, it won’t be so bad. I miss living with you guys. I’m kinda stuck here, so you guys coming here is my only outlet.”
“I miss you too,” I said.
We both turned to Ky, waiting for him to say he missed Benji, and he rolled his eyes. “Fine. Same. Whatever.”
It made me and Benji chuckle, and we settled back in silence for a bit.
“Dominic wants me to think about my future,” I finally admitted. “My future. Like, what even is that?”
Benji’s eyes cut to mine. “Nolan asked me the same thing. A while back, but he wanted to know what I dreamed of being or doing. I told him being alive was my main one.”
Fuck.
I sighed. “Yeah, I dunno what I even said. I just... mumbled my way through it. I don’t like thinking about that shit because people like Dominic talk in terms like short-term and long-term goals and actioning plans, and whatever the fuck that means. My idea of a short-term goal is making it through the weekend without getting abused or... whatever.” I sighed again. “Fuck, why did he make me think of this shit?”
“Because he loves you,” Ky replied.
Benji and I turned to stare at him. He still had his eyes closed.
“What?” I asked incredulously.
Ky cracked one eye open before closing it again. “Why else would he care about your future if he didn’t want to be part of it?”
“He never mentioned being a part of?—”
“Why would he mention your future if he doesn’t want to be in it?” Ky said again, calm but maybe the loudest I’d ever heard him speak. “Because he wants to be in it, that’s why? Otherwise he wouldn’t give a fuck. He wants you to think about your future because he cares. Because he wants you to have a future. And he doesn’t want you to be a hooker.”
I shook my head. “He said he wouldn’t ask me to change.”
Ky opened his eyes and sat up. “I’m telling you both,” he said, looking at me and Benji. “They don’t want you to rent yourselves out. But they can’t say that. They’re treading a line of control versus respect. Fitch, I’m telling you, Dominic is in love with you.”
I opened my mouth to protest.
He put his hand up. “The man I saw yesterday, here with you in this very place, is one hundred percent in love with you. The way he looks at you... fuck, how he looks at you when you’re not looking... He is in love with you.”
I blinked, unsure of which surprised me most. What Ky was saying, or how he was saying it. I’d never seen Ky say this much, at once, with so much passion and conviction.
He shook his head. “He asked you to think about your future to get you thinking about doing something else. If you don’t have to be a hooker anymore, what would you be? That’s what he’s asking.”
“Okay,” I whispered. “Christ. What makes you the expert?”
“Because he watches people,” Benji replied. “It’s what he does.”
My mind was starting to spin.
Ky saying more than ten words in a row.
Ky spitting facts as if it was something he did every day.
That Dominic was in love with me . . .
Was that true? Could it be?
For real?
Did I love him?
Yes.
. . .
Fuck.
“What am I supposed to do?” I cried. “What else can I do? I’m not good at anything else? I’m good at sex. I fucking love it. Do I want to be a hooker forever? No.”
“Do you want anyone else but Dominic to fuck you?” Ky asked.
I shot him a glare. “Okay look, Ky, I can appreciate that this is the most I’ve ever heard you speak, but you can shut up now.”
Benji laughed. “That’d be a no. He doesn’t want anyone but Dominic?—”
“Okay, enough. You two are ganging up on me and we’re not even naked. This is not fun for me.” I gave Ky another stink eye. “You picked a grand old time to enter the chat.”
He smirked, so I decided to join him on his sun lounge, making him cuddle me as his punishment. He pretended to be disgruntled but he never pushed me off.
“You’re allowed to love him,” Benji said quietly.
I shot my head up to stare at him. “What?”
“You’re allowed to love him,” he repeated. “And you’re allowed to let yourself be loved by him. Don’t ever think you’re not worth it.”
I squinted at him. “Okay, gee, thanks, Doctor Freudian slip,” I said sarcastically. “Plus, I know I’m worth it, bitch.”
Which was a big fat lie.
But I was not unpacking that fucking baggage today.
