Chapter 7 - Amanda
The spare room is tiny but comfortable enough. It’s not fully renovated, like the other end of the house, but I like the old, bare wooden planks and the wrought-iron bed.
I curl up on the soft mattress, letting my misery finally run loose and consume me. I’ve been holding it in since early this morning, and fighting my tears has been so difficult, it’s giving me a headache.
I don’t have long to simmer in my pain—I’m too exhausted, and sleep takes me long before I’m ready for it.
The song of a bird wakes me. It’s a gentle sound, but full of quiet joy. I listen to it for some time before I realize I know exactly what kind of bird it is and where he is. I even have some understanding of what he’s saying.
My magic! Is it back?
I sit up and rub my hands together, but I don’t feel the deep, throbbing power that would gather between my palms if I were at full strength. I try to shrug off my disappointment and look for a bathroom.
There’s a very old-fashioned en suite bathroom attached to the guest room. Despite its age, it has hot running water as promised. I take a long shower, then come back to my room, realizing that the only clothing I have with me is Gina’s dress.
I’ll be damned if I’m spending the day in a wedding dress!
Even though I’m dismissing the idea, there is a kind of whimsy in it. It wouldn’t be the first time I put on a fancy dress for absolutely no other reason than that I felt like it.
Nothing more fun than frocking up and running through the forest feeling like a queen.
I pick up the dress and look at it. It really is beautiful, but it’s still my wedding dress. For that reason alone, I’ll never be able to touch it again.
With a sigh, I rummage through the drawers. I find some oversized pants and sweaters in the closet along with spare towels and blankets.
I didn’t think Body was the kind of guy to keep such a well-stocked guest room. Maybe Carla furnished it for him. Wouldn’t surprise me one bit.
Outside the window, I hear the bird again. I stop, closing my eyes while I listen.
He’s close—less than two feet from the window. Perched on a twig, sunlight filtering through the leaves around him. He’s small… a wren? Colorful. And he’s saying…
The song is beautiful, and I know the bird is happy, but I can’t make out exactly what he’s singing about. When my magic is at full strength, I can translate the messages of all the beasts and birds, even deciphering the song of the wind as it blends with the whispers of the trees.
And sometimes, I could even hear the mountain itself, and the ancient voice coming from somewhere deep inside the ground. The earth herself, sharing her secrets with me.
I head outside, walking around the house until I reach the small garden outside my bedroom window. The little wren is still there, waving his tail and singing brightly.
“Hello, little guy,” I say gently. “You’re a happy fellow, aren’t you?”
He chatters at me, flitting around on the twig and bouncing around. I back up a bit, and he swoops up to the top of the tree, does a little circle, then comes back down.
The trickle of intuition that is starting to come back to me draws my eyes upwards. I see a neat little nest of tightly woven threads stuck between two branches.
“Oh, that’s what you’re singing about!” I say, smiling. “Your little lady is sitting on eggs, isn’t she?”
He chatters again, scooting up and down the branch.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to be cross with me,” I back away, laughing. “I’ll leave you be.”
I walk around to the long deck at the back of the house, turning to go towards the woods. At the edge of the trees, I close my eyes and extend my senses outward.
Deer grazing nearby…a rabbit in a burrow over the ridge. A raven in the tree to the left of me. High above, there’s a hawk watching us all…
A cool breeze ruffles my hair, and the smile that slowly spreads across my face is an expression of pure, complete joy. There is a warmth in my chest that I haven’t felt in a very long time, and my hands are tingling, almost humming with energy.
“Amanda.”
Body’s voice cracks through my serenity. Even though I know it’s my marriage to him bringing my magic back, I didn’t want to be reminded of it right now.
“What?” I say.
“I made breakfast.”
I can’t hold in a sigh as I open my eyes and look up at the forest. The anxiety rising in me is so strong that I want to run away from him and disappear into the wilderness forever.
I tried that already.
“Okay,” I answer, turning to face him. The look on his face is so nervous and tense, it actually comforts me a little.
If this isn’t easy for me, it shouldn’t be easy for him, either.
I walk in ahead of Body, going over to the table. The kitchen is impressive, with a long kitchen island beside the cooktop. The dining table is a little further down, near the glass doors that lead out onto the deck.
“Do you entertain much?” I ask.
“No,” he answers, shaking his head. “A lot of this happened with the remodel. I have held a few pack meetings here, though. Only a few parties.”
“Isn’t Jenks’s house still the ultimate destination?”
“He’s been over in Silverton helping out with Sam’s bar. I have no idea how that’s going to play out, though, if Decker really has his balls in an uproar about this marriage.”
I clench my teeth together, determined not to respond to that comment.
I’m not happy about it, either, but here we are.
I sit down at the table and immediately notice the tiny glass vase with a small bunch of delicate, yellow flowers.
