Frozen Heat

11. Jade

I lookedat Noah and steeled myself to tell him.

“You know how I told you earlier that my ex was an older guy?” I asked, waiting for him to nod. When he did, I continued. “You also know the nightmares started when I was sixteen. I met him when I was fifteen, and he was twenty-three. I thought I was so lucky because I had caught the attention of this older, more sophisticated man.”

“When, in reality, you had caught the eye of a predator. Fuck, Jade. You didn’t wonder why a much older man would be looking for someone who was fifteen?” he asked, that agonized expression back on his face. This was going to be harder than I thought if he kept looking at me like that.

“I didn’t. I had no idea. It was the first relationship I ever had, and you know what my mom was like. Her life choices before she met your dad were less than awesome. I don’t even know who my dad is. Having no good male role models while growing up didn’t show me any healthy examples,” I told him.

I was trying to make a joke of it, but everything I said was one hundred percent true. It was something I had a couple of years to think about since everything happened. My stepdad did the best he could, but I was already fifteen when we moved into his house. I had no idea what love was, and I had no business getting into a relationship like that, but I didn’t care.

“Anyway, it’s completely beside the point. Things were fairly normal with him for a while, and he didn’t outright pressure me for sex, but looking back on it, he was being subtle.”

“Did he—were you a virgin?” Noah choked out, as if he could almost guess what was coming.

I nodded and noticed he went completely rigid, his fists clenched and his jaw tight. I placed my hands on his shoulders, and he locked eyes with me.

“Please don’t tell me that he forced you?—”

“No, my decision to lose my virginity to him was made of my own free will. After that is where my consent gets convoluted,” I said, almost to myself. I had thought about it so much. Did I explicitly tell him no? Did I fight hard enough? A lot of things I didn’t want to do, but I couldn’t remember if I had ever told him no.

Noah swore under his breath and raked his hands through his hair. “What does that even mean?” he asked.

“So, once I had sex with him, then things changed rapidly. Like a personality transplant. He started making comments about wanting to watch someone else make me come. At first, I thought it was just a fantasy, so I will admit it didn’t freak me out too much. But he continued to fixate on it. Then he started inviting friends over while I was there. I can’t confirm it but one night I think he drugged me. I fell asleep on the couch while watching TV and woke up to both of them touching me. I don’t think I ever told them to stop, and I was curious, but I didn’t want to do it. It snowballed from there. There were more guys, and me being tied down a few times . . .” I trailed off, and cut my explanation short because Noah looked like he was about ready to kill someone or turn to violence. I knew he wasn’t mad at me but at my ex. I had never planned on telling him more than I needed to. But I thought he got the picture now.

He looked right at me and the pain there almost broke me. I never wanted to hurt him, and it was kind of fucked up that I felt bad I had made him feel that. I needed to do something. I had to remind him that it was all in the past. We were past it, even though I was still healing. I stood from the couch, pressed Noah’s shoulders against the back cushion, and straddled his lap.

“Look at me,” I told him, grabbing his chin and forcing him to look at me. “That’s all in the past. I wanted you to know why I would wake up screaming. It’s partly my fault because I don’t remember ever telling him no.”

Noah shook his head, causing me to let go of his face, my hand landing on his chest and joining the other one already there. “No, you can’t seriously blame yourself, Jade. He was the older party, and he abused the trust he had built up with you.”

I glanced down at my hands on his chest. The intense look he was giving me was too much.

“You were too young to be in a relationship with someone that age, and he used that to his advantage. Look at me,” he pleaded.

I shook my head, trying and failing to keep the tears at bay. His words dislodged some of the guilt and pain in my heart, causing me the need to expel it. I heard him sigh and his fingers tilted my chin to look up at him. He wiped the tears from my eyes with the pads of his thumbs and then rested his forehead against mine.

His scent invaded my nose—a woodsy, soapy, fresh scent—and I had to blow out a breath to steady myself and quell the very real attraction I had to him. He wanted nothing but happiness and safety for me, and it made me trust him and his friends more than I normally would. But Noah had been around for a lot longer than the rest. He was also around when I needed him most, even though neither of us realized it at the time. It all seemed too good to be true that he was here with his eyes on me, his skin touching mine, and that look of desire on his face that I had mistaken for something else so many times.

“I don’t deserve this. All you want for me is to be happy and safe, so you do what you can to make sure I am, but what do I do? I’m just existing. Why do you care so much? I don’t get it.”

“Does it matter? It’s simple, J. I could list off all your attractive traits, but you don’t see yourself clearly, so it’d do me no good. You take care of us. You’re kind and your smile makes me want to give you whatever you ask for just so you’ll do it more often.”