Goddammit.
“Enough psychobabble bullshit,” I said, deflecting him completely. “If anyone has any great ideas about what I, whore extraordinaire, can do for a real job, please speak up.”
Benji snorted. “Whore extraordinaire.”
“You could set up an Only Fans,” Ky suggested. He shrugged. “Just do solo stuff, keep your face out of it. Use dildos and cry for daddy and you’ll be a gazillionaire in no time.”
I sat up so I could stare at him. “Use dildos and cry for daddy? Ky, dude, are you okay?”
He laughed. He actually laughed. “Like you don’t do that already.”
“Not with a dildo I don’t. I have a real daddy now.”
“Okay, Pinocchio,” Benji said with a laugh. “But you know, that’s not a crazy idea.”
Now I stared at him. “Use dildos and cry for daddy? And also, fuck you for the Pinocchio comment.”
He snorted and shook his head. “No. Only Fans.” Then he looked at Ky. “The three of us could do it and make three times the content, three times the money. We could totally play up the whole boy-needs-a-daddy thing. You know there are a lot of men out there who’d pay good money for that.”
That was true.
But was it something we were even seriously considering?
“No faces,” Ky said. “And maybe.”
Shit.
“Maybe?” I asked. “Like, for real? Is this something we’re actually considering? Because when Dominic asked me to think about my future, I’m pretty sure he wasn’t thinking of Only Fans.”
Benji shrugged a shoulder. “Sex is what we do, right? We’re good at it, certainly not ashamed of it. And you wanna stop street work, right? You don’t want to have sex with any other man? Dominic doesn’t want you to keep working with other men, and same goes for Nolan and me. It could be a solution. That’s all I’m saying...”
I shook my head, unsure.
Tempted.
But unsure.
“I have some money now,” Benji added. “I can buy us a proper camera and a ring light, or whatever they’re called. And a laptop, and we can set up my room at the flat to use.”
Ky had his eyes closed again, face tilted to the sky, and he was smirking. “Pretty sure we all know some people who could sort out the legalities.”
“You know,” I tried, “when I said I was thinking of not being a hooker anymore, I kinda meant maybe stacking shelves at the supermarket.”
Benji laughed. “If you want to do that, I will support you one hundred percent. Just do me a favour and google how much money successful accounts on Only Fans make a month, then tell me if you still wanna stack shelves.”
Goddammit.
I picked up my phone and thumbed out a quick search...
“Holy fuck.”
Ky chuckled, and Benji nodded.
I held up two fingers. “Okay, two quick things. One, why haven’t we been doing this before now? And two, we’re gonna need a really cool Only Fans account name.”
Benji shook his head. “No, first thing we need to do is tell Nolan and Dominic.” He looked at Ky. “And your two NDA daddies.”
His only response was to crack his eyes open for half a second, then shrug. “If I’m not working the street, they won’t care.”
Would Dominic?
Probably not. Like Benji said, at least I wouldn’t be working with clients anymore.
I settled back down, using Ky as my personal body pillow. “I’m guessing we’re gonna have to watch each other’s videos, you know, for editing and stuff. Now, I’m cool with that, and I will totally understand if you guys get boners when you watch mine. No need to make it weird.”
Benji laughed. “Yeah, god forbid we make it weird, Fitch.”
“I’ve seen you work before,” Ky said. “Believe me, no boners from me.”
“Hey,” I said, swatting him. “Be nice.” Though I probably deserved it for telling him to get fucked before. “When did you see me working?” I asked. “And I’ll tell you if it was some of my best work.”
Ky didn’t even have to think about it. “There was a BJ behind Mr. Stephanopoulos’s shop.”
Jesus Christ. That was like saying he saw me breathe. “You’re gonna need to be more specific.”
Benji laughed at that. “I saw you get railed by that old dude in the back of his Ford Focus.”
I shuddered. “God, I’d forgotten about that.”
Just thinking about all those times, all those strangers, all those impersonal transactions with men who’d then pretended to have never seen me as they walked off.
