For Fox Sake

Chapter 22

Ryan

“Don’t move back to New York for Jake. Move for you. Jake is just, like, a perk.”

I rest my elbows on the cluttered desk, holding my face in my hands. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”

Bernie taps on her keyboard. “No. I want you to be happy. Even if it’s not with me.”

“I am happy,” I grumble.

She snorts. “Yeah. You sound ecstatic.”

I came by the hospital to settle the rest of Mom’s accounts and dropped by Bernie’s office in the basement to say hi.

I’m now regretting that decision.

Bernie picks up her pen, tapping it on a notepad in front of her. “What does Ari think?”

I groan and rub my face. “She refuses to unpack from our trip.” We’ve been back home for two weeks now. “If I told her I was even thinking about moving anywhere near Whitby, she’d start walking and meet me there.”

Jake and I have been chatting and texting throughout the day, every day, and then we do a video call with Ari every night.

It’s not enough.

It’s almost worse, seeing him, talking to him, and not touching him.

But I can’t move across the country for a man.

“Here.” Bernie clicks around and the printer behind me buzzes to life. She points to it. “Grab that.”

I sigh but comply. “What is this?” My eyes scan down the page.

“A list of nursing programs within two hours of Whitby, along with each school’s requirements and due dates for applications.”

The words blur in front of my eyes.

“Not to pressure you or anything, but some of them start interviews in August for spring admission, so the apps are due real soon.”

I blink to clear my vision. “I don’t even... how can I?”

“How can you not?”

What if they don’t accept me? What if they do? How can I afford it? I would need a job and a place to live. I would have to move my whole life, and Ari’s, thousands of miles.

I’ve done it before, but I didn’t have a child then.

“I could come visit you. I love New York. Just think about it.”

I blow out a breath. “Ugh.”

“You miss all the shots you don’t take.”

I roll my eyes, an exaggerated motion.

“We do things not because they are easy, but because they are hard.”

“Okay, Yogi Berra, I get it, all right? I’ll think about it.”

I push myself to stand and head for the door.

“Oh, one more thing,” Bernie calls out. “You know that charity that paid that chunk of your mom’s bill?”

I turn to look at her, lifting my brows, my hand on the door handle.

“That wasn’t a charity. That was Jake.”

* * *

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I’m sitting on my bed with the door shut, on a video call with Jake.

“It was a gift. I didn’t want you to know because I knew you wouldn’t accept it. You wouldn’t even let me buy you groceries. I told Elaine not to tell you. Please don’t be upset. I wanted to do it.” He winces. “Did I totally screw up again?”

I blow out a breath. I should be mad. He lied by omission, again. And yet...

“Paying off part of my mom’s medical bills and not telling me was a kind gesture. I just don’t know how I can ever pay you back.”

I’m not used to accepting help. Why is it so hard?

“I don’t want you to pay me back.” His eyes brighten. “Wait. You could pay me back by moving here and helping Finley.”

I chuckle. “Helping Finley?”

“She’s been interviewing for all these part-time manager positions for the camp, and it’s been an absolute nightmare. The last guy showed up in a dirty shirt, unshowered, and smelling like he just smoked ten pounds of weed.”

“That sucks.”

“It does. But it’s good, because you would be perfect for the job.”

I scratch the back of my neck. It’s actually not a terrible idea. Especially if it’s part-time. Especially since I would need something part-time if I got into any of the nursing programs on the list Bernie gave me.

Before I can muster any kind of reply, Ari bursts into the room and jumps on the bed next to me, squeezing into the camera frame. “Jake!”

“Hey, superhero.” He grins at her.

She jumps around, hands flapping behind her. “Look at my new cape.”

“It’s incredible.”

She stops hopping around. “When are you coming to visit?”

“Soon.”

I hand her the phone so she can talk Jake’s ear off for a few minutes until he has to say goodbye. It’s only seven here, but it’s ten in New York and he’s taking a group of campers on a hike early the next morning.

After we hang up with Jake, I don’t want to move. So, I don’t.

Ari sits next to me, leaning into my side. “I want to see Jake.”

She says this a lot. It’s become almost more frequent than why. I never thought I would prefer the whys.

“When can we go visit Jake again? And Oliver?”

I put an arm around her. “You liked it there?”

She taps my leg with her fingers. “Yep.”

“What would you think if we lived there, permanently?”

“What is perm-ently?”

“Like, what if we lived there forever?”

She purses her lips. “I would miss my friends. But we could email and FaceTime.”

“Right.”

She pats me on the head. “I’m very young. I’ll adapt.”

I snort out a laugh. “Where did you hear that?”

“YouTube.”

“Of course.”