“You remembered,” I whisper, talking more to myself than Body.
His eyes follow my gaze as he picks up two plates. “Yeah,” he says. “Of course I remembered.”
Damn his wolf ears! Muttering under my breath is obviously something I won’t get away with here.
“I just happened to have them growing around a flower bed out front,” Body says, gesturing at the flowers. “Most people think they’re a weed, but I knew how much you loved them, so I kept them.”
I reach out and touch the edge of one flower, tracing the delicate petal with my finger.
“They are so tiny, but so strong and beautiful,” I murmur. “Every year, people try to eradicate them, and they just keep coming back.”
Body puts the plates down, clearing his throat a little. I can almost hear his thought, it is so clear.
Just like you.
I shake my head a little, slamming my mind shut. I’ve always been able to pick up vague impressions from people when my magic is strong. I thought that Body and I had a full connection that went both ways. That he understood me as well as I did him.
But if that was true, he couldn’t have hurt me like that.
Body pushes a plate towards me, and my stomach growls loudly. When I look down at the plate, I’m stunned again.
“Waffles with fresh strawberries and vanilla ice cream,” Body says. “I got it right, didn’t I?”
I nod, staring at the food. I can’t form any words right now, I’m too confused.
He’s acting like I never left. As if we did stay together and lived together every second of our lives since high school!
Fury rises as the pain I’ve carried all that time roars through me, scarring my heart all over again. I want to shove the tray away and tell him I don’t want anything from him.
But I am hungry. Practically starving.
I pick up my fork and cut off the corner of a waffle, spearing a slice of strawberry. When the sweet, crispy treat hits my tongue, I can’t help the little moan of pleasure that escapes me.
“Oh my god, these are perfect,” I gush. “Did you make them?”
“No,” Body says, sounding almost bashful. “I bought them at Lucy’s bakery, and she told me how to prepare them.”
“She always was a whiz in the kitchen,” I answer, taking another bite. “The bakery does well?”
“Really well. Especially since Peter started working there, too.”
My mood darkens again at the mention of Peter. I know that Lucy was roped into a marriage she didn’t want, and it ended up being perfect for her, but their situation is completely different than mine.
He didn’t humiliate her in front of all our friends and family… reject her so brutally that it would create a wound that could never heal!
I fiercely shove my anger down, clenching my fists and closing my eyes to stop myself from yelling. As I struggle to keep my emotions in check, the little vase holding the flowers explodes, shattering into tiny shards.
“Whoa!” Body cries. “Did you do that?”
“I’m not sure,” I mutter, looking at the little pile of glass. “I’ve never done anything like that before.”
“But that’s a good sign, right?” he asks. “If your magic is coming back, that means we did the right thing.”
“Body,” I say, sighing, “I will never believe that this is the ‘right thing.’ I need a lot more evidence before I decide if our marriage saved magic or not. I’ll also need to talk to the other witches. I’m not going to just suddenly decide this is a great idea and I’m excited to be here—no matter how many breakfasts you make or flowers you pick.”
“Oh,” he says, looking down at his plate. “I didn’t realize. I thought… well. I was hoping we could—”
“What?” I demand, my voice hard. I’m close to losing my cool and yelling at him, asking every single question that has plagued me for the last ten or so years.
But I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing I was pining for him all that time.
Body looks up at me, his dark brown eyes wide and soft. “I’m sorry, Amanda,” he says. “I was presumptuous, thinking we could just get along the way we used to, with so much past between us. I know there is a lot we should probably talk about.”
Shock makes my guts lurch. My chest closes with the icy grip of fear.
All I’ve wanted for so long is to talk to him, but now it terrifies me.
I just stare at him, trying to think of a response that won’t make me look completely unhinged. I’m stuck between wanting to shake him and demand he tell me the truth, or fleeing from the room because I’m sure I already know the truth.
That he doesn’t want me, never has, never will, and this is all just playing nice because he has to. He has to do anything his alpha tells him to do.
“We probably don’t have time for a big talk right now,” Body says, glancing at his phone. “There’s a meeting scheduled for the wolf hierarchy today.”
“Good,” I answer, breathing a sigh of relief. “I have to see the other witches, too, and ask them if they’ve had any change to their magic since the wedding.”
“It will really work like that? You marry me, and bam , every witch gets her powers back?”
“I don’t think it will be that simple,” I acknowledge. “But the spell said joining with wolves would bring back our connection to nature, and it looks like that is working for me already.”
“Good,” he says, smiling. “I really do want to see you happy, Amanda.”
He reaches for me, trying to touch my hand. I slide away from him, putting my hand in my lap and glaring at him.
I have no idea what his game is, but I’m not playing it. Both of us are only here because we have to be, and if this works, if it brings back the magic, then I have to learn to live with him… even if I can never trust him.