Made me think of Dominic and how opposite of that he was.
How caring and thoughtful, and kind, and generous, and funny, and sexy, and...
Yeah.
I only had to think of him and?—
“Jesus, you are so down bad,” Benji said with a laugh. “You’re thinking of him right now, aren’t you?”
I gave him the bird, cuddled into Ky some more, and closed my eyes. “Shut up, I’m going to my happy place.”
Which was to replay memories of Dom in my mind while I soaked up some morning sun.
We were quiet for a while, until Benji spoke. “I was serious before, you know, about the Only Fans thing. We should look into it. Consider it seriously.”
I put my head up so I could look at him. “Do you think Nolan would agree with it?”
“He would support me,” he replied, so sure, so confident. “No matter what I did. We’d earn enough money to quit street work and he’d be all for that.”
I had to wonder... would Dominic support me so unconditionally?
I wasn’t sure I wanted to find out, because what if he said no?
What would that mean for us?
I wasn’t sure there even was an us . Sure, we had an agreement, a no-strings-attached agreement that was mutually beneficial until one of us decided it was no longer working.
I didn’t need Dominic’s permission, but I did want his support. I wanted him to support me the way Nolan would support Benji. If he refused and terminated our arrangement, then I could go ahead with the online sex-streaming thing without a worry...
But I’d be devastated. Broken-hearted, and god knows, I would never fall in love again...
“Fitch,” Benji murmured. “He’ll be okay with it.”
“What if he’s not?” I replied. “What if he ends our arrangement? What if he?—”
Ky’s arm tightened around me. “You need to talk to him and ask him outright,” he said quietly. “And if you’re so unsure and scared that he’ll end things over something that hasn’t even happened yet, then suggest he put a contract on the table. If it would make you feel more secure, tell him you need something more binding than just a verbal agreement. Considering he’s supposedly a hotshot lawyer, I’m surprised he hasn’t suggested one already.”
I lifted my head up so I could look at Ky’s face. “Ky, baby, what the fuck kind of arrangement do you have going on with your two daddies?” Benji snorted and Ky smirked. “I’m serious,” I went on. “First there were NDA’s and now contracts? Just what kind of shit are you into?”
He laughed. Again. He actually freaking laughed. Twice in one day, like some kinda record. Then he pulled me back into his arms. “That’s classified.”
Jesus.
As we settled back into silence, my mind was running in circles.
I had a lot to think about.
Starting with Dominic, and I wasn’t even sure where to begin.
By Tuesday night, I was standing on Oxford waiting for Dom to pick me up after work. It was easier for him to pick me up there, and I was bouncing on my toes, nervous.
I was so excited to see him, even though I’d spent most of the weekend with him until Monday morning, and we’d texted last night.
I missed him.
I’d just about made myself sick with worry. My stomach was all in knots, dreading the conversation I was still trying to talk myself out of having with him.
He was late to pick me up, which didn’t help. It meant more time to torture myself. And worry. And convince myself I’d make a big mistake if I brought up any stupid conversations. We didn’t need to talk. We needed to just keep the status quo. Don’t rock the boat. Don’t give him any reasons to be mad at me...
“Hey, cutie,” a voice behind me said.
I spun around to see a guy I’d never seen before.
He looked me up and down with a familiar sleazy gleam. “You working tonight?”
“No, sorry. I’m just waiting for someone.”
“You’re waiting for me, ain’tcha,” sleazeball said.
“No,” I said, firmly this time. He was bigger than me, though most men were. But I’d dealt with hundreds of guys like this. He’d move on soon enough. I nodded across the street. “Try the next corner down, you might have some better luck.”
He took a step closer and raised his hand, finger grazing my shirt. I batted his hand away before he could grab me, but then in a flash, there was a wall of expensive suit in front of me. Dominic’s big hand wrapped around the man’s wrist.
