Chapter 31
Trinity”s head was spinning. The pair of them were panting hard, neither moving, each of them silent, except for the harsh laboured breaths and the rigorous heave of their chests.
Eventually, Christian fumbled with the binding and freed her wrists, but Trinity still didn”t have the energy to move them from where they”d dropped.
Christian rolled slightly to the side, not much, but enough to allow her to breathe more freely once his heavy frame was lifted from hers, but his arm still banded tight around her waist as if he was afraid she might disappear if he eased his hold.
Finally, he managed to find his voice. ”I want to see where this leads, Trinity. Are you up for that?”
“What do you mean?” she asked cautiously, scared to hope, yet also afraid not to.
”I mean, I don”t want what we’ve found with each other to be confined to a club contract. I don”t want it to end in a few weeks, and I don”t want to lose you again.”
He tipped her face to look at him as they both lay with their heads on the same pillow, so she could see his sincerity and gauge it for herself.
”I need you with me, Trinity. I need you in my life. You complete a part of me that only you could ever fill.”
”You always needed me, Christian,” she said seriously. ”There was never any question of that, and it fed a place inside of me which made me think that alone might be enough.”
She sighed deeply, and it sounded like it was torn from her very soul. ”There was never any question that you wanted me, either. The sex was always great, and now we”re both reading off the same page, it has the possibility to be even better. But it still all sounds a bit too much like that old Meatloaf song, don”t you think? You know the one—Two out of three ain”t bad.
Thinking for a moment, he brought the lyrics to mind as snippets of the refrain drifted through his head on a sad, haunting melody. Want you… need you… never gonna love you…
Christian”s heart stuttered when he realised exactly what she was saying, how she felt, even as the rest of the song drifted through his mind.
He shook his head vehemently. ”Don”t say that!” he demanded, feeling like she”d physically stabbed him in the chest with her words. ”It”s not true!”
”Isn”t it?” Trinity asked gently. ”Christian, I”m an open book. I love you. I”ve always loved you. Maybe I always will. But I know better now, that wishing for an outcome doesn”t make it happen.”
He looked at her, his face tortured, but at this precise moment, he just couldn”t find the words. Trinity smiled sadly, and he felt his chest squeeze tight as if a giant hand was forcing all of the air out of his lungs and causing a deep, enduring ache.
His fingertips fluttered against her face, almost scared to touch, and his eyes betrayed his wretched dilemma. He was torn. He opted for honesty.
”I don”t know what to say, Trinity. This is all so new, and we”re only just starting to find our way. I can”t quantify exactly how I feel right at this moment. I just know I want to have you in my life and explore the possibilities with you. Is that enough?”
Trinity stroked her hand across his strong, stubbled jaw, her eyes bright with the sheen of tears that he didn”t know how to interpret.
”I”m a sure thing, Christian. Whether you return my feelings or not, that is my truth, wherever it ends up leading.”
Christian took a deep, shuddering breath. He had to turn away from the expression on her beautiful face that was churning him up inside. He was so damn conflicted. He wanted to reassure her, but he didn”t want to make promises he couldn”t keep or give her a false hope. It might make her feel better in the short term, but sooner or later, she”d realise it wasn”t true and that would be even more unforgivable.
Truthfully, right now, he simply didn”t know.
Rolling back and looming over her slight frame, where she lay gloriously naked and psychologically unprotected underneath him, yet still prepared to bare everything she had to him and whatever whims he might subject her to, he made her the only promise he could.
Grasping hold of her face in both his hands, he stared deep into pale, intriguing eyes that showed him everything and betrayed her vulnerability. ”I can promise you one thing,” he rasped out hoarsely. ”And I want you to believe it, not because I say it, but because it”s the truth.”
She nodded her head in acceptance, waiting for his decree.
”Whatever happens, wherever this leads us, I will never lie to you!”
A tremulous smile trembled on her lips and she raised one hand to cover his before pressing a sweet kiss into his palm. ”I know that, Christian, and it”s all I can ask for. Whatever else has gone before, your honesty was the one thing I always knew I could rely on, because I already know you have never lied to me.”