Chapter 17
SEVENTEEN
As soon as Bax felt the twist and tug in his ankle as he tried to free his foot from the rope he knew he was in trouble. He watched in what felt like slow motion as the wagon holding Nick’s unicorn sculpture, which had been accidentally parked on a broken and unstable part of the garden path, tipped and then spilled, sending the statue tumbling right onto the table.
The sound was horrible, like crumpling aluminum foil and splintering wood magnified by a thousand. The snacks he’d placed on the table scattered, the flowers were crushed, and he was pretty sure the glass goblet he’d intended to use for the Ostara ritual shattered. Bax didn’t care about any of that, though. His eyes went wide and his stomach dropped at the sight of months of Nick’s hard work twisting, bending, and snapping as the unicorn hit the ground.
“Oh God, no!” Nally called out, rushing forward like he could do something to stop the carnage.
It was futile. The damage had already been done. As the proverbial dust and the actual debris settled, a sickening silence fell over the lot of them.
Bax glanced at Nick, dreading what he would see. There were no words for the guilt that sliced through him, like the jagged, broken edges of the ruined statue in front of him.
Nick had gone completely white. He stared at the destroyed altar and his broken unicorn with wide, disbelieving eyes. The only thing that knocked him out of the moment of horror was Macy writhing and crying in his arms.
Nick moved slowly to comfort and settle her. Bax watched him suck in a breath and rub her back before he raised his eyes and met Bax’s.
Instead of the fury and bitterness Bax expected to see there, Nick’s expression was blank. Completely blank. Like he didn’t know what to do or think or feel anymore. It hurt far worse than ordinary anger would have.
“I’m sorry,” he said, the words gusting out of him. “I’m so sorry.”
He’d intended to walk away, leaving the chaos and frustration of Nick and his mum and the kids, and really the entire Hawthorne family behind him. Not forever, just long enough for him to gather his thoughts and settle himself. Instead, he headed back, stepping around the twisted remains of the unicorn to get to Nick.
“I am so incredibly sorry,” he said, tears stinging his eyes. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”
“Are you really surprised?” Mrs. Turner inched forward, glaring at him. “This is what happens when you?—”
“Mum!” Nick shouted, twisting to frown at her. “Enough. Be quiet for once.”
Mrs. Turner was so startled that she stepped back and pressed her fingers to her thin lips.
Nick turned back to Bax, taking a deep, ragged breath. Again, Bax was certain he was about to be chewed out, but Nick said, “Don’t go,” in a tight voice. “Don’t walk away from me.”
Bax blinked, his mind reeling as he fought to adjust to the exact opposite of what he’d been certain would happen.
“I’ve wrecked all your hard work,” he said, shifting to look over his shoulder.
Rafe, Alfie, and Rhys were trying to lift the broken unicorn upright while Toby, Robbie, and Rebecca’s Claudia moved around, picking up bits of the table and some of Bax’s ceremonial tools. Nally stood to one side with Jordan holding his hand, both of them looking startled.
“It’s just a sculpture,” Nick said, his gaze still focused on Bax. “I’ll either fix it or melt it down and make something else. It’s a thing. You’re a person. I can’t replace you.”
The tears that had threatened earlier stung harder, making Bax’s eyes water. “Don’t say that,” he said. “Your art means something. It’s not inconsequential. And I know this sculpture was for Raina. It’s not scrap metal, it’s you .”
“It might as well be scrap metal,” Nick said, adjusting Macy in his arms as she settled a little. “Yes, my art is important, but something has been off with that piece since I started making it. I can deal with fixing it, but I don’t think I could deal with you walking away and us losing this thing we have growing between us.”
“I wasn’t leaving you,” Bax said, moving closer to Nick. He reached out, but instead of touching Nick, he rubbed his hand over Macy’s back, calming her a little more. “I just needed a timeout. Yes, it all got a bit too much for me. Things do sometimes. But a walk and a few deep breaths would have fixed everything.”