“He said no,” Dominic snapped, his voice sharp as a razor. He stood tall, commanding, protecting me. Then his voice got quiet and threatening as he inched closer to the guy. “If you need a lesson in manners and consent, I’ll be only happy to give it to you.”
Jesus H. Christ.
The guy backed off, muttering as he stumbled down the street, and my heart was thundering.
I pulled on his sleeve, and he turned to face me.
“Are you okay?” he asked softly, his eyes scanning my face, my chest.
“I’m fine,” I managed. “Are you okay? That was pretty intense.”
“Intense?” Dominic asked, confused. “He was about to?—”
“I meant intense as in hot,” I clarified. “You went all daddy bear on his arse.”
He glowered at me. “I fail to see the humour, Fitch.”
“Don’t be alarmed, shit like that happens all the time. But, while I could have handled him by myself, I do appreciate you coming to save me. Very chivalrous of you.” I leaned up on my toes. “I think you earned a reward.”
“Fitch?” Mr Stephanopoulos called out from the doorway to his store. “You okay there?”
I grinned at him, putting my hand on Dominic’s chest. “I am, thank you, Mr Stephanopoulos. I’m gonna be a whole lot better in about twenty minutes, if you know what I mean.”
The kind old man rolled his eyes and waved me off, and Dominic sighed. He took my hand and stalked off to the corner, pulling me along. I had to hustle to keep up.
“Your legs are longer than mine, remember,” I said. Then I saw his car on a bit of an angle, how it looked like he’d come to a stop in a hurry. “Why are you parked in the bus zone anyway?”
“Because when I got here, I saw that man propositioning you, so I stopped.” He opened the passenger side door for me. He was still mad, and I hoped that possessiveness would carry over into the bedroom.
“Thank you, daddy,” I whispered, giving him a bright smile and a little butt wiggle before I got in.
I watched him walk around the front of the car, and when he got in behind the wheel, I noticed something else.
He looked tired and stressed, and I’d just added to that. “You okay, Dominic?” I asked. It always got his attention when I used his name. “Please don’t be mad at me.”
He shot me a look, then his expression softened as he sighed. “Just been a long two days, that’s all. Then that filthy man...” His words trailed off to a growl.
I frowned, taking his hand and lifting it to my lips. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I deal with guys like that all the time.”
His jaw clenched as he drove. “That’s not helping.”
“Most are pretty harmless,” I tried, realising that probably didn’t help either. But it was a fact of life for me, something I dealt with all the time.
He clearly wasn’t in a patient mood. “I’m sorry you’ve had a rough couple of days,” I said gently. “I’m going to make tonight all about you.”
It took a second or two, but he tried to smile. “Oh, yeah? And how are you going to do that?”
“I’m going to help you relax and unwind, de-stress. It’s going to involve a hot shower, some food, a massage, and some much-needed orgasms. As many as you want, however you want them. Your wish, my command.”
He did smile at that, and he squeezed my fingers. He looked from the traffic to me as he slowed for some lights, and he sighed. “I’m so grateful for you.”
Oh.
His words hit me hard, making my belly swoop, and my heart pinballed in my chest. Could he possibly feel the same for me as I felt for him? I didn’t see how that was possible, but damn, my heart never wanted anything more.
“I’m grateful for you too,” I managed to say. Barely a whisper, but I said it. “So fucking much.”
He smiled a little easier and leaned in toward me, so I met him halfway and kissed him.
The car behind us honked their horn and Dominic snarled at the rear-vision mirror. I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Don’t waste your energy on that guy,” I said. “Hurry and get me home, daddy. You need to take all that pent-up frustration out on my very willing and ready arse.”
He made a low sound in the back of his throat. “Willing and ready, huh?”
“I’ve been waiting all day for tonight. Do you think I was going to waste any of my time with you on douching and lubing?” I rolled my eyes. “Silly daddy. Of course I’m ready.”
He came to an abrupt stop, pulled on the park brake, and I thought maybe we were gonna fuck in his car until I realised we were at his house already.