I inhaled sharply at his admission, and suddenly, I couldn’t hold back anymore. I pressed my lips to his, praying he would respond. Hoping he wouldn’t stop. Immediately, his hands brushed back my hair, one fisting in my hair and the other pulling me closer by the back of my neck. Our lips moved together like it was something we had done so many times, but the passion there was electric. Letting go of my reservations, worries, and thoughts of this being so wrong, I just felt. Instinctively, my hips ground down onto his, and I moaned at the friction it created against my clit. I wanted to cry when Noah pulled away from my lips, his hands coming to rest on my shoulders, making me look at him.

“I want you, Jade. So much it almost drives me crazy. But if we go there, that’s it for me. There will be no going back. You will be mine. I don’t share and I get jealous. Do you understand what I’m saying?” he asked, that intense glint in his eyes never letting up.

I nodded because I got it. If we had sex, I didn’t want to continue with this cycle of wondering what he was thinking, whether he wanted me or not, if his feelings were the same.

“If we have sex, you want me to be your girlfriend?” I asked, teasing him. I knew this wasn’t easy for him, but I didn’t want to overthink it. I was tired of overthinking and assuming crash positions all the time.

“If you want to just boil it down to the simplest of terms, then yes.” Smiling, he nodded.

I pressed closer to him, kissing the side of his neck, while grinding my hips into his lap again. “Are you that confident in your skills, Mr. Smith?” I murmured, kissing up his throat and licking the spot right behind his ear.

He surprised me by practically growling then grabbing my hair in his fist once more, pulling my face close to his.

“I’m so looking forward to hearing you screaming my name in ecstasy.” His words were spoken in a calm voice, but it made my thighs clench together and my heart raced.

He smashed his lips against mine, and his warm hands palmed my ass, making me grind into him harder. I whimpered in pleasure before he stood and gripped my thighs, carrying me through the living room and to his room. Once there, he pushed me flat on my back onto the mattress and climbed on top of me. He reached behind his neck to grab the collar of his shirt and pulled it off before flinging it to the ground. Hypnotized by his abs, even though I had seen him shirtless before, I was itching to touch them. My fingers skimmed along the smooth skin cut with hard ridges and bunching muscles.

Noah grabbed the hem of my top and wrestled with me to pull it off, causing me to giggle. He smirked then pulled the waistband of my leggings down. I lifted my hips to aid him in removing them. When I tried to grab the waistband of his jeans, he knocked my hand away and rid himself of them alone. It was a weird reality to be lying underneath Noah in only my bra and underwear. And I was thankful I was in a clean matching pair.

His eyes were glued to my skin, and I tried not to let my insecurities get the best of me. Reaching up and breaking his trance, I pulled him down to me, kissing him. His hands found my breasts, kneading them through the thin fabric. I wanted to feel his skin against mine. I tried to move so I could get to my bra, but his weight on top of me made it nearly impossible.

“Noah,” I moaned in impatience, and the desire coursed through me.

He chuckled and ran his hand down my side, before he skimmed it up, ducking under the cup of my bra. The moment his warm palm came in contact with my sensitive nipple, I really didn’t care if he just ripped off the damn bra.

“Patience, baby. I want to savor this moment. You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this,” he whispered in my ear. He took pity on me, unclasped my bra, and pulled my underwear down my legs.

I assisted him with each article of clothing still left. I slid my fingers under the waistline of his boxers and pulled them down. This rewarded me with his very prominent, hard dick. Although I had seen my share of men naked and hard, I didn’t think I’d ever thought a cock was attractive before. It was just an instrument of either pleasure or pain, sometimes both, but his dick was damn near perfect. I didn’t have long to stare at it before his mouth was wrapping around my pebbled nipple, while one of his hands came up and plucked the other one with his talented fingers. Almost like he knew exactly what I needed, he nipped the tip of my breast in his mouth with his teeth. The spike of pain made the pleasure that much more intense, causing me to let out a loud moan.

Before I could react beyond that, he was kissing his way down my sternum, in the valley of my breasts, his tongue coming out to lick down to my navel. He swirled his tongue around my belly button before moving farther down, his tongue or lips touching my skin as he neared my core. I must have subconsciously clenched my legs together because he looked at me, tsked, and then pulled my legs apart.

Sliding one finger along my slit, he grazed my clit, and my moan came out as a whimper.

”Oh, fuck, baby. You are so wet. Can’t wait for me to devour you?”

He settled between my thighs while I tried to control my breathing. I couldn’t believe I was here, lying naked on Noah’s bed, about to get tongue fucked by my stepbrother.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this. How much I thought about touching your silky skin. Finding out if you taste as sweet as you smell.” His tongue darted out, licking me from my entrance to my clit, and he sucked it in between his lips. ”Fucking delicious,” he purred. He doubled his efforts with his tongue.

Arching my back off the bed, a mixture between a moan and a groan tumbled from my lips as he continued to lick and suck. Noah slid a hand up my leg to my thigh, and then over my stomach, before he pushed my hips back down onto the bed, keeping me pinned as he devoured me.

When he slid one of his fingers inside me, I fisted the sheets on the bed and turned my head to the side, lost in the feelings he was pulling from me. He wanted me to scream his name, and I was more than willing to grant his wish.

”Oh, fuck, Noah.” My hips reflexively rolled into his touch.

His finger and tongue worked in tandem to bring me closer to a climax. When he added another finger, I grabbed his hair in my hands and pulled on the strands, not wanting him to go anywhere. I scratched his neck, but we both didn’t seem to care. He moaned into me, and the vibrations shot across my whole body. The sounds coming from my mouth were unrecognizable; no one had ever made me feel the way Noah was now.

”Damn, you are tight, Jade. Is this okay? You think I can get another finger in,” he asked, not really expecting an answer, as he slid in a third finger.

I felt stretched, but not uncomfortable; the feeling of fullness, the pleasure he was bringing me, made me melt.

”Fuck. That feels so good. Don”t stop.” I moaned.

Noah sped up his movements, thrusting his fingers in and out of me and sucking, then flicking my clit with the end of his tongue. My hips ground down, fucking his hand as much as he was fucking me. The coils of my orgasm gathered in my stomach, the warmth and tingles signaling that I was close to coming.

”Oh my god, Noah. I”m so close, please don”t stop,” I chanted.

I didn”t have to chase my orgasm; it came barreling over me. My body tightened up and then shattered. Indecipherable words and sounds fell from my lips as I tried to come down from the high, but Noah did not cease—he just continued to lick my clit, biting it gently, prolonging my orgasm. When he eventually pulled his fingers from my pussy, I was trembling from the aftershocks of the strongest climax I had ever experienced. One that would be hard to top. He held my gaze as he licked each of his fingers, his tongue lapping up my arousal, relishing the taste of my release.

I pushed up against the mattress with one hand and pulled his head toward me with the other, pressing my lips against his, not caring that I could taste myself on his tongue. I lay back down, using my momentum to pull him with me, his weight against me making me feel surrounded by him.

Noah rested his weight on his forearms so as to not crush me. He gripped my hair in his fist, kissing me back with a ferocity that surprised me. Kissing down my chin, across my jawline, and along my neck, he nipped the skin at the base of my throat. My squeak of surprise turned into a moan of pleasure when he sucked the skin into his mouth, soothing the sting of his teeth. I ran my nails down his back, scratching the skin there.

He pulled away from my throat and sat up to a kneeling position. He grabbed a condom from his nightstand.

“Are you on the pill?” he asked me, holding up the condom. His face had an expression like he was pleading with me to be on it.

I shook my head, smiling at him sadly. I wished I could say yes and feel him with no barriers, but I also didn’t want to get pregnant. “No, but I am clean.”

He nodded and put on the condom, then pulled me toward him, while still kneeling. He positioned me to sit in his lap, making him go so deep inside me that it kind of took my breath away. I bite the skin of his neck, wanting to taste him everywhere. He pulled a nipple into his mouth, while I fisted his hair in my hand and draped my other arm around his neck, scratching the skin of his back softly. Releasing my nipple, he claimed my mouth, our tongues tangling, our breaths mingling as his hips continued to thrust beneath me. His hand cupped my face, and I sucked his thumb into my mouth, swirling my tongue around it. When it was sufficiently moistened, he trailed it down my body and started to rub my clit, first in small tight slow circles that eventually grew as he applied more pressure and speed.

My stomach started to tighten, and that coil building felt like it was going to snap, surprising me with how soon after my last orgasm I was ready to come again. We continued the dance our bodies were doing; I rolled my hips, sliding up and back, while he thrust, long and deep, to my hips, our skin slapping as we raced to bring the other pleasure.

“You’re mine now.” Noah moaned in my ear. “Every part of this beautiful body belongs to me. Even your orgasms are mine, so come for me, angel. Let me feel your tight cunt grip my cock.”

“Holy shit,” I panted, his words hitting me like waves of pleasure.

Moaning loudly, I felt like I was exploding, and I threw my head back, giving into the feelings. It wasn”t long after, a few more thrusts at most, and Noah was following, his body stilling beneath mine. He pulled me close to his chest, winding his arms around me. I returned his embrace, tightening my arms around his neck, our heaving chests pressed together. The loss I felt when he slipped from me caused me to sigh.

It was sinking in that I had just had sex with Noah, my stepbrother, but it didn’t feel wrong to me. It felt so amazing, and it felt so right. We fit together like puzzle pieces. I wanted to stay locked in this moment forever, but soon the talk we had earlier and the exertion we just experienced caught up to me, and I felt exhausted. Noah took care of the condom, then moved us into a more comfortable position to lie down. He spooned me, his arm around my waist, pulling my back to his stomach—skin to skin—and I closed my eyes, letting sleep pull me under.