He switched hands, caressing the side of Nick’s stubbly face. “I’m not going anywhere. Yes, things are strained, but I?—”
His tender words were cut short by Jordan’s sudden, ear-splitting howl of pain.
Bax caught his breath and whipped around as Nick lurched forward. Jordan had stepped into the mess of twisted metal and splintered table. There was no telling exactly how he’d done it, but his hand was completely sliced open, along with a bit of his forearm. Blood seeped out everywhere.
“Jordan,” Nick gasped. He pushed Macy into Bax’s arms then leapt forward to rescue Jordan.
Everything that had ground to a halt moments before raced into motion. Rafe, Rhys, and Alfie hastened their efforts to get the gnarled sculpture out of the way as Nick swept Jordan up into his arms and moved him to a clear spot of grass to get a better look at his cut.
“Water!” he called out. “I need water to clean this and see how deep it is.”
Janice and Robert scrambled to look for water.
“It looks really deep,” Blaine said, grabbing a bottle of water that had been with the refreshments and crouching by Nick’s side. He opened it before handing it over.
“What happened?” Bax asked, struggling to keep Macy from wriggling out of his arms. “I didn’t see.”
“He reached out to touch the metal just as we lifted the sculpture,” Rafe said, striding back around to where Nick was washing out a screaming Jordan’s cut. “It happened so fast that I didn’t see more than that.”
“My poor baby,” Mrs. Turner wailed as she pushed Rebecca out of the way so she could kneel by Nick’s side. “He’ll lose too much blood. It looks like you nearly sliced his hand clean off.”
From where Bax was standing, it didn’t look like Jordan was in any danger of losing his hand, but he was losing a lot of blood.
“Should we take him to A&E?” he asked, uncertain whether he should join the crush of people crowding around Nick or stand back.
“I’ll run upstairs and get your car keys and wallet,” Rebecca said, running off.
“We could call an ambulance?” Rafe suggested.
“It’s not that bad,” Nick said, “but the bleeding doesn’t look like it will stop. It’s okay love,” he tried to soothe Jordan.
Jordan wasn’t having it. The poor boy was clearly in pain.
“If you’re taking him to the hospital, you should go immediately,” Blaine said, taking the empty water bottle when Nick handed it back. “Wrap his hand and arm tightly in a towel to stop as much of the bleeding as possible.”
There wasn’t much in the way of towels immediately available, but Rhys ripped part of the tablecloth that had been on the altar and Nick used that to wrap Jordan’s hand. Once that was done, they got up and hurried to the parking lot, to Nick’s car. Rebecca met them there with the keys.
“I want to come with you,” Mrs. Turner insisted. “He’s my grandchild and he needs me.”
Nick sent Bax a wary look as he fastened a still-wailing Jordan into his car seat. Bax wasn’t sure whether he was looking for permission or support or something else.
“I’ll sit in the back with the kids to try to keep them calm,” he offered, ignoring Mrs. Turner entirely.
“Thanks,” Nick said, seemingly relieved.
“You won’t leave me behind,” Mrs. Turner continued to insist as Bax fastened a struggling Macy into her car seat. “I’m far more important than this person here.”
Nick briefly met Bax’s eyes again before straightening and opening the driver’s door. “If you’re coming then get in,” he told his mum before settling into the car himself.
As soon as Bax had Macy strapped in, he climbed awkwardly over her to squash himself into the space between the two seats. Jordan was beside himself, but settled a tiny bit when Bax held his uninjured hand and talked to him.
The trip to the hospital was a complete blur. Both kids were crying and Bax was vaguely aware of Mrs. Turner shouting at Nick from the front passenger’s seat. She turned a few times to try to reach for Jordan, but Jordan kicked out and she stopped. Nick stared straight ahead as he drove, and for all Bax knew, he didn’t hear a word his mum shouted at him.