He got out, and instead of waiting for him, I beat him to the front path and skipped up to his front door.
He was smiling when he got to me. I made zero effort to get out of his way, so he had to crowd me against the door to unlock it. I cupped his balls and felt his erection. “Daddy really needs to unload,” I whispered as he pushed the door open.
I almost fell back, but he was quick to grab me. He bustled us inside, and grinning, I pulled on his tie, leading him inside toward his bedroom.
We only got as far as the lounge room before he dragged me over to the back of the sofa. He pulled my back to his front, letting me feel how hard he was.
“You shouldn’t tease me, boy,” he said, pulling my jeans down. Of course I wasn’t wearing any underwear and I still wasn’t sure if he loved or hated that. “Telling me you’re ready for me. Let me look at your perfect hole.”
He pushed my shoulders down, bending me over the back of the sofa, my feet almost off the floor.
“Oh, you’re such a good boy,” he murmured, and I could hear him unbuckle his belt, undo his fly.
Oh, fuck yes.
“You make yourself wet for me, boy,” he murmured. “Did you stretch yourself too? So daddy doesn’t have to wait.”
“Yes,” I replied. I had used my fingers when I’d filled myself with lube. I’d even used more than normal because I wanted to be prepared. I wanted him to fuck me the second we were through the door.
I wanted exactly this.
“I wanted to be ready for you. Please don’t wait, daddy.”
He angled my hips, spread my arse cheeks, and pushed the blunt head of his cock to my hole. “Need this so bad,” he mumbled. “Gonna try to be gentle.”
“Give it to me however you need to,” I said. “I can take it, daddy.”
He grunted and pushed into me. Hard and fast, almost sending me over the sofa, but his fingers digging into my hips held me in place.
He was so big and so hard that as he impaled me, the initial pain of it made me regret not using more lube, not stretching myself more. Made me second-guess everything I’d ever known.
I cried out, gripping the seat cushions, my feet now well off the floor.
But he held me fast, held me in place, and drove into me.
He let out a loud groan as he sunk to the hilt, and I yelped as he hit that wall inside me.
“Fuck, boy,” Dom bit out. “Fuck.”
I pushed up, my whole body trembling, and almost begged him to stop. The plea was on the tip of my tongue, but his strong arms went around me and he held me to his chest. He kissed my neck, my shoulder, my hair. “I need you,” he murmured. “I needed you so bad today.”
And I melted, my whole body relaxing and taking him easier.
He needed this. He needed me.
And I would be everything he needed, always.
“Oh, daddy,” I breathed. “I need you too. Just like this. Your big cock inside me where you belong.”
“Fuck yes,” he said, his voice tight. “I belong inside you, boy.”
He pushed me down over the couch again, his fingers biting into my hips as he began to rail me.
Hard and deep, and so fucking good.
“Yes, daddy, yes,” I cried, babbling and getting teary, overcome with emotion. “Give it all to me. Please.”
He slammed into me one last time and gripped my hips, and he roared as his swollen cock pumped his load into me.
I smiled as I took it, pleased and proud.
He rocked back and forth a few times, holding me on him as he panted and moaned. He pressed his forehead to my spine, his breath hot on my back. “Are you okay?” he asked, breathless.
“Oh yeah,” I said. “So much better now.”
He snorted, and still trying to catch his breath, he kissed down my spine. “How do you know exactly what I need?” he mumbled.
“Because I am exactly what you need,” I replied.
He groaned and pulled his softening cock out of me.
“Aw, but daddy,” I whined.
He turned me around, cupped my face in his hands, and kissed my forehead, my cheek, my lips, before he wrapped me up in his arms and buried his face in my neck. “You can have more later,” he mumbled, holding me tighter.
He clearly needed the contact, this embrace.
Me.
Almost as much as I needed him.
I cradled the back of his head and rubbed his back. I was going to suggest a shower or that massage I’d promised but thought of something better.
