Chapter 34
Kitty
I’m really sorry. I don’t know what else to say.
Tom
…
Kitty
It just happened so quickly.
Tom
Okay then. Well, good luck with everything.
Kitty
Thank you. You too.
You too? God. How pathetic she was. What a tangled web she’d woven and it was all her fault. She’d said she’d wait for Dave, but she hadn’t. What must Tom think of her? And it had only been two weeks since he’d gone. How could everything have changed so much in such a little time?
It was Saturday morning, and Dave had just finished talking to his mother on the phone. ‘Mam says your mam should invite her round,’ he announced. ‘Now our families will be one big family.’
‘I didn’t think she liked me,’ said Kitty. ‘Surely, she’s not celebrating?’
‘Mam’s resigned to my choice,’ he said, a little gloomily, as though his mother had finally accepted he was dropping out of medical school or his inadvisable tattoo was here to stay. ‘When I told her I was going to ask you to marry me, she started to cry. And they weren’t happy tears, more tears of disappointment. But I knew Mam would come round and then she was grand with it. She wouldn’t have given me the ring otherwise.’
Kitty looked at it on her finger – slightly too big and possibly the ugliest ring she’d ever seen in her life. But it was the very least of her problems because even more glaring was the fact that Kitty had very much changed her mind about marrying Dave. It was agony to realise that she was now utterly repulsed by something she had desperately wanted only two weeks earlier. Hopefully, she would find the old Kitty again, and remember the reasons why she had wanted to marry Dave.
Except, she liked the new Kitty much more. And there was Tom who she liked more than she liked Dave. Much more. Except, how could she leave Dave? Her world was far more chaotic and crazy than it had been only weeks earlier, everything she had wanted and relied upon had been turned upside down, and it was her fault, not Dave’s. All he had done was leave for a couple of weeks, which wasn’t a long time, and yet she had gone off and created a whole new world. She should have just stayed where she was. She wasn’t one of those people who deserved love and passion, not like Shazza. What did she say about the two of them? Shazza was too much and Kitty was too little. For a while, she had kidded herself that she could change and she deserved a bit more than too little.
Perhaps marrying Dave could be a good idea? Or rather it would be once she transitioned into the old Kitty again. Better the Dave you know. And they had been together for five years, a history that shouldn’t be thrown away, not after a break of a fortnight, and not when he now wanted what she had wanted. Once. And yes, this was her one wild and precious life, but you couldn’t just do whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted to… could you? Companionship, familiarity, knowing someone’s tics and habits better than you knew your own was preferable to having to start all over again, only to discover your new lover chewed with his mouth full, air-guitared to Pink Floyd and never shared his KitKat.
Except… Tom.
She liked everything about him. Everything. From the first time she had met him in the community centre, to the day on Pansy-Pearl… to the walk home and the night they’d spent together. It was as though she’d walked through a magical door and the world was suddenly in gleaming technicolour, like putting on a new pair of glasses after a lifetime of squinting.
With a pang, she thought of the look on Tom’s face when she’d closed the door.
‘Would tomorrow suit your mam?’
She hadn’t been listening to Dave. ‘For what?’ said Kitty.
For a moment, a look of irritation flickered over his face, but he quickly managed to change to a more passive expression. ‘For our engagement gathering,’ he said, patiently.
‘I’ll ask her.’ There was no sense in putting off the inevitable. This was what she had wanted, wasn’t it? Kitty picked up her phone but there was a message from Tom.
Tom
Just wanted to say that I hope we will be friends. I’ve really enjoyed meeting you and Shazza.
‘It’s better in your mam’s as my mam has just bought a new carpet and doesn’t want people walking on it. So will you ask your mam? 3p.m.?’
Kitty was barely listening and instead was trying to take in Tom’s message. Could they be friends? Would they? That old gnawing feeling was back.
She called Catherine from the kitchen, away from Dave. ‘Mum,’ she said. ‘A bit of news. Dave has proposed…’
There was silence.
‘And it’s what I wanted…’
Still silence, except for slightly strange sounds as though her mother was trying to find the words but nothing was coming out.
‘Aren’t you going to say anything?’
‘Of course, of course…’ But Catherine still sounded as though she’d forgotten how to speak in proper sentences.
‘Well…?’
Finally, Catherine found her voice. ‘Well, if you’re happy, then I’m happy…’ She hesitated. ‘Are you happy?’
‘Of course I am,’ said Kitty. ‘Who accepts a marriage proposal without being happy?’
There was silence on the other end of the line.
‘Mum? I thought we could come over at 3p.m. tomorrow and celebrate. Dave and me, you and Maureen. Dad. Shazza? What do you think?’
‘Darling, it’s wonderful news,’ said Catherine, sounding a little more normal. ‘And, of course, Dave and his mother should come here for a celebration tomorrow. I’ll do champagne and cake. And I’ll phone Annie, to see if she wants to come.’
‘I’ll text Dad,’ said Kitty. ‘Is that all right with you?’
‘Of course…’
Kitty texted Billy.
Kitty
Dave and I have just got engaged. Mum is having drinks and cake at her house, tomorrow at 3p.m. Please come! And remember practice on Monday night? You said you’d go through a few things with mexxx
She looked at the text and thought it was almost a normal interaction with her father, making plans and being loving and friendly. For a moment, she felt a glow of happiness. She was having an actual relationship with her dad and it felt really good.
Shazza was next and it was the call Kitty was dreading the most.
‘I hope you’re joking,’ said Shazza. ‘I mean, you are joking… you’re having me on? Nice one!’ She began to laugh. ‘You nearly had me there! Kitty! You’re terrible, you are! And what happened with you and Tom? Spill the beans, tell me everything…’
‘Shazza, I’m not joking…’ Kitty made sure the kitchen door was closed behind her and she spoke in barely whispered tones. ‘I’m serious. He came back yesterday evening…’
‘But…’
‘And he proposed…’
There was a deathly silence, which chilled Kitty to the very bones. Shazza was never silent. It was all very well for Shazza to have grand plans for the two of them, but it wasn’t real life.
‘Will you come to Mum’s at 3p.m. tomorrow to have some champagne?’
‘Champagne? Don’t you have that when you are celebrating?’
‘We are celebrating,’ said Kitty, firmly. ‘You know this is what I wanted. I love Dave, and he loves me, and that’s that. We had fun over the last two weeks, but it’s time to accept reality and get back to the way things were.’
‘But what about Tom? I thought you liked him? Rory said how much he liked you…’
‘That was nothing…’
‘That? So something did happen! I was wondering when I saw the two of you wander off together…’
‘You were snogging Rory!’
‘Doesn’t mean I still can’t keep half an eye on my best friend and I saw you and Tom walking away into the sunset together…’
‘It was pitch dark…’ Kitty felt empty inside as she remembered that wonderful, golden evening.
‘I thought to myself, there’s a man who will look after my best friend, there’s a man who deserves her! Not like?—’
‘Don’t say it…’
‘But—!’
‘Shazza, have I ever passed judgement on any of the ludicrous men you’ve attached yourself to? Have I ever told you what to do? Have I ever criticised your choices? And some of those choices you have made have been woeful…’
‘No…’
‘So, go with this for me. Pretend Tom never happened. Pretend Dave and I weren’t on a break and everything is hunky-bloody-dory and we’re just going to meet at my mother’s house tomorrow for a glass of champagne and be happy about it! Okay?’
‘Okay.’ Shazza sounded anything but happy for Kitty. She sounded resigned, which was exactly how Kitty felt too.