They were a screaming ball of pandemonium by the time they reached A&E. Jordan had settled a little in the car, but as soon as they parked and Nick fetched him from his seat, he started up again. Whether that was because he was reminded of the pain or because of Mrs. Turner’s attempt to shout instructions at everyone from Nick to Bax to the nurses who dropped what they were doing to see what was the matter, Bax couldn’t tell.
“He sliced his hand on sharp metal,” Nick explained as the nurses quickly ushered him back to an emergency examination room. “No, it wasn’t dirty. Yes, I think he needs stitches.”
“Sir, madam, you can’t come back here,” one of the nurses stepped in front of Bax and Mrs. Turner, blocking them from following Nick and Jordan.
Bax nodded and stepped back, but Mrs. Turner threw a fit.
“That’s my grandson!” she shouted. “He’s injured. He could bleed to death. I need to be there with him.”
“Madam, we’ll do everything we can for him,” the nurse said holding up her hands. “He’ll be just fine. We’ll let you know as soon as he’s been treated.”
Mrs. Turner didn’t like being told no and continued to argue with the nurse. Bax held a miserable Macy closer and walked her to the far end of the waiting room, near to a collection of kids’ books and toys, but she wasn’t interested.
“Ssh, ssh,” he tried to comfort her, bouncing her in his arms a little. “Everything’s going to be okay. Jordan and Daddy will be okay.”
He hoped he wasn’t lying to a toddler. The truth was, he had no idea what was going on. He’d never had to deal with an injury like that. He’d never had to be on his own with a crying toddler and an irate grandmother in a hospital waiting room either.
“This is your fault,” Mrs. Turner hissed at him after giving up her fight with the nurse and marching across the waiting room to Bax. “None of this would have happen if you hadn’t lured my son into doing horrible things.”
Bax was not in the mood to deal with insults like that. “What Nick does with his own time is none of your business,” he said, trying to keep his voice low.
They weren’t the only ones in the waiting room. Half a dozen people sat there waiting and now watching them instead of the telly on the wall.
Mrs. Turner didn’t seem to notice or care they were being watched at all. “He’s always been such a good, bright boy. Quiet, but not gay.” She lowered her voice to a whisper to say “gay”. “I don’t know what you did to change him, but I want him changed back.”
Fury rose in Bax, but he tamped it down for Macy’s sake. “He’s not a duvet cover. No one can change him. He’s his own person.”
“He never would have turned to sodomy if you hadn’t forced him to,” Mrs. Turner continued. She gasped and reeled back, eyes wide. “You cast some sort of spell on him, didn’t you? You and your witchy practices.”
If Bax had had a free hand, he would have rubbed it over his face in exasperation. Maybe it was just the intensity of the moment, but Mrs. Turner had crossed over into ridiculous territory.
“I’m dating your son, Mrs. Turner,” he said, still trying not to draw focus, which was impossible. “I didn’t force him into anything. Honestly, you’re the one trying to force him into a heteronormative relationship by dragging women out of the woodwork and attempting to set him up. Just let him be, alright? Just let him be himself.”
“This is not who he is,” Mrs. Turner insisted. “You Hawthornes have corrupted him. You’ve twisted him like that wretched statue.”
Bax winced. He didn’t need the reminder of the carnage he’d caused. Nick was wrong when he said his unicorn, and all the rest of his art, was unimportant. It was a major part of who he was, a part he needed to focus on more for the sake of his soul.
“Now is not the time to have this conversation,” he sighed, bouncing Macy in his arms and rubbing her back as she calmed a bit more. “How about you go wait on that side of the room and Macy and I will wait here, and we’ll sort this mess some other time.”
“Give me the baby,” Mrs. Turner said, trying to reach around Bax’s arms to take Macy.
“No,” Bax said, turning to shield Macy from her.
It was stubborn of him, but the fact that Macy clung to him and tried to avoid her granny helped him to feel like it was a good idea.