I let him go only to take his hand. “Come here,” I whispered, leading him to the front of the couch. I pulled up my jeans the best I could and lay down on the couch, pulling him on top of me. “Cuddle time.”
He settled on me, between my legs, his head on my chest, and I stroked his scalp, his hair, his back. His weight on me was divine, but this wasn’t sexual at all.
This was human contact. He’d clearly had a shit day and needed to decompress.
“Shouldn’t I be doing this to you?” he murmured.
“Not all the time,” I replied, raking his hair with my fingers. “Sometimes a daddy needs some downtime. You can’t be big and strong all the time.”
He propped his head up on his hand and looked at me, studied my face, his lips curling into a slow and easy smile. “You’re kinda great, you know that?”
I nodded. “Ah, yes. I do happen to know that.”
He smirked. “You were right before too.” His eyes searched mine. “You are exactly what I need.”
Holy shit.
“And you’re exactly what I need too. I’ve been thinking all day about you railing me the second I walk through your door.”
His smile faltered, and something in his eyes faded away. “I’m not just talking about sex. I’m talking about you. You, this, us.”
Oh, holy fucking shit.
I needed to say something, tell him I felt the same, but I froze. Fear of rejection, fear of losing the one good thing in my life stopped me.
He ducked his head and pushed up off me, sliding to the end of the sofa. “I get it, Fitch. I don’t expect you to reciprocate, but you should know, I...” He shook his head. “You know what? Tonight’s not the best time for this conversation. You were just trying to comfort me and I ruined it.”
Holy fucking fuck.
He stood up and fixed his suit pants. “I’ll order some takeout. Did you want to have a shower?”
And I just lay there like I’d been shot.
Tell him, Fitch. Say something. Tell him how you feel.
Dominic’s face fell as he took a step back.
Get up, Fitch. You dumb fucking fuck, don’t you dare fuck this up.
I shot up off the couch. “I love you,” I blurted out.
Okay, probably not what I should have led with but it’s too fucking late now.
Dominic turned to face me, and I didn’t know what to do, so I panicked.
“I’ve fallen in love with you,” I said. And then I panicked some more because I needed to explain... “And I’m sorry. I never meant to, and to be honest, I’ve never actually loved someone before so I’m probably doing it all wrong and it scares the bejesus out of me, because my parents unloved me when I came out and then I found you and you’re the best thing to ever happen to me. You make me feel safe and loved and I didn’t want to ruin that by bringing my heart into it because you’re a rich lawyer and I’m a hooker, and if you ever said you didn’t want me anymore, it’d fucking kill me, and this is why I shouldn’t have got attached because people I love always leave me?—”
Dominic strode toward me and collected me in a crushing hug. He picked me up, both my feet off the floor, and he held me, his face in my neck.
“I love you too,” he whispered. “You’re everything I need. You know what I need even when I don’t.” He put me back on my feet and cupped my face. “I don’t care what we are. Lawyer, hooker, whatever. I don’t care. I don’t care what anyone else thinks. I only care what you think and how you feel and how you make me feel. That’s all that matters.” He kissed me, soft and sweet. “And I’m sorry your parents hurt you, but I promise I will never unlove you.”
I snorted back a laugh as tears rolled down my cheeks. “You love me?”
He pressed his lips to mine. “So fucking much.”
I half laughed, half cried and wiped away my stupid tears. “I mean, you’ve met me, right? Are you okay in the head? Because I’m a lot.”
Dominic laughed, and hugging me again, he spun me around. “You are a lot, but so am I. Fitch, there isn’t one thing I’d change about you.”
Not one thing?
I tilted my head. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
He laughed until he sighed. “Oh, Fitch. I’ve never been happier. I wanted to tell you before but it was never the right time. I didn’t want to make you feel cornered, and I didn’t want to jeopardise this agreement because it was the only way I could see you.”
