Friends with Benefits (Club Risqué Book 5)

Chapter 32

Trinity looked around at the many familiar faces that smiled and welcomed her like a long-lost friend.

She was surprised if she was honest with herself. It had been a long time and these people held no allegiance to her. She had been nothing more than a sometime escort to one of their own, who had failed to even earn herself the title of girlfriend, never mind anything more.

It had been surprisingly fun to shop for a fancy frock for this charity ball. So very different from her typical wardrobe these days, which consisted of outrageous fetish wear, on the one hand, countered by strictly comfort wear on the other. Leggings, tunics, maybe a flowing summer dress or two.

She didn”t even like to wear jeans. She spent so much time squeezed and contorted into rigid, boned corsets, unforgiving leather, sweaty, skin-tight PVC, and ridiculously high skyscraper heels, that her free time clothing deliberately included only the cosy and informal.

This dress incorporated a little bit of both, the glitz and the glamour, as well as the comfort. It was a supple satiny sheath that hugged her body but was still loose enough to float over the few curves she had. But really, she’d chosen it because the rich silver tones enhanced the unusual colour of her eyes. It fell with the grace and glide of a waterfall, and the fabric was heavy enough to make it slinky despite the fact that it flared from the hip into an A line skirt. The cowl neck showed her small bosom to its best advantage and the tiny shoestring straps showed off the tan on her shoulders and back with stunning contrast.

Of course, her bright red, spiky hair wasn”t quite the fashion amongst all the elaborate coifs and glamorous updos, but she”d softened the look by smoothing it down and teasing out a few silky tendrils around her face so that it looked sleek and sophisticated instead.

A spray of glittering silk flowers threaded from behind her left ear and sweeping across the nape of her neck, disguised the boyish style and she”d even muted the colour with a rich mahogany wash in, wash out, colour tinting shampoo.

It wasn”t that she was ashamed of the woman she’d become—far from it—she was more confident in herself than she had ever been in her life. It was more that she felt an instinctive urge to hold a part of herself back from this crowd.

Here, in this environment, with these people, she was Tara again and she felt the inexplicable urge not to muddle the two personas from her past and her present. This was a different reality from the life she lived day to day.

Trinity could barely even explain to herself, never mind anybody else, her need to keep a distance between the two, though it was likely that Micah would understand and have some extensive, convoluted explanation.

Not that she needed it. She just needed to stay true to her beliefs, and her belief was that Trinity and Tara needed to stay in their own separate realities until such a time that a compromise could be found to unite the two.

Or maybe it was just that she feared slipping backward into a time where her whole life had revolved around somebody other than herself, until she had lost herself completely. Not just her identity, but her likes and dislikes, her hopes and her dreams.

Back then, her entire future had become an extension of someone else, until she had ceased to exist as her own entity.

It had been hard to make her way back from that, having given herself over so completely to another person”s fulfilment. Trinity didn”t want to find herself back there all over again.

Perhaps it was as simple as that.

The evening wasa whirl of wining and dining, dancing, and schmoozing.

Trinity was pleased to find she hadn”t lost her touch and, despite having spent the past five years in a kink club, she could still talk big business. It didn”t really matter what type it was at the end of the day, she realised. Buying, selling, promotion, marketing, and the all-important profit margin were all the same whatever the business was.

She felt comfortable with the company and the surroundings and even the small talk, even when Christian was plucked away from her, which was often, but not unexpected.

It might be for charity, in theory, but it was still all about contacts and networking at the end of the day. It was simply dressed up in a fancy bow, just like the guests who attended. But good causes still benefitted, so everyone was happy.

Christian took advantage of the post introduction lull to pull her onto the dance floor. He had always been a skilful dancer, but this time, there seemed to be an added layer to their steps, a different kind of intimacy.

Yes, intimacy, that was what it was.

And freedom.

Christian pulled her close and held her tight, nuzzled her neck and let his fingers roam, pressing her to him, letting her feel the tell-tale bulge in his groin.

Trinity realised that, although she had been in this exact same position dozens of times in the past, Christian had always held back before, careful not to let people think she was anything more than a friend and an escort, even during the years after they had become lovers.

She wondered how she was supposed to take this new development. Or was she just overthinking things?

Christian had been honest and upfront when he”d told her he wanted their relationship to continue outside the contract they had and to see where it might lead.

Although they hadn”t really discussed it any further or come to any kind of specific agreement, it looked like he was forging ahead with that plan for everyone to see.

”You look stunning tonight,” he told her, not for the first time.

He’d been generous with his compliments since he”d arrived in his limo to pick her up.

That was something else that was new, too, and yet Trinity knew she was guilty of imagining everything that was transpiring now would slip into the old mould of the relationship they used to share.

She was annoyed with herself for that. Hadn”t she just given herself the pep talk about how she shouldn”t risk falling back into being Tara? And yet her expectations were that things would be the same as they had been before, even though Christian had already told her he wanted more.

Why the hell was she trying to sabotage herself…or was it just a ”muscle memory” kind of thing?

Christian nipped lightly on her neck, enough to bring her back to the conversation at hand. ”You”re thinking very loudly,” he chuckled. ”Aren”t you enjoying yourself?”

”Actually, I am,” she replied truthfully. ”I didn”t expect so many people to remember me, so it”s been easy to slip back into the role.”

He swung her around the dance floor on experienced feet, looking hot as hell in his custom-made tuxedo, the tan on his neck a stark contrast to the pristine white of his shirt collar. It drew her eye and made her want to lick him there…and a few other places, too.

”I don”t know why you”re surprised. People liked you and appreciated your knowledge and judgement. Believe me, there was no shortage of people who had no qualms in telling me what a huge mistake I”d made when I married Bianca. For a while there, I really did think I”d committed career suicide.”

Trinity was quiet for a moment. Was that why he wanted her with him again, because she had been a positive influence on his career?

No! Stop it! she told the nagging little voice. She needed to stop second-guessing every little thing that was said and done. Christian had always been honest with her. If that was what he wanted, he wouldn”t have hesitated to say so. She had to get out of this destructive spiral of self-doubt or there was no chance for them.

Sure, it was a case of once bitten twice shy, but being reticent was a whole lot different from being insecure.

Christian mistook her silence. ”I”m sorry,” he murmured. ”I shouldn”t have spoiled things by bringing up my ex-wife.”

This time, Trinity did flinch at his words. Just the thought of Christian with a wife, someone who had shared his life and his name, however briefly, brought a wave of ugly, irrational jealousy and resentment crashing over her which was humiliating in its pettiness.

Usually, she liked to think of herself as better than that; she certainly hoped she was anyway. But the fact remained that she would rather he just refer to the woman by her name so she didn”t have to acknowledge the true relationship they had shared, no matter how short lived it had been.

”It”s not that,” Trinity replied, settling on an abbreviated version of the truth…or at least the truth as it had been before he had mentioned Bianca. ”I”m just having a little bit of trouble melding the past and the present. These people still think of me as Tara, and that”s not who I am anymore, and neither is it who I want to be.

It”s just one of those things I have to come to terms with in my own time.”