Mrs. Turner gave up when the nurse who had stopped her from following Nick earlier came out of the corridor and called her name. She abandoned her struggle for Macy in a hurry, leaving Bax to soothe and settle the little girl all over again.
“Mrs. Turner, Jordan has a deep cut across his hand,” the nurse said, just barely loud enough for Bax to hear. “The area has been cleaned and numbed, and we’re just waiting for the doctor to come and give him stitches.”
That was all Bax needed to hear. He turned away as Mrs. Turner fired more angry questions at the nurse, but he was satisfied with the treatment Jordan was getting.
“There you go,” he told Macy in a sing-song voice that was probably all wrong to use with toddlers. “Big brother is going to be alright.”
Macy went from crying to sniffling and moaning as Bax walked her over to a large window that looked out on a tiny garden and the road beyond. He positioned himself so Macy could watch the traffic and activity around the hospital as she plunked her head on his shoulder and gradually grew heavier. Within a few minutes, she was asleep.
Bax finally had three seconds to breathe and catch up with the situation he was in. That didn’t make him feel better, though. It kind of made him feel worse.
What the hell was he doing? The last place on earth he would have expected to be on the night of Ostara was in A&E with a toddler sleeping in his arms while his boyfriend’s mother argued with the hospital’s staff. He should have been at a celebration, at Callum’s celebration, drinking and laughing and giving thanks for the spring. He should have been warming up for a night of adult fun and abandon, not just as a way of honoring fertility, but to connect with the man he loved.
This wasn’t the life he was meant for. Sure, he loved Macy and Jordan. He would have even if he wasn’t in love with Nick. They were Raina’s kids, his family. He loved Nick more and more with every day, but loving him wasn’t as simple as the movies made it out to be.
A part of him argued that love meant changing parts of who you were to fit with the person you loved, but he wasn’t sure if that was real or just something cute that could be put in a meme. It didn’t seem like a great idea to subvert who he was for the sake of someone else. That couldn’t possibly be a good idea.
So where did that leave him?
It left him with a toddler asleep in his arms while he looked out a hospital window at rushing traffic on Ostara instead of celebrating with friends.
“Hey.”
Bax wasn’t sure how much time had passed when Nick’s quiet greeting shook him out of his thoughts. He turned, and his heart throbbed in his chest for a moment at the sight of his lover, exhausted, wan, and holding a sound asleep Jordan in his arms. Jordan’s entire forearm was bound, with only the tips of his fingers poking out from the bandage securing his hand.
Despite all his misgivings, Bax melted a little at the sight. Nick was such a great dad, which made him a great person, which sent Bax’s heart soaring. Who would have thought a guy could look so sexy with dark circles under his eyes and spots of dried blood on the sleeve of his shirt?
“How is he?” Bax asked, brushing his free hand over Jordan’s hair.
“Traumatized,” Nick said with a sigh. “Probably more from Mum’s carrying on than from the stitches.”
“Where is your mum, by the way?” Bax asked, looking around.
Nick humphed. “She called a cab to take her home when I told her I didn’t need her help.”
“That doesn’t sound good,” Bax said.
Nick winced. “Could be worse. I think she was as tired as these two by the end.”
“Do you need me to drive home?” Bax asked, realizing just how exhausted Nick was.
Nick looked like he would refuse, then blew out a breath, his shoulders sagging. “Alright,” he said.
They turned to go. Nick fished around in his pocket for his keys and handed them over to Bax. Everyone was tired. What was supposed to be a family-friendly Ostara celebration had turned into an incredibly crappy night. Instead of a picnic, the next day would probably be filled with taking care of Jordan and assessing how to fix the unicorn.
None of it was what Bax wanted to do, but at the same time, he didn’t want to do anything else. He didn’t want the whole, messy situation he’d fallen into to exist at all. But there was no way to fix what was already broken. He would either have to give up what he wanted to make Nick happy or leave…which would make them both miserable.