I shook my head. “I want to see you every day. I want to be here with you all the time, in your bed, in your kitchen, in your shower, over the back of the sofa.” I slid my arms around his waist and looked up at him. “It’s not just the sex, Dominic. It’s you. Sure, you tick every box in the sex department, but it’s more than that. You make me feel so safe. And that might seem weird to you, but for me, that’s fucking huge. I need you to know that. I’m safe to be me, safe from harm, just safe. No one can hurt me when I’m with you, and I am scared about what it means, about what happens when you get sick of me or don’t want me anymore, or?—”
He shook his head. “No, baby. I love you. We can work everything else out. Details, incidentals, fine print, whatever. We’ll be okay, as long as we talk and be honest. And yes, it scares me too. I’m forty-six and you’re young enough to maybe want someone not as old as me. Maybe not now but in a few years...”
I was so happy and a little surprised that he could speak about his insecurities with me. I put my hand over his heart. “No. I don’t care about that. Your age isn’t what makes you my daddy. It’s what’s in here.” I tapped his chest. “This is what speaks to me.”
He closed his eyes and kissed me. “I’ll be okay, as long as I have you.”
I leaned up on my toes to kiss him. He still had to bend a little, but it was just so fucking natural.
I just told him I loved him.
He loves me.
It all felt so surreal, so perfect.
So it was probably the perfect time to bring up the conversation I’d been dreading.
“I’ve been thinking,” I began, unsure. “And I don’t know if now is the best or worst time to bring this up.” I made a face. “And I talked about it with the guys.”
He was confused but patient. Waiting.
“About how you asked me about my future, and I said I didn’t know. I still don’t, but Benji and Ky had an idea—I swear it wasn’t my idea—but it kinda makes sense...” I cringed because I wasn’t sure now if it did. “Well, it made sense when they said it.”
“Said what?”
“Promise you won’t get mad?”
He blinked. “Mad?” He took my hand, concerned now.
“About what I could do,” I hedged. “Actually, what the three of us could do. To get out of street work, to stop being a rent boy.”
He was interested now.
And he was about to be disappointed, I was sure of it.
“Please just hear me out till the end,” I said. “I told them you asked me to think about my future and I asked them what the hell I was supposed to do. Sex work is all I know, and I don’t mean to brag, but I’m kinda good at it.”
Dominic smirked. “True.”
“So Benji suggested we take it online instead. The three of us. We all stop working as rent boys and start on Only Fans.”
He slow-blinked, and I cringed and started panic-talking again. “Because I told them I don’t want to have sex with anyone else but you. No one else. Actually, the idea of anyone else touching me kinda makes me feel weird. And I’m not used to that. I haven’t had sex with anyone but you since we started this twice-a-week thing. I mean, we’ve been busy and there’s been some nights in between where we saw each other anyway, with Benji’s court case and whatever. But when I’m at home, I used to just go down to Oxford, see what was happening, earn a quick fifty or a hundred bucks, but I haven’t done that lately. I don’t want to do that. So going online would fix that, right? No more clients, no more johns. We had a look at what the popular fan sites are earning, and we could make some serious bank. We’d only be talking like a two-year plan, maybe? One year? I don’t know. But then we’d be set up, ya know? With enough money to rent a proper place and maybe start up our own business or something. I dunno what we could do, but like a real job or something. I dunno, god, Dominic, you’re not saying anything. Do you hate it? You hate it, don’t you? Are you mad at me? Do you still love me?”
He snatched up both my wrists, keeping me from backing away. “I didn’t say anything because you asked me to wait until you were done.”
“Oh.”
“And I’m trying to get my head around the details,” he said. “When you say the three of you will be working together, do you mean you’ll be having sex with Benji and Ky?”
I made a face. “What? No. Ew. They’re like my brothers.”
He snorted. “Okay then, so who?”
“No one. Solo work.”
Both his eyebrows rose. “Oh.”
“Maybe some dildos, some toys, prostate vibrators, that kind of thing.”
He seemed to consider this for a second. “Prostate vibrators, huh?”
I snorted. “Amongst other things.”
“But you’ll be solo?”
I laughed then. “Yes. You really like the idea of me not getting fucked by other men, huh?”
He grinned. “Very much. I mean...” He cringed. “If you wanted to continue doing street work, as you called it, then I would have to...” His words trailed off. “No, actually, not even then. I’d have to insist you move in here with me and be my full-time live-in boy.” He put his hand to his forehead. “I’d probably have to get a second job to afford that, but if then it’s only me who touches you...”
I pulled his hand down from his forehead and kissed his knuckles. “You don’t need to get a second job. As tempting as being your live-in boy sounds...” Because holy fuck, it sounded so good. “But I want to make enough money on my own. I need to be independent, financially. I can’t feel like I owe you. If we’re going to be together, you can’t keep paying me. That doesn’t feel right. And then, maybe, down the track, if I do move in to be your live-in boy full-time, then I’ll have my own money. That’s my goal.” I nodded. “You wanted to know what my two-year plan or my five-year plan was. I want to be financially okay so I can be your boy without you having to pay me. Because honestly, Dominic, I want to be with you for free. So you know I’m with you because I want to be with you. Not because you’re paying me or because I need the money.” I swallowed hard. “I mean, I do need the money. But I won’t for long. That’s my plan.”
“Oh, Fitch,” he whispered, lifting my chin so he could kiss me. Then he hugged me. “I’m proud of you.”
Wait. What? Proud?
“You are?”
He chuckled. “Of course I am. And after tonight, seeing that guy on the street assume he was entitled to you, then hell yes. If you want to set up an online fan account, if that’s what it will take for the three of you to be more financially secure, then I will be your first subscriber.”
I pulled back and looked at him, teary-eyed and so overcome with emotion. There was no judgement, no conditions, just love. “For real?”
He nodded, smiling. “Absolutely.”
More tears came as I nodded, and he enveloped me in his arms again. “I love you, Fitch. All of you, all of the time. That’s what love is.” He sighed. “We have no way of knowing what the future holds. None of us do. But you and me? We’ll work it out together.”
All I could do was nod.
I believed him. I believed in him.
“How about we order some dinner, then spend the night on the couch?”
I just wanted to cry. He had no idea how perfect that was. A ‘normal’ night I never dreamed possible. “Sounds perfect.”
He kissed my forehead. “Japanese food okay?”
I nodded. “Can I call Benji and Ky?”
Dominic laughed. “Of course you can.”
While he ordered some takeout on a delivery app, I dialled Benji’s number. I knew he’d answer because I was calling and not texting.
“Fitch, what’s wrong?”
And apparently those words opened a floodgate. I burst into tears, sobbing, and barely able to speak. “Nothing’s wrong,” I tried to say, though it was just mumbled sobbing.
“Fitch? Fitch!” Benji yelled through the phone.
Then Dominic was there, his strong arm around me, and he took my phone. “Hi, Benji, it’s Dominic. Fitch is okay. I think these are happy tears?”
I nodded and cried harder.
“Oh, baby,” Dominic soothed.
“Dominic, what the hell is going on?” Benji demanded. “What did you do to him?”
I sob-laughed and took my phone. “He told me he loved me,” I wailed.
There was a beat of silence, then Benji sighed. “Oh, Fitch.”
I scrubbed at my face and looked up at Dominic. “I know, right? Me . He loves me .”
Dominic’s face softened and he kissed my forehead.
“Of course he does, Fitch,” Benji said. “But don’t be too hard on him. He’s only human.”
I laughed despite my stupid tears. Dominic wiped them away with his thumb.
“Okay, Benj,” I said. “I gotta go. I just had to tell someone.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow.”
I slid my phone onto the kitchen counter and wiped my cheeks properly so I could wrap my arms around Dom. He kissed the top of my head. “Let me finish ordering dinner,” he said. “Go and find us something to watch on TV. I’ll join you in a minute.”
I looked up at him, hoping he could see how much I loved him on my face, in my eyes. “Yes, daddy.”