Friends With All the Benefits

13 Ellie

I was a bit more discerning with the rest of the guys I went out with. My trusty clipboard came back out, and I made myself a list of what I expected from a date, which expanded into what I wanted from a relationship.

After laughing their heads off at my cheapskate date with Matt, Joyce and Hannah rallied around me and helped stalk all my potential paramours on social media to weed out the dodgy ones. As a result, all my subsequent dates were pleasant. Some even wanted to see me again, but there was one big problem.

I had no spark, no chemistry with them. I went out with these guys, we had good conversations and even fun, and then I went home to Ethan, spent time with Ethan, and realised that he had spoiled me for other men.

I thought I could bury my feelings for him, but the truth was I couldn’t. I thought that living with him would wear the shine off my crush, but the opposite happened instead. The more time we spent together, the more I fell head over heels, deeper into this pit my feelings dug until I risked not being able to climb back out again. He was hot, he was kind, and he was funny. He was good company. He did his fair share and more around the house. To top it off, he pitched in with my overhaul of the gardens even though he didn’t have to.

And when he helped me clear the backyard out, he often ended up sweaty and shirtless. The weather was getting colder, but after the gardening was done and Ethan had gone back into the cosy, warm house, his top always came off to cool off. And that wasn’t the only time he walked around the house barely dressed. Lately, he had started walking around the house in just a towel, unbothered by my presence. I had seen more of shirtless Ethan in the last month than I ever thought I ever would in the years I’ve known him, and he was magnificent. His shoulders were broad, his muscles were well defined and that broad chest of his made me want to just bury myself in it. And seeing him flex those muscles in the garden…it was like a one-man hot man buffet for my eyes.

But Ethan was strictly off limits. His heart belonged to someone else on the other side of the country, and he only saw me as a friend. Besides, given he walked around half naked around me so much, it only drove home the point that he would never see me in that light. To him, I was as good as another sister, or maybe even wallpaper. I’d like to think I kept a composed lid on how much he flustered me, but when I closed my eyes at night, images of a barely dressed Ethan haunted my thoughts. When I was alone in the shower, daydreams of an unclothed Ethan joining me invaded my mind. Maybe the advent of winter would get him to put more clothes on, but it wouldn’t change the fact that I now knew what he looked like topless.

After a disturbed sleep spent fending off unwanted images of sexy, shirtless Ethan, I woke up to find sexy, shirtless Ethan making breakfast.

He saw me amble out of my room and smiled. My heart nearly burst. This was too domestic. Too intimate. It was everything I wanted but could never truly have.

“I’m doing a chilli scrambled egg for brekkie,” he informed me. “I was going to leave yours in the oven, but I’m glad you’re up. It’s better fresh.”

“Aren’t you cold?” I blurted out. The house had double-glazed windows, good sealing, and great insulation, but we were currently in the first week of winter. Granted, the start of winter was usually mild, as if the best bits of autumn were having a last hurrah before the cold set in, but it was still chilly enough that I had to bundle up in the mornings.

Ethan stared down at his bare torso, then at my plush robe, then nonchalantly said, “I run warm, Ellie.”

“I can see that.” I walked past him to make myself coffee. Right then, I wanted so much to reach out and find out just how warm he ran, but I didn’t.

Ethan turned around and moved, blocking my way just as I brushed past. I stopped breathing and crashed right into him. My hands jerked up to brace myself and found themselves pressed against the bare skin of his bare chest.

“You do run warm,” I said without thinking, my voice hoarse as I looked up and into his smiling eyes.

Ethan didn’t seem to mind. He just grinned and whispered back, “Told you so.”

I yanked my hands away and stepped aside carefully. Ethan casually leaned past me, his body brushing against mine as he reached for a plate, then turned back to the eggs. It took everything I had to keep it together. I almost spooned myself double the amount of instant coffee before I caught myself. I eventually managed to make my coffee without further disaster and scuttled away to the dining table, putting as much furniture between myself and Ethan as possible. The physical proximity might have been unintentional on his end, but it nearly undid me.

We ate breakfast together like we always did nowadays. We scrolled through the news on our phones, discussing articles as they caught our eye. It was comfortable and easy. Funny how quickly this had become a routine. I was getting used to having Ethan like this to myself, and it couldn’t end well.

“I’m heading out with my running buddies after this,” he informed me. “Sorry I’m not able to help with the garden today.”

“Go. Enjoy yourself. You don’t have to help me with the garden. I’ve told you a million times.”

“I know, but I live here too.”

I waved his concern aside. After breakfast, Ethan drove out to meet his friends and I went to work on pruning the hedges at the end of the garden we had decided to keep. It took me all morning, and by the time the sun was high in the sky, I decided to call it a day and head inside to shower.

The bathroom had two doors—one that opened to the hallway and the other that opened right into Ethan’s room. Usually, we locked both doors from the inside when we used the bathroom, but Ethan had told me he would be out all day today. I was dead beat from all the work I did in the garden, and when I glanced at the bathroom locks, I decided to chance it. Ethan wouldn’t be back for most of the day, and I was too tired to move any more steps than necessary. Not when I had my target in sight.

My body ached all over and the large bathtub was calling my name. I hadn’t used it since I moved in. Today, I would treat myself. Today, I would allow myself to enjoy a warm, relaxing soak to while my Saturday morning away. After all that hard work in the garden, I deserved it. I reached for the box of Epsom salts I bought in preparation for this very moment and started running the bath.

Almost an hour later, my body had reached peak relaxation. The steam was cleaning all my pores, and I had dipped myself underwater a few times just to soak my hair. The water was still pleasantly warm, and I didn’t quite feel like leaving the bathtub just yet. I closed my eyes again and the image of sexy, shirtless Ethan sauntering around the house came to mind unbidden again. Damn him.

My hand slipped between my legs. If he was so intent on prancing around half-clothed, he couldn’t blame me if I enjoyed the view a little too much. The memory of me in his arms, however accidental, was seared into my memory. He was as warm as he said he was, and so firm to the touch. I could just imagine his body covering mine, hard and hot and powerful…

I touched myself to the thought. Damn Ethan for being so attractive. The thought of his body being so near mine turned me on so damn much, so I just kept on going, losing myself in a daydream of